610 Sia [15]: Alone
"Varian! Please listen to me!" Sia pleaded with tears streaming down her cheeks.
Varian sat on his bed, his back against the wall.
He was shifted back to their home the second day after his severe injury.
…The second day after she died.
Today was the seventh day.
Sia kept repeating the same thing she was saying since the first day.
But all Varian did was stare blankly into the distance.
Even though his eyes were open, he wasn't awake. Even though his ears were working, his mind wasn't listening. Even though she was in front of him, he didn't see her.
"…P-Please." Sia took a step toward him as her tears splashed against the floor.
As she left a trail of tears, she was right in front of him.
She carefully raised her trembling hand and reached out to his face.
Varian's body flinched and he instinctively moved away from her hand.
"…" Sia withdrew her hand and clenched her fist, her fingers dug into her flesh and red blood splashed on the ground.
"Haa!" Varian looked at the blood and his face, which had no reaction until then, paled like a sheet of paper.
"Varian!" Sia wanted to check his condition, but once again, he instinctively moved away from her.
"P-Please…just I—" Sia couldn't find any words. Her chest was heavy and she felt like all the air was knocked out of her chest.
The more she looked at him, the more she cried. Grief enveloped her as she witnessed her family collapse.
"Varian…"
He didn't respond to her.
"Please…"
He didn't even react.
"Eat something..."
Not a single movement.
"I beg you. Please…"
His eyes blankly stared ahead. What was he looking at? Or maybe the right question was…what was he not trying to look at?
Sia bit her lip so hard that she bled, but she tried one last with the reasoning that always worked.
"If you don't eat…you can't train."
"Ah!" Varian stood up like he was suddenly shocked before he looked around again.
It was as if he just woke up.
Sia's eyes lit up and she was about to call him when he said in a grim tone.
"T-Train…why do I need to train?" His face had a blank expression, but the corners of his eyes were red.
Sia's heart grew heavy at his words. She gritted her teeth but answered. "To be a Sovereign and receive the titles of Emperor, Savior, and Peerless."
Varian still didn't turn his face or look at her. He still stared ahead, as if he was able to see something on the blank wall.
"Me?" His voice was low and had not a shred of optimism he always carried.
"Someone like me that can't even protect his mother from a monster…"
Sia's face paled at his words and the corners of her eyes turned red.
"I-I'm sorry, it's all my fault..." She closed her eyes and choked through her tears.
"It's my fault. I'm the coward." Varian's face was ashen, but his voice was even worse.
Sia could hear that he was close to breaking.
"If I only—"
"Please, Sia." Varian's voice was filled with self-depreciation…and self-hatred.
"Whenever I see you, I remember her." When he said those words, his eyes turned red and he lowered his head.
His voice was full of despair as if he was on the verge of a breakdown.
"You remind me of her death."
Tears splashed on his tightly clenched fists.
He raised his head and finally met her eyes.
Seeing those eyes, Sia flinched and took a step back.
Those eyes…they were devoid of hope. They gave up on the world.
The eyes she was familiar with more than anyone else...
The eyes that shone with the light to chase after a lofty dream…the eyes didn't dream anymore.
The eyes that remained steady and confident even in the toughest situations…those eyes were shaking violently even to just look at her.
Sia felt her heartbreak as she realized what had become of him…of what she caused him to become.
His dream died.
His hopes broke.
His confidence vanished.
All that was left was the shell of a man she cherished the most.
"Var—"
"Y-You remind me of her death." He said again and this time, his voice was shaking violently.
"…I-I don't want to remember her death."
He said those words staring at the empty wall.
"…Wha—"
Sia opened her mouth, but she couldn't even speak.
Looking into his eyes that were on the verge of insanity, she realized…
He probably used all his willpower to say those words to her.
If he saw her again…he'd lose himself to insanity.
Sia's shoulders hunched as her body trembled violently. But without a single word, she turned around and walked into her room.
She found the birthday gift he gave her.
The two figurines.
Sia caressed them with her shaking hands as her tears drenched them completely.
Holding the figurines close to her heart, Sia walked out of the house.
With each step she took, her heart grew more and more empty.
But she didn't look back.
'You remind me of her death.'
Sia fought herself to stop the tears, but all she could do was walk in silence in the end.
As the sunset and night fell, Sia realized something.
The world was big. There were billions and billions of people.
Almost everyone had someone they could talk to. But not everyone had someone that could understand them. If anyone had that kind of person, they were lucky.
She was lucky.
She had Varian. Varian, who understood her, cherished her and stood with her.
The most precious person to her.
The boy who shed his own blood just to give her the best gift he could.
The man who risked his life to protect her even when he was just ten.
The person who became a part of her.
From today on, she was never going to meet him again.
She walked away from that house. From his life.
But a part of her remained.
That part of her would remain with him forever.
Without that…without him, she wouldn't feel whole ever again.
Even if she made ten friends or ten thousand, there was no one who could understand her like him.
There was no one who could replace him.
She, just like her heart would always feel empty.
There'd be no one she could go to school with. No one to smile at her every day. No one to cheekily ask her to cook extra portions just because they're his favorite.
There'd also be no one to listen to her fears. No one to console her. No one to hold her hand when she shivers. No one to hug her when she suffers from nightmares.
There'd be no one for her.
'Alone…' Sia's eyes blankly stared at the sky.
The painful feeling finally hit her.
'I am…alone.'
