Chapter 32 The break

“Let’s go to my room.” Jace took her hand and pulled her away from the rails.

She went inside with him to a suite on the upper deck without trepidation. If Alex can play around, she can too.

As soon as they got in the room, Jace started kissing her neck and removed her cape. His hand went straight to her sensitive part and found its way in. He carried her onto the bed and spread her legs apart, then pulled down his pants. He was hard-ready and quickly slid on a condom.

Amanda was surprised that he was going to take her without kink or foreplay— too vanilla for her tastes, but she didn’t complain.

He rocked on her, she moaned and squirmed under his weight. She let him have his way, without real enjoyment. Her fake moans helped him come in no time— just like game night, she recalled.

Before he could even begin another round of making out, she decided to nip it at the bud.

“I have to get back, Alex’s exhibit will open soon and I have to be there.” She said as she got out of bed and grabbed her cape.

“I’ll go with you,” he said.

“No, I can’t be seen with you.” She flashed a sly smile at him and winked— anything to get away from him. “Thanks for warming up my afternoon, Jace. See you around.”

He smiled back, cocky and proud. “See you around, Iris.”

She scurried down the stairs and rushed toward the exhibit hall. The stanchions were closed and the ribbon still uncut. She breathed a sigh of relief that she wasn’t late, and checked if Alex was anywhere inside. The hall looked empty, so she turned to go back to the event, until she heard a moan— a woman’s ecstatic moan.

The drum beats on her chest told her to leave, but her stupid head wanted to see who it was.

She inched along the wall and glimpsed a woman on the floor, her face hidden by a long platinum blonde wig. She was hogtied and taken from behind by none other than Alex.

Shaken up by the scene, Amanda darted away and ran towards the pool deck, her face awash with tears.

“Can I have a double straight, no ice please?” she said to the bartender between sobs, and sat on the bar stool.

“Are you okay, Iris?” Superman the bartender asked her. “I mean— I can see you’re not okay, but… okay, I’ll get your drink.” He placed the whiskey glass before her and poured in more than a double shot of single malt.

“Thanks,” she said and drank the quaff. “I’m okay, Superman— just being stupid right now, but I’ll be fine.” She laughed, but tears fell in torrents on her cheeks. “I didn’t want to fall in love, you know, but I still fell. I’m such a stupid klutz!” she said.

“No, you’re not. Okay, you may be a klutz, but you’re not stupid. Are you referring to Alex?”

“Yes,” she mumbled.

“It’s okay to not be okay, you know. Our lifestyle can be so liberating, it takes you so high, but it can also take you down. We fall in love and fall out of it— but not without a scratch. Life hurts, Iris, and love hurts like a bitch.” He circled around the bar counter and sidled up to her.

“You can say that again, it hurts more than my whipped ass,” she said.

“He’s a great guy, it would be impossible not to fall in love with him. What did he do to make you regret that? Okay, you don’t have to tell me anything. I just want to help if you’d allow me.” He said.

She sipped her drink and wiped her sodden face with the cape. “Alex and I agreed on an open relationship, he’s free, I’m free— but now I’m not sure if I still want that. I don’t want to take that away from him, but it’s hurting me so much to see him fuck someone else, like the woman he’s fucking right now.”

“The guy who was with you earlier, he’s your rebound, right?”

“Sort of— he volunteered.” She laughed.

“Don’t do it, rebounds will only hurt you, Iris,” he said.

“You’ve experienced it?”

“My boyfriend and I had the same kind of relationship— open and free. He became jealous with one of my friends and went out on a date with my ex— his rebound. He didn’t know my ex was abusive until he found out on his own, he had to be taken to the hospital for fractured ribs.”

“That’s terrible, I didn’t know you were gay, sorry, but I can’t imagine how relationships must be for you.”

“Relationships are basically the same across genders, Iris. We fall in love the same way, we hurt the same way,” he said.

“I guess you’re right. Wait— what should I call you? I’m sure it’s not Superman.” She laughed.

“I’m Paul. I must tell you how much I admire you for what you did back there, the interview— thank you.”

“That was a bit suicidal, actually, I literally just closed my eyes after that, and braced for deadly impact. Don’t thank me, I’m not hero material at all, I’m just a wimpy, weepy dweeb.”

“You did what you did, it had an impact— and a very good one, I think.”

She bit her lip and reached for her drink. “Can I have some more of this?” She emptied the glass in one chug.

“Okay, one last shot.” He moved back behind the bar.

“Make it double please.”

****

The drink made her head spin but had calmed her nerves. As she passed the shops on her way back, a black dress on a mannequin caught her eye. She went inside the shop and asked for the dress.

“I just want to get out of this stupid costume and wear something nice for a change.” She told the salesgirl.

“Sure, I’ll get you one from the racks, ma’am.”

“No, I want that dress on the mannequin.”

“It’s the same dress, ma’am. If I take that off the mannequin, you’ll have to wait because we need to dismantle the dummy first, do you really wanna wait?” The salesgirl smiled.

“Oh— okay, let me have the one from the racks then.” She grinned.

“I thought so too… but is everything all right with you? I think you had too much to drink, ma’am.”

“I’m fine. I’d feel a lot better when I’m in that dress though.” She chuckled.

While the salesgirl went to get the dress, she spied a basket filled with sticker tattoos and shuffled through. She picked the one with a broken heart design.

The girl came back and handed her the folded dress in a shopping bag.

“I’m taking this sticker too.” She said and waddled out of the shop.

“Iris!” Morris hollered from down the hall.

“Hey, Morris,” she said as she almost tripped on her own toe.

“Where were you? The exhibit will open in ten minutes, Alex went crazy looking for you.” He said, worried. “Hey, are you drunk?”

She smiled. “I was out on the deck with Superman, he made me a drink.”

“What were you doing out in the cold?”

“Just chilling out, hey Morris, would you help me get out of these ropes please? I want to wear this new dress I just bought.”

“Okay, let’s go somewhere with a seat.” He turned around. “Let’s go to the lounge.” He held her hand as they walked.

Amanda sat on a divan set against a wall as Morris fumbled through the knots of her rope binding. The whole binding came loose and fell off her.

She didn’t realize how tight the bindings had been, and felt liberated when it came off, but the rope left its unsightly marks on her skin.

She slid out of the torn gown and reached for the shopping bag.

“You really want to do that here?” Morris laughed as she stripped naked.

“It’s okay, there’s no one around.” She said, and wriggled into the black dress. It looked perfect. Its butterfly sleeves flattered her arms, a deep V-cut down her front, and a flowing skirt that reached her knees.

Then she fished for the sticker and peeled its backing. “Can you stick this on my heart, Morris?” She handed him the sticker.

“Hmm… a broken heart tattoo.” He smiled. “Why do I feel worried, Iris?” He said as he laid the sticker near her left breast and smoothened it with his palm. “Are you the queen of the broken-hearts now?”

“No, just a broken-hearted queen.” She laughed, but tears started falling from her eyes. She turned around to hide it from Morris, but he caught her arm.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Did Alex hurt you— I mean did he break your heart?” His voice was tender and caring.

She didn’t answer and tried to laugh, but a sob came out instead, and buried her face in his chest. Morris enfolded her in his arms and comforted her with kisses on her head as she cried her heart out.

“What happened to her?” Jo’s worried voice boomed as she approached.

Amanda looked up and covered her sodden face with her hands. “I’m okay, it’s nothing.” She shook her head. “I just had too much to drink at the deck, I guess.”

“The deck? Seriously, Iris?” Jo said. “Hey, I know you. What’s wrong?” She gazed down at her and saw the fake tattoo on her chest. “Nice tat, who did that to you?”

Amanda gazed up at her friend and forced a smile. “It’s just a sticker. I just wanted to get out of that rope bondage thing.” She laughed and dubbed a finger under her eye.

Jo and Morris exchanged looks and shook their heads at the same time.

“Are you all right? Alex’s exhibit is opening now, everyone will be there. Shall we go?” Jo said, and took her hand.

“Okay, but I don’t want to go inside. I’ve seen his work anyway, I can stay by the entrance.” Amanda said, as she walked with them, head bowed low.

“Suit yourself, Iris, but we have to talk after the ribbon is cut, okay?” Jo said.

Guests crowded the entrance to the exhibit as Bruno and Valerie led the opening ceremony. Bruno gave some sort of speech when Amanda saw Alex rushing through the crowd towards her. She froze.

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you,” he said and kissed her. “You changed clothes… why are your eyes swollen? Did you cry?”

She didn’t answer.

“She had too much to drink, Alex. I think you’d better go back there, your dad is calling you.” Morris nudged at him.

He swung around and sped back to cut the ribbon. As Alex led the crowd inside, the woman with platinum blonde wig walked right behind him. The crowd trickled into the hall.

Amanda didn’t move.

“You can go ahead, Morris, I’m not leaving Iris here.” Jo said.

He looked at Amanda, gave her a squeeze on the shoulder, and walked in with the crowd.

When all the guests have entered, Amanda edged toward the entrance and looked in. She saw Alex talking to Denise while he gestured at the paintings. Her body pressed on his and his hand rested on her butt.

“Okay, that’s enough, Iris.” Jo interrupted her brief espionage, and nudged her toward the lounge. “I have to get you away from here.”

Amanda walked with Jo toward the lounge and sat on the couch.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous of that woman. Come on, Iris, you know Alex, he flirts around a lot, but I’m sure you’re still his queen, no doubt about it,” Jo said.

“They were already eyeing each other when I was speaking on stage earlier,” she said, and looked down on her hands. “Then we danced to a love song. He told me they were playing our song.” She looked at Jo as tears started to pour.

“I told you… he loves you, Iris.”

“Then after saying that, he said he’ll just go and check the exhibit— but walked out of the hall with that woman. Why didn’t he ask me to go with him? He chose to be with that… woman.” She bit her lip and cried.

“Big deal.”

“I felt bad and walked out to the deck, and met the Khal Drogo guy. He told me that his partner Denise was with Alex… so we fucked…”

“Way to go, girl.”

“But that hot guy was so vanilla, I wanted to throw up.” She laughed.

“Vanilla? Why the hell is he here if he’s vanilla?” Jo said with suspicion in her tone.

“So I left him in his room and came down to check on Alex at the exhibit…” her face sullen. “Then I saw him fucking her in there.” She sunk back on the couch and sobbed.

“Come on, Iris, get yourself together. We all fuck around, but that doesn’t mean he stopped caring for you. Didn’t you agree on an open relationship?”

“Actually, I don’t know what kind of relationship we have, Jo. When he made me wear this collar…” she touched the gold collar on her neck. “I thought… I’m not so sure what I thought, I was just so happy to be with him. I didn’t expect to get so strung up like this, you know. I’m finding it really hard to keep my emotions in check.” Her head slumped on Jo.

“I totally get it, girl.” Jo draped an arm on her shoulder. “But maybe you should go and rest in your room now. You had too much of a good drink out there. Here, let me take you to your room.” She pulled Amanda up from the couch and walked her to her room.

Amanda realized how exhausted she was when she laid down and closed her eyes. The soft bed immediately swallowed her as she plunged into an endless void where her heart no longer mattered, and pain didn’t exist.

The dream took her to a wonderland of cuffs and carousels, whirlwinds and whips. She danced with Alex through love songs and sweet melodies, ecstatic in his arms. She asked him to make love to her and he did so tenderly— the flavor didn’t matter, as he took her up in the clouds.

Her explosive climax thundered like fireworks above the deep dark waters below, and climbed back to rest her head in his arms when the last embers had gone out. “I love you, Iris.” He whispered in her ear.

The ship’s horn blasted. Amanda opened her eyes and found herself in Alex’s arms, just like how they had been in her dreams. She recalled the dream vividly with all its pleasant sensations, it felt so real. But the memory of Alex with Denise came rushing in and eclipsed her elation with agony. Real life is a bitch.

“Good morning, my love,” Alex said. “You had too much to drink, huh?”

“I guess, yeah.” She muttered under a breath and tried to get out of his arms. “I didn’t sleep naked… why am I naked?”

“Hey, you stripped your clothes while you were sleeping, and asked me to… make love to you…” he said, his eyes dreamy.

“Did you?”

“Of course, you were so horny, how can I resist?” He grinned.

“I was drunk and asleep, Alex, that’s not considered consent.” She stormed out of bed and trotted to the bathroom.

The warm shower soothed her aching muscles and throbbing head. She regretted her sudden outburst at Alex. He had no idea what she was going through. She cried as the warm water washed her tears.

She gasped when Alex closed in behind her, his arms folded around her and his body pressed on hers.

“I had a long conversation with Jo last night.” He said, his voice was low, almost a whisper. “Denise… she gave me the hots, you know…”

“I know, I saw you staring at each other while I was talking about how you’ve always been there for me…”

“She said her boss wanted me to do a mural. We talked about business.”

“Yeah, but you had to fuck her too, right?”

“She literally asked for it… I’m so sorry, my love, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Her heart melted but her mind needed saving from confusion. “I know. I don’t blame you, Alex. It’s me, it’s my fault that I felt that way. I was just being stupid, that’s all.”

“Don’t say that, I feel the same way too. I thought we could go on and be free to fuck around, then come home into each other’s arms, and we’ll be all right. I guess our open relationship isn’t working well to our favor,” he said.

“No, it’s not, Alex. You can take this collar off me, I’m sorry, but this will never work between us.” She sobbed.

“What are you saying, Iris?”

“It’s over. Isn’t that what you want? I don’t want to ruin your life, Alex, but it breaks my heart if I stay with you. Just go and be free.” She wanted to take back the words but decided it’s best for both of them.

He left and came back with the keys to her collar. “Let me get that collar off your neck,” he said, and worked on the screws until it unlatched. “You’re free.” He took the collar in his hand and walked out.

When she got out of the shower, Alex was no longer in the room. “It’s over, Iris.” She whispered to herself and wept.

****