Chapter 4: Bags and Bugs.

GIOVANNI.

Call me crazy but when I was a little boy, all I wanted to be was one of mother's numerous brand bags. As stupid as that may sound, that was the only dream I had. While my peers dreamt of becoming doctors, writers, singers and many other reasonable careers, I wanted to be the most important bag in her closet. The one she carried on most occasions with her even though she had other hundreds to choose from.

I always felt, at least, that way, I'd enjoy the attention and love she doted on them. Even though I'd definitely be discarded later on, I didn't mind. As a kid, the little amount of time I'd enjoy the care didn't matter as long as I got that attention.

I never for once felt loved by mother no matter how much efforts she puts into acting like she cares, it just didn't feel the same with what my siblings got. Maybe it had to do with the hatred she spills on my birthdays in form of affection.

Ever since I could remember, on my birthdays, mother would get a cake for me and she'd ask me to make a wish while she'd also make one for me and then we'd tell each other what we asked for, she chose to whisper mine in my ears as she said telling it to everyone present would jinx the wishes she had for me. The very first birthday it happened, I was six years old and as young as I was, that was one day that could never be erased from my memory, not even the partial amnesia I had when I was eighteen made me forget it.

After blowing out the six candles on my birthday cake this particular day, I asked my mom what she wished for me and then she moved closer to me and whispered, "I wished that you'd get lost, I wished that you never stayed alive for this long. I wished that you'd at least die before your next birthday and leave my family alone because you cause us so much pain."

As at that time, I didn't even know how to react to what she whispered into my ears. I didn't understand why a mother would wish her own son so much evil nor did I understand what pain I was causing my own family, but as naive as I was, before I slept that night, I prayed to God to take me so that I won't cause more pains to my family. Apparently, God had His own plans because I got through each birthday hale and hearty, despite the curses mother whispered into my ears every single birthday of mine, non of her wishes came through neither did my naive prayers work.

As I stared around me, looking from Mother to Gaston to Father and then to Imelda, I couldn't help but feel out of place as usual. I always dread our family meetings because it was always about making me feel miserable and unwanted most of the time.

While Gaston tries so hard to throw me under the bus at any slight opportunity, mother acts like she loves us equally by standing up for me even though it was always very obvious that this was pure acting she puts up in front of father. And Imelda tries so hard to speak against each ill words or lies spoken about me, genuinely while father just acts like he doesn't notice that it's all a plot against me and chooses to listen to his wife anyways.

One big happy family is what the public calls us, but I call us chaos.

"Gigi should be the one to go to the United States, what are we even having this meeting for?" Gastone said dismissively.

"Oh come on, Gaston. None of you should go to a country that faraway, you are all important." Mother opposed, throwing at me that overly fake smile I'm very much used to.

I always smile back nonetheless and this time wasn't different.

"I don't care, mamma. I already head the branch here, am I supposed to split into two? It's only natural that he goes there. He's as useless as anything anyways, he needs to make himself more useful." Gaston responded with a scowl.

"Useless you say! Yet he's the one who made the company earn more than usual in the past three years with his ideas and hard work while you stay in the spotlight acting like you did the work! You lie unprovoked, Gaston." Imelda countered our elder brother.

"Imelda! You shouldn't say that!" Mother scolded.

"I don't think Giovanni should go. Gaston should, Giovanni is the one doing most of work here, who'll do the things he's been doing or give the ideas he keeps dropping?" Father spoke in my favor for the very first time in years.

Well, since it concerns his company, he'd of course do that.

"You don't expect my son to go to a country he hasn't been to since he was a kid. The branch there isn't even doing so well. Not under my watch will I let you send my son to a country so far away from home." Mother said while Gaston snuggles closer to her like a toddler, must be nice to have someone who stands with you no matter what, I can't really relate to that.

"Yes mamma, I'd prefer to go head the one in Japan. They're the country that buys our products the most anyway. By the way, this one fits in more since he's Afro-Italian anyways, his mother has their skin color so he'll be fine." Gaston added.

"Tell me you're dumb without telling me you're dumb. For Christ's sake, it's America not Africa. Do you not know the difference? The united states has beings with various skin tones. Why are you so dumb?" Imelda countered as usual.

"Well, it doesn't change the fact that his mother is a black American, does it? One who thought getting pregnant for papa would get her a spot in the Callisto family." He said again.

I clenched my fists by my sides while I breathe in and out.

"Racism isn't nice, Gaston and my biological mother doesn't have anything to do with what is even on ground right now. You're hardly making any sense." I said as calmly as I could.

Walking on egg shells has always been what I do in this house, even when they throw insults at me, call me a bastard or even openly criticize everything I do, all I do is smile and reply calmly even when I have the urge to punch or insult them right back. I still had the belief that mother would come to love me as she loved Gaston if only I make myself look worthy of her love. I believed that doing everything to please my family will ease whatever pain I was causing them.

"Don't even dare to correct me, bastard." Gaston retorts. Father and Imelda threw him a silent glare while I chose to just ignore him.

"Father, I would like to go to America and help the company with whatever problems and issues that could be causing it to sink. It's not a problem at all." I finally said agreeing to their wants.

I also wanted to use this opportunity to check out my mother's country and search for her secretly.

"You're always such a good son, Giovanni. Well done, I look forward to the new ideas  that'll bring the company in that country to the level of other branches." Father complimented while mother and Gaston scoffed.

Minutes after mother and father left to attend to whatever. Gaston walked up to me with his usual mission to bully.

"You do know that your motives to make me look bad while you take all the credits is never going to work, right? You can grovel on the ground, act like goody two shoes, do everything Papa wants from you and he'd still choose me over you anytime and day. That's the difference between the real son and the bastard that was born in an attempt to ruin the family. I hope you'd finally go to that wretched country and never come back."

I stared at him like he was just spitting out trash even though he was getting to me as he was an expert at. Keeping my emotions boxed in has always been so easy, since I can always get into the ring to let them all out.

Just when I thought he was done, he continued, "and don't forget to take a lot of bug repellants along with you, we both know how scared you are of any little thing that crawls and I learnt that this village has lots of them." He concluded and then strutted away with a victorious smirk on his face like he was just told that he was the new president of the Callisto group.

"For the last time, Gaston, America is not Africa. And Africa is not just a village. Educate yourself, you stupid twat. You had better use your nose mask, brother before you catch some of those stupidity." Imelda countered yet again while Gaston just glared at her refusing to accept that he was wrong, before disappearing into the hallway.

As if on cue to what he said about bugs, I spotted a spider on its web coming right on top of me as I jumped off the seat in utmost fright. Imelda had a good laugh at my reaction.