Chapter 6: Broken Heels and Tears.

KIKI.

"Well, here's to another beautiful day about to be ruined by responsibilities." I sighed as I stepped out of my apartment."

"Good morning to you, dear neighbour." Paul greeted me, not stopping his jogging for even a minute.

Oh,, morning to you too,, neighbour." I replied giving him one of those fake smiles of mine while I fought the great urge to just roll my eyes at him and reply him with a very sarcastic sentence.

I mean, what's good about the morning? If I had woken up and watched the news say that Monday had been canceled, then it would have been a good morning.

"Morning, Jackson." I greeted the bus driver who was a middle aged man before swiping my card and all he gave me in reply was a grumpy nod.

"Well, that makes us two." I murmured as I took my seat.

The bus rocks from side to side as we travel the familiar roads, my brain afforded the time to daydream or rest. There are those who chatter, their voices rising and blending together in the sweet ritual of friends. Some absorb themselves in music, others drift into worries that will erase themselves on arrival, when their body rejoins the world of moving and speaking to others. And so it goes on that way, all of us together and separate, feeling all the same turns and bumps.

These bus rides are my meditation, a chance for my thoughts to greet the horizon, salute the clouds and ready my feet for the day ahead.

It prepares me for the outward smiles and inner screams I'm about to face. Being a girl who have worked all her life having little or no chance to dream or choose,  I've grown so accustomed to doing various jobs and taking so much disrespect just for survival. I work so hard to fend for my little brother and pay off the enormous debt by dad left before he died.

As the bus got closer to where majority of us would be highlighting, I sighed yet again. The bus stopped and we all rushed put out not wanting to be late to work. I slipped into the crowd, carefully avoiding bumping into people. People walk in this place like the way a gas fills a jar, no matter how few of us there are, all the space will be taken. Each person in the crowd moves as if unseeing hands drag them this way and that, pulling their eyes to one thing and then another. They respond in predictable ways, each of them with a goal to achieve for the day. It's like they were programmed to get as far from one another as possible, make no eye contact and move fast as if everyone they meet is a potential danger.

"7:50?" I muttered as I almost screamed after checking my wristwatch. I quickened my steps and then I heard a crack as I tripped.

"No no no no. Please,  please. Not the heels, at least not now." I muttered as I stopped abruptly amidst the crowd despite almost getting squashed.

I took off my left heel as tears welled at my eyes due to frustration.

"Stupid! Stupid heel!" I chastised the non living thing like it could hear me. I waddled towards the public car park to avoid being stepped on and try to amend the heels. After finding the perfect spot that definitely looked like no one would see me while I fight my battles, I screamed as quietly as I could.

"Stupid heel. Gosh, did you really have to do this right now? At a rush hour? Breaking for that matter? Gosh, to hell with Callisto! Did they not say these things are durable for years? Just three years of wearing the damn thing and it's already tired! Why then did I spend a whole seven thousand on it for!"

But then, can I really blame the heels? I've been continously wear same heel every single day for three years, even a human would have been tired.

"How do I show up to work barefooted on a damn Monday morning? Especially with that unreasonable boss of mine who doesn't even give room for explanations." I kept blabbling on, the welled tears now falling freely as I let them refusing to wipe them off, I then bent down, already contemplating going back home.

"I'm fucking tired of this bullshit of a life. So tired. Ugh!"

Darling, here's your usual morning reminder.  Remember that it's always worth it to take a moment to acknowledge your progress and difficulties.  Girl, you've been doing so well and now is not the time to give up. Find those little pieces of gratitude and make your way back to the center.

Remember the good stuff and good days, like fresh coffee, brand new pens and your favourite food and favourite human."

My set daily reminder brought me out of my misery as usual as I found myself smiling at my own gentle and calm voice. My brother, Jojo's happy face came into memories and then I smiled even wider. The high leaps he jumps just for getting ice cream and the numerous stories he fills my ear with after an excursion to Disneyland.

"Smiling yet? Good. Now, get up and go take the week by it's horns. With or without your cup of coffee, You got this!" The voice concluded and my phone went silent.

I immediately got on my feet, gingered and ready to face whatever gets thrown at me. "Well, what's the worst that could happen, maybe he'd fire me, maybe not. I just got to put on my sarcasm and confidence. I might win." I smiled, getting even more pumped as I stare into my eyes through the car's tinted glass, wiping every single tear off my face.

"You are beautiful! You are smart! You are the author of your life, You are confident and you are you!" I said to myself as I kept pointed at my reflection in the glass.

"And, it's just a stupid Callisto heel anyway! We used to walk barefooted in the olden days!" I concluded as I took off the second heel and walked towards the direction of my workplace, ignoring the weird looks people were throwing at me.

While walking, I snapped at a group of ladies who stopped to even mock me, "How about you take a picture, it'll last longer!"