Chapter 108 : Aftermath: The Confession

Karenina

One week later after the battle...

She was in her room, curled up on her bed, and holding a pillow to her chest. One hand held the pillow while the other stretched out over her bed. Inside her fist was a sacred moonstone. Nathaniel was dead, killed by Xavier, with no help from her at all. She should have felt happy, relieved, hell, she didn't know, at the death of her most bitter enemy. Especially when all her friends were safe.

After their moment of heartfelt embrace, Xavier used his remaining strength to carry her back to the pack house. It was the last time she saw him, but she was told that he was recovering and wouldn't die from his injuries.

That was two days ago, and she was lost in thought. Her eyes were fixed on her clenched fist that held the gemstone, the sacred moonstone, the heirloom of the werewolf lords. Karen did not need to open her fingers to know that so far she had failed to purify the stone. The gemstone was still black in color, silently indicating that she had failed. And her spiritual energy hadn't changed either. She was still a dark priestess who was now a full-blooded she-wolf.

She turned backward with a sigh, bringing her fist to her chest while staring at the ceiling above her. Even after she realized that it wasn't all Xavier's fault if she became a dark priestess, it was all Nathan's fault, the half-blood hybrid rogue dark witch. The gemstone remained black, its spiritual energy still tainted. For the past two days, she wondered why. It was becoming increasingly clear that confidence did not equal forgiveness.

She couldn't help but think that perhaps her shift had taken over her spiritual energy and tainted it. And Xavier had been so busy changing her racial type that he hadn't thought about what might have happened to her pure energy. Maybe he had and didn't care...

Xavier was selfish, there was no denying that. He purposely hid his information and intentions until they could no longer be kept secret. Never once did he ever think of her, even though he desperately wanted to make her his mate. It was all about Xavier, not about her. And that was the problem. That's where her bitterness lies. She is starting to love him - yes, love - and she is afraid that he won't love her back. At least not for herself. She's not worthy enough for him as a hybrid.

Although he had made a mistake by doing what he did behind her back, she must have made a mistake too. The mistake was that she could not forgive him and let go of her resentment. He had never said that he loved her, so she had no right to make that demand of him.

And for the first time, the thought dawned on her.

Or did he love her...?

Her chest pounding, she slowly sat up, dropping the pillow onto her lap.

She recalled what had happened between them after Nathan's breakdown. Xavier... He begged her to forgive him. He knew what he had done and was filled with guilt and remorse. He had acted as if he was unaware of the possibility that she would also turn into a dark priestess or a dark wolf, so was it possible that he might... regret his selfishness?

She raised a hand to the side of her neck, recalling the tears she felt running down her skin, recalling the scent of his sorrow. He had cried, for her.

Part of her realized that she might be thinking too much, and he might not feel as sorry as she imagined, but he might, and that gave her hope. For some reason, her hope did not center on regaining her pure spiritual energy, but that she might have a future with the man she loved.

She had to know.

She knew where he was, she could feel and scent his presence, and he wasn't in his room like she thought, maybe he was recovering from his painful wounds. No, he was in his study. Somehow, that didn't surprise her at all. Her heart racing, she let out her scent briefly, signaling to the man on the other side of the door that she was coming, though she doubted it was necessary. He probably already knew she was approaching.

Without knocking, she opened the door, knowing that Xavier was alone. He had already stood up from his seat behind his desk and was moving around it when she stiffened at the sight of him.

I missed you, she thought with emotion welling up inside her.

"I missed you."

At first, she thought that she was saying it out loud, but a moment later, she realized that it was him who was saying it. Somehow, those three words meant so much to her, they made her heart skip a beat.

"We have to talk," she said gruffly, her emotions trying to choke the air from her lungs.

******

Xavier

The past week had been torture for him, and not because his injuries were sending stings of pain through his body with every beat of his heart. Not once had he seen her. She hadn't visited him while he was recovering, but then again, he had also not been able to see her and find out how she was doing.

But he wanted to - so badly. He still does. However, he was unsure of his coming. During their battle with Nathan, Xavier realized that she had known that she had become a dark priestess, and rightly placed the blame at his feet. Her voice filled with bitterness after she told him not to call her names.

It was then that he knew deep in his heart that he had lost her. Her continued absence confirmed it, as he waited for her, silently begging her to come to him, and she never did. It was upsetting, the feeling of wanting to see her yet hesitating to do so because he felt unworthy.

Would she leave after enough time to heal her wounds? Without even saying goodbye? His heart grew heavier thinking about it.

There she comes.

He stood up from behind his desk without a trace of pain as his wounds had long since healed. His mind jumped from one thought to the next, and his emotions raged within him. He hated it, hated how she made him feel weak, hated his uncertainty, but above all...

"I miss you," he told her without thinking as she stepped into his study.

"We have to talk."

He swore that his heart almost stopped when he heard those horrifying words. At least, those words sounded like a bad premonition to him. If so... Why was she staring at him like that? Xavier gazed deeply into her unfamiliar rosy-colored eyes, seeing their beauty, but remembering what that bastard Nathan did when he looked at her. However, they were still the same expressive eyes as before.

He thought he caught the sadness in the depths of those eyes, and then he knew.

Take me out of my grief, he silently pleaded with her, prompting her to say that Karen would leave him alone and get it over with before he passed out under the weight of his emotions.

"I apologize for not coming sooner..."

"You don't need to apologize, Kar-" He cut off his own words before he finished saying the girl's name, as he knew it would only upset her even more.

However, it was impossible for her not to realize that he had slipped up. He expected her to get angry, to scold him again, but she didn't. She didn't even look angry, just sad.

Her sorrow was more painful than her anger.

"No, I want to, Xavier," she said firmly. Then she walked towards him only to stop a few meters away, never once taking her eyes off him. Her gaze was not challenging but no less intense.

What was she thinking?

"I stayed away because... I've been so bitter, Xavier, and upset with you. I think you've stolen more than my true identity from me. You know about my spiritual energy..."

He already knew. There was no doubt in his heart and mind that she blamed him and hated him for it, but hearing her say those words made it more real - more painful.

Wait... Was she saying that he had stolen...?

Alas, he didn't have a chance to question her, as she kept talking, making him pay close attention to her even though he was afraid of what she would say next.

"It's not your fault it got blackened. Well... Not entirely. It's actually my fault. If I didn't have bitterness in my heart towards you, I wouldn't be like this. If I can forgive you, then I would have cleaned up and regained what I had lost." She shook her head, and the pain intensified, clearly depicted on her face. "Despite your innocence, you never cared about what I wanted. You were so busy trying to get what you wanted that you never stopped to think that I could have lost my purification power. And... you didn't want me as a hybrid who is half-human and more than that I am the descendant of a priestess of light..."

It should have been a relief to hear that it wasn't him who corrupted her pure light, but it was erased before it had a chance to settle in his heart. She was right. At first, he did not care about what she wanted. The truth was that he knew Karen wouldn't accept his plan, so he kept it hidden from her.

From then on, even before she had shifted, he no longer cared who Karen was, especially when he thought she was going to die. But he could not tell her.

Even if Xavier changes his mind, it doesn't change what Xavier has done or the end result. He will only make excuses when he needs to man up and accept the consequences of his actions.

Her hatred. For losing her.

He did not deserve any worse. Much worse, actually. But what could be worse than never holding her again, not seeing her smile at him and have her laugh? Just having her around.

She took another step toward him, which confused him, but he didn't back away, didn't recoil from her. Perhaps, she was planning to strike at him?

The words that she spoke next left him stunned.

"But despite all that, no matter how angry or upset I feel, I still love you, Xavier. I miss you too." Her voice cracked at the last part.

I don't deserve you, he thought, unable to contain the expression that formed on his face, allowing her to see clearly through his soul - his one and only.

"I have wronged you," he said in a broken voice, filled with emotion.

Right now, Xavier didn't care if he looked weak by showing what he felt. He couldn't be his usual cold, emotionless self - he didn't want to be like that. Not in front of her.

"I can't say 'I'm sorry' or keep asking you to forgive me. I don't deserve your forgiveness. But I'd take it all back if I could."

His palms itched to stroke her hair, to touch her, any part of her, but he did not, it felt like he could not. He struggled to tell her how she made him feel, how sorry he was for the wrong he had done to her. It wasn't easy.

"I love you," he continued with a heavy heart. "I know I don't have the right to say it, but I love you. Regret is not something I'm familiar with, yet I feel it. When I thought you were dead..." He had to pause for a moment to compose himself. "...my only thought was to save you. I no longer cared who you were, all that mattered was that you were alive."

Tears rolled down her cheeks as he spoke, and damn it, Xavier felt like shedding them. He hated it. But he didn't let his distaste for the expression of his emotions stop him from saying what needed to be said. She deserved it if nothing else.

"I just want you to be happy, Karen. Even if it means I'm no longer in your life." Saying that last part almost killed him.