Chapter 54 : Reluctant Mate

Karenina

She was wearing a yellow tanktop under a much more elaborate and stunning dark blue outer dress with light blue swirls adorning the fabric, at Helga's insistence, even though she felt more comfortable in her pajamas.

She had always admired the beautiful dresses and the flowing fabrics, but these were not the clothes she wore on a daily basis, and even when she was in the territory of the pack, she wore her own clothes. Even if she were to wear a medieval style of clothing for the time being, it would not be an elaborate style worn by her, but as a traveling woman, a warrior in battle.

When her eyes fell on Xavier Westwood's masculine beauty, she almost wished to wear clothes that matched his outfit, just to look beautiful in his eyes. But the idea was ridiculous. What difference did it make what he thought of her? Normally, it would only be to fit in better as a guest on his pack's territory and not to embarrass him. Since when did she care about such things?

The way Xavier stood so still reminded her of the marble statues of the ideal male body she had seen in museums and pictures, but she knew he was not made of stone. Just remembering how warm his touch was, how soft his lips were on hers, made her body warm. Karen had been staring so intently into his inhuman golden eyes that she noticed a slight change in them; they seemed to be beckoning her to touch him.

She blinked, scolding herself that it was just the lust they felt for each other, but the thought only made her sick. She loved his brother. How could she love one and desire the other? Looking at Xavier now, she couldn't help but remember the last time she had longed for Rylan's touch. Was that how Rylan felt about Carolina? Was that why Rylan couldn't stay away from his former lover?

No, Rylan loved Carolina. His feelings were pure, while the girl's were not. Then she turned her face away from Xavier and clenched her fist against her aching heart, forgetting for a moment that Xavier was there. Rylan loved Carolina. It hurts. She was sure the pain would be less if he only desired Carolina, but he felt more than that. Would she never be enough? Was Rylan so devoted to Carolina that he would never let her go?

******

Xavier

When he heard the maid leave the room, leaving him alone with the hybrid girl, he stood and stared at her, enjoying her company. Strangely, Xavier had never seen the attraction he now felt for the girl. Perhaps he had been too busy fighting with Rylan or pondering the origins of her identity. But now, as his eyes opened to her, he felt a surge of warmth enter his body and a craving for her presence.

He attributes this feeling to lust. But he wanted not only her body, but also her strength and will. He was a strong Alpha who needed a strong mate who would stand by his side, unwavering, and who would help him to protect their future child in case of need.

Xavier could almost smell the scent of the girl's desire and see it in her brown eyes, which hardened his body in a painful way. He wanted her and it was clear that she wanted him as well. He was on the verge of going for her blindly when he saw that her eyes had darkened with turbulent emotions, that her passion had turned dim, and that she had turned her face away from him. Her actions reminded him that things were not going as perfectly as he had hoped, though he could not understand why. After giving her pleasure, he was sure she would be happy, but he could see that she was not. He had only wanted to ease the tension between them, but it seemed to have only increased.

"Karenina, we need to talk."

******

Karenina

She couldn't agree more. She needed to make him understand that she was not a woman to be involved in an affair, and she needed to let him know her desire to be with Rylan.

She nodded her head, slightly dreading the conversation, but knowing it had to be talked about. "Shall we perhaps sit down?" She gestured to a cushioned chair around the small table where she usually ate her meals.

They both sat on the cushions in silence, Karen wincing as the muscles in her back pulled from her injury. Her shoulder had made remarkable progress, but not her back. Still, the wound was not too severe, but he must have noticed her discomfort.

"Why do you refuse my help, Karenina? You're obviously still in pain."

Their eyes met again across the small table.

"I did not refuse your help, exactly, but rather an unnecessary touch." She couldn't help blushing. Her mouth was saying one thing, but her body was screaming another. God, she hoped Xavier wasn't...

"I can smell the scent of your desire." His words were spoken in a low, husky, raspy voice that made her lower body stiffen and her body heat up even more.

"That's not the point. It's just lust! I need more than just physical satisfaction to be with someone," she tried to explain.

"You think I am incapable of giving you what you need?" His words were spoken without a change in expression, but she remained frozen, staring at him warily.

"Do you love me? Could you?" Before he could answer, she went on. "I am not the kind of woman who would sleep with a man who only thinks about fulfillment, Xavier. I need love and commitment in a relationship, things you can't give me."

He gave her a sharp look. "You don't know what I can give you."

She asked again, "Can you love me? Purely from the heart, without lust and desire?" She didn't want him to love her because she had given her heart to Rylan, but she needed him to understand that she needed him in any relationship.

Placing his clawed hands on the small table, Xavier pushed the table away from between them and used his inhuman speed to kneel before her, invading her space, placing his face close to hers but not touching her. He inhaled the scent of roses that was uniquely hers.

"I recognize your human emotions," he began, choosing his words carefully. "That you want it is no surprise. I will give you everything in my power." He didn't believe in love, considering it a false human emotion associated with lust, but he knew Karen did. If that was the only reason she rejected him, he was confident he could overcome her reluctance to mate with him.

"You just admitted it," she whispered, her breathing quickening at her closeness to him, even as she leaned in to put more distance between them.

"What is love, Karenina? Can you tell me?"

She couldn't take her eyes off him. He was just too close. Her mind found it hard to concentrate on the conversation.

"Love is a feeling of unconditional acceptance. It's when you want to be close to another person, both sexually and platonically, both as friends and as lovers."

Then his arms moved to either side of her body, cradling her in his arms. "Are you in love with someone, Karenina?"

Her eyes widened as she heard his question before she turned her face away from him without answering. But he couldn't miss her pained expression.

His next question was so quiet that it took some time for her mind to process his words. "Does Rylan love you unconditionally? Or does he love your cousin more?"

In an instant, tears welled in her eyes as she pushed against his chest, wanting to get away from him. How did he know about her feelings for Rylan? What did he know!

"It's none of your business!" He didn't move an inch, so she tried to move away from him, but he grabbed her arm and held her back.

"Let go of me!" she demanded. She hated being reminded that she would never be enough for Rylan, that his love for Carolina would never allow him to love her in the same way.

"Karen-"

"I hate you!" She cut him off. No, she didn't hate him, but the bitter feeling his words brought up every time Carolina's name was mentioned. Why could she never be enough?