Chapter 69 : A Painful True Bond

Xavier

The unimaginable pain was consuming her as her spiritual energy was trying to purify the demonic wolf aura energy, while the wolf aura energy was seeing her spiritual energy as a threat and was attacking her. Her body convulsed as if she was having a violent seizure. She fell to the ground and rolled backwards without noticing as her spine lifted off the ground, bending her body into a painful contortion. Blue and red electricity from the warring energies coursed through her body.

Seeing that she was in trouble, he rushed to her side and knelt over her. Ignoring the burns from their combined powers, Xavier grabbed her shoulders to restrain her, but she continued to writhe on the ground.

"Karenina, control yourself!" he growled, but she couldn't hear him.

Seeing her trapped between the two sides of her aura, Xavier moved closer, pinning her body to the floor to stop her struggles. But she kept moving, writhing, almost dislodging him from her spot when she bent over again.

Having to hold her head to restrain her, he pressed his mouth to hers, summoning his wolf aura to force her into submission.

She tried to curl up into a ball as the pain ravaged her body, but a weight clamped down on her, refusing to let her move. She felt like she was being torn apart, felt her body trying to change, to morph as the wolf aura grew, but her spiritual energy fought it.

Then another energy joined hers, familiar and soothing, but no less powerful, and she felt her wolf aura subside, but not with her spiritual energy, which was now fighting this new supposed threat.

Her demonic wolf aura energy recognized his own and subsided almost instantly. Xavier easily controlled her raging aura and also used this opportunity to strengthen their bond, hoping that her wolf aura would adapt to him instead of swallowing him whole as it had done before.

Her wolf aura continued to attack him, even though he had done so many times before. Xavier was a threat to her pure light, he knew that, but that didn't stop him from imposing his will on the girl beneath him, trying to change her so he could keep her.

She forced her hands to press against his chest, silently forcing him to stop. She felt pain, but most of all she felt fear. He didn't move, so she bit down hard on his lower lip. She could taste blood, but all he did was push her harder into the mattress, pinning her closer to his torso.

She was forced to accept his wolf aura inside her, forced to submit to the pain that was constantly being inflicted on her. Karen knew that he was only trying to help her, but her wolf aura had already begun to subside, so why was he still pouring his wolf aura into her? Hadn't they already achieved their goal of making her wolf aura work on its own without any help from other sources?

He knew he was being more pushy than usual, that she wanted him to stop, but he refused, pouring more of his wolf aura into her. He was desperately hoping that he would be able to create a true bond with her by taking her on now, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to do it.

She wasn't ready for a long-term relationship with him, but - damn it - if he didn't at least stake his claim in this small way, others wouldn't recognize her as his. Their scents didn't mix the way they needed to in order to claim her as his. Another man could have taken her from him, and he refused to let that happen. She was his, whether she realized it or not.

When he finally withdrew his aura, Xavier lifted his elbow, his hand still tangled in her dark brown hair. He looked down at her tear streaked face and felt his heart break at the sight.

She was crying and he hadn't noticed. Now the salty smell of her tears entered his nose, making his chest feel tight in an unusual way.

Was that... regret? Guilt?

As Karen began to sob and snuggle into his chest, she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly as she cried. Every tear he felt slide down his chest made him angrier at himself. He had hurt her, probably frightened her.

He had been rude to the girl he had hoped would be his mate. No self-respecting mate would intentionally inflict such pain on his mate. This was a new feeling for him - disgust - directed at himself.

As his lips came close to her ear, he murmured, "Hush, Karen. You're all right now." No thanks to him. Xavier clenched his molars at the thought.

Wordlessly, she continued to sob.

As he sat up, he took her with him as he leaned against the wall and sat her on his lap. Xavier held her tightly, his right hand on her left shoulder, his other hand wrapped around her back and gripped her hip.

Feeling helpless as she clung to him, he leaned his head against hers and purred, the rumbling sounds he made deep in his chest meant to soothe.

After a while she calmed down, the only sounds she made were a few hiccups. Still, he continued to purr, his chest vibrating with the sound. Karen sat motionless, her arms around his neck, her face buried in his throat.

"Not again." He heard her whisper hoarsely.

Fear filled his heart as he heard her words. Xavier stopped the soothing rumble. What did she mean? Did she mean no more touching? That she wanted nothing more to do with him?

No! He quickly denied it silently and unconsciously hugged her tighter. Closing his eyes, Xavier couldn't deny the truth. He had acted selfishly. She had every right to reject him. Still, he didn't want her to leave.

She leaned back and Xavier reluctantly did the same, meeting her gaze. His eyes roamed over her red lined eyes, her pink nose and her tear stained face, forcing himself to acknowledge the fact that he had done this to her. He hated himself right then.

"I don't want to do this anymore," she pleaded. "We've already strengthened the strange energy wolf aura inside me enough that I can heal faster in the future. That was your goal, right? Please, not again. I don't want to make it stronger. I'm scared."

Her words were piercing. Not only because of the fear he saw reflected in her wide brown eyes, because he knew he was part of it, but also because he needed her wolf aura to become stronger. Xavier was disappointed by the current events. This was the second time that he had made her reconsider being with him. How could he fix this?

Although he knew that she had every right to reject him, he tried to hold on to her.

Thinking quickly, he said calmly, hiding his reaction to her words, "Karenina, it's obvious to you that you need to learn how to control the energy of the wolf aura. If I hadn't been here to help you, you might have been dead by now."

When she opened her mouth to argue, he could see it in her eyes and cut her off.

"Haven't I proven that I can help you? Doesn't your wolf aura react immediately to my presence? With my help, you can learn."

"I-I don't know..." She looked at him with uncertainty, and his heart raced at the thought of losing her. It didn't seem like she was rejecting him, just afraid of the other side of him. He could assure her that there was nothing to fear, he could still have her.

"If you don't, you could lose control and hurt your friends and anyone else close to you. Do you want that?" He was relentless in his efforts to convince her. If he wanted to have any chance of making her his mate, he had to strengthen her wolf side.

Karen was silent for a long time, and he was about to demand an answer from her when she finally spoke.

"Okay, but do you still have to force the wolf aura into me?" She didn't want to admit that it hurt more, but she would if it meant the difference between convincing him to stop or not.

He silently refused and told her, "I know it's hard, but believe me when I say it's to help you."

She nodded her head, but unhappy with the suggestion, Karen struggled to free herself from his lap.

Reluctantly, he let her stand and followed her. Before Xavier could say more, she was already moving away from him. "I, uh, I have to go. I promised Helga... that I... um..." Then she shook her head, dropping the lie and deciding to tell the truth. "Okay, honestly, I want to be alone right now."

She looked at him pleadingly, hoping that he would understand and make room for her. Her nerves were raw and she wanted to be alone right now. A lot was going through her mind and she wanted, needed, to think. Reluctantly he nodded.

Xavier watched as she turned and left, closing the door of the training room behind her. He cursed inwardly and went back to his discarded sword. Picking it up, he began practicing again, this time to release a different kind of tension.

******

Karenina

Closing the door to his training room, she ignored everyone and walked away quickly, not caring that she didn't know where she was going. Keeping her head down, not meeting anyone's eyes, she walked quickly.

She didn't notice anyone calling her name until a hand tapped her shoulder, bringing her out of her reverie. Turning, she saw Helga standing behind her with a worried expression on her face.

"Luna Karenina? Are you okay?"

On the verge of tears again because of her concern, which brought back all her worries and fears, Karen pleaded desperately, "Please, take me back to my room."

Seeing how confused she was, Helga nodded and turned around and made the long walk back to her room in silence. Karen was able to hold back her emotions long enough for Helga to close her bedroom door.

Flopping on her bed, Karen recounted what had happened between her and Xavier in the training room. Her tears made it difficult to speak, but Helga seemed to understand as she offered words of encouragement.

"Alpha Xavier knows what he's doing, Luna. He won't let the darkness overcome you."

Wanting to comfort the girl, but knowing she could not reach out, Helga knelt before her instead and gave her an encouraging smile.

Karen, not feeling the urge to seek comfort from another woman she considered a friend, fell to her, wrapped her arms around the maid's waist and buried her face in her chest.

Helga knelt, frozen. Then, discarding her hesitation at the distance between them, she returned the embrace, giving her the physical comfort she clearly needed.

If only she could be her true friend.