Chapter 75 : Xavier's Dilemma

Karenina

Ahead of her, he led her through the winding corridors while she followed silently. She was nervous about their abrupt leaving, not knowing what he was thinking. Was he upset because she had been rude to his guest? That she had spoken out of turn? She was sorry if she had unintentionally embarrassed him in front of Chase, but she refused to feel guilty for standing up for him and for his late father's memory. The Alpha of the Bloodmoon Pack had no right to sit there, in Xavier's own home, and criticize him. And yet...

She stared at his back and noticed the way his beautiful grayish-black hair moved in a fluid way in time with the short, quiet paces he took. She knew he had adjusted his pace so she wouldn't have to struggle to keep up or worry about tripping over the pleated hem of her long dress. She thanked him for his understanding, but the silence between them added to her uneasiness.

After all, she had no idea where Xavier was taking her, and it was just the two of them, since Helga hadn't followed. She longed for the reassurance of her friend's presence, but it seemed she would have to face his displeasure alone. Why didn't he say anything?

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Xavier

Absorbed in his own thoughts, he didn't notice her concern. It wasn't that he was unhappy with her actions, not at all. She had been standing up for him, even though Xavier didn't need her to stand up for him, but he was happy with her. Not only did she stand up for the honor of himself and his late father, but she also claimed her right to be at his side. Surely, this was a sign that she would accept her role as his mate, right?

At the thought of it, his blood boiled and his body tensed as he was assaulted by need. He wanted nothing more than to take her to his bed, lay her between his sheets and ravage her, but first he had to be sure. Karen was unpredictable and he wanted to find out what her motives were for standing up for himself.

He debated whether he should take Karen to his bedroom or to his study, but in the end, Xavier decided to take her to his bedroom, where his privacy would be guaranteed. And if she was willing to accept his mating proposal, he would probably need a luxurious bed. His heart raced at the thought.

Finally they arrived and Xavier opened the door to his room, letting her go first. Seeing her standing there in his private room, the room he longed to share with her as a mated couple, only made his lust grow, his body demanding what he considered to be his.

As she looked around, realizing that they were now in a luxurious room, but barely noticing her surroundings even as she realized that they were most likely in Xavier's private room, her nerves got the better of her as she turned to face him.

He began speaking before she had a chance to say anything. "Karenina, we have much to talk about."

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Karenina

She paused for a moment to take a real good look at him. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes heavy, and he gazed at her with a look of such blatant passion that she gasped and backed away hastily. Her blood sizzled at the sight of him, knowing that he wanted her, right here, right now. Xavier stepped towards her, following her retreating footsteps, which only made her retreat faster, almost tripping over her dress. She could have fallen if Xavier hadn't rushed at her and caught her against his muscular body. Her nipples tightened instantly, her body reacting instinctively to his intimacy. She looked up at him, her hands clutching his chest, and watched as his nostrils flared, signaling his growing arousal.

No, she couldn't let that happen! Desperately, she pushed at his chest and mumbled, "Th-Thank you so much. I'm so clumsy sometimes." She laughed nervously when he made no move to release her. "You can let me go now. I'm fine. I won't fall, I promise." Xavier remained silent and looked at her with those sexy golden eyes of his. She looked away from him and asked in a desperate attempt to calm the heated atmosphere, "What did you want to talk to me about? If it is about how I behaved in the dining room, then I apologize if I embarrassed you with my outburst, but Chase went too far. He had no right to say those things to you and about your father."

Yes, she was babbling. She shut her mouth and waited for his answer, but her eyes were glued to his chest, unwilling to meet his gaze and see her lust reflected in his eyes. It was too dangerous for her to have peace of mind.

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Xavier

At the same time, he stood with his arm around her waist, holding her close as he listened to her. He could see that she was nervous, that even though she was turned on by his closeness, she was resisting him. His eyes dimmed slightly, his answer accepted without question. That she still didn't want him as her mate. Why?

He let go of her, set her gently aside and walked past her, ignoring her confused look. "Come with me, Karenina. Have a seat while we talk things over."

"Uh, okay," she agreed, confused.

She followed him over to the window seat. Instead of having to sit on the carpet or cushions, there were seats around the window. She sat down on one side of it with her back to the cushioned corner, while Xavier sat down on the opposite side. Their knees touched. Neither of them moved from this position.

He has been staring out of the window for some time. He could feel her staring at him, waiting for him to speak. Although he already had some answers, there was still something he hadn't said. "Are you afraid you'll upset me?" He had already guessed that from her previous statement.

She fidgeted with the sleeves of her dress as she looked down and stared at his chest. "Yeah," she replied quietly.

"There's nothing to worry about."

His answer surprised her. Hesitantly, she asked, "You're not angry with me?"

"No, I'm not. You stand up not only for me, but for my late father." Then he looked at her face. "But I'm curious why you did it. Even though your body physically reacts to mine, you still don't want me."

The way he said it made pain shoot through her chest and she looked away, unable to meet his unaccusing gaze. "Xavier," she began quietly. "I may not want to be your mate, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you." His heart sank at her words. Did she care about him, even a little? "You've done so much for me, been so kind to me. How could I not care? And when Chase started insulting you, I got angry. He had no right to say what he said." Then she looked at him with a soft expression. "You are my friend, Xavier. I'll always have your back."

A friend? Did she consider him a friend? No one had ever said that to him and meant it. True, Xavier had many alliances, pack he was honored to fight with, but he never called them friends. At first he wanted to say that it was not friendship he wanted from her, but then Xavier paused for a moment, remembering what she had said in the past some time ago.

"Love is unconditional acceptance. It is when you want to be close to another person, both sexually and platonically, both as friends and as lovers."

Is he really making progress if she thinks of him as a friend? She says she needs a friend as well as a lover. Wasn't he already halfway to his ultimate goal, to make her his mate? He smiled, not realizing he had done so until he heard her say, "You should smile more often, Xavier.”

Then he looked up at her and saw her smiling at him with a gentle expression on her face. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her.

"Hmm," was his short reply that only made her giggle. What a confusing creature, he thought.

Then her expression became more serious, giving him a warning before she said, "Xavier, I don't think I can be what you want me to be. I'm neither a lady nor a princess. I don't know how to act like a proper lady. I will only embarrass you and make you ashamed. I can't live with myself if I make you the laughing stock of your peers."

She was rejecting him again, he realized, not surprised, but not at all heartless. It hurts. "I am going to hire a teacher to tutor you."

Shaking her head, she gave him a sharp look. "I'm sorry, but no. We're not a good match, and not only because I don't know your habits. But I'm in love with Rylan."

Suddenly he went cold when he heard that. As if he could forget it. "You agreed to give me the same chance that you gave him to get close to you."

"I know, but..." she started, only to be cut off.

"You haven't fulfilled our agreement. I respected your wishes over your reluctance to have a physical relationship. Haven't I proven that I can keep my word?"

"Y-yes, but I don't love you!" She screamed desperately and leaned against him, trying to make him understand.

"And Rylan doesn't love you, but you still fight for him," he snapped, knowing he was being cruel, but Xavier was also angry that she had been loyal to Rylan and wished it back on himself. If she had spent half as much time trying to fit in with him as she did pining for his younger brother, maybe she wouldn't have felt so strongly against his claims on her.