Chapter 44
He drew in a deep breath, letting it out seconds later before repeating the same action two more times. I was a heartbeat away from telling him to get it over and done with so I could go home and cry when he cleared his throat, an indication
he was about to shatter my heart into
pieces.
He went on to disclose the tragedy that resulted in his ex-fiancée’s unexpected and bizarre disappearance. I could only visualize the agony he must have gone through. A loved one vanishing into thin air for years on end was as bleak as death itself.
He swiped a hand over his face, staring into space. “We printed banners, posting them on every street we could attain, searching every nook and cranny for months but nothing we did paid off.”
I could discern the hurt in his eyes, the longing to find her. It was a painful sight. “Did you continue your search after that?”
“Yes, with the help of the boys, we have been following leads but they’ve not been useful to date.” He sighed, flashing me a smile that only reflected his grief.
The distress of how this would impact our relationship if we traversed that bridge clawed at me. What if she turned up out of the blue, would her existence alter what we have then?
“Are you still pursuing her case?”
He nodded and unlike earlier, we fell into an uneasy quietude. I dreaded the response to the next query in my mind, the inevitable staring at me in the face, but I had to hear a confirmation from him. “Will you stop searching now? What if she were to show up at this point, what would you do?”
He huffed out air, his grief-stricken orbs meeting mine briefly before darting away. He couldn’t even look me in the eyes and it hurt like hell. A subtle shake of his head had my stomach twisting in knots, butterflies making a temporary home in it.
“I don’t know,” he murmured.
Another wave of silence settled between us and when I noticed he wasn’t about to say anything, I asked, “What happens to us now?”
He let out another sigh, reiterating his reply, “I don’t know.”
I vigorously bobbed my head up and down, blinking back the tears threatening to spew from my eyes. He was too good to be true after all. “Can you please take me home?” I managed to voice out without breaking into sobs, my inner self applauding me for the grit.
“Shannon I-”
I held up my hand to stop him. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I understand what you went through, it’s not easy at all. You need to heal because you can’t carry this into a relationship,” I said, placing my hands on his. “Thank you for your honesty.”
“I just-”
“Let’s just give each other some space to clear our heads,” I interrupted him. It took him a while to nod in compliance, our legs moving in unison as we pedaled back to the shore.
“Is anything the matter?” the guy who’d welcomed us and voiced out his fondness for young couples asked when he took note of the somber mood between us.
I leaped off the boat, leaving Lionel to pay up and give the kind man a reply. Before he could catch up with me, I was already shutting the cab door behind me. The hurt in his eyes was unmistakable as he galloped after the car, waving it down in the hopes that it would stop.
“You poor thing.” Kayleigh draped her hands around me, stroking my back at the sobs that overtook me.
Once I’d hushed down, we got inside, her lap serving as my pillow as I lamented about the heartbreaking turn of events.
“You know he loves you, right?” Her fingers weaved into my hair, scrubbing my scalp gently.
“If he did, would he still be yearning to find her?”
“That’s a tough question,” she admitted.
“Hold on,” I shrieked, shooting into a seating position and pointing an accusing finger at her. “You knew about this all along and didn’t care to tell me? I’m your best friend, Kayleigh, you’re supposed to tell me everything.”
“I’m so sorry but he asked me to keep it quiet. It was not in my place to tell you,” she defended.
I eased back on her laps, I knew she was right in keeping it from me but it still stung. “What do you think I should do now?”
She resumed combing my hair. “Give him a chance. For him to tell you this means he doesn’t want to dive into a relationship with secrets.”
“I can’t handle my man scouting for his long-lost lover,” I seethed. “What is he going to do when he finds her? Let her go? This is ridiculous.”
She shrugged. “You’ll have to discuss this with him to come to an understanding.”
I couldn’t tell if I was being selfish but all I knew was it was either her or me. He couldn’t have us both. I didn’t want to tell him to choose, it was his decision to make; whether to forget about the past and move on or to dwell on it forever.
“Discuss as who?” I scoffed. “I’m not even his girlfriend.”
Her brows drew together. “Hasn’t he asked before?”
“Well, I think he has but it was sort of indirectly. He just showed his interest in
me, said he would love to share his life with me.”
She rolled her eyes, all the while shaking her head. “But that’s the proposal.”
It ensued way before we even moved to witness protection and I’d turned him down because I wasn’t ready. While at the beach house, he hadn’t asked nor said anything except show his affection through actions.
“I’m sure he’s going to ask soon. I know my cousin, he’s such a good man. Perhaps he was giving you time before pestering you again.”
I had to agree with her, Lionel was a good man, too good for me. He’d accepted me with all my quandaries, endangered his life for me repeatedly, forfeited his time to be with me and I couldn’t do just one thing for him? I palmed my forehead. He deserved better. He’d gone through his fair share of drawbacks and none of them was his fault.
“I should be more empathetic to his situation. I’m calling him to apologize,” I said, earning cheers from her. “That’s what I’m talking about.”
