Chapter 41

----------------Los Angeles, California.

--------------------------- Firdaus's new apartment.

" Thanks for coming Sophia" I said as I gave her a warm hug. I felt better after the shower and a little nap. She had brought my things, clothes and all, my certificates too. " You're welcome, I'm glad to be of help to you, to all of you, are you guys doing okay?" she asked as she sat on the blue couch. " We're okay, Firdaus and Mother are resting now" I said as I sat beside. " You know all of you are strong, you got over your grandfather's death pretty quickly"

" We didn't get over it, we just accepted the facts and crying won't bring him back to us right?, all we have to do is pray" I said and smiled at her. " I really admire you guys, so are you going back to Indonesia?" She asked and I shook my head. " Well No, we're going to Malaysia instead, Firdaus has a two-year modelling project there, in Kuala Lumpur, we're leaving tomorrow afternoon" I said and she sighed a little. " I'm really going to miss you" she cried as she hugged me again. I patted her back as she hugged me tighter.

" I am going to miss you too, and I want you to do something for me" I said as she let go of me. " Please take care of Khalid, please and help him make the right decisions, please be by his side, learn to forgive his mistakes, cause everybody makes mistakes, it's not a new thing, I want you to learn to let things slide. I know you're not on good terms with him and Mama Zainab right now but please, don't hate them, none of this is their fault" I said as I held her hand in mine. " I am finding it hard to accept that, it hurts too much, I never thought they could do something like that to you, they loved you right?, then why did they have to hurt you that way, you've suffered enough, they didn't need to add to it and believe all those lies, I'm just really disappointed in them, it's annoying" She answered with a little sob as I caressed her cheek. " I have learnt to understand and move on, you should too okay, bear in mind that even if I am not here with you, I'll always be here for you, thank you for all what you've done for me, I can't really thank you enough, I'm grateful I met all of you, I am really thankful for the love you showed me, thank you Sophia" I said as the tears rolled down my cheeks. " Never forget me okay, and make sure my niece or nephew knows I exist, okay, and don't worry, I'll be with Khalid, for your sake" she answered and I smiled widely. " Thank you so much" I said as we heard her phone ring with the default IPhone ringtone.

" Khalid is calling" She said as she showed her phone to me. The Caller ID read Big Bro, with three red hearts. " What?" She said as she answered the phone and put it on speaker. " Sophia, GrandPa" He was crying. " Why are you crying?, what happened to grandpa?" Sophia asked as I watched her mood change. I really hoped all was well. " He committed suicide" I gasped as I heard those words from the phone. Oh My Allah. I never realised he was depressed or sad. I thought he was going to get over it, well we all thought so. Inalillahi wa ina ilaihi rajiun. " Come to the hospital" We heard Khalid say again. " How did it happen?" Sophia cried as she got up from the couch. " He shot himself, right in the head, just come" He answered. Oh My Allah. She really didn't need this to be added to her worries. " No, No" She cried as she let her phone fall on the couch. " No, GrandPa" she screamed as she fell to the ground in tears. I rushed to her and pulled her into my arms. " Why is all this happening to me?, why?, we didn't do anything to deserve this, Neill is gone and now grandpa too, No, No" she cried onto my chest. " cry it all out Soph" I comforted as I patted her back.

" What's happening here?" I heard Ummi ask as she and Sophia walked out from their rooms. " Grandpa Julius committed suicide Ummi" I answered softly as I Sophia's cries filled the room. " Inalillahi wa ina ilaihi rajiun" Firdaus gasped as she moved closer to where I and Sophia sat on the ground. " was he that depressed?" Ummi asked as she moved closer to console Sophia too. " I need to go to the hospital Faryah, I want to see him before he's buried" Sophia managed to say as she slid out from my hold and got up from the floor. " You're in condition to drive Sophia, I'll drive you, give me your keys" Firdaus offered. " I'll follow you guys too, okay?" I said as we watched Sophia clean her eyes. " Thank you" she replied and I quickly rushed to get my hijab and my shoes.

" Ummi we'll drop her off and come back home okay, be safe" Firdaus said as she quickly wore her slippers and gave Ummi a light hug. " Be safe too" she answered as we left the apartment.

I never stopped to imagine that GrandPa Julius could ever commit suicide because of the love he had for his friend. He couldn't bear to lose him and this was what depression caused him. He killed himself. It was Haram. But he did. The love they had for each other couldn't be compared to just anything in this world. It was so immense. I didn't want to blame myself but it was the reality. If I hadn't helped Khalifa that night, I would still be in the arms of Khalid and we would all still be happy and living a peaceful life. I made a mistake that I couldn't change and even though I was lied against, I wasn't going to let it get to me because that's not who I am. I knew the truth even though they all weren't going to accept it.

" Sophia do we need to follow you inside?" I asked as Firdaus parked her car in the hospital's parking lot. " It's okay, thank you so much Faryah" She cried as she pulled me into a hug. The poor girl was going through a lot all at once. First she was almost killed, then she was kidnapped and she watched her brother die in front of her, then she faced disappointment from her parents and now, her only grandparent is dead. I knew she was strong, she could get over it, all she had to do was to pray and find ease, it had to hurt a lot. " I'm always going to be here for you Sophia, I'm just a call away, and I know you can get over it, you don't need to cry even though it hurts badly, crying isn't going to bring him okay, so just accept it and pray for him that's all grandpa Julius needs right now" I said and watched her nod. " Thank you so much for everything Faryah, for your support and care, and I'll listen to you, always" She said as Firdaus got down from her car. " I'll always be here for you" I answered as Firdaus opened her car door for Sophia and I to get down. " we'll always be here for you" Firdaus said as she helped Sophia down and gave her a hug. I got down from the car and closed the door shut gently. " You've all been of help to me and I'll never forget that okay, take care of my niece or nephew or both" She said with a small smile and I nodded. " Take care of Khalid for me, help him make the right choices, stay close to him okay?, for my sake" I said and she nodded with a smile and hugged him tight. " It's amazing how you just forgave him for all what he did to you earlier today" She said and I smiled. " I love him too much to hate him, I have to forgive him and move on, being angry won't change anything, he was just a victim" I said and smiled at her. " they all are" Firdaus added. " I'd better go in now, I'll miss you Faryah" she said and hugged me again. " I'll miss you more" I answered as she let go of me. " Goodbye" she finally said as she turned to leave. " Bye" we answered as we watched her walk towards the elevator.

" she's a strong girl, I know she can handle it" Firdaus said as we walked out of the parking lot. " She has to, I'm just honestly hoping that she doesn't get psychologically affected with all what's happening to her, I really feel for all of them" I answered as I sighted a white car that looked just like Khalid's. " Firdaus wait, isn't that Khalid?" I asked as I made her stop a little and look at the masculine figure that was banging his head on the steering wheel. The thin nose and dark hair. It was Khalid. My heart broke as I saw him like that. He was going through a lot right now. We watched as he started the car and slowly drove out of the parking lot. I couldn't let him drive in his condition.

" Firdaus send me the address of your apartment, I'll see you later" I said worriedly as I almost ran towards the gate of the parking lot. " Where are you going?" She asked as she held my arm. " I need to make sure Khalid is alright, I'll see you at home okay" I said as I slipped out of her hold and ran towards the parking lot. " Be careful please" I heard her call as I hurriedly rushed out of the parking lot and found a taxi that followed Khalid's car. Luckily he was still in sight. I needed to make sure he was okay, if anything happened to him, I couldn't help but blame myself.

I loved him too much. I couldn't afford to lose him. He was only a victim of deceit. He was scared of trusting me again after I was accused of doing something I could never even imagine myself doing. They were all victims of deceit and Insha’Allah the truth was going to be revealed. I honestly had a strong hunch that Pamela was the cause of all our suffering right now but I couldn't point fingers without any evidence. The truth was going to come out eventually and I had to brace myself for battle.

" sir please, can you wait for me, you'll take me to this address when I'm done okay, please, I'll pay you more" I said to the taxi driver as I showed him the text message on my phone. " Okay ma'am I'll wait here" he answered as I smiled to myself and got down from the cab. Khalid had come to his hideout. The beautiful stream. The place he brought me to when he confessed how he truly felt about me. I really missed all those moments. I missed him so much.

The street lights around made the stream really beautiful. The flowers were so bright, the water shone brightly, everything looked so perfect and beautiful. I really understood why this was where he came to whenever he was sad, hurting or angry or he just needed space and time alone.

I slowly walked through the grass and found Khalid, his legs were buried in the stream and I could hear him sob lightly with his back turned to face me. " Hey" I called softly as I watched him turn to look at me slowly. " What are you doing here?!, please leave" He snapped as I shook in fright. " I only wanted to make sure you were alright and see if I can explain...." he cut me off as he stood to look at me intently. The charming dark eyes he used to look at me lovingly with were now filled with anger, pain and regret. He was broken. He was seriously broken. " Well as you can see, I am not alright, I can't be alright after you ruined my life in just a day!, what did you really want from me huh!?, Money?, Fame!?, Power??!?, all you wanted was to use me into achieving your selfish dreams, you piece of trash" He snapped and I felt my cheeks heat up and I winced in pain as I staggered back and almost fell to the ground. I couldn't control my anger anymore, I honestly couldn't, I was tired, I was tired of acting like everything was going to be okay at the end of the day and I had to endure the pain. It was killing me. How could he lay a finger on the woman he claimed to love. He was a monster. " How dare you lay a finger on me!?" I snapped with my eyes wide open with fury. I felt all the tears gush out. " You claimed to love me and you dare lay a finger on me, you really are like your father, an abuser!" I yelled back. " I'm trying my best to understand you, to reason with you and see you as a victim, but I can't anymore, I've explained everything to you, I can't sleep with someone that isn't you, you know me, you're supposed to know me. I am your wife, I am a faithful Muslim, a faithful wife and I will never do such a thing, I never begged to be married to you in the first place and you dare classify me as a gold digger!. I was fine living in my small house with my grandfather and mother back in Indonesia, we only came to know each other just because we only wanted to make our grandparents proud of us, but look at them now, they're dead because of your selfish being, none of this is my fault, I'm tired of blaming myself for everything, if only you had trusted the words if your wife, the woman that is carrying your child, you chose to believe a simple edited video an unknown number sent to you, is there any sense in that Khalid, tell me!, you're just being a fool and an annoying suck up., you're not the only one that lost an icon, my grandfather died because he couldn't bear the pain of seeing me being maltreated by his best friends family, the family he trusted his daughter into, your grandfather committed suicide because he felt that my grandfather was disappointed in him, he couldn't bear it, he couldn't bear the pain!" I ranted out everything I was feeling deep inside me. I wished all of them could hear me. " It's not my fault, I am so tired of explaining myself over and over again, I am tired, I have had enough of all of you, every single one of your inconsiderate family!, I am willing to forgive Khalid, but I hope you're willing to accept the truth of the situation, I did nothing wrong, I only helped a brother in need" I said finally as I took a deep breath. I was happy I got all of that out. I felt more at ease and I was less hurt.

I watched him stay silent as he brushed his fingers through his hair and sobbed a little. " You know how I badly want you in my arms right now?, but I cannot bring myself, the love I have for you is slowly turning into hatred, you caused all this misfortune, why the hell did you come into our lives, I feel and know you can't do such a thing but I cannot get the damn image out of my head Faryah, I can't bring myself to fully trust you anymore, I love you so much and I don't want to hate you, leave me alone please" He snapped and turned his back at me again. I really didn't understand what he was going through, heartbreak, pain and guilt. He needed space away from everyone. From everything. I wasn't needed here. " the only thing I can say is I love you so much, I'll always love you Khalid and I'm going to take care of my child, I'll be waiting for you, we will be" I said gently. " Abort that child, he doesn't deserve to be with someone like you" Subhanallah. His words made the tiny broken pieces of my heart break again. " Fine" I answered as I cried my way back to the Taxi.

The evil eye that was envying my family had succeeded. We were apart now. We needed time apart to heal our wounds and get back on our feet. It wasn't what I wanted but it had to happen. Allah was with me. He always is.

Khalid

I didn't mean to say or hurt her like that. I felt like I was possessed by something or someone. I really wanted to rush back to be and apologize for everything. For everything I said to her. Forget everything that has happened to her. I wanted her in my arms again. I wanted to be a father to the child even though it wasn't mine. But the video kept on showing itself in my head. I couldn't get it out of my mind. It was hard to. I couldn't bring myself too. I lost my Icon. My personal advisor.

I didn't know what I was going to do without him. I honestly didn't.

I needed time away from everyone to think about my life and what I wanted to do with it. Who I wanted in it.

I needed time to heal and get rid of all my scars. That was what I needed and I could do it. I knew I could.

I believed I could.