Chapter 55

——————Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur.

——————————— KLCC Park, Jalan Ampang, City Centre, elevated bridge, 5:30pm.

" How're you?" He asked and smiled at me. I missed his beautiful smile. He looked depressed. To be honest it didn't look like the Khalid I knew. The pain that filled his eyes were like how full an ocean was. He wasn't doing okay. He still looked as handsome as he had always been but he was unhappy. The anger I felt towards him vanished into thin air the minute our eyes met.

I actually kind of missed him. " I'm fine, you?"

" I'm fine too" he answered again and smiled at me. " You know you look more beautiful and cute" Those words weren't going to make me blush like they used to. " Thank you, you don't look bad yourself" I answered. The park was as usual, busy.

I watched as he looked at Najmah in her carriage. " Can I carry her please?" He looked like he was honestly going to cry any minute from now. Why was he making me so weak. " Sure" I answered softly and moved forward to unbuckle the belts that held her tight to her carriage. " NajNaj, Abbah" I said sweetly as I fixed her hijab and she played with her hands. " Pa" she answered and laughed a little as she continued speaking baby gibberish. I lifted her up and handed her to Khalid. " Be careful, hold her tight so she won't fall okay" I said as he collected her from my arms. " She's so beautiful" He said as he cupped my daughter's cheeks. " She's your carbon copy" I answered and he nodded. " she is, Najmah, I got something for you" he said sweetly as he took out a purple small teddy bear from the bag I noticed him holding. It was so cute, she was definitely going to love it.

I watched as she collected the teddy bear with a big smile and I saw how Father and Daughter were bonding. We would have made a great family. The sight of the both of them was so beautiful. " Faryah how did you know that I wanted to name my first daughter Najmah, I don't think I ever told you that" Khalid asked. I never even knew he liked Islamic names. This was new. " oh I don't know, I just like stars so I named her after them, cause she's just like them to. She lights up my dark world" I said and watched him nod. " Oh, my mother used to tell me about them back when we were still in Turkey, I know a lot about stars and I grew up with a great love for the name, I'm glad you unknowingly made my wish come true" he answered and I smiled at him. We would have been in a different situation if he hadn't treated me badly on that particular day.

We would all be happy, we wouldn't be here.

But Allah knows best. It happened for a good reason, I wouldn't have found my family and my true happiness with Khalifa. " I heard you found your family" He said and I nodded with a smile. " Yes, well they actually found me"

" oh that's nice, I saw your pictures on Instagram" he blurted out. He has been stalking me. " oh"

" Yeah and I also saw your pictures with the man you think you're going to marry" the man I think I was going to marry?.

I was going to marry Khalifa, it was what I wanted and only death was going to stop us. Insha’Allah. " he's the man I know I am going to marry, just sign the divorce papers already"

" No, you know I'm not going to sign those damn papers you sent to me, we have a child together, we're a family, why will you want to jeopardize the perfect family for a dumb black dude?" I knew why I found him disgusting. This was why. Why does he keep on acting so arrogant. All the anger and rage I felt towards him came rushing back into my body system. " Dumb black dude?, that dumb black dude behaves more of a father to your daughter than you do, that dumb black dude makes me happy always, he has all my trust and I am very sure he'll never leave my word for a stupid video"

" I judged you wrongly with that video, I honestly shouldn't have"

" you just realized that?, oh my goodness, Khalid that simple mistake you made for not believing in me cost us the lives of our grandparents" I snapped as I tried to control my temper. I had lots of things to say to him. He carefully placed Najmah in her carriage and stood to look at me." Do you know how I waited everyday to get a text or call from you?, do you know how hard it was to make people see that I'm happy while deep down I'm hurting?, deep down the pain I'm feeling inside is eating me up, do you know how badly my heart ached and how I always longed to be with you?, because I was naive and loved you with all my heart, I loved you genuinely Khalid but what did I get at the end of the day?, Maltreatment" I snapped again as I tried controlling the tears that were already flooding my eyeballs. " You never trusted me Khalid, you never did, you claimed you loved me but it was obviously to make your grandfather happy, it was never sincere" That was what I saw. " Faryah I loved you with all my heart, I have always loved you"

" You're lying to me, stop it, I'm fed up. I have learned to forgive you and your family. I have honestly but I can't deny the pain I always feel for how you turned your back against me so suddenly, you showed me who you truly were that day" I added again and watched him almost breakdown. " Khalid my grandfather trusted you, he trusted your family with his granddaughter but he got his death in return" I added as I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

" That's why I'm here to make up for it"

" if I hadn't sent you those divorce papers Khalid, be honest with yourself will you be here right now?" I asked and waited for his answer. I didn't want to cause a scene. "I don't know" he answered and my heart sank. I expected it.

" Khalid, look I am not mad at you, I just wanted to let out all the pain and anger I've been hiding for the past year to you, I have found it in my heart to forgive you but I can't ever forget, the scar is always going to be here in my heart, it's not your fault. All of this is Allah's plan, we all mistakes, I'm still hurt even though I hide it, I am, it hurts always, everyday, we could have been in a much different situation if that hadn't happened, but this is where Allah wants us to be" I said and dried my eyes. " The past few months haven't been good for me either, I turned to something else, I drank, I became a workaholic and I didn't have time for my family anymore, I made a big mistake with Pamela and I ruined my life. I was not the person I used to be, when I received your petition, I felt like I was awakened, because I still love you Faryah, I will always love you and I can't let you go, I can't ever do that I could never bring myself to do that"

" But you did it before"

"I know and it was a horrible mistake, I'm sorry, I am so sorry"

" Khalid, I don't need your apologies, Because I have forgiven you and I have moved on. Your happiness doesn't lie in my hands, it lies within yourself"

" No, I love you, I can't be complete without you, just let me make it up to you" I was getting tired of going over and over it again. " If you really want to make up for what you did Khalid, just sign the divorce petition, So that I can be happy, if you truly love me you would want to see me happy and not depressed always, So please Khalid, Just sign it please, I can't ever be with you, I can't bring myself to trust you again, I am so sorry" He was crying. He couldn't hide his tears any longer. " Khalid, I'm never going to deny you your rights as Najmah's father, that's the only connection we have now, Najmah, aside from that I really don't want to have anything to do with you again" I said sternly. It was time I left. " Faryah, I can't sign the divorce papers, I can't bring myself to, I am going to fight for your love again, I will" He answered and I tightened my grip on Najmah's carriage. " Khalid it's honestly best for you not to, you won't win, you've already lost me, opportunity comes but once, you've lost your opportunity Khalid" I said and fixed my bag on my shoulder. " I know but I'm not going to give up on you just like that"

" That's the best thing you can do now Khalid, move on, there are many other ladies out there"

" None of them are you, No one can ever replace you"

" Yes, but.." he cut me off as he dried his eyes. " but nothing, Faryah you make me want to be a good person, do you know that?, my best comes out when I'm with you"

" and do you expect me to stay with you when you didn't treat me well?, I came back to you that day but you sent me away, you told me to leave, I left and I'm never coming back"

" I wasn't myself, I lost GrandPa Julius"

" we both lost family that day" I said and sighed out loud and rubbed my forehead. " I have no valid reason to back up what happened and I have accepted my mistakes but Faryah I'm promising you this, it'll never happen again"

" of course it won't ever happen again, I'm not going to give you a chance so it can happen again Khalid. Please understand, I was hurt and I'm trying to protect myself so it won't happen again"

" You're right to protect yourself Faryah, but I'm assuring you that it will never happen again" He said and held my hand. My body shivered from his cold touch. I wasn't going to deny that I missed it. " I'm sorry Faryah"

I snapped my hand away from his. I couldn't argue anymore. " Khalid, sorry works when a mistake is made but not when trust is seriously broken. Forgiving is very easy, but forgetting and trusting again is impossible for me" I said and turned to walk away.

I didn't want him to call me back. I didn't want him to chase after me. He was meant to stay in my past. There was no place for him in my present. I knew I left him speechless but I said my mind. I wasn't weak mute girl anymore. I was stronger and tougher, all because of what I went through in my life. The bullying and the maltreatment. They all made me the Faryah I was now and I was proud to be who I was now.

I was happy and contented with all what I had now. I was satisfied with all what Allah has given me.

I didn't want any part of my life to change.

——————————6:20pm, KLCC Park.

" Khalid, sorry works when a mistake is made but not when trust is seriously broken. Forgiving is very easy, but forgetting and trusting again is impossible for me" her last words kept on ringing over and over and over again in my head. My heart was bleeding. I didn't want to let go of her, if I did I was going to hurt more. I saw my family again and all I wanted was to have them back in my arms. Both of them. I couldn't bear seeing them with another man.

But she was right.

I wasn't there when they needed me. I told her to kill our beautiful daughter. What was I thinking?.

I was angry and all but how could I utter such a sentence. We were both hurting and she had slowly managed to heal a little. She was happy where she was now, with the people she was with now but I believe I can make her remember all what she used to love when she was with me.

I held my daughter in my arms and I knew they had to be with me. They were my source of happiness. I couldn't lose them.

I loved her sincerely with all my heart, I didn't want to through away the life we had together just like that. We had a daughter that needed her true family by her side. Najmah needed us to be together.

Even though I was glad that she wasn't going to keep my daughter away from me, I still wanted her in my life again. I was never going to stop pursuing her. She was the love of my life and I wasn't going to watch her fall into the hands of another man that wasn't me. I just couldn't accept it.

" I can imagine how fast your train of thoughts is running in that thick head of yours" I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard Zahra speak and I turned my head to my side and I almost laughed as I watched how she pouted. What was she doing here?.

"I thought you were going to meet someone" I said and dried my eyes. I didn't want to see any trace of tears on my face. " yes, the person changed the location of our meeting to this beautiful park and you're not making a good effort trying to hide your tears" She answered and I laughed a bit. " you have a very beautiful wife" she saw us. The last thing I needed now was that. " I don't want to talk about it"

" you're supposed to want to talk about it" she replied and smiled so terribly at me. " Your fake smiles are disgusting" I answered and watched her laugh. " it wasn't a fake smile, it was a face to make you a little bit happy" I appreciated that.

" You're not as stubborn as I thought you were"

" Trust me Mr Olyster, I'm more stubborn than you think" she answered as she stood few meters away from where I sat. I looked at how beautiful the park was and I admired it more and more and more. The trees and everything were just so beautiful. The fact everyone here were all smiling made me happy. Peace.

" Mr Olyster, did you read the invitation to the anniversary of an Orphanage home I sent you?" Zahra asked and I nodded my head. We provided full funded scholarships for the children there. " Yes, what about it?" I asked. " uhm, I spent 5 years of my life there" That took a different turn. I honestly had many questions about her. She sighed and looked at me.

" My life is pretty adventurous you know, I just really want to leave everything behind and live peacefully" She added as she stared at me. She looked sad. " Do you want to talk about it?"

" I'm good"

" You're supposed to want to talk about it" I was using her words against her. " That won't work on me Mr Olyster" She answered with a smile. " I actually read through the invitation and I saw that you're supposed to tag along with a plus one" Oh yeah. " I'll probably take my mother"

" Nooo, please take me instead, I'm begging you Mr Olyster" she pleaded and held my arm and instantly let go after a few seconds. " why do you want to go?"

" I grew up there"

" you can visit them anytime you want" I answered. " yes, I know that but I just want to go with you for this occasion please"

" You don't have any reason?"

" I don't want to talk about it"

" Why's everything about you a mystery" I blurted out and faced her. " Nothing about me is a mystery, I just don't like talking about my life"

" fine"

" your daughter liked the teddy" She said and I remembered how beautiful my daughter was. She was comfortable in my hands as I played with her cheeks and she smiled showing off her cute gums. She had chubby cheeks like me when I was younger, she had my eyes and my eyebrows and her lips, so cute. She played with my face and it made me so happy. " She held on tight to it" I answered and smiled at myself. " Yeah, she's cute" she answered and I found her staring at me. " Stop admiring me"

" You wish, come" she called and slowly walked away from me. " where to?" It was getting dark. " The light shows are about to start, come, I know a great view to watch all of them" She chirped and walked faster. I needed to see how more beautiful this park could get. " Wait up" I called and hurriedly walked to catch up to her. " Catch me if you can" She couldn't be serious.

She was running. Like seriously.

" Don't think I'm joking Mr Olyster" she screamed from a far distance. There was no harm in running. It had been while since I actually raised my legs up and RAN.

I took to my heels and made sure she was still in sight.

" Wasn't that fun?" She asked as we stopped in front of a small stream. I was breathing heavily. I needed water. " Fun, man I can't feel my legs" I said as I sat on the ground, on grass. " You can't feel your legs?, I mean we didn't even run a very far distance Mr Olyster, I just jogged, I didn't even run" she said as she placed her hands on her hips. She was dumbfounded. " Yeah, rub it all on my face" I said and rolled my eyes at her. My throat was dry. I needed water. Cold water. "I need water" I yelled and laid back on the bare grass. " Oh water?"

" Yes please" I answered and felt droplets of water on my body. " You want more?" She asked as I quickly raised my back up and she splashed water on my face again. " Is that enough?" She asked as I stared at her. " you've honestly got to be kidding me" I said as I shot her a death glare and watched.

She was folding up her sleeves, I wasn't going to let her get away with this.

I got up from where I sat and moved closer to where she stood beside the small stream. " Don't mess with me" I said with a little laugh as I folded my sleeves. " you wanted water to drink, I gave it to you" she answered and splashed me again. I wasn't letting her get away this time.

I splashed her and watched her laugh sheepishly, it was contagious.

I found myself splashing and laughing at her in no time. It was fun.

It had honestly been a while since I've laughed this much. The last time was with Faryah.

I couldn't get my mind off her.

I didn't even want to.