1

Victoria



"And one, and two, and three, and four," I said as I gently bounced my baby, causing him to laugh. His laugh was the sweetest sound in the world, and I couldn't hear it enough.

He is ten months old now. I named him Antonio; that's Michael's middle name. Antonio looked just like Michael.

There was a knock on my front door.

I looked at Antonio and playfully said, "Now, who's that?" as I put him in his playpen. I walked up to the security pad and saw it was Kelly; I opened the door for her, and she stepped in, holding a cardboard envelope.

"Look what I have!"

"Antonio's pictures?"

"Yes! I got three. One for his book, one to frame, and one for me."

I had pictures taken of Antonio every month and put them in a scrapbook so we could look back and see how much he'll have grown over time.

"I'll put one copy in the scrapbook now."

"Okay, let me wash my hands, and I'll take care of Antonio."

I grabbed the scrapbook from Antonio's bookshelf along with a glue stick. I covered the back of the photo with glue and placed it on the next empty page. I grabbed a sheet of number and letter stickers and spelled out "10 Months" next to the picture. I closed the book, put it away, and went back to the living room to see a frantic Kelly rocking Antonio; he was whimpering.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know! He was fine, and then he started crying."

I looked at the clock and realized the problem.

"He's hungry; I'll take care of him," I said as I gently took Antonio out of Kelly's arms. I walked back into Antonio's room and slowly sat in a chair I had set up for myself. I lifted my t-shirt so Antonio could latch on to my breast. He was starving. I leaned back in the chair and looked up at Kelly.

"You seem like you have this mother thing down."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. Why? You don't feel confident?"

I sighed as I turned Antonio to my other breast; he ate rather quickly.

"I sometimes wonder if I made the right decision staying away from Michael. Maybe I should've returned to him when I found out I was pregnant. Antonio's gonna need a father."

"No! He was abusing you. Who knows what he would've done to you for running away? He probably would've killed you before you could tell him about your pregnancy."

"I told you, it wasn't like that."

"Leslie, I'm not an idiot. I saw how you behaved after we left. You flinched anytime someone tried to get near you, and you were terrified of men taller than you!"

"Keep your voice down. Antonio's gonna be ready to sleep," I changed the topic as I put a burping cloth on my shoulder and began to pat Antonio's back.

"Antonio doesn't need a father figure. He has you, and that's more than enough. That asshole doesn't deserve to be a father."

"He might be an asshole, but he gave me something wonderful," I said as I gently kissed Antonio.

"He was a donor. That's it," Kelly snapped.

Antonio let out a good burp, so I slowly stood up and began to sway back and forth so he would fall asleep.

"What am I gonna tell him? He'll have questions."

"Tell him that his father's dead."

"Kelly! No!"

"It's your best option. Any other excuse will make Antonio ask more questions, and then you'll have to make up and remember more lies."

I let out an aggravated sigh. Kelly was right; saying Michael was dead was my best option.

After a few minutes, I heard Antonio snoring and gently put him down in his crib. I couldn't help but smile at him. Such a precious baby. I couldn't believe how blessed I was.

"He's good, for now?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah. He should stay asleep for the next few hours. When he wakes up, he'll need to be changed and fed. There's breast milk in the fridge; you'll just have to heat it up.

"Okay."

"Thanks again."

"Leslie, you don't have to thank me every time I babysit. I love this little guy."

"I know."

I wasn't just thanking Kelly for watching Antonio while I worked. I was also thanking her for helping me escape Michael.\

I locked the door behind me and started walking to the train station.

The trip to where I worked wasn't too bad. My apartment was near the Illinois Medical District, so I had two short train rides to the merchandise mart on the north side. It was quite a distance, but the pay was worth it. It was amazing how many people were willing to pay for overpriced coffee just because it was served in a cozy cafe. People on the north side also tipped well.

I got off the train and made my way through a rather large crowd of people. I exited the merchandise mart and walked a few blocks before reaching the cafe I worked at.

My boss, Betty, was already preparing everything for when the cafe opened.

"Good morning, Leslie!" She greeted me as I walked through the front door.

"Good morning, Betty."

"It's your first time working on a Monday. Ready for the morning rush?"

"You bet."

"Remember, don't let the obnoxious pricks get to you."

"I won't. This wouldn't be my first time dealing with assholes."

By that, I was referring to Michael's cousins. When I started dating Michael, they were complete assholes to me, and I didn't want to seem like a spoiled bitch, so I kept quiet about them and dealt with them on my own. Michael must've found out and said something at one point because, out of nowhere, they stopped giving me a hard time and just kept their heads down whenever they were around me.

After putting on my apron, I turned around and saw a large crowd of people at the door.

"Alright," Betty said. "Ready?"

I nodded my head with a smile. I had served coffee all the other days of the week; what could be so different about a Monday?

Michael

"I'm sorry, sir. It's like she just dissa-"

Before the idiot could finish his sentence, I shot him dead. I was tired of people telling me they couldn't find her. How hard was it? She couldn't have just disappeared into thin air. I was growing impatient. I had been apart from my love for over a year, and I couldn't take it anymore. How dare she leave me.

I leaned my elbows on my desk and massaged my temples. I zoned out until I heard my cousin's voice say, "Dude? Dude. Michael!"

I jolted out of my thoughts and looked up at him.

"What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"There's a dead body in your office!"

"He pissed me off."

My cousin let out a sigh.

"He couldn't find her?"

"Something like that."

"Michael. She's gone, and there's no trace of her. You need to move on."

I slammed my hands on my desk and stood up.

"SAY THAT AGAIN, AND THE NEXT BULLET I SHOOT WILL BE THROUGH YOUR HEAD!"

My cousin's eyes grew wide in fear.

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you. What's so special about Victoria?"

"She's mine; that's what. She's the first person I've ever cared about, let alone love."

"Well, I'm sorry she left."

I scoffed.

"She'll come back to me whether she wants to or not," I said in a promising tone.

There was a moment of silence between my cousin and me. I broke the silence by saying, "Have someone clean this up," as I walked out of my office and headed toward my bedroom.

I locked the door behind me and sat down on the bed. I opened a drawer in my nightstand and took out the letter Victoria had left me. For the thousandth time, I read it.

Michael,

It's time for me to go; I know this may be a huge shock, but I can't be with you anymore. Remember, underneath that coldhearted monster you see is a good man capable of loving others. You made me feel so much joy, and most importantly, you made me feel loved. No one else can make me feel like you do; your arms will always be my only safe space. However, I can't continue to live in fear of you. I have constantly made excuses and exceptions for every time you hit me, but I can't take it anymore. Although this is agonizingly difficult, and there is a pain in my chest, the best thing I can do for both of us is if I leave. I would hate for something to happen to me that leads you to live in regret and self-hatred. Remember, I love you.

-Victoria

Reading that letter was the first time I had ever cried. It still puts a pain in my chest. I needed to find her. She had no right leaving me; we could've talked things out. I vowed that I would find her and bring her back to me. We would be a family, whether she liked it or not.

Victoria

"That was brutal," I said to Betty as I wiped one of the tables.

"That was a Monday. Do you understand why no one wants to work on Monday mornings?"

"Mornings? The whole day was brutal. But yes, the morning was the worst. I feel bad that you're all alone; I can start coming in Monday mornings."

"Are you sure? What about your son?"

"Yeah. I'm considering putting my son in daycare so he can build some social skills."

"Well, as long as you're able to work things out. I don't want you stressing out trying to balance work and time with your son."

"I appreciate that. Thank you."

"It's no problem. I was in your shoes once."

I highly doubt that.

"Really?"

"Mhmm. My daughter's father left as soon as he found out I was pregnant. It wasn't easy being a single mother, but I managed. I don't want you to struggle the way I did; I want to help you in any way I can."

By now, Betty was standing a few feet away from me. Some tears built up in my eyes as I hugged her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, sweetie. Now, it looks like you're all finished. Go back to that precious baby boy of yours."

I nodded and went back to punch out and get my things. I was able to catch a train right away and made it home in less than an hour.

I slowly walked up to my front door and took my keys out of my bag. I paused before turning the key to unlock the door. I suddenly remembered waiting for Michael to come home from work. As soon as he set foot in the house, I'd jump into his arms and kiss him to welcome him home. I would tell him that I missed him, and he would say that he couldn't stop thinking about me all day and that he just wanted to stay in bed together. I shook off that thought and unlocked the door.

I heard Antonio's sweet laugh, which made me smile. I entered the living room and saw Kelly playing peek-a-boo with Antonio, and she looked up at me and then down at Antonio.

"Look who's here! It's momma!"

I leaned down and said, "Hi, sweetie. How's my baby boy?"

"He has been perfect!" Kelly said. "He is so well-behaved."

"That's awesome! Let me wash up and change my clothes, and then I can take him off your hands."

"Oh, no rush."

I thoroughly washed my hands and changed into some more comfortable clothing. I walked into Antonio's room and gently scooped him out of the bouncer Kelly had him in.

"So, how was he?" I asked.

"About two hours after you left, he woke up, and I changed his diaper because he pooped."

"How was his poop?"

"Solid. He was fine after that, so we just played with some of his toys. About an hour later, he was hungry, so I tried giving him milk, but he wouldn't drink it, so I gave him some baby food, and he finished that up. Then he fell asleep, he woke up again, he needed to be changed, and we've been playing."

"Sounds like you two had a good day."

"Yeah. I just have one question."

"What?"

"Why wouldn't he drink the breast milk? He went to town earlier when you fed him directly."

I let out a soft chuckle.

"He likes drinking breast milk fresh; he's not a fan of having milk that's been reheated."

"Then why are you keeping some in the fridge?"

"My boobs get really sore. If Antonio's sleeping or has already eaten, my only option is to use the breast pump. I keep the milk just in case there's a time when I don't feel like latching him onto me or when you babysit, but the times I've tried giving him what I've stored, he won't drink it. I have to keep throwing out the milk."

"Wow. Picky baby."

"Just like his daddy," I said as I scooped Antonio up and kissed his cheek.

"Michael can't eat leftovers; his food has to be freshly cooked for every meal."

"But leftovers always taste better the next day."

"Not according to him," I chuckled as I sat down with Antonio in my arms.

"Leslie, what did you see in him? Why were you with him for so long?"

I remained quiet after Kelly asked that question. I had been wondering about it for a long time; I couldn't figure out the answer.

Kelly broke the silence and said, "Hey, you're off work tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Why don't we all go spend the afternoon in Millennium Park? We can take Antonio to the playground."

"That's a great idea. I haven't taken Antonio out in a while."

"It's settled then. I'll pick you up tomorrow at nine."

"Okay. Thanks again."

"You're welcome."

Kelly walked out the door. I stood up and double-locked it before putting Antonio in his playpen and turning the tv on for him. I leaned on the playpen and looked down at my handsome son.

"Antonio, I don't know if I made the right choice. Sometimes I wish your daddy could meet you."

Not comprehending what I said, Antonio just looked at me and smiled. I slowly backed away and headed to the kitchen to prepare dinner for myself.