What's stops you?

Anastasia James

It was a silent morning, when the sun hadn’t even risen. Yet I was already awake, sitting on the sofa, sipping some coffee. I don't think I can consider four hours as a good night's sleep. Maybe a nap. Yes, a very quick opening and closing of the eyes. And the reason for this insomnia is the simple fact that I still haven't gotten used to my… home.

It may sound crazy, but after all these months, I still can't get used to the apartment that my aunt lent us. I can't explain it, but it's strange. Even more when I’m alone.

Yes, it is.

One of the best and worst things that happened was the fact that my dad got a new job. I know that speaking this way, I sound like a protective mother, but it's weird that I practically live alone in a place I barely know.

I brought my coffee mug to my mouth, and as soon as I took a sip of the steaming liquid, I laid my head back on the sofa, watching the first rays of the sun gradually appear. Maybe I should stop procrastinating and start my day at once.

As soon as I thought about it, I jumped to my feet. I put the cup on the coffee table, next to my cell phone, and walked to the bathroom, where I spent long minutes enjoying a warm and relaxing bath.

When I came out of there – looking like those scenes from a movie, with the smoke coming out of the shower stall – the sun was already shining brightly in the sky, indicating that it was going to be one of the hottest days, and the birds were humming, all perched on the post wire.

I put on my black leggings and a plain white knit sweater that I bought in the men's section of a thrift store. I vividly remember my father's face when he noticed that we were shopping in the same place. It was comical.

After combing my hair and packing my bag with basic necessities, I went into the living room to put on my sneakers. I did everything very calmly, after all, I have time to spare. And I’m sure that nobody will arrive at 7:15 in the morning on a Wednesday, right? People only think of arriving after eight o'clock. So I have plenty of time.

I stood up, with my sneakers on, and before leaving, I went back to the coffee table in the living room to get my cell phone. I put it in the backpack on my shoulders and left the apartment, walking down the many steps of the staircase.

The walk to Rachel's, though relatively long, was quite fast. My mind was not busy. To be honest, I just walked, doing everything on automatic. And I was so distracted in not thinking about anything, that before I knew it, I had already arrived in front of the black-fronted house – and almost by chance I didn't go straight through.

I took a deep breath and walked to the glass door. The sun is so strong! I think today might be one of the hottest days of the week – if not of the whole month. There was a small step in front of the door, and since I would have to wait a long time for someone to come and open it, I decided to sit there to rest my legs. However, as soon as I mentioned settling down in the small space, I became aware of the brightness coming from the practice room at the end of the hall.

Just to kill my doubt, I pulled the door and was very surprised when it simply opened. Either they had forgotten to close it yesterday, or someone had already opened it. I shrugged, and finally decided to go inside.

Unlike outside, it is so cool in here that you could see the smoke coming out of my body as it cooled down. And I’m very thankful for that, because can you imagine having to dance in an oven! I walked to the practice room, and as soon as I stopped in front of the door, I could not disguise my disgusted face when I found out who was the first to arrive.

It's amazing how early Matthew always arrives. Just when I think I'll be the first, like today, he just shows up, I don't know, springs out of the ground and shows me I'm wrong. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms under my breasts, walking into the room.

Matt was sitting in the chair that Johnny usually sits in to watch rehearsals, messing around on his cell phone. When he noticed a second presence in the room, he raised his eyes, saw that it was me, and simply turned his attention back to the device, completely ignoring my presence.

I arched my eyebrows and laughed blowfly. Is he really going to ignore me? Ah, that's it, right? Do you need all this to emphasize how insignificant that was? Pathetic. I rolled my eyes and decided to ignore him too, starting my stretching sequence. If he thinks that this will affect me, he is very wrong! On the contrary, I don't give a damn what he…

“How long are you going to stand there grumbling?” He asked, drawing my attention back to himself. He no longer had his cell phone in his hands, and was looking intently at me.

“I'm not grumbling.” I said nonchalantly, keeping my focus on stretching my left arm.

“Sure you are.” He huffed. “I'm listening.”

“You're listening too much.” I switched my position to stretching my right arm. Matt was silent for a few minutes and then started to laugh, making me look at him. “What are you laughing at?”

“It's funny to see you pretend not to care about me.” He smiled broadly. As soon as I heard that, I simply stopped stretching and stared at him, perplexed.

“I'm not pretending.” I laughed puffily. “I really don't care about you.”

“Ouch.” He hummed. “You really hurt my feelings, baby girl.” His tone made it clear that he wasn't hurt at all, so I rolled my eyes.

“Glad to hear it.” I forced a smile and tried to get back to my stretches.

“All this because I said it was insignificant?” As soon as I heard him say that, I couldn't help but laugh, surprised at how facetious he was. “You see, I only said that because you were too tense for something that didn't even happen.” He shrugged. “But, if you want, we can change that.”

“You think my life revolves around sex, do you?” I stared at him, boredly. “I was drunk, so the best thing was that it didn't happen.”

“Oh, sure.” He nodded. “You know, it's not very nice to play this little game and say you don't want to, when you do.” He narrowed his eyes.

“My God, didn’t you drink bad milk for breakfast, did you?” I laughed puffily.

“Well…” He paused, putting his hands behind his head. “You didn't feel the slightest bit of desire, and that it was all the fault of the alcohol?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Yes, I did.” I said firmly. He remained silent, still with that smug smile on his face.

“I don't believe it.” He shook his head negatively. I rolled my eyes and put my hands on my waist.

This boy is very inconvenient. It's just not possible. Since when do I have to justify myself? I said no, so it's no, dammit! I huffed, and when I opened my mouth to retort, Matthew stood up abruptly, holding the chair he was sitting on.

“Wow, you guys are early!” I heard Steph's voice, so I spun on my heels in her direction.

“Who?” Johnny followed her and arched his eyebrows, alternating his gaze between Matt and me. “Oh, good, it's you guys. I need you to do me a favor.”

“Favor?” Matt frowned.

“Yes.” He nodded. “The championship is a week away and I didn't get our credentials.”

“You haven't?” He widened his eyes. “Oh my God, John! Where is it? I'll get it for you!”

“Yes, I was just about to ask you that.” John smiled. “For you and Ana.” He stared at me, causing me to arch my eyebrows.

“Me?” I cocked my head to the side.

“Tell her, Steph.” Johnny elbowed her lightly, waking her up.

“We're going to rehearsal, but Johnny and I are leaving early.” He gave her a wry smile. “I'm taking him to the doctor.”

“The doctor? Why?” I widened my eyes. “Is everything fine?”

“Don't worry, Ana. It's just for an examination.” He pointed to his own cast foot. “To see if I can take this shit off right away.”

“Are you sure?” Matt narrowed his eyes. “I can go with you and pick up the credentials later…”

“The deadline is today.” Steph snapped.

“Today?” He frowned. “That's strange. They usually leave it available until hours before the championship…”

“Steph is talking about the women's credentials.” John laughed nasally. “But since you're already going there, I thought you could get them all at once.”

“And why do I have to go?” I asked.

“Because they only release it for one of the participants.” Steph said simply. “If it's a man, they won't accept. And since I'm going with Johnny to the hospital and Molly said she can't go, you're the only one left.”

“I didn't know they had so many demands.” Matt commented, thoughtfully.

“Neither.” Johnny shrugged. “If it wasn't for the doctor's appointment, I'd go there with Steph.” He smiled at her. “I heard that nearby they sell delicious fried chicken.”

“Too bad we won't be able to eat it.” She sighed.

“All right, I'll go.” Matt said simply.

“I don't know…” I frowned.

Steph stared at me.

“Why?”

Even though it's something simple, I'm not sure my dad would be very happy to know that I'm going to another city with… a boy. And that boy is none other than Matthew.

“Why, Ana?” Matt smiled mischievously, looking at me intently. “Is there a reason you don't want to go with me to the next town to get our credentials?”

Yes, I do. And many. But I can't name any of them, unfortunately. Although the main reason is because of my father, I know that Matthew's peanut head will think nonsense. If with absolutely zero motives he already schismed, imagine having something to refute!? I let out a long sigh.

“No. Zero reasons.” I forced a smile.

“Are you sure?” He squinted his eyes. “You know, I don't want you to think that I'm trying to take advantage of the situation, you know?” The smile on his face made it obvious that he was being ironic.

He is really trying to find some excuse to reminisce about that night again. But if you think that will be easy, you are dead wrong. I crossed my arms under my breasts and faced him, smiling broadly.

“Don't worry, Matt. Even if I were drunk, I wouldn't think anything like that.” I tilted my head to the side and watched him laugh heartily. I bet he got my message perfectly.

“Well, that's settled then, isn't it?” Johnny asked, looking at me and then at Matt.

“Absolutely!” I said, smiling victoriously.

Now Matt's going to get a taste of his own medicine.

***

Matthew Jones

I don't know why, but something doesn't feel right about this whole thing.

First of all, Johnny has never been one to forget something. When he takes on some responsibility, he may be dying, but he fulfills it in the end. And I even understand that, with a broken leg, a lot of things become more difficult, but the arguments he used… I don't know. They were very suspicious.

Anyway, I also can't go and accuse him of something that I’m not sure of. Not least because if I’m wrong, he’ll be very upset with me. So I decided to just accept it and go there at once. It's better to avoid fatigue.

“There we go.” I heard Anastasia's voice, so I sighed and walked to my motorcycle, which was parked in front of Rachel's.

“Yeah.” I nodded and climbed on top of her.

“And where is the car?” She asked, making me laugh.

“I don't think you two have met yet…” I sighed. “Anastasia, this is Britney.” I smoothed the bodywork of my bike. “And she will take us on this mission.”

“Hello?” She exclaimed. “You expect me to go with you?” She raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “There?”

“And where else would it be?” I gave him a wry smile.

“No chance.” She denied it, unyielding. All I did was laugh nasally.

I know just by looking when someone is afraid of riding a motorcycle. And Anastasia is so terrified of it, it's comical. On the one hand, disappointing, because I thought she was a little more radical, but on the other hand…

“Are you still into this?” I sighed. “I thought we were over that night.”

“Will you stop?” She growled. “One thing has nothing to do with the other.”

Of course it is unrelated, but just the fact that I know that it affects her in some way is interesting. Because I know that Anastasia feels something, if only horny, but she does. I know she does. And I feel it too. But, honestly, I don't understand why she has all this rejection.

“So, what's stops you?” I said, looking deep into her eyes. “Because to me, you're just making lame excuses.”

Even though my question had a little more depth than she probably understood, I’m already satisfied just by leaving her speechless.

“Ok.” She said with a sigh. “Let's go, before I lose my patience.” She walked over to the bike, a little uncertain, but tried to hold on.

“You're the boss.” I laughed nasally, starting the motorcycle.

“How do I get on?” She asked, looking at me, probably trying to figure out how I did it.

“There's a support over there.” I pointed with my chin to the small support.

She looked at me, a little suspicious, but surrendered, used the support and quickly got on the bike, surprising me a little with her agility.

“Okay, and the helmet?” She asked, making me smile.

“I only have one. So, I figured if we were going to die, we should die together.” I scoffed.

“I'm sorry if that's your plan, but I don't feel like dying today.” She laughed breathlessly. “And where do I hold on?”

“On me.” I said simply, and was almost deafened by her outrageous laughter.

“Did you really think I was going to fall for that? Well, have a little patience, Matthew! I…”

I didn't let her finish speaking, and I sped up. If I had almost gone deaf before, I'm sure I did now, because Anastasia screamed so loudly that anyone who heard it would think I’m were killing her. Which was quite funny. At least for me. She also eventually surrendered, and grabbed my waist so tightly, that if I didn't hold on, my lunch would have come back.

After a few minutes, when Anastasia settled down, I looked in the left rearview mirror, just to make sure she wasn't dead or something. I almost burst out laughing when I saw that her eyes were tightly closed. Well, adding the force she's using to hold me down, with the screaming and her almost completely frowning face, dread is the least of the least.

“You know, if you open your eyes, I think you'll feel better.” I tried to speak against the wind.

“What?” She shouted.

“Open your eyes!” I spoke louder.

“Why?” She shouted back.

“Trust me!” I said, checking in the rearview mirror to see if she would actually open them.

It took some time, and first she opened her left eye, until she was confident enough to open both eyes. The reason was because of the sunset, which was beautiful on the horizon, coloring the sky in shades of yellow and orange.

“Wow!” She said, leaning her head on my shoulder to enjoy the view. The sparkle in her eyes was priceless.

I laughed nasally and concentrated on the road. There's still some ground ahead…

***

John Leblanc

“What a bore!” I snorted.

“If you say that one more time, I'm going to make you swallow this popcorn!” Steph growled, making me grab the popcorn bucket and compress my lips.

So far, my plan was working. After rehearsal, Steph and I pretended we were going to the hospital, but we rushed home. Since we had nothing else to do, we spent the day watching movies and eating crap. Personally, I only accepted this whole thing because I am too anxious to know how Matt is doing. And unfortunately I can't call him and ask, for obvious reasons of…

My cell phone started ringing outrageously, and immediately I jumped up and grabbed it. Matt's name was flashing on the screen. I looked at Steph, who was just as alarmed as I was, and swallowed hard. Did he find out and now he's going to call me every name he can?

Well, I'll find out when he does.

“What's up, bro?”

“Johnny, are you sure this is the place?”

I looked at Steph, who was watching my every move.

“Yeah, man. Why's that?”

“I asked, and they said it's not anymore.”

“But, are you at the right address?” I looked at Steph and smiled. She frowned, trying to understand what was going on.

“Of course I am.” He huffed. “Unless you gave it to me wrong, right?”

“I gave it to you exactly as it was on the paper.” I pressed my lips together, trying not to laugh.

Okay, I'm feeling a little sorry for him, but he's already a little irritated. If I tell the truth now, I don't even know what he's capable of doing…

“Listen, it's starting to get dark…” He said with a sigh. “I'm going to take another walk around here, but if I don't find it, we'll try to find it later. You're the leader, and you twisted your foot, so…”

“Fine, but keep me in contact.” I said and heard him mumble an “ok”.

As soon as I hung up, I stared at a random spot in front of me and started laughing. Steph, who was standing next to me, looked at me with a frown, understanding absolutely nothing. I looked at her and said in a fit of laughter:

“He's going to really piss me off when he finds out.”

I don't even want to think about that possibility. If this really happens, I can already imagine the headlines saying: "boy dies who lied to make his friend see the great love of his life, who was right in front of his eyes. Look, if you don't know, you could write a book about it. But, anyway, I just want him to at least try. He can't deprive himself of everything and everyone just because of things in his past that were not his fault.

Rachel's death was something "natural", that we have no control over, but, life goes on. And Matt will have to understand this. Although, I'm pretty sure he already understands... He just doesn't get it. Yet.