It’s not a problem for me

Anastasia James

“You what!?” Bethany bellowed on the other end of the call, forcing me to move the phone away from my ear, so I wouldn't end up deaf.

“I thought you wouldn't freak out and just continue your nightly run.” I repeated what she had told me at the beginning of the call, when I said I had something to tell her.

“And I thought the naughty one in this friendship was me, but here we are.” She countered.

“No judgments, please.” I cried, leaning my back against the bed as I hugged an owl pillow.

“I'm not judging you. Who am I to judge you, right?” She said, and I understood that she was referring about her ex-boyfriend, Nathaniel.

A big jerk, by the way.

He, not satisfied with dating my best friend, also dated seven other girls simultaneously. It was a very ugly moment, as they all found out. Literally a “domino effect,” which only didn't end up worse for Bethy because I was by her side at all times.

“But, I also won't be a hypocrite to deny that I'm not surprised, because I am.” She continued. “You never wanted to get involved with anyone, Ana. Your priority has always been dancing.”

“I know.” I agreed.

“So what changed?”

“I don't know either.” I said in a long sigh, trying to understand where it was that I got lost.

I had always been very focused on what I wanted out of life, and a guy never messed with me. No matter how amazing he could be, my focus was always on dancing, because I knew very well, where I wanted to go and what I wanted to achieve. I really don't know what changed.

I let out another long sigh and sank my hand into the bucket of popcorn I had made for watching the movie, aka the one paused for the first fifteen minutes, because I couldn't concentrate on the plot without thinking every two seconds about what happened to Matt and me. As soon as I popped a handful into my mouth, Bethany spoke up:

“He's hot, huh?”

Upon hearing this, I didn't know whether to fight with her or try not to choke to death on the corn, which went in the wrong place, causing me to have a coughing fit.

I literally only got better after I took two long sips of water from my little bottle beside the bed.

“Just from all this reaction, I already know.” Bethany laughed debauchedly on the other end of the line.

“Shut up!” I rolled my eyes, coughing some more.

“But, so what, I don't get it. What did you guys do anyway? Did you have sex or not?” She asked, confused. “You just said you did something really crazy with a guy, and you blew it. I imagine it wasn't having a five o'clock tea, was it?”

“Well…” I cleared my throat, thinking about how to explain it to my friend. “It wasn't exactly that, but it was something like that…”

“Something like that.” She repeated, trying to understand.

“Yeah, like, we got there, but without doing the thing. You know what I mean?” I bit my lower lip.

“No.” She said simply. “But, okay. Keep the details to yourself. I'll settle for knowing that the guy is hot and knows how to use what God has rightfully given him.” Malice overflowed in her tone of voice. “I just don't understand how you screwed it up.”

“Maybe I avoided him…” I said and grimaced, already expecting Bethy's outburst.

“It's okay, one-night stands do exist, right?” She said, indifferently.

“I don't think I mentioned it, but…” I pressed my lips together. “The guy is my partner for the championship.”

“What?” And Bethany yells once again in my ear. “Oh my God! How many more things have you been hiding from me, huh? You can tell me now, I've already sat on a stool here.”

“I've kissed him once. At a party. I also threw up on his shoes, because I was drunk and had to be carried to bed.” I compressed my lips. “And according to him, because I don't remember, we almost… Well, you know, right? But, I slept and got him so horny that I didn't even let him sleep properly.” I sighed, concluding how pathetic I am.

“Okay, we have a lot of interesting information here. The first one: wow, my baby girl is all grown up. Going to parties, drinking all of them, and being irresponsible. I'm proud.”

“Ridiculous!” I snorted.

“Secondly, it looks like we have an old affair around here.” She used my father's term, which made me roll my eyes. “Some people say that accumulated boners are bad. Maybe that's why you weren't getting those steps right, huh?”

“If you talk any more nonsense, I'm going to hang up on you.” I said sourly.

“I'm talking about important things, that's different.” She corrected me. “Third and last but not least, what's your problem?” She snorted. “From what little you've said, I can already tell that the guy is nice and hot. I hope you have a good argument for that, because if you come up with that ridiculous talk about I don't know if he's worth it, here's some advice: there's no such thing as Prince Charming, okay?” She paused, and from the tone of her voice, I'm sure she just rolled her eyes. “Or maybe he does exist, because poor guy, he accepted to sleep with a hard dick because the pretty one just slept. Oh, come on! You don't sleep when you have a man wanting you, Ana!”

“That way, you're making me look like the villain of the story…” I mumbled, feeling embarrassed.

“Well, I won't agree or disagree, but just answer me why you avoided him. Seriously, I still don't get it. Is he a bad person?” She asked.

“No!” I hastily denied. “Actually, Matthew is an amazing person…” I ended up smiling with some memories that came to mind. “And experienced.” I added, biting my lower lip afterwards.

“Ah, okay. Now I see what you're getting at.” Bethy laughed nasally. “Why don't you tell him?”

“How do you expect me to randomly tell him about it?” I snorted, indignant at my best friend's audacity.

“Simple.” She paused. “Hi, Matthew. I'm a virgin.” She laughed puffily, saying it as if it were the obvious.

“And since when does he have anything to do with my body?” I rolled my eyes. “That's not something you say at any time.”

“I agree with you. Virginity is an important thing. Little talked about by society, but you are proof that it is a choice. How many opportunities haven't you had to end it? I answer: innumerable. But, as far as I know, in none of them did you really want to.” She paused. “And, well, knowing my best friend the way I do, for this to become a worry for you, I'm sure you care what he would think about. Am I right?”

I thought for a while.

“Well, yes.” I nod. “I don't want him to think that just because he spent a night with me, he needs to put a ring on my finger.” I snort.

“I understand. But, just know that he doesn't.” Bethany laughed nasally. “For starters, he doesn't even know you're a virgin, so right now, he's probably thinking you're crazy or indecisive. You need to tell him to at least justify yourself. It's up to him whether he wants to take responsibility for it or not.”

“Talking like that, it sounds like we're talking about pregnancy.” I ended up laughing. “As if I'm carrying his child, and he has to deal with it.”

“In theory, we're talking about making a child, but without actually making one.”

“Yeah…” I nodded, looking at a random spot in the room. “Now all that's left is for me to figure out how and when to talk to him about it, right?”

“I'm sure opportunities won't be lacking, since you're rehearsing together.”

I don't know if telling him about it minutes before rehearsal is a good idea, but I really hope there's a good opportunity for it, like Bethany said.

And, almost as if fate is testing my sanity, my cell phone vibrates in my ear, so I pull the device away to check the display and am met with a message from Steph:

| We are going to a bar, are you in?

| It has nothing to do with competition parties or anything. Let's just drink and eat fried chicken.

And right below the messages, she sent the location of the place, and I caught myself wondering whether it would be a good idea to go or not. Leaving the house wasn’t in my plans for today, but staying at home pretending I'm interested in the movies is no good either.

“Did you sleep?” Bethany asked, after a few moments in which I was silent.

“I think I'm going out.” I said, suddenly.

“You think?”

“No, I’ll go.” I said, determined, and got to my feet in a jump. “I'll talk to you later, okay?” I said, as I walked over to my closet to pick out an outfit.

“All right.” Bethany laughed at my haste. “If you try to make a child for this week, let me know.”

“Idiot!”

And it was with Bethany's outrageous laughter that I ended the call and threw my cell phone on the bed, determined to find something to wear.

As I rummaged through the items on the hanger, I caught myself wondering: is Matthew going too?

***

As soon as the cab stopped in front of the establishment, which had a wooden frontage and some yellowish lights, I handed the driver a few bills and jumped out of the car. I pulled down my sequined skirt, because it rode up a bit when I put my foot out, and looked at the entrance. I need to keep calm and idealize that it is just another night like any other, where we go out drinking and talking.

“But what if I get the chance to talk to Matt?” My subconscious reminded me, immediately making me anxious.

No, that's fine.

I took a deep breath, staying focused and calm. It's not like the world was going to end for this, right?

With that said, I walked with determination towards the wooden glass door of the place, and as soon as the smell of alcohol and frying hit my senses, a shiver spread through my body. I have arrived.

I filled my lungs with air and lifted my face. How many times have I not pretended that everything was fine? Or that something didn't affect me? I think, yes, I can pretend that this subject doesn't bother me or that nothing happened between me and Matt. Not least because I’m sure that this issue will come up today. Steph will demand to know what happened between us, and I particularly don't know what to tell her.

But, I'll leave that problem to Anastasia later.

I began to walk into the room, as I swept my eyes around the room, in search of the group. The place was crowded, with many tables occupied, but when I felt a look about me, my body seemed to know exactly where it was and to whom it belonged.

I looked to the left side of the bar and a pair of greenish-brown eyes stared back at me. That rectangular face with the well-defined jaw and the dark brown hair shaved on the sides of the head and the back of the neck were well known to me.

Matthew could not take his eyes off me with every step he took toward the table. His eyes were locked on me as he held the beer bottle in the air. As soon as I got close enough to the table, I noticed that he was alone, and a certain anxiety hit me. Could it be that only he came? Will we be alone in the dark corner of this bar? God, I want my home. Now.

“Hi.” I said, staring at him with a certain amount of anxiety. I noticed the exact moment when he looked down my entire body and then up, looking me in the eyes again.

The moment seemed like an eternity and gave me butterflies in my stomach, so I decided to sit down at once, as if the table would be a great shield to keep us away from each other.

“Where is everyone?” I asked, but I couldn't maintain eye contact for long, as I soon became nervous.

“They are congratulating the owner of the bar.” He replied, simply, and I could feel his gaze on me. “A long-time friend of ours.”

“Got it.” I nodded and looked at a random spot in the bar.

“I thought you weren't coming.” He pulled up a subject, so I looked at him. “I even told Steph that calling you would be a waste of time, since you've been so busy lately.”

Matthew raised his eyebrows as he brought his beer bottle to his mouth, looking at me with that intense look. The silver piercing in his nose glistened due to the dim light in the place, making him unbearably more attractive. Not even his teasing bothered me.

I let out a long sigh and thought about what Bethy had said about opportunity. It looks like this night will be long and full of such opportunities, but I think that before I drop the bomb on his arms, I need some alcohol. So I raised my arm to a passing waiter, and he quickly approached the table we were at.

“Good evening. What will you have?” He asked.

“Good evening, hum…” I paused. “What drinks do you have?”

“Think of one, and I'll make it for you.” The waiter faced me with a suggestive look and a slight smile on his lips.

“Well, I'll have another beer of that. Matthew pronounced, raising the glass bottle in the air. And, make something non-alcoholic for her, please. She doesn't know how to drink.”

“Hey!” I objected.

“Am I lying?” He laughed breathily.

“Yes, you are.” I snorted.

“Have you forgotten that night?” He narrowed his eyes, smiling debauchedly. “Should I reminisce about it a second time?” I narrowed my eyes at him, incredulous at the way he is acting. As I said nothing more, he turned to the waiter and said: “The beer and a non-alcoholic drink.”

The waiter nodded and turned his back quickly, heading towards the bar to prepare the drink. I kept my eyes on Matthew, who brought his beer bottle to his mouth quietly, as if nothing was happening.

“Will you stop that?” I said, indignant.

“What?” He questioned, feigning innocence.

“Washing dirty laundry in public.” I stated the obvious.

“Just because I told the truth?” He smiled, debauched. “Not everyone goes around lying or ignoring people without a reason, Anastasia.” His gaze was intense on me. “People talk and play fair with each other, because there's no point in staying in that…”

Shit!

I knew this subject would come up tonight, I just didn't think it would come up as soon as I arrived and just for Matthew! I didn't even have a chance to take a sip of something to build up courage.

I closed my eyes tightly, while Matthew continued to throw various things in my face.

Okay, enough.

“I'm a virgin.” I said in one breath and, surprisingly, he shut up and stared at me. “Satisfied?” I rolled my eyes. “I've been ignoring you all this time, because you're none of my business. Yes, I crossed the line that night, and I'm sure I would cross it even more, because I wanted to. I want to, really. If it wasn't for… that, I certainly would have gone for you by now. But, I don't think you need another problem in your life, so can we just forget about it?” I sighed loudly. “We have a championship coming up.”

I said and crossed my arms below my breasts, staring across the bar. Matthew didn't say anything and didn't even have a chance to for the next minute, because soon Johnny, Steph, and Kaleb approached the table, giving that subject as closed.

“Hi, Ana.” Johnny was the first to say hello.

“Have you been here long?” Steph inquired.

“No…” I let out a long sigh. “It's been about fifteen minutes, but I won't stay long either. I'm tired.” I smiled minimally and realized that everyone was alternating their gaze between me and Matt, so I decided to change the subject. “Where are Greg, Scott and Molly?”

“Here.” I heard Greg's voice and turned in that direction. Scott and Molly were right behind.

“Come on, let's sit down right away. I'm starving.” Kaleb was the first to settle into the leather seat. “Move on Jones.”

“Hãn… Kaleb, I think we'd better…” Steph tried to stop him, and I only understood why when Matthew crawled into the leather seat and approached me.

“Relax, people. We're not going to kill each other.” Matthew said, laughing nasally. He stared at me, smiling mischievously, and all I did was blink a few times. Of course he'll pretend everything's fine. I expected that. “Ana and I were having a difference of opinion, but we've worked it out now.” I didn't agree with him, however, I didn't even have to, because he soon turned to the others and this time, yes, he surprised me by resting his left-handed on my right thigh under the table. “We will no longer disrupt the championship because of petty problems.”

Okay, I get that, and holy crap! What's his problem? He has to be confusing everything and wants me to go crazy with him because, seriously… For starters, this hand shouldn't affect me as much as it is affecting me. In fact, why is it still here?

“Good, I'm glad about that.” Steph nodded and helped Johnny get comfortable on the couch, “I thought I was going to have to kick your asses.”

“I'm glad that didn't happen, because her kick hurts.” Kaleb sighed beside Matthew, who laughed nasally and gave my thigh a gentle squeeze. Shit! “Look at the waiter!” Kaleb commented, but I didn't even bother to look. I was busy, on alert.

The man left my drink and Matt's beer on the table and paid attention to the others, who began to talk over each other, taking their orders. But my focus was on the slender fingers that were lightly caressing my skin. Being more specific, on the inside of my thigh, getting closer and closer to the inside of my skirt.

“What are you doing?” I said in between, taking advantage of the fact that the guys were talking to try to make sense of it all.

“I came to a bar with my friends to…”

“That's not what I'm talking about.” I glared at him.

“What's the matter, Ana?”

“Everything.” I stated the obvious. “We've talked about this and I think you're confun…”

“Actually, I'm pretty sure of what I want, and so are you.” He smiled mischievously and moved closer to my ear to say, “Weren't you the one who said yourself that you would advance on me? At least you don't have to jump the table anymore, because I'm right on your side.” He turned away and cast a wink at me, before picking up his beer bottle and taking it to his mouth.

I watched him swallow a few sips in a strangely sensual way, before saying:

“I don't want you to feel obligated to solve my problem just because…

“It's not a problem for me.” Matt interrupted me and the look he cast at me made my whole body goosebumps. “Then why would it be a problem for you? We both already know exactly what we want, so just relax. I'll take care of everything.” He smiled and turned forward, giving my thigh another teasing caress.

Okay, I guess my problem isn't a problem anymore.