Even more than I should

Anastasia James

As I slowly opened my eyes that morning, I knew something had changed.

And not only because yesterday I made a big decision that literally changed something inside me, but I woke up feeling different. It even seemed that I was now seeing things that were hidden from me before.

I let out a long sigh and turned my face to the side, in the direction where I knew Matthew might be sleeping. To my surprise, he was lying on his side, resting his head on his hand and looking at me.

My butterflies flew all over my body as we stared at each other.

Matthew lifted his right hand to my face and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, as it was almost covering my face. Suddenly, flashes of last night invaded my mind, and I wanted to roll over on the mattress and laugh outrageously. But if I did that, Matt was sure to give me a strange look.

“Good morning.” His gruff voice snapped me out of my reveries.”How are you feeling?” His thumb went to my cheek, where he caressed it lightly.

“Can I be honest, or should I be careful not to say anything pathetically inexperienced?” I inquired, referring to last night, when we barely arrived, and I already asked if I was to take my clothes off. Matthew laughed nasally and lowered his hand to my back, as if pulling me closer to him.

“Well, if you say something naughty, then we'll have to shower together.” He narrowed his eyes, as if challenging me.

“In that case, yes, I'm feeling fine.” I answered his question.

Unexpectedly, however, Matthew jumped out of bed, causing me to sit up in bed to watch him. I had the great privilege of seeing him wearing only black boxer briefs. Not that I hadn't already seen him in them yesterday, or even without them, of course, but the casual way he walked from one side of the bed to the other made me smile.

“Come on.” He said, bossy.

“But, I didn't even say anything naughty. I just said yes.” I ended up laughing.

“You said a very convincing yes. My dick heard it and got excited." He rolled his eyes, grumbling, making me laugh.

Suddenly, I felt his hands encircling me, and the next thing I knew, I was on his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck, just to make sure I didn't fall off, and faced him.

I’m wearing Matthew's shirt, which has gotten so long on me that it is practically a dress. But now, because of the position I am in, it is almost showing my panties. Not that I mind, in fact, I really don't, but I think the look on Matt's face says that he is enjoying this the most.

“Now you need to fix this.” He smiled mischievously.

“We have rehearsal in a little while.” I alerted him, still laughing.

“We're going to be late.” He said simply, walking toward the bathroom, with me on his arms.

“You can't be late for rehearsal just because you want to have sex with me.” I narrowed my eyes.

“Not only can I, I will.” Matthew said smugly, making me laugh.

***

We are exactly three days away from the championship and I couldn't be less anxious. Rehearsing is quiet, but I have to control my mind every time I start to think about the championship, because my heart speeds up on the spot, while a thousand and one questions are raised. The last time this happened, I lost count of how many times I stepped on Matt's foot or simply couldn't keep my balance in a spin. Since then, I have been trying not to think about it.

Matthew has also been helping me.

Yes, amazing as it may seem – or not – we are… closer. Yes, I think that is the right word. We haven't sat down to dot the i's and cross the t's, but of one thing I’m sure: I really enjoy being with him. And our closeness only helped the championship, because our chemistry increased. Even Johnny noticed.

Nobody knows what happened that night. We decided not to tell.

To tell you the truth, they know absolutely nothing.

Every now and then there were questions about the night of the credentials. It was almost as if they already knew something had happened and just wanted confirmation from us. But I started to get nervous, afraid that they would disapprove...which we are having, so one of the times I just shouted, "in a hotel down the street, in separate rooms".

Yes, I did.

My neurotic side simply said that it was not a good idea for them to know what really happened, but thinking about it now, I could have omitted the second part... I was very specific in saying in separate rooms.

Anyway, this didn't interfere with anything either, as Matt and I continued to meet and… Well, make out together.

Also, since my first time, I feel that something significantly has changed between us. I have no idea what, exactly, but it is clear that something has changed. And, in particular, I'm enjoying it very much.

I woke up from my reverie and looked at Matthew, who was across the room with Kaleb and Greg, listening to Scott talk about their part in the choreography. We had just finished rehearsing all together, and they were running a little late. He was leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest, nodding vehemently. His gray V-neck shirt fit his body perfectly, emphasizing his tattooed arms. When I looked up to see his face again, a shiver spread through my body as I realized that he was staring back at me. The boys were staring at the iPad in Greg's hands, analyzing what they had danced to a few minutes ago, but Matt's attention was on me. He gave me a wink, causing me to smile.

Interrupting the exchange of glances, Johnny walked through the living room door with the aid of his crutches. His face was serious, which made me wonder why. Apparently, whoever had spoken to him had used up all his good humor. He said he had to take a phone call, but we had already rehearsed a lot for today, so the schedule was kind of over. The boys just wanted to do one more rehearsal between them to catch up, but it wasn't up to us, so we could just rest.

“I'm back.” He said with a sigh.

“Johnny!” Scott called out to him and jogged over to him. “I analyzed the steps with the boys and made some changes. Let's try again. Tell me what you think.”

“Okay…” Johnny pulled his hair back. He looked frustrated.

“Relax, man.” Matt said. “The championship is on Tuesday, but until Monday we will find problems. On the day, everything will flow.”

“I hope you're right.” He raised his eyebrows.

“All I know is that after this championship, I'm going to drink a lot.” Molly raised her arms. “My mind is crazy for alcohol.”

“I wouldn't do that if I were you.” Kaleb shook his head in denial. “Remember last year?”

“Getting kicked out of the club wasn't my fault, okay?” She pointed at the redhead with his black fingernail. “That crown who was a scumbag trying to take advantage of me on the dance floor. The two kicks to the balls were the least of what I really wanted to do to him.”

“You kicked an old man between the legs twice.” He rolled his eyes.

“I could have done worse if Johnny hadn't held me back.” She stared boredly at his fingernails.

“If he had plans to build a family, they died that night.” Scott laughed in derision.

“It ended the day he got priority in lines and special parking space in the parking lots.” Steph forced a smile, causing everyone to laugh.

“Okay, enough talking and let's go watch the boys soon.” Johnny clapped his hands to get our attention. “I still have a few things to take care of…”

With the order, everyone moved away from the center of the room, making room for the boys to get into position. We sat down on the floor to watch, and needless to say my eyes never left Matt at any point, right? Just watching him sleeping is already the most perfect thing in the world, but him dancing… I’m breathless to explain.

After about twenty minutes, the rehearsal was finally over and everyone was leaving the room. Johnny was the first to “take care of his urgent things”. Nobody questioned it. They were too tired even to say goodbye to those who stayed in the room, so they just nodded or waved their hands.

As Greg left the room, I looked at Matt, who was already staring at me as he finished tying his shoelaces. We walked toward each other, and when we got close, we embraced. I kissed his lips and smiled.

“How about coming over to the house today?” I suggested.

“And your father?” He frowned, a little uncertain.

“He traveled after giving me a million pieces of advice about not talking or bringing strangers into the house.”

“And you will bring a stranger into your home by disobeying him.” He raised his eyebrows, making me laugh.

“You are not a stranger.” I huffed.

“Impressive how girls lie to their parents a lot. I thought that was only in movies.” He turned away from me and went to his backpack.

“Everyone lies. Not just girls!” I rolled my eyes. “And you're watching too many movies!” I snorted as I remembered the seven audios I had heard of Matthew judging the costumes of the cast of a dance movie. According to him, he couldn't wear something this ridiculous for a million dollars.

Well, for a million… I can't agree with him.

“I need to distract my mind somehow.” He snorted. “You live far away, and we can't always be together, right?”

“I know, I know.” I laughed nasally and reached into my purse, walking beside him toward the door. We remained silent. As soon as Matt finished locking and turning off all the lights at Rachel's, we started walking toward my house. “How about Japanese food for dinner?”

“Didn't we eat that yesterday?” He narrowed his eyes at me. I arched my eyebrows at the thought. “How about Italian?”

“Do you know any restaurants around here that sell Italian food?” I frowned at him. Matt laughed nasally and wrapped his arm around my body, eliminating the space between our bodies.

“Yes.” He nodded, pursing his lips to keep from laughing. “It's from a very renowned chef, and very tasty, you know?”

“Oh, yeah?” I squinted my eyes, suspicious. “And his name happens to be Matthew Jones?”

“That depends. Do you think I'm tasty?” He stared suggestively at me, making me laugh at his audacity.

It's amazing how this boy always makes me laugh. He doesn't exist, really…

***

“There.” I said as soon as I left the room, after combing my damp hair. “You can go take yours. Let me finish.” I walked towards the kitchen, where Matthew was putting his cooking skills into practice.

“Just make the sauce.” He warned, dropping the saucepan in his hand on the kitchen counter. As he turned to me, a smile came to his lips. “You smell so good!” He approached me, but before he could kiss me, I held my right hand out in front of my body, preventing him from coming any closer.

“And you stink.” I frowned. “I'll only kiss you after a bath.”

“Are you rejecting me?” His chin dropped.

“At the moment? Yes.” I said simply, making him snort.

“Unbelievable.” He shook his head negatively, walking toward the bathroom. I ended up laughing.

“I separated some of my father's clothes and hung them up together with the towel!” I warned him and heard a “yeah, boring” response, which made me laugh.

Sometimes Matthew seems like a child! But, I like it. Well, it's fun, right? Sometimes annoying, but most of the time it's fun. I laughed nasally and concentrated on making that sauce. I confess that I am not a master chef in the kitchen, but I do my best.

Even though Matthew left the sauce semi-ready, it was very complicated to get the point of that thing right, because according to his shout coming directly from the 'box', I could not leave the sauce too thin and not too thick. Well, for me, there is no middle ground between those two. Either it's too thin, or it's not. But, I made the effort, and after fifteen minutes, the table was all set for dinner.

While Matthew didn't come out of the bathroom, I spent some time on social networks and ended up being distracted by some videos of kittens being scared, which made me laugh. One of them even made me cry from laughing so hard!

“What are you laughing so hard about?” Matt asked from the bathroom.

“I'm watching a very funny video!” I replied, after catching my breath.

I kept scrolling through the feed and more videos appeared, but my smile vanished from my face when I saw the apartment door open.

“I can hear your laughter from the second floor.” He laughed, dragging his suitcase into the apartment.

“D-Dad!?” I widened my eyes, standing up abruptly. A little more force and the chair would have come crashing down. “I thought you were coming back tomorrow!”

“Yeah, but work ended early, and I didn't want to spend money on a hotel.” He huffed, resting his hands on his waist. He looked at the table and noticed it set, so he arched his eyebrows. “You made dinner!?”

“No, actually…” I tried to explain myself, but didn't know how. My father approached the table and checked the contents of the pots.

“Macaroni and cheese sauce with chicken?” His jaw dropped. “That looks delicious, my daughter! I'll wash my hands, and we can eat, okay?” He said, walking to the bathroom.

“Uh… Dad?” I called out, causing him to turn to me. But, just as I opened my mouth, the bathroom door opened and a Matt wearing nothing but gray sweatpants came out of it, tying his shoelaces.

“Can I get my kiss…” He interrupted his sentence as soon as he noticed the presence of my father, who was staring at him with arched eyebrows.

Matthew pressed his lips together and looked away from me, probably waiting for me to tell him what to do. Well, there's not much to do now, is there? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I have no other option…

“Dad, can I talk to you?” I giggled nervously.

“You must.” That was all he said before he marched towards my room.

When he closed the door – and it's worth mentioning, with a certain amount of force – causing us to startle, Matthew stared at me, as if to say, “I think it's fucked up”. I just smiled at him, trying to comfort him and assuage his guilt, and walked to the bedroom, for the beast was waiting for me.

***

Matthew Jones

Oh, shit. Shit. Shit.

For the next twenty minutes, I could think of nothing else but how much makeup I will have to use to cover the bruises that Anastasia's father will leave all over my body. Seriously, I’m desperate. Even hunger is gone, and I was starving!

They have entered that room and I can't even hear what they are saying, since they are talking low enough that I can't hear them from the sofa. My hands are sweating! Oh my God. Why am I nervous? It's not like I've had other girlfriends, with parents just as strict.

Girlfriends.

Damn it! We're not even boyfriend and girlfriend!

The more I think about the situation, the less favorable I think it is for me. In fact, if I were in her father's shoes, even I wouldn't accept myself, let's face it. After seeing myself practically naked too, I…

The door to Anastasia's room finally opened, making me stand up in a jump. She came out, with a huge beak, and walked over to the table. As she began to serve one of the dishes, I approached, confused.

“What did he say?” I asked, but got no answers as her father left the room.

He seemed… calm?

He walked over to one of the kitchen cabinets, and right then, I felt my stomach turn at the thought of the possibilities he might have to finish me off right there. I wonder if that's why he's smiling broadly. Wait. What's he going to get out of… a wine!?

“Matthew, do you like wine?” He turned to me, with a smile almost tearing from his face. I looked at Anastasia, not knowing what to do, and she just stared at me boredly and marched toward the bedroom with the plate of noodles.

“I do?” I said, a little uncertain.

“Great!” He nodded, setting the bottle and two glasses on the table. “Then let's chat while we drink a little.” He said, settling down in one of the chairs. I swallowed hard and stared at the closed door to Anastasia's room.

If I scream, will she come running to my rescue?

“Aren't you going to sit down?” He asked, pouring himself some wine. I stared at him and nodded. “You know, Matt…” He began to speak, pouring me a glass as well. “I never thought I would meet someone my daughter liked without my wife by my side.” He let out a nasalized laugh.

“My condolences.” I swallowed hard.

“Don't worry about it.” He nodded, shrugging his shoulders. “Life is a movie where we don't know the script or the synopsis. Some scenes surprise us, and others are too predictable.” He gave a hearty laugh. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke again. “What I mean is that there comes a moment in life when you have to choose between turning the page or closing the book. And the choice you make isn't always something you like, but it's better to try something, see it not work, and learn from it than to do nothing.” He stared at me. “Matthew, I care a lot about my daughter. She is the only living reminder of my wife.” After a few minutes of tortured silence, I sighed, just waiting for his words of disapproval. “Then take good care of her.” He nodded with a wry smile. I stared at that man for a few moments, taking in all the words he had said.

Isn't he angry?

“Isn't you angry?” I expressed my thoughts, perplexed.

“Saying that, I don’t expected to see a big guy all tattooed and who…” He said with a sigh. “Drives motorcycles…” I felt the disgust in his sentence. “With my daughter, it wasn't exactly what I wanted.” He confessed, making me feel a certain relief for his sincerity. “But I'd rather see her happy.” He stared at me and smiled.

I blinked a few times, reflexively.

At first, I was startled by Anastasia's resemblance to Rachel, and even got angry about it, but then I realized that they were nothing alike. Okay, they both dance ballet and have some similar traits, but as I heard more about Anastasia, the more intrigued I became.

I don't know, but there was something different about her. She simply awakened something good in me – something I buried long ago, never to find again. And frankly, I began to enjoy being around her. It's hard to explain, but I feel light around her. I ended up smiling at the thought.

“I'm sorry we met like this.” I made a face.

“Oh, don't worry.” He laughed nasally. “Personally, it was better than those starched guys who wear their best clothes to meet their girlfriend's parents. I don't think I would have the patience for that.” He snorted and started to laugh. “But, Ana doesn't know, so…” He smiled mischievously, pouring himself some more wine. “Let's stay here and let her suffer a little longer in her room.”

I pressed my lips together, and I couldn't help but laugh.

I imagine how apprehensive she must be in her room, thinking of all the possibilities of her father's response, or ways he could kill me and forbid us. I even feel a little sorry for her, because if it were me, I would almost have a heart attack, but then I reward her.

Anyway, I like Anastasia. A lot. Even more than I should…