470 Reflection

*Warning: this chapter contained part of the background story of Nan Hua in her previous life. it might be a bit depressing to read*

When she came to this world, she often thought of herself as Nan Hua and that she had to act the same as the original Nan Hua. Considering that she herself was not really an expressive person, acting as Nan Hua was the easiest. It also allowed her to partially be herself.

But what was her original personality?

How was she in the past?

What did she like?

What did she want to do?

How did she used to interact with people?

If being asked all of those question, Nan Hua would be blank as she genuinely didn't know how she should answer all of them. She knew herself very well and the fact that she had long passed the stage of wanting anything.

Years of training and harsh life taught her to just do what she was asked to do.

They were not allowed to have any thoughts.

No emotion.

No desire.

The last examination that the organization do in her previous life before she was allowed to do mission was to… kill their partner.

Surviving the hellish training, each of them would be grouped with whoever worked the best with them and if there were none, those who survived by going solo would be grouped together in order to form partner.

They had to protect each other and do all mission together. That way, even though they were not close in the beginning, they would grow closer as time passed. Spending a few years together allowed bonds to grow.

They would also instinctively trust the other party.

And the last mission was precisely for them to kill their partner. There was only one person who could get out of that room alive.

Either she or her partner, her best friend, her family member, and the only person whom she ever showed her back.

Back then, Nan Hua had thought of giving her own life for her partner and planned to talk about it. But before she could even have the chance to, her partner had already rushed over and stabbed her in her chest.

If not for her instinctive reflex, the stab would have landed on her heart and killed her immediately.

Her own body was trained to the extreme that she couldn't let anyone hurt her, including herself.

The expression on her partner and the words that person uttered was something that Nan Hua could never forget. She herself then decided to kill her partner.

That last test was done when she was 10 years old.

Since then, she began to do mission and do whatever was required for her to do. There was no escape from that hell except for death. At some point, even she didn't know why she was struggling to live anymore.

'Can I…?'

Ever since coming to this world, Nan Hua had always thought that she had to do things in accordance to how the original Nan Hua would do things. The novel provided her with limited information but she knew that the original Nan Hua was a cold and detached person.

In her original world, she would always stay confined to herself because she didn't want to get close to anyone. If the organization were to order her to kill the next person whom she opened her heart to, she wouldn't be able to do it.

But there was no such restriction here.

She was free to do whatever she wanted to do.

'But Long Qian Xing…'

Nan Hua thought about Long Qian Xing as she knew that if she were to change, it would definitely affect him. Even though the original Nan Hua only appeared a few times in the novel, there were also some that happened during key points.

Countless thoughts swirled inside Nan Hua's mind.

But from the outside, her expression remained impassive. Her gaze was focused on the small white flower that was slowly blooming not far from her. It was swaying gently in accordance to the wind, but it remained firm in its place.

"Grandmother? Hua'er? What are you doing outside?" Long Qian Xing slowly walked from a distance away. Beside him was Song Chuan, who carried several bamboo scrolls in his hand and looked quite tired.

"I'm talking with Hua'er about the flowers here." Old Madam Long pointed at the blossoming flowers. "Aren't they beautiful?"

"It's cold out here, Grandmother." Long Qian Xing looked at his grandmother helplessly.

"I know, I know, you don't have to worry so much."

Long Qian Xing sighed, knowing that no matter what he said, his grandmother would never listen to him. Sometimes, he even wondered why his grandmother loved to stay outside when it was still so cold like this.

Song Chuan put away the scroll and cupped his fist together. "Old Madam Long, Young Miss Nan."

Old Madam Long nodded. "It's been some time, Ah Chuan."

On the other hand, Nan Hua glanced at Song Chuan from the corner of her eyes and merely nodded briefly. From his greetings, she could clearly sense that he was trying to show his stance by not acknowledging her sister.

What a cunning person.

"I missed the food here, so I ask Qian Xing to bring me along." Song Chuan smiled.

Long Qian Xing didn't say anything to clarify that.

"The grapes that I planted two months ago should be ready to harvest. How about if you bring Hua'er there?" Old Madam Long turned to look at her grandson. Actually, she wanted to bring Nan Hua there by herself, but she doubted the servants would allow her.

When she rushed over to Nan Family Residence, they were already horrified and pestered her endlessly afterwards.

She didn't want to be subjected to that again.

Long Qian Xing arched his eyebrows. "I'll do that. Hua'er, do you want to eat some grapes?"

Nan Hua had the feeling that Long Qian Xing was treating her like a kid. But considering that this young man's soul should be in his mid-twenties, it should be normal for him to treat a mere 13 years old as a little kid. (even though her soul was also in her early twenties by now)

"Okay, Brother Long."