Chapter 28 His Heart

Elaine forced herself to take her gaze away from Tan. Although she didn’t want to, but her eyes voluntarily landed on Janine who remained quietly seated in her chair. She gracefully took the water goblet on the table and slowly drank it.

Elaine flinched when she felt Marco gentle squeeze on her shoulder. She raised her eyes at him. Marco looked away. His jaw flexed when he saw the tears in her eyes. Before the tears begin to fall, Marco hurriedly geared her towards the exit.

One last time, Elaine turned to look at Tan. He was also looking at them. The emotion that’s evident in his eyes was unreadable to her, for her own eyes have been blurred with tears.

She bit her lip hard, her chin quivered as she tried to rein her emotion. She wanted to cry but he was being held back by Marco’s tight hold.

While walking out of the restaurant, Elaine wished Tan would run after her. Wished that he would take her hand and explain to her why he was with Janine. That he would say it was just a coincidence; that he was forced to go out on a date with her out of pity or courtesy.

Because even if it was a blatant lie, she would believe him.

But even they got out of the restaurant and got to ride Marco’s car, no Tan run after them to get her back.

“Are you going to run after her?” asked Janine when Tan threw the table napkin he was holding to the table. “How long are you going to do this to yourself, Tan?” she asked. “ Since that girl came back, you seem to have forgotten so much.”

When he didn’t reply, she continued.

“And how long are you going to hurt me? In the years that passed, I’ve done nothing but help you forget about Elaine. But all my efforts were all for naught this was pissing me off,” she said with bitterness and controlled anger in her voice.

Tan picked up his briefcase. Janine stood up when he turned his back at her. Her eyes were welling up with tears as she was staring at his back.

“You still love her. That’s why you agreed to this dinner to tell me and to rub it in my face. Am I correct?”

Tan slightly tilted his head towards Janine. He didn’t have to confirm it to him, she already knew the answers to her questions right from the start.

Marco parked the car by the side of the road. He turned to Elaine. He handed her a handkerchief as he saw the tears streaming down her face.

Elaine took it from him. She was biting her lip hard. Marco let out a heavy sigh. He opened the car door and went out. He gently closed it and leaned on the car outside. Asking her how she feels wouldn’t work. And he knew at that moment, Elaine wasn’t capable of telling him.

Even though he was outside the car and the door was closed, Marco could still hear her crying from the inside. He could not bear to watch her. Elaine may not be saying it, but he could feel deep down how heavy the burden she was carrying in her heart.

Half an hour had passed when the passenger door of the car opened. Elaine got out with her head bowed down. He was just looking, following her to get around the car to go towards him.

Without looking straight at him, she reached out to give him his handkerchief back. “Thank you. I’m okay now,” she claimed with a shy smile.

Marco accepted the handkerchief and tightly clutched it in the palm of his hand.

“I’m sorry I ruined the night.” Elaine scratched the back of her neck. “I don’t know why I feel so emotional these past few days…”

“It wasn’t days. You’ve been hurting since you left him,” Marco replied in his mind.

“D-do you want to eat? The convenience store is just walking distance from here.”

‘How can I? When the woman I like is in so much pain right now.’

Elaine cleared her throat. The guy kept staring at her at and she felt awkward. She can’t even look him straight in the eye because of embarrassment. She bawled her eyes and wailed inside his car for about half an hour.

“I know it’s not expensive there, but I promise to treat you in fine dining restaurant next time. For now, let’s just make do with ready to eat, I’m really hungry. Is it okay with you or would you rather find someplace else?”

Marco cleared his throat. “They have rice and sisig inside. Buy me two of it, mineral water and orange juice.”

She tried to make her voice sound energized. “Let’s go?”

“Let’s go,” he replied.

As Elaine went ahead walking to the store, only then did Marco release a heavy sigh.

Marco took it upon himself to choose what they would eat when they entered the convenience store. He got non-fat milk aside from the ones he mentioned earlier.

“I thought you said just rice and sisig?” she pouted pretending to complain. She hasn’t seen him smile yet since.

Marco put the sisig, heated in the microwave, in front of her. “That’s for you. I’ll pay. Just eat.”

Elaine put her lips together. Faced the food set in front of her and tried to clear her mind of any worries.

Mang Chito’s forehead wrinkled when he saw Elaine entering the bistro. Even Drew and Macon and some of the regulars all had their eyes fixed on her.

After dinner at the convenience store, Elaine asked Marco to take her to Baclaran. He would not accept not dropping her off there when she told him she's not going home to Viejo.

“Good evening, ‘Tang,” she greeted Mang Chito. She went straight to the room. She knew she was being followed with inquisitive stares by those she passed by.

She removed the sunglasses she was wearing and put them on the durabox. Marco lent it to her a while back before she got off the car. Her eyes were swollen.

She laid down on the bed after letting out innumerable sighs. She stared at the ceiling. Even just for a short time, Marco was able to make her feel much lighter. But now that she’s alone, the pain started to kick in once again.

Just like before, Marco didn’t ask questions. That is why she wasn’t put in an awkward situation. She just doesn’t know how, but Marco sure knew who Tan was and who the girl he was with.

Elaine is thankful that Marco was with her at that time. Her dignity was saved somehow when she didn’t cry in front of them.

She closed her eyes. She was right, Janine still had an ongoing relationship with Tan despite the fact he is married to her.

But there was nothing she can do and she knew more than anyone else that she doesn’t have the right to question Tan.

It was just so painful. If everything cannot be back to the way it was before, Elaine knew there was no one else to blame but herself.

Everybody could call her selfish. She didn’t mind. Come to think of it, originally, it was just Tan’s forgiveness she was after when she came back and nothing more. But she dared demand for more. His heart. She was that greedy, egocentric bitch who could not afford to give him up despite the fact that she already lost him three years ago.

Elaine smiled bitterly. She opened her eyes. Tan was forced to marry and live with her because he had no choice. She used the problem at Textile to imprison the man in a marriage. Even though she knew that aside from disappointment, disgust and anger, he feels nothing else for her.

Elaine hugged the pillow and covered her face with it. She was in that state for thirty minutes when the door burst open. It was Drew who appeared at the door. She sat down. She looked away when she noticed he was studying her face.

He crossed her arms in front of his chest upon entering. “Mang Chito is calling for you,” she said.

“Is he going to send me away again?”

“What do you think?”

She took her bag. Stood up.

“Where are you going?” asked Drew.

“To go find a hotel outside." She stood up.

He clacked his tongue. “What happened to your husband’s house?”

She didn’t answer.

Drew sighed. “ Go to the old man. He's on the rooftop. I think he will be asking you why have you been crying and walking here like a madman.”

She stared at her friend. “How did he know?”

Drew rolled his eyes. “Who wouldn’t know? You are wearing those huge sunglasses while the proud moon outside was just so round and full and huge. Crazy."

ELAINE was wavering while walking towards the rooftop of the bistro. She’d talked with Mang Chito then would leave to look for a hotel to spend the night. She also didn’t want the old man to worry about her.

She saw Mang Chito at the end of the rooftop where they used to drink before. He was sitting in front of the rocking chair she bought for him four years ago. The old man was facing the bright view of Baclaran.

Elaine cleared her throat to make her presence known to the old man. “I’m about to leave, ‘Tang. I’ll come back the next day.”

When the man remained still, she motioned to leave.

“Is it that hard?” he asked quietly. Elaine turned her back. Mang Chito left his seat and faced her. “Is it that hard to forget about everything?”

Elaine didn’t have an answer. It was just one question, but her eyes are started to well up. It was the first time Mang Chito talked to her seriously after a long time.

“Sometimes a wound when too deep, would be difficult to heal. If you try to force it, that single wound, one day could become two, three… or you might even lose count one day.”

Elaine blinked the tears in her eyes. She opened her mouth but decided to just close it again.

“If it is too difficult and the pain is too much to bear, set yourself free. Don’t make the same mistake again, Elaine. Don’t hurt yourself again or your husband… He had been through a lot already.”

TAN inhaled deeply. He lost count as to the number of times he checked the time on his wristwatch. He tried to go after Elaine a while ago but he was too late, she was gone. He went straight home and looked for her. Even when he arrived to a locked gate and the lights are off inside the house, like a fool, he still went inside her room.

Tan turned the light on. When the brightness spread around the house, he stepped inside and sat on the side of Elaine’s bed. He could smell the scent of Elaine’s expensive perfume.

He was like that for a few minutes before he forced himself to stand and go to his own room. He quickly changed his clothes.

Tan could not remember how or what time he started to wait for Elaine outside the gate. He just knew, he wasn’t at ease. Elaine did not take any of her phone calls. Then her phone was turned off.

He saw the pain that went through her eyes while looking at him and Janine a while ago. He wanted to believe that emotion he saw was real. Just as the pain he felt was so real when out of nowhere, Marco appeared and just took her away.

Jealousy kicked him hard right in the gut but he didn’t have the courage to do what he really wanted. To approach them, remove Marco’s hand on her shoulder, and reclaim his wife from him.

Tan felt it in his bones, on the very day he and Elaine rode the same elevator. No matter how thick and high the walls he was trying to build he knew one day he won’t be able to stop his heart. And that day quickly arrived.

When Janine confronted him and pleaded to continue their relationship after six months, Tan declined. Because he knew, he will just cause her pain over and over again.

Tan stopped walking when his cellphone rang. He quickly retrieved it from his pocket thinking it was Elaine calling.

It was his father’s acquaintance from the immigration who was on the other line.

“I’m sorry for calling this late. I just received the information now from our head,” he said.

Tan got nervous. “Have you found out?”

The one on the other line cleared his throat. “There was no record of your wife leaving the country for the past five years, hijo. Elaine stayed in the Philippines for the past three years.”