Chapter 22: Cafe Meeting
A memory from long ago.
A young woman in a cat-eared hoodie lay still, hidden between small mounds of trash that had gathered over the past few months. In this dark room, she had been doing nothing in particular for the past two hours.
One might simply see her as staring at the dirty ceiling with not a thought between her brows, letting time pass. Had another witnessed this strange scene, perhaps they would simply see her acting as a slob would. But a friend of hers saw this scene differently.
[Ori. Are you alright?]
A voice came from the computer sitting on the coffee table. The voice had no face—just a disembodied voice from a fellow loser whom she had known for a long time.
He was someone she only knew by username. Someone she had met online who gathered like-minded losers into a single group. Naturally, the woman was also part of this group.
His robot anime profile picture lit up as his voice came through the speakers again.
[Did your father message you to come back home again?]
“Fuck off. It’s none of your business.”
[Well, you’re not wrong. But aren’t you getting tired of counting the specks of dirt on the ceiling?]
“... Yeah.”
[Wanna play a round of Masters of Duels?]
“... Can’t you read the room?”
[I just did. Just figured it’d be better to play something than waste away like that.]
“You should just console me like a real man. Seriously, do you have the EQ of a walnut?”
[If I had any competent level of social intelligence, I wouldn’t be hanging out with a femcel like you.]
“... You’re such an ass.”
The woman finally picked herself off the dirty ground and got on her computer.
She didn’t have a chair. The coffee table carrying her computer was low to the ground, so all she had was the floor to sit on, and that was all she needed.
Her mouse pointer clicked on a shortcut on the screen. A familiar online card game booted up shortly after. Soon, her screen was filled with images of various monsters, some menacing, some cute.
Ding.
The woman received a request for a duel. She clicked ‘accept’ and quickly loaded into a match. As per the game’s rules, both players started the game with five cards each. Her opponent had the first turn. He placed a card on the back row and summoned a beast that he likely planned to use as a meat shield for a round.
[Say, won’t you try playing colony sims? They’re a good way to pass the time.]
“This again? You know I don’t like playing with dolls.”
[I really don’t get that. Don’t girls usually like playing games like ‘The Simions’?]
“Keep it up, and I’ll report you for sexism.”
[I’m pretty sure there’s no option for a report like that in this game.]
“I can report for harassment.”
[Easy there.]
The man ended his turn there, and the control of the battlefield shifted over to the woman.
The woman used a card to send one other card in her hand to the out-of-play zone so she could draw two new cards. Then, she ended her turn.
Her gaze landed on the man’s profile picture in-game. It was another anime-style robot profile picture. It was clear that he was quite a big fan of robots.
“... That colony sim you mentioned before. Dark Worlds, right? Wasn’t it a sci-fi colony sim?”
[Yeah. If you want, you could mod it so you could get hot guys to hook up.]
“Now you have my interest.”
[Dirty fujo.]
“Fuck off.”
The man set down another card in the back row before ordering his summoned beast to attack, dealing damage to the woman’s health points. Normally, such an early game disadvantage would have annoyed her slightly, but this evening, she didn’t have the energy to act more spiteful.
The man ended his turn, and once again it was the woman’s turn to act.
“Say, why are you so obsessed with those? You’ve clocked in so many hours in games like those. I don’t even know how you managed to fit in all the time.”
[... I’m addicted to stories.]
“I know. You wouldn’t shut the fuck up about that web novel you read about someone gaslighting a regressor in general chat.”
[It was a good story, alright? Maybe not solid on the plot, but it was a fun read.]
“... What does that have to do with what I asked?”
[A lot, actually.]
The woman summoned a monster on her turn and used another card to give it protection from effects. She attacked the man’s beast, killing it in one blow and dealing damage to his health points before ending her turn. Then, it was the man’s turn again.
[Real life is fucking miserable.]
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
[... It’s because it’s so miserable that sometimes I wish I could just make it all the better.]
“Become a politician then.”
[You’re joking… Anyway, these games are just a means of escape for me.]
“Escape how?”
[It’s not hard to understand, is it? I hate how miserable this world is, so I have a hobby of making interesting worlds through these games.]
“Huh. God complex much?”
[Maybe. I just hate having no control over all the bad things in life. Don’t you hate it too?]
“I… I guess.”
Now, without a beast to guard him, the man instead used a magic card to deal direct damage to the woman’s health points. Then, he used a card’s special effects to sacrifice ten of the top cards in his deck to draw two new ones before ending his turn.
[Maybe it’s just me being a control freak. I don’t know. But I want to make a better place to be in where people can experience happy stories. I can’t do it in the real world, so I do it in video games.]
“That’s so fucking weird.”
[I know, right?]
“... But I don’t think it’s a bad thing.”
[...]
The woman used a card to increase her monster’s attack power before ordering it to attack the man directly. It was then that the man activated a card in the back row. It was one of the cards that the woman hated the most.
“You fucking nasty piece of shit!”
[Eat your own shit and die, bitch.]
“Don’t think you can use that ‘Ether Tube’ on me!”
As if reacting on instinct, she immediately used a card from her hand to negate the Ether Tube’s effects. Unfortunately for the woman, however, there was another card on her opponent’s back row that he activated in response to her card. His card negated her card’s effects, allowing his Ether Tube to return her monster’s attack right back at her.
Suddenly, she found herself facing the brunt of her own monster’s attack, ending the game with her loss.
DEFEATED
“Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! You’re always using such nasty cards!”
[Haha. At least you’re not moping around anymore, right?]
“You fu–huh?”
The woman blinked, confused as she stared at the man’s lit-up profile picture. Then, her brows furrowed as her frustration gradually resurfaced.
“You’re such a dick…”
For some reason, the woman felt that her trash-ridden room was a little less suffocating today.
“There was one more positive I forgot to mention, Ori.”
“What?”
Ori directed a sharp glare at Yvell as he acted theatrically, making exaggerated gestures while speaking. Yvell met her annoyed gaze before opening his mouth with a smug ass grin.
“Don’t you think that the idea that we get to help build up a new world together sounds really cool?”
“...”
A distant memory resurfaced in Ori’s mind for just a moment. It wasn’t a particularly special memory, but it was enough to make her feel something tug at her cheeks.
“You’re fucking stupid, you know that, Vell?”
“Where did that come from?”
“... I’ll play along with your LARPing for now.”
“I’m not–no, I guess I am?...”
“Which is it?”
Knock. Knock.
“Ah. They’re here.”
“Took them long enou–”
Just like many times before, Yvell’s uninvited guests entered through the door, phasing right through like ghosts. Ori, upon seeing this sight once again, finally realized that Yvell was, in fact, not bullshitting. These beings were, in fact, constellations.
The first of the two guests to enter was the gorilla whom Yvell and Ori had grown somewhat accustomed to, followed by a beautiful knife-eared lady in a green shamanistic-themed dress.
“Oog.”
“No, it is fine. We did not wait for too long. That lady behind you, is she perhaps…?”
“Oog.”
“... Why do I feel like she looks familiar somehow?”
(... How the fuck is Vell understanding what that gorilla is saying?) ←(Ori, still deeply confused)
The beautiful lady with green flowing hair and pale skin came forward and bowed her head as she made her introduction.
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Sir Utopic World Builder. I am Green Earth Mother.”
Tens of minutes later, at a certain cafe in a city.
“Remember to keep your voice down. As a constellation, you must not so easily cause mortals to stir as that would be trouble for everyone involved, even to those loosely related.”
“You are referring to other godly constellations and their connections to their faithful, yes?”
“That is correct. You are learning quickly already, Green Earth Mother.”
“Thank you, sir!”
“... I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.”
Shortly after arriving at the cafe, the group split in two, with one half going to secure a table for us, while the other went to the counter. Seeing as Ori seemed a bit shaken up by witnessing such a strange sight a second time, I decided to accompany her to the table for the time being while the gorilla and… the Elf Goddess? Whatever she was, those two went to order our food and drinks.
Ramube was going to foot the bill today, so I decided to be a little extravagant and get myself two slices of cheesecake and a mango shake. Meanwhile, Ori decided to just have a cup of coffee to calm her nerves.
Which coffee? I have no fucking clue. Coffee language might as well be alien gibberish to me. I’m pretty sure she mentioned something about pumpkins and spices, but I’ve no clue what all that meant.
While we were waiting for the two to return from the counter, Ori finally spoke up, out of her state of shock.
“... So you weren’t bullshitting.”
“That would be correct.”
“How the fuck did it get to this?”
“I don’t really understand the circumstances well myself. A constellation just happened to seek me out after seeing one of my game worlds, thinking I was a constellation too.”
“... How?”
You think I have a clue? To be frank, I’m still confused how they mistook me for a constellation, too.
(The Constellation, Gorilla of Fates and Twisted Futures, asks who this human woman is and wonders what she is doing here.)
… Right.
The gorilla was pretty quick to identify Ori as a human, yet remained convinced I was a constellation.
Is… there something about myself that I…?
No, there’s no fucking way. I was born and raised a human.
I still shit my pants when I get bad diarrhea, and I bleed when cut. There’s no fucking way I’m in any way like a real constellation at all. It’s all just LARPing on my part. But still… Hm...
I guess I’ll just need to figure out why this is. Interacting with them long enough should reveal the truth eventually. I’ll just behave as I always have—by emulating a constellation.
“... Can you stop making that face while you think? You look really gross.”
“You just can’t appreciate good acting, can you?”
“You’re a fucking idiot, Vell. Just… make sure to tell the others you’re alright after this. They’re still worried about you, you know.”
“... Right. I’ll do that.”
Ori nodded before her eyes suddenly widened as her gaze went elsewhere.
“Sir Utopic World Builder, we have returned with the food and drinks.”
“Oog.”
The Constellation, Gorilla of Fates and Twisted Futures, says that they sold out of mango shakes, so he decided to get you a banana shake instead.
“Thanks, sir Gorilla. Now get seated, you two. As for Sir Gorilla… ah.”
Come to think of it, will these chairs fit his fat, hairy ass? No, these things will probably crumple under his weight, won’t they?
Reading my expression, the gorilla constellation waved his hand as if gesturing to reassure me.
“Oog.”
The Constellation, Gorilla of Fates and Twisted Futures, says not to worry, as he had already consulted with the staff in regards to procuring a suitable seat. They will be here any moment now.
Skrrrch. Skrrrch. Skrrrch.
What’s that dragging sound?
When I looked over Ramube’s shoulder, I saw a couple of the cafe’s staff dragging a heavy but fancy-looking couch over to us. Did they take it from their break room or something?
“Customer, we are sorry for the inconvenience. As requested, we have come to provide you with a proper seat to rest upon.”
“A-Ah. Thank you. We’re sorry for the trouble.”
“Think nothing of it, customer! The customer is always king, and what would a king be without their throne?”
Wow. Now THAT’s a silver tongue. I hope this guy’s getting more than minimum wage. The other guys who carried the couch here too, of course.
Puff.
“Oog.”
The Constellation, Gorilla of Fates and Twisted Futures, says that this couch is quite comfortable.
“Glad to hear it. Shall we start the meeting while we wait for the food and drinks?”
“Oh! Sir Utopic World Builder, there is so much I would like to discuss with you! About my followers–”
“Oog.”
“I-I apologize, Gorilla, sir. I suppose I was being too hasty. Yes, you did mention there was something important you wanted to tell Sir Utopic World Builder.”
“Hm?”
Ramube looked me in the eyes as he scratched his hairy belly. While I couldn’t read a gorilla’s facial expressions, he seemed a bit more serious than his usual silly appearance.
“Oog.”
The Constellation, Gorilla of Fates and Twisted Futures, warns that a most dangerous threat will reveal itself in the far future. One that could kill even constellations.
