Hate Command

It was the most horrifying night that ever happened in my life. What actually happened these past few days keeps on coming back inside my mind. The light that almost blinds me, the terrifying heat, the shattering fire, the deadly pain and so on are the worst feelings I have ever felt before. Everything… seemed so new to me. I could still feel it. I could still remember it clearly. Like, a crystal glass… so transparent to see the happenings from the past.

And I hate the fact that I couldn't remove it in my mind. I was so afraid. So so afraid. I think . . . I am at my worst point. No. I'm hell sure. I'm at my worst point. Why on earth let this happen to me? Why damn the earth allowed some fucking humans do this to me?!

Many people do want to live longer, and I am not one of them of course. I hate my life to the edge. I hated the way I created. I was repeatedly asking the world, what was the reason for it to let me breathe? Was it to suffer? Was it to shed in tears all day? Was it to endure the pain to the fullest?

Fuck. I hate my damn life.

"Ahhhh!" My voice echoed the whole place in fear. My voice was vibrating as I yell. I can't help but pull my hair out of distress.

I looked around when I heard something, it was a sound of a nearly approaching car. While watching the car, I imagined some things that could ever happen to me. If I die, all of my burdens will disappear. All of the pain I felt right now will fade eventually.

I ran hurriedly towards the approaching car in very fast spead. I'm tired of living. I'm tired of enduring this pain alone. I'm all emptied. I can't. I can't just live and let this trials kills me slowly. I can't afford to see myself being pity by everyone.

I'm quitting to this life produced by debt.

I closed my eyes and waited the car to bang into me but all of my hopes just got vanished like bubbles when minutes has past, I could still feel myself. Breathing. Not wounded. And safe.

I shatteringly opened my eyes with eyelids shaking and just like that... My tears flow down my cheeks.

The car didn't bumped on me.

It stopped right in front of me. The driver. He. He didn't kill me. Fuck. Why?!

"Fuck! What the hell is happening with you!? Are you insane!?" The man's voice thundered. "Get away from there! Hey! Aren't you hearing me?! Are you deaf?! Goodness!" He exclaimed.

I did not answer him. I just cried.

I'm alive. I'm still alive. No. This can't be. Why am I still alive?!

I remained standing there, dumbfounded.

The guy also did not leave me hanging there. He stared at me. He just starred at me, pissed while hearing me cry.

I continue shaking my head. I should have been dead at this moment. I should not be breathing!

I brought my glaring sight to the car's driver. I hate him for not being reckless. I hate him for not killing me.

And the moment our eyes met, I caught a surprise crossed his eyes. He seemed so shock, as if he just so a mesmerizing thing.

He sighed. "I'm asking, why? What is happening to you? Why are you doing this to yourself, hm?" His voice softened.

I slowly averted my eyes off him. "Please… I want you to kill me… I want you to end my life… please, just do it for me…" I begged. "P-Please…" I cried.

"You want me to be a killer?"

"I'm willing to be killed. Don't worry. No one will know about it." I muttered like a crazed woman, craving for death certificate.

He laughed out loud like my words are just a boff and he seemed not convinced with what I'm saying. When I saw him attempted to walk into his car, I immediately crawled and reached for his right leg, on his ankles, begging. "Please! Please! Do it for me! Please…" I did not let go of his leg, afraid he will run away without killing me.

"Bullshit! Are you out of your damn mind?!" His voice thundered again.

I let go of his right leg in a very slow manner. I'm shaking. Body is getting weaker and weaker. A year escaped my eyes illegally. "My whole family died. They left me alone. I just want to be with them…" I can't even louder my voice.

When he allowed me talk, I told him the things that happened to me. Including our burned out house. How I was left by my loved ones. And the disappearance of our properties.

He then knelt down to level with me. A small smirk has now flashed on his face, he cupped my chin carefully, lifting it up, meeting my innocent eyes. I'm still weary. "I can help you…" he mutted.

My brows automatically crossed. "Just help me too.." he added.

It just even drove me more confused.. "W-What? W-What do you mean?" I asked.

"I can give you the house… money… I can provide financial assistance.. I can even help you in your studies. But give me the most beautiful thing I want…" There was a suspense in his voice, he was still holding my chin, admiring my delicate face.

I met his eyes intently. "Then what's that…"

The side of his lips moved more higher, forming a smirk. He then pull my face closer to him, too much close I could even smell his breath. "Your body…" he muttered.

It was the hardest choices I encountered in my whole life. It was a simple yes or no but I can't quickly choose which. I think of his condition firmly and precise. If I would agree to be his sex slave, he will give me the house the money. He could doubtlessly bring back all the riches I have before. Aside form my family.

And in just a blink of an eyes, I just saw myself inside the guy's room. I was wearing my bathrobe, nothing but bathrobe. I have nothing in me. Neither panties nor bra. I'm completely ready to give my whole self to him. My great desire he wanted to achieve.

He introduced himself to me. As far as I remember, his name is Cedrick Wagner, a twenty five year old business man. I guess he own a very huge company. A leading company in this country. And that's according to what I noticed. His house is too wide and broad. Definitely a rich man.

I saw him entered the room wearing bathrobe, immediately, nervousness filled me. He walked towards me and as soon as he reached my place.. he started kissing me. Quickly, I got carried away through his wet and warm kissing so I just found myself on top of his bed, wearing nothing, panting, legs and thighs are shaking out of pleasure.

Cedrick's currently on top of me. Pleasuring me. Tasting my sensitive bud. He fingered me just lately.

"Go on..." I whispered and parted my legs wider.

He pointed his manhood on my entrance. He moved closer to me. I could now feel the tip of his penis. I moaned in pleasure but that stops when in a sudden, someone knock on the door.

I'm disappointed. And so was Cedrick.

He stopped entering me and gaze at the door of his room.

"Who is fucking there?!" Cedrick yelled mad.

"Sir! Here's ma'am, Elise! She's currently waiting for you in the Living room!"

It felt like numerous needle are piercing my heart. It sends pain. It hurt me so much that I almost teared up.

She was Elise, the girl Cedrick was courting.

Because of that, Cedrick stops moving, he paused, realizing Elise', his lover is there, waiting for her to came out. I could feel his steady erection in my between. He's not moving yet. Guilty he fucked anither woman despite having a precious one to court with.

He then started to move.

But not for thrust.

Not to continue the thing we are doing. But to remove himself out from me.

I looked like a fooled. He jumped off the bed and put his clothes on. I can't even throw a glance at him. I am so hurt.

With that. With only one and simple move. He did make me feel like I'm a trash.

Like I'm a tissue he can use to wipe up his lust and throw once he's done, once he was done marking me.

I just sat on the bed, naked, while watching him dress himself.

He finished quickly so he walked out of the room hurriedly. He slammed the door, leaving me so shock.

A tear dripped down my eyes.

I scraped it harshly. Damn.

Why am I crying? Am I expecting more to him aside of sex? No. You should not Sherin. Who are you? Who are you to complain? You are just a pleasure woman . . . Who can not ever be loved by anyone else out there.

I got up from bed to dress myself. When I finally stood up, I went back to my bedroom to take a bath. I went through the railings of the second floor, I walked slowly and from here, I had the over view of the living room where Cedrick and Elise are staying. They were currently sitting on the couch. Side by side at the same time, facing each other sweetly and thickly.

I simply watched them, they had fun talking. They are not official couple yet but I know that Elise has feelings for Cedrick. She has deep feelings for Cedrick.

The two of them had a sweet smile flashed on their faces, which I have never had before and I will never be having, ever. Neither soon nor later.

My mother used to say... fairy tales are true, I, myself, wanted to believe that they are true. I badly want to believe, with all the pain life has giving me, it seemed to be like I just want to live in my imagination. Where, I could only experience pure pleasure and happiness, which is far from sorrows and never-ending tears.

From where I was standing, I could still hear their laughter. Envy welled up in my chest as I listened to their conversation. How does it feels like having someone to laugh with? How does it feel to be cared for? Or the feeling of being loved? Because, by the time I lose my family, I have lost my loved ones… I can no longer remember how being cared is feel like.

I'm ignorant of those intimate feelings.

Did I just born yesterday to be ignorant of that overwhelming feelings? Funny, right?

I took a deep breath before walking back to my own room. I went straight to the bathroom and immediately wetted myself with cold water after undressing. The water flowed through my body, making me close my eyes in so much comfort. Somehow, I breathed a sigh of relief at the comfort it caused.

My tears flowed while taking a bath. Still thinking about what happened earlier. Why is this happening to me? Why am I hurting? Shouldn’t that just be none of my business? I should be used to Cedrick... Leaving me alone after sex.

Am I asking for a cuddle? No right?

My chest is still heavy from what just happened minutes ago. We're both lusting for each other's body but he just abandoned me like trash after his lover come over his house. The pain is all in me. But I should not be complaining right? I chose this path. I chose to be his sex slave.

I should accept it without complaints.

Maybe, I'm a woman born to satisfy the greedy people. Ever since our house burned down, my life had no destination at all. I lost my property as well as my parents. They were all… beaten by fire.

Honestly, before I had met Cedrick, I thought my life would lose its direction. But when him and I crossed each other's paths, I started to stood up. I learned how to stand without my knees shaking in fear. But the direction he had given me isn't going to the right, but the darkness.

Yes. He helped me. He helped me with all my needs. But all those help has its very own return.

No other than my body.

Needs. Exchange of my body.

I was giving him my body several times every night. I let him touch me, peek at me, I let him undress me and even allowing him watch after he asked me to masturbate myself. Because according to him… he will take care of the fees in my studies.

When we first had sex, it wa I want to have a house. I want a shelter. I want a good life.

So despite the guilt on the chest, of the touches every night… I endured it all. By the time I graduate… I'm leaving here. That's all we talked about.

I will give him the satisfaction he wants. The pleasure.

At the beginning, I made it clear to myself that I would only give Cedrick delicious food, which is myself. I also kept myself from falling to him despite the beauty he possessed.

It was scary to fall for him because I knew he wouldn’t give it back to me.

Just pure sex and lust. No love mentioned.

After I took a shower, I turned it off and wrapped myself in a white clean towel. I exited out the bathroom while ruffling my hair with a white towel. When it went dry, I took the lotion and rubbed it on my body. I'm into a white tank top and a dolphin shorts.

Tomorrow, I will go out to enroll in the school I am going to study at. I am studying for my second year of college at a prestigious school. I never thought Cedrick would invest so much money for my studies. Public universities are enough for me, but maybe because he's rich, he doesn't care about the large amount of the tuition fee there. It's not heavy in his pocket, just hundreds of thousands of coins.

I take the penguin shorts and a white shirt to the closet. I have a good life here, so maybe, I should just stop complaining. That's right, I won't complain anymore.

Maybe I'll just accept that a happy life isn't really destined for me, because even if I turn the world upside down… I'm only up to here .. Yes, that's right, I'm only up to here.

I put some powder on my face to freshen my mood. I had also sprayed some perfume. After I did, I walked over to where my mini table was in the room. I pulled up the chair and sat down. I slowly opened the laptop and checked the website of the university I was going to attend.

I have also prepared things that I will take tomorrow. Starting with the birth certificate, two by two pictures, good morals, and other important papers.

In the middle of the preparation, I felt hungry. I touched my stomach after hearing it growl. I got up and walked out of the room. I even met Marta which I was going down with so I was still smiling.

He knows what Cedrick and I are up to, it's a good thing he's not the type of person to judge right away.

As I descended the stairs, I could already hear the cheering voices of Cedrick and Elise. He hasn't left yet. What time is it, ah? He came here at three o'clock in the afternoon, it's already seven o'clock in the evening. Is she going to sleep here?

When I reached the ground floor, I was about to go straight to the kitchen to get food directly but I heard my name called. "Sherin!" She shouted. I was still a little nervous. I know that. It was Elise's voice because it was a woman's voice. She is the only woman with us here except for Marta.

Despite the nervousness I felt, I turned to her. I flashed an embarrassed smile. I heard every throb of my chest as I waited for what she would say. Cedrick and I were close now, his hand was placed on his woman's thigh. I tried to take my eyes off his hand they were holding.

"Why?" I asked politely because I knew they were nice to me.

Cedrick was five years older than me. But it actually looks like Cedrick and I are the same age, in fact, he is really older than me.

The woman smiled so sweet at me. "You're so pretty. You're Cedrick's cousin, right?" She asked. I couldn't answer her for a few minutes because of what he said. Me? Cedrick's cousin? E, her lover just adopted me.

I glanced at the man next to him in astonishment. He smiled at me meaningfully. Because of that, I get what he means.

I smiled broadly, as well as my eyes smiled to convince her. "Ah! Yes! He's my cousin. My older brother, Cedrick, is my cousin" I laughed slightly.

Elise lips rounded. "Ugh! I'm glad I've met you. He's not telling me he has a cousin. I thought, he doesn't have any relatives anymore. He just told me that he has a female cousin." he said.

I smiled awkwardly again. "Ah, yes, I just came here today. I'm going to study here. Last week, my parents passed away because of a car accident. I just came home to the Philippines from the states the other day. It wasn't expected either. I'm glad here's my cousin Cedrick." I said and turned to the man next to him. "Isn't it true, my brother Cedrick?" I raised my brow while pouting, making myself look so sad in their eyes.

"U-Uh. Yeah… that's actually the reason why…" Cedrick nodded anxiously so I almost laughed in my mind. He doesn't know how to act! If this is an audition, he will definitely not be accepted!

I pointed to the kitchen over my shoulders. "You want to eat? I'll eat too, I'll cook. Do you want to eat with me?" I asked them.

Elise's eyes lit up. "Oh, you know how to cook?" She asked in shock.

"Yes? It's easy to cook." Is this how cooking deals with her? Is cooking hard? Not either. Well, that was for me.

"Haha, I hope I can say that too." She shook her head. I just laughed at her. I won't be surprised anymore. She grew up rich. Maybe even holding the lid of the pot every time she eats their assistant is working for her. I bet she has people in all her doings.

"Okay, I'll go on," I said and went straight to the kitchen.