Chapter 64
I spend all afternoon and part of the night with my mother, talking to her is guaranteed laughter, she makes me forget everything for at least a little while, having to pack practically forces me to return to the mansion where my sadness is, my overwhelm. But the most important thing is that little person for whom I want to fight and get ahead.
When I enter everything is off, I walk around the mansion and I don't see them anywhere, not knowing where they might be and wanting to eat bananas I go to the kitchen where of course I find a surprise.
"Mom ... Mamma ..." My son is in front of the open refrigerator and taking everything out of it, watering and eating everything from butter to Nutella, I put my hands on a jug.
“I know, I know, I promise to clean everything,” looking in front of me I can't believe what I'm seeing, Kahin has that kitchen turned crazy, I don't know whether to yell at him or outright take a pan and hit him on the head to knock him out, “I made you dinner, it's a surprise,” he smiles, I don't move from the place or change my bitter gesture, “come on, I need you to see it please,” he implores me, seeing through the window that overlooks the porch, I can see a table with candles and a bottle of wine arranged as for a romantic dinner, there is music, it is Michael Bublé.
Without a doubt in other circumstances, I would have thrown my arms around his neck for that detail that he has had, but it is not the case. Ignoring him completely, I take my disastrous son in my arms, grab about three bananas, and leave the kitchen.
“You are a complete disaster, my son, I don't know how your father allows you to do whatever you want, at least he took away the dangerous things, his head gave him something to do,” when I got to my son's room, I cleaned him up, I prepare a bottle for him and put him to bed, he falls asleep, that tells me that Kahin didn't make him take his nap.
I eat the bananas while watching my son sleep, I can't stop thinking about the damage Kahin did to me. For what purpose did he do it? Why fool me now that we were fine? Why not speak things up front? I decide to stop thinking and go to the room I shared with that man. Taking the suitcases I sigh, I must do it for my welfare and that of my daughters, I cannot carry my pregnancy in an environment like this. I pick up the clothes and have them neatly folded to fit as many as possible.
“What are you doing?”
"Monkey, can't you see?" I reply sarcastically.
"Why are you packing Marilí, get those damn clothes out of those suitcases right now." The concern I hear in his voice makes my blood boil.
"I won't Kahin, I'm going to leave this house with my son tomorrow. I'm leaving your side and it is better that you keep your distance handsome, because that indifference with which I have been treating you is going to fall short for what is coming, you will have me close and at the same time far, I will show you that I can survive alone. I am going to clarify that I do not need you or any man to be able to raise my children. That deception will weigh on you, because that woman, just as she was able to mess with you having your family, when she is with you she will mess with someone else because she is already going to be bored with you.
Kahin you are not 20 years old, money is not everything, you can have as many women as you want, but when you need people who really love you, neither your money nor your power will help you, because money does not buy happiness , nor loyalty,” I see him shake, the fury in his eyes is becoming more alive, his clenched fists and the way he snorts make me back away, “don't even try,” I shout as he looks at the suitcases, without listening to me he starts to he takes my clothes out angrily, he throws them as far as he can, I try to stop him, I try to put back what he takes out, but I don't know to make him stop. I throw the clothes back in the suitcase and he takes them out again.
Tired, I throw the suitcase at him, “what the hell do you want from me? Do you want to drive me crazy? Do you want to see me cry while I put up with everything you do to me? Do you want to see me become a woman who appears happy when what she really lives is hell? Damn Kahin, what the hell do you want from me?” Tears start to trail down my cheeks.
“I want you to trust me, I want you to forgive me, I want you to stay here with me, I can't let you go, you can't leave me, that woman doesn't mean anything to me I had already told you, it was a damn mistake. Will you understand I love you Marilí, you are my life, you and my children are the only thing that matters to me in this damn life,” hearing his cynicism disgusts me.
"You are sick. Then why have you cheated on me if you love me? Why have you been so weak if according to you I am your life? Explain that to me because I can't find logic, we were fine, I thought I made you happy, I thought you were complete with what we were living, I thought I fulfilled you as a woman and as a person, but it is clear that I am not good enough for you, but I wasn’t. This is the other way around, you are not good enough for me because, unlike you, I knew how to respect you even when you left me alone and had suitors who wanted to take care of my son and I. I knew how to deal with my problems, I knew how to control myself so as not to overwhelm you and that our relationship did not spoil, I was able to find myself, to fight to be better to be able to be well with you, but I am glad and thankful for something and that is what I have done I did it first for me. But what about you Kahin? It just made you horny because your wife didn't take care of you like before and you run to fuck who the hell knows who, because you don't have the balls to tell me with whom the hell you have been fucking.
