Chapter 7

"I know and believe me that I understand you, but it's your mother and only you can help her, the jet leaves tomorrow night," lost and almost desperate, I think of my son, no one knows of his existence, "Marilí," my friend looks down at me and he forces me to look at him, "yyou must do this, if I came here it was to tell you what no one wanted to tell you at the command of your mother, I came personally to avoid a refusal and then regret it for the rest of my life. I am at the hotel 'beautiful mare' remember that the jet leaves at 8 pm," he kisses me on the head and gets up, "think about it beautiful, now I have to go, I'm exhausted and I want to let you think, come on I'll take you home."

I refuse, "don't bother. It's daytime and I'm fine, go and rest," my friend looks at me for a few seconds and then does what I ask, sometimes I remember that I was raped, but that goes to the background when the sadness that I do remember in detail invade.

Left alone looking at the sea and feeling thousands of emotions, I do not know what to do, my mother that brought me into the world, took care of me and gave me her love, but the one who also kept a secret from me and hurt me is doing something stupid out of remorse. Wiping my tears and with my head in a mess, I decide to go home, my son needs me and my breasts are full.

"You are back," smiles Brenda, "the child is asleep."

Sighing, I try to smile and that is practically impossible, "thank you Brenda, you can go," the woman nods and leaves my room. Looking at my baby, I can no longer contain the tears, "what will I do marrone? What is your mother going to do? What's with my life here, with my sun? I don't want to take you to that place, I can't allow that," a sob shakes me.

"I didn't think you missed me so much." Looking at the bathroom door, I find Francesco, wiping my tears and trying to control myself I get up.

"You have arrived!" I walk towards him to hug him, I need it.

"Yes, and I see that I did it at the right moment," hugging me, he sits me on the bed, "what's going on, Wonder?"

As I can't hide anything from him, I look at him with teary eyes, "Randon, my friend I told you about, is here in Sicily," I sob louder, "he told me that my mom tried to kill herself," the crying deepened and making it difficult for me to speak, "my mother is trying to take her life. He has come for me to come back and help her, but, how can I go back to the place where I was once hurt? How can I leave my life and my peace here in Italy?" My sun embraces me and consoles me as he only knows how to do it, "I don't want to go and leave you alone, you know I can't do that, we are having the commitment soon, we can't miss it," I look up at him, "I want to be there with you, supporting each other," he delicately runs his finger across my cheeks and wipes my tears.

"Your mother needs you, I've already told you wonder, you must love what you have because they are here today and not tomorrow, you must help your mother to value that life that others want to have," what he says makes me cry more, "I will be fine you know, nothing will happen," he kiss my forehead.

"No ... I don't want to leave you, we promised to do this, we'll go together and then I'll go to my mother, I won't leave tomorrow," I cling to him, I can't fail him, not now.

"Wonder," he takes me off of him and looks into my eyes, "you must do this, I promise I'll be fine, we run the engagement for another day."

I frown, "we can't do that and you know it," I look at him seriously, "Francesco Leone, don't ever say that you postpone the dates."

Smiling at me tenderly, he sighs, "what would I do without you?" With the emissions on the surface, I hug him again.

"Don't think about that anymore, you have me and our baby," I break away to look at his face, "we're going to miss you a lot, I don't want to leave you, I refuse to leave you, come with me."

He laughs, "God my life," he speaks like Steve in Spanish, his accent makes it sound funny, "how you love me," laughing through my tears, I hit him on the shoulder, "but you know I can't, I have a lot of work, I promise we will go together to the next engagement. Are you willing?"

Pouting, I accept, "okay, I'm not going to be in Panama for a month and that's it." I caress his cheek, "you don't know how much I'm going to miss you, the baby will feel strange without you," I look in the direction of the crib.

"I'm going to miss you more, you are my life, the only thing I have," convinced that I must go, I force him to lie down, I will give him those monkeys that he like so much.

How always my soft heart and my love for others make me do what I do not want, or rather what I want to avoid doing. I will return to a place where I have the possibility of seeing that man I loved with my life which still hurts when I remember. I don't want to imagine if I ever find him, but at least I know he's okay and what will happen to me. I never believed that an unexpected visit would make me go back where I didn't want to.