Chapter 115 Watch Him Die

'Watch him die.' The reflexes of my mind echo Stella's words from earlier.

"We were just playing. We called it 'Termination of Pest'." My voice was partly hard remembering what happened earlier.

Suddenly my heart aches like a thousand knives stabbing my chest, again and again, the moment I saw the evidence of fear in his eyes as he slightly gasped. Afraid of me...

This feeling... I don't like it. "Are you a-afraid of me?" I was surprised with my own voice... it seems hurt and too soft for my like.

"N-no. I'm not, I'm sorry. I'm just shocked and--" he stopped when he realizes something "What did Stella do to you?" He asked with full of curiosity.

"Nothing." I looked down, I can't handle looking at his handsome face anymore, I felt so small.

"Claire please tell me... it wouldn't happen if there's nothing." He insisted as he holds my hand.

I looked up to face him once again "If I tell you. Will you let us join your battle?" My voice was challenging.

He was partly agape from the words I've said and suddenly he turned serious wearing a dangerous expression as I felt his hand tightens, squeezing my hand.

"No. Whatever happens, you will stay in the safest place." He stated with authority.

"I won't tell you then." I shoved him away getting out of his hold, then I walked out of the room leaving him speechless.

While walking towards the stairs...

"Claire!" I sensed Lucas running towards me, I faced him. He took a deep breath and "Claire, I want to know what happened. Why did the two of you result in a fight?" Lucas asked.

"What happened between me and Uno is out of your business Lucas. Just focus on Stella and if you really wanted to know, ask her." I stated and without waiting for his response, I started walking out of this house.

Time for a run.

While running my heartbeat was accelerating too fast remembering the expression I saw on his face earlier. He fears me and she's yelling to get out. She wanted to get out.

Is she mad? Am I mad? Am I? But to whom?

To Xenon or... to myself?

I smirked. Yeah, I'm mad at myself, who could ever love a monster? Who wouldn't fear a monster?

I remember the battle before, at the clinic, my eyesight was too sharp to see his fear the moment he saw... my monster.

He was terrified just like the others, why do I hope that he could love my monster? I laugh evilly more to myself but in reality... it hurts.

Now I know the feeling of being hurt, it's bad, but on the other hand, it seems good to know that, I'm a real human. I can feel the feeling of being hurt and that's a proof that I'm a real human and not just a monster.

Monster...

Without my consent, my eyes immediately turned red as all I can see is bloody red.

From that moment, I knew she dominated.

*********

Days have passed; an hour after that incident Stella woke up with a cheery face. Jollier than before, their curiosity swift through, but Stella explained the same thing as I said to Xenon 'We were just playing' with a wide smile.

So Drena, Cassy, and the rest decided to forget about what happened as if it was just a minor incident and just a game between adults. Things were back to normal as it is.

The boys are still busy with their plans because... tomorrow is the highlight of all. The battle between the fittest... but, I can't help the fear creeping up on me, fear for him.

I want him back, safe.

Staring from the window, watching the darkness of the night... feeling the cold whimper of the wind that flushes through my cheeks, however, the vision keeps replaying in my head... his handsome face but with a face of fear... fear for me.

After that moment, the distance between us grows, and... it hurts. Watching the person I love, slowly fading.

We talked but the charming he was once changed into someone cold... I can feel him avoiding me... so I distanced myself as well. If that is what he wanted.

I know one day... we will end up hurting each other. Thinking of it, I can feel my heart squeezing tightly. When will be that day? I can feel it coming.

Even though we have this kind of setup, still, I prefer his coldness because he was still by my side than not seeing him.

I know he will not love a monster like me.

I'm not worthy... for him.

I stopped in my thoughts the moment I heard the door of the room slowly opened but I remained still in my position, standing in front of the window.

Suddenly, I stiffened from his actions, he wrapped his arms around my waist... I could feel his warm breath touching my skin... I miss him.

He buried his face in the crook of my neck and sniffed my scent. My eyes suddenly closed on their own with the sensation he gives me.

"I'm sorry." He whispered hoarsely.

"Why?" I asked directly to the point, I know that he is referring to his cold treatment lately.

"I... I don't know what to do. The moment I saw how you got hurt because of me, I'm mad at myself that I can't face you." He muttered in sadness. "I'm afraid to face you..." He continued in low voice.

"Why would that be?" I asked finding my voice soft.

"Claire... that was the moment I first saw you in pain, it hurts. I promised myself to make you happy but my sudden action could hurt you. That's why, I tried distancing myself, finding the right action..." he tightened his hug "I can't handle it anymore... I missed you so much."

I took his hands to loosened his hug and slowly faced him "Xenon, you don't need to find the right action. Just being you is what I needed." I stated in a soft quiet voice.

"I'm sorry." I can see the sadness and longings in his eyes.

"Just don't do it again." I smiled reassuringly.

"I won't." He gave his handsome genuine smile that made my heart burst into an intense battle.

I will never get tired of seeing this man in front of me... I will never get tired of... loving him. I might be feeling new, but I trust this feeling to him even if it would lead to my ruin.

I want to save him, even if it means to my doom.