FORGIVENESS FOR HIM AND FOR MYSELF

Even to say that he is the one who let me escape. He is still one of the people who abused me. He was one of those who hit my back as they laughed. He was one of the ones whipping my body. He was one of those who beat me. He was one of those who burned cigarettes and wanted to kill me that night.

One of those who tortured me so how can I forgive him?

"I'm not a bad person, Ashley. I've never hurt the feelings of others. I can't be like this if I don't regret what I did to you. What we did to you was the first and last sin I committed. Kranky force us to used drugs and alcohol. My first and last taste of drugs. I know it's hard in your heart to forgive me because I'm one of those who drove you away. But I hope one day you will forgive me. Not now but hopefully that time will come. I'm happy because somehow I apologized to you. I said what I wanted to say before I died."

He finds it difficult to speak but he tries to say what he wants to say. I felt a little pinch for him. He might abuse me, but I still owe my life to him because he let me go.

He made me run away even though he knew his life would be in exchange for what he had done. If he hadn’t done that I would probably have been dead a long time ago same as they planned.

I was confused and I didn’t know what I was going to feel or say. But I think I have to be honest. I will tell him what is in my heart right now.

"My life was ruined and I don't know if I can fix it. There is no room in my heart for forgiveness for you. But because you are the one who let me run away and I can see that you are also suffering because of your conscience. Yes, I forgive you if that will calm you down and make your departure easier."

I don't want to let him suffer. I don’t forgive him just because I want to. I forgave him to also forgive myself for the negligence I did because I also failed to protect myself.

He smiled then cried while holding the hand of his companion.

"Thank you, Thank you, Ashley. I could be dying." He then continued to cry.

I immediately ran out. Eugene followed me and held me. Outside the room, I burst into tears as I hugged Eugene stroking my back.

I don’t know if I should be happy or if I should be sad about what I found out. I was confused and hurt. Do I still have to find that Kranky to find out the truth?

What else for?

My life is ruined and I have nowhere to go.

Is it even important that I know the truth?

Will anything change when their leader is caught?

What is happening cannot be undone.

I was ruined and my life.

I and my loved ones have been hurt.

Nothing will change even if I meet him. But I still want to know why who he is. And why did he choose me?

There was a sudden commotion and the doctors ran towards the man's room. Eugene and I looked at each other but we both didn't move. We heard the long sound of the engine from inside. The doctor and some nurses came out talking.

The patient I just talked to is dead.

EUGENE AND I are here in the hospital canteen. We were in the corner and there weren’t too many people here.

"Are you ok?" Eugene asked me as he handed me a coffee.

"I don't know, I don't know the right answer to your question." He sat down next to me.

"Asher doesn't know what happened to you?" I looked at him who was also looking at me.

"No,"

"You have a plan to say?" I smiled bitterly then shook my head.

"For what, for him to feel sorry for me for what happened to me and for him to blame himself because he left me and he didn't protect me? I would rather experience and taste his wrath than get him back out of pity. I’m just going to belittle myself even more. I only feel more useless because I can't defend myself."

"Ashley, you didn't like what happened to you."

"You're not going to tell, are you? You're not going to tell anyone?"

"Did Ley and Hunter know?"

"Ley knows but Hunter doesn't know. I just told Ley when she caught me at daddy's house a day before dad died. I didn't do anything, because I was forced by Ley, but she promised that she wouldn't tell anything."

"You have no intention of letting your brother know what happened to you?"

"No, not yet, and you have nothing to say either."

"But Ash,"

"Please, promise me you won't say anything to them."

"Ash,"

"Nothing isn't it?" He nodded then pulled me and hugged me.

"Yeah, I will keep this secret," he said and hugged me tightly.

"Why did this happen, Eugene? Why? Am I that bad to be punished like this? I know I've abused my body too much with any man but I still don't deserve that, do I? "

"Shh! Nobody likes what happened. Nobody wants to get hurt. The important thing despite all the pain we've been through is that we're still fighting. I'm just here and I'll help you find that Kranky so you can find out the truth."

"Thank you, Eugene, thank you."

"Shh! We're family Ash, and family works together."

"Ashley." Eugene let go of me and we both looked at the woman who called me while crying.

she was the woman with the man in the hospital room earlier. She was also the woman who ran into me at the hypermarket. "Can we talk?" She asks and walked towards us.