SADDEST FAREWELL

I immediately went to Charles ’room to find out what had happened to him. Just a short distance away I saw the doctors surrounded him as he was reviving inside.

"Nana." Nana come to me quickly when she heard me call her.

"Ashley,"

"What happened to him?"

"There is some vein near in his heart that exploded. He won't last long. Go to him and don't torture him anymore." Tears started to shed because of what Nana said. I don’t know if I can afford to do that.

I don't want to bid farewell to him but it seems that I need to. He is tired. Very tired and need to rest.

"Nana,"

"You sacrificed everything for him so he knows you loved him. He's tired, Ash. He's so tired so let him rest. Go now and let him feel your love."

Nana was right, Charles was so tired. He was tired of fighting his illness. It hurts but he needs to rest.

I approached the doctors who revived him and sat beside my son.

"Son," I hold his hand. I saw his finger move as if he was about to hear me.

"Are you tired? Son, I love you. I gave up and sacrificed everything just for you because I need you and I love you. Do you know that I blame myself every day for what happened to you? Because if I took care of you in my womb that would not have happened to you."

He's still young, he doesn't have to go through all of this. All this should not have happened to him. It hurt a mother like me to see her child in this situation. I caressed his forehead then kissed him while I continued to cry.

"I knew you're tired of fighting so I'll let you go. Be my angel baby and don't leave Mommy huh? Always remember that I love you and I will always love you. See you again, son. In  Heaven, you don't feel any pain to feel. It will be hard for me to accept you will leave but I can handle it. I can handle it son so that you won't have any more difficulties. "

"Goodbye, Son."

I saw tears in his eyes. I knew he heard me. I saw him breathe deeply at the same time as the device rang and it stopped so I looked at the doctor. I don't want to hear what the doctor is going to say but it looks like even if I avoid it, it will still come out of the doctor's mouth.

The doctor looks at me and gives me a comforting smile.

"Time of death 6:22 pm." Words a mother does not want to hear about her child. I hugged him while crying silently.

He was gone and he had left me. My son is really gone.

I feel Nana's hug while crying.

My son is gone. My son whom I fought and chose above all is now gone. He left me when I didn't even introduce him to my wife. To my brother, and to the people who are dear to me as well.

How else can I introduce him to Asher?

It's too late for them to meet and it's useless. It's too late to go back to my wife now that he's going to have a baby. He’s going to have an obligation so I won’t bother him anymore.

I will be living on my own again. Alone, lonely, and hurt.

I decided to bury Charles the next day. His body was suffering so much when he was still alive that he needed to rest properly. He no longer needs his body to stay on earth because his soul is in Heaven.

I never went home and just stayed in the morgue until morning. Charles has also been arranged and placed in the coffin. Nana also called the cemetery where Charles will be buried in the museum with my Parents.

I just sat in front of Charles ’coffin while watching. I decided not to open it and give him the peace he deserved. My tears still did not stop flowing. I feel disappointed in myself. I feel that I am a total failure. I failed as a mother because I did not save my child.

I failed as a wife, I failed as a daughter, I failed as a sister, and now I failed as a mother. The most important role of being a woman. I feel not only disappointed in myself, but a useless one.

Sometimes I asked myself.

Am I deserving to live?

What is the use of living if I always failed?

Is this karma in all the bad things I did?

But whatever I ask myself. I still have no answers and no one can answer my questions.

Agatha, Eugene, and Hailey came but I didn’t talk to them. They just let me cry alone. I am not on my own and even when they talk to me I do not understand anything. Because right now I just feel pain. Pain at the loss of my child. Someone I fought but left me.

I begged them not to let Asher know what had happened. It's too late even if he's here, my son won't be able to live anymore. Also, why would I include him for my child if he already has a child of his own?

Nana approached the coffin and looked at me to approach me but I shook. I don't want to see my son inside the coffin. It was just that his body and his soul were no longer there. He was an angel now and I knew he was around looking at me.

Another thing is I want to remember him when he was alive even though I will remember him suffering.

3:00 pm Charles was buried. I was even asked if I was sure. If I don't want to see him one last time. I nodded do they put him in peace. We are the only ones here. I could hear Agatha and Nana crying more than I could myself because I felt like no tears wanted to come out of my eyes.

"Ash, I'm going back to the hospital. I'll get other things there. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to follow you to your house because I'll also go with Magdalena," said Nana who I nodded.

"Are you ok?" Agatha asked me.

"Yeah," I answered simply and I saw them looking at each other.

"I'm going home, do you want to come with me?" She asked said.

"Just take Nana and Magdalena with you Agatha, Eugene, and I will take care of Ashley," Hailey said and Agatha agreed.

"Ashley, we know that this is not the right time to tell you this. But -----" Eugene started so I looked at him. "But, Ley and I already have that Kranky."

Is that even important? What good is it if I see that man again? I just shook my head and then smiled. I don’t care about him anymore.

"It doesn't matter to me," I said.

“You have to know the truth,” Ley said while holding back anger.

"What's true Ley? The truth is they abused me. I got pregnant, my life was ruined. Now my son is dead because of me too. That's all the truth," I insisted.

"No, because someone ordered them and that's what you should know who." I was surprised by what Ley said. I looked at Eugene who nodded.

Who?

Who will make me then? We don't have an enemy, even in my Family I don't think that someone has an enemy.

Who will order me to do that?

"Someone ordered him to do that?" I asked.

"Yes, and you won't find out if you're not going with us," Hailey said while gritting her teeth.