I'm Not Okay

Alex Pov's

.

I looked outside the window, it was dawn... Sana was still sitting in my lap and sleep was far away from our eyes. she was silent and her silence is killing me from the inside.

"Sano, baby you should sleep" I mumbled.

"I don't want to… Just stay like this.. for some more time.. please" She said this to me for the sixth time and every time I felt scared for her, thinking about what was going on inside her head.

"No, I will not listen to you this time... sleep"

"I want to be with you. Please let me stay like this" She mumbled and looked at my face. She was feeling sleepy but didn't know why she was restraining herself.

"I'm not leaving you, Sana. I will always be there for you" I don't know why I utter those words. I just felt like telling her that I will always be there for her.

"You will leave me" She whispered and a tear rolled from her eyes, making me confused. I embrace her tightly in my arms and move my hand on her back.

"No, I will not. I'm never going to leave your side" I said and wiped her tears lovingly.

"And what if I want you to leave me?" She asked.

"Sano, you're scaring me… What is going on in your mind?"

She didn't answer and rested her head on my chest, closing her eyes. I didn't drag the conversation as she needs sleep but I will make sure to talk to her about this.

I moved my hand in her hair lovingly, looking at her face. I hope Maya will show her presence soon. Sana needs her as she can understand and feel her emotions far better than I could. I'm sure Sana can share all her thoughts with Maya which she couldn't do with me.

.

I rested my body with a bedpost still holding her in my arms and soon darkness consumed me.

My sleep broke when the sun's rays fell on my face. I covered my face with my hand and moved my hand on the bed for Sana. I opened my eyes when I didn't find her.

I looked at the bed corner and then at the whole room, but she was nowhere. I stood up from bed and went towards the washroom. I knocked on the door, but no response came. I twisted the knob and it opened. She was not even there. I went outside the room and started searching for her.

I remember the last time she went to the park when she was upset. I rushed towards the park thinking that like last time, she went there. but stopped at the hall when I found her seated with Irene and Stefan.

"Sano" I called her and ran towards her. She stood up looking at me. Her smile vanished seeing me like this.

"Alex... What happened?" I didn't answer and pulled her into a hug. I'm sure she is amused with my reaction but at this time I only wanted to assure myself that she is alright.

"I'm okay" She whispered in my ear and moved her hand on my back to calm me. I broke the hug and looked at her from head to toe then kissed her forehead.

"What happened?" She asked.

"When I opened my eyes you were not in the room and I got" I clamped up. Knowing she doesn't like it when I get frightened for her like this. She gets concerned about me seeing my madness towards her.

"You got scared" she sighed and turned her face towards Irene. "Your sister has come to meet you. She knocked on the door and my sleep got broken. I told her to let you sleep a little more as she didn't sleep the whole night and went to freshen up. When I came out after taking a bath, you were still sleeping. That's why I came downstairs alone to spend time with Irene" she said. I nod my head and look at Irene who came to me and hugged me.

"How are you?" I asked.

"That should be my question... look at you brother. what condition have you made of yourself?" She scrawled.

"I'm fine"

"Yeah, I can see that" She scoffed and made me sit on the couch holding my hand. "Yesterday I called you and you didn't receive it. At first, I thought you were busy. That's why I called Max so that he could tell you to call me and from him, I came to know what happened over here" She said and held Sana's hand with her other hand.

"I got so scared for you both and then asked Stefan to bring me here as soon as possible because I want to see with my own eyes that you both are okay"

"We are absolutely fine.. don't worry," I said and looked at Sana who was lost in her thoughts.

"Well, why did you call me?" I asked.

"I wanted to invite you both to my birthday party"

"F***... I'm so sorry. In everything, I forget about your birthday. I'm sorry and happy birthday"

"Thank you"

"What if I forget your birthday? We will celebrate here" I said.

"No... Stefan planned a surprise for me and I don't want to spoil it" She said shyly. I chuckled and messed her hair.

"Brother" She hit me and we both started talking. She was sharing everything with me, having a beautiful smile. I smiled seeing her so happy with Stefan. My eyes went to Sana who was sitting silently not saying a word.

"Sano" She was so lost in her thought that she didn't even realise that I called her. she came to her senses and looked at my side when Irene shook her.

"Where are you lost? Alex is calling you" She chuckled. My eyes get moistened seeing her like this. Last week, she was so happy and cheerful and now she was sitting silently which is indicating to me that she is not ok after yesterday's incident. It leaves her in trauma.

"I have a slight headache... I want to rest for some time" Sana said and stood up. Irene was about to stop her but I held her hand as I knew Sana needed time. I know she is not ok and for Irene, she was trying to act like she is fine.

Sana looked at me and then went to our room. I sighed and looked at Irene and then Stefan who was looking at me with a worried expression.

"Don't worry... I'm okay" I smile at them weekly. Somewhere I know they can smell my lies but what can I do except lie because I'm not okay... How can I be okay when the love of my life is not okay? when she was suffering so much and couldn't do a single thing to make her feel better. I never felt so helpless in my entire life.

.

After an hour, Irene left with Stefan for their pack. I rushed towards my room to check on Sana and was surprised to see her working on her laptop. I stood with the support of the door and kept looking at her until her eyes went on me.

We both were looking into each other's eyes and I felt the pain she was hiding behind that emotionless face. unwillingly a tear rolled from my eyes and at the same, a tear rolled from her eyes as well.