Chapter 30 What I Want?

Anika's PoV

I told mom that Arun is not coming to meet them. I really felt bad to say this to my mom. My mom is always against this new age culture. She always says that the culture they were brought up in was the right one. Talking friendly to the opposite sex is offended by her. Throughout school and college, she wanted me to stay away from boys. She never used the word LOVE in our house. She thought it to be a sin to fall in love with someone before marriage. I should have listened to her advice. If at all I have listened, my dad would be fine now.

Looking back, I realized all that has happened, has happened for no reason. Arun is no more in my life. My mom's advice would have saved me from that embarrassing moment when my mom caught me the other day. It would have saved that awful fight mom and dad had because of me. It would have saved my reputation in my family. It would have saved those slpas from my mom. It would have saved dad from this horrible state he is in now. Everything would have been on a happy note if at all I had listened to her.

"Ma, Arun won’t come. He said he wants time." I told her.

"That mean?" she asked me with a question on her eyebrows.

"That means he is not coming, ever." I told her.

"Are you ok, Anu?" she asked me. What should I tell her? I am really ok. This break up made no dent in my heart. But it sounds awful!

"I am fine, ma." I told her and left the place. I don't like this conversation.

"Adu, keep company with Anu. She is very upset." I heard mom talk to Advay. I wanted to laugh out loud but I thought to leave it as such.

"Ennanga, looks like Anu said no to Arun. She is very upset. I think we must fasten her wedding process. She doesn't have to endure a heart break at this age." I heard mom talk to dad. She is so naïve.

"Then talk to Sivaprakasam. Send her horoscope to him." I managed to understand what dad replied.

Adu, mom and dad started being so kind to me. Adu stopped fighting with me. Mom stopped asking me for help. She gave me all her bouquet orders to keep me occupied when I am home. It all seems so absurd and meaningless. I actually am very normal and I wanted to shout that I am not broken. Thinking back, I remember what all the stupid things I oath myself when dad said a strict NO.

'I should prove dad that I didn't decide things out of hormones. I should let dad know Love is not just a feeling but a feeling without which life is nothing!'

How stupid was I? Turns out that dad was right. It was just hormones. Why else would I not be sad? ARJUN!? No, not him. He has nothing to do with this state of my mind. I just let my family think that I am in a heart break.

I didn't want to bother Nithu with all my melancholy. Her engagement was fixed with Praksh. She is very busy talking to him all day. I am totally happy for her. After marriage she will move to Chennai as he is working there. Her wedding is 3months away. I told her that I broke up with Arun on the phone. I said something was wrong with me and she said that I didn't feel sad because I was not in love with Arun. She said I would be devastated if this happened with Arjun. I don't want to think about that. For hell, I don't know why she always brings him up, it's not like he is submerged, he is always up in my mind and she doesn't have to do that.

There is something wrong with mom and dad for the past two days. I don't know what is happening with them but I know it is not good. She was breaking all the petals while making the garland. She is not concentrating on her work.

"Ma, what is bothering you?" I asked her straight.

"Nothing, dear. I am alright." She said, continuing to break the petals.

"What is it ma? Tell me. Did Arjun sir call you regarding my work?" I asked her. Maybe he said that he can’t help me. If he had done that, it is not his fault.

"No, Anu. He didn't call yet." she said. Oh, ok! He is not bad, remember?

"So that is the problem? It's ok ma. I can find a job myself. I have sent my resume to many job openings. If I am called for an interview, I am sure I will get a job. Don't worry, ma!"

"I know dear." she said. She is not right.

"Ma, look at me. Tell me what is pestering your mind." I asked her, turning her to face me.

"Nothing Anu."

"Ma!"

"Pch, it's Sivaprakasam anna. He said there is a good groom for you. I sent your horoscope to him. Looks like your horoscope matches perfectly with the groom." She said.

"Oh, so?" I don't like it one bit.

"He sent the groom details. Now we don't know how to say No!" she said. Wait, what did I just hear?

"You are going to say No?" I asked her, surprised. I am really happy. But at the same time I wanted to know who it was that my parents wanted to reject.

"Yes, dear. The groom he sent is Arjun. We don't like to marry you to him as a second wife." she said which came in as a shock. Nope! Shock is an understatement.

"What?" is all I could manage to get out of my mouth. This No is something I don't like one bit now.

"Don't worry, dear. We will say a No to them." she said with conviction.

"Hmmm!" was my response. I ran into my room and called Nithu.

‘The subscriber you have called is currently busy. Please try again later!.

Ugh! I have been hearing this same recorded voice for the past hour. How long is she gonna talk to him? I decided to talk to her in person.

"Ma, I am going to Nithu's home." I shouted from outside and started walking to her home.

On the way, a series of questions bombarded my mind. Why didn't I feel sad when Arun broke up with me? Why am I feeling happy that there is a chance that I can marry Arjun? What does this mean? Am I agreeing to marry that man? Nope! It is not my decision. It is an arranged marriage. I am just going to give my consent to proceed! But mom and dad want to say NO! Is that ok with me? Argh! I feel like pulling my hair out.

"Come in, Anu. Nithya is upstairs." her mom told me when she saw me.

"Thanks, aunty." I told her and ran up. I saw her sitting on the wall and talking on the phone. I wonder what they are talking about for so long.

"Ok Prakash, my friend is here. I will call you later. Bye." she hung up on him after I glared at her.

"What the hell? Don't you look for second calls? I have been trying to call you for the past hour and came here to talk to you. You are getting insane." I almost shouted at her.

"Shhhh, don't shout. I turned off the second call indication as it was getting annoying when we talk." she said.

"Are you for real? Second call intimation is invented to let you know that there is someone else trying to talk to you." I said.

"Pch, I know, de. Stop taking classes. Ok tell me, what now?" She asked me, pulling me to her and making me sit beside her.

"Mom was talking about an alliance to me, right? It looks like our horoscopes match perfectly." I told her.

"Very good! So are they going to take it to the next step?"

"Nope. They are going to say NO!"

"What? Why?" She asked, confused.

"Because the groom is ARJUN! It is his second marriage."

"WHAT? Is that real?" she almost shrieked.

"Yes."

"So what do you feel?"

"I feel nothing. What should I feel?" I asked her back. I really am very confused. I feel like I cannot trust myself.

"Listen to me, Anu. Be truthful and tell me what you want now. You have to be open to me. Hiding your heart to me will not benefit you."

"I really don't know, Nithu. I felt happy when mom said Arjun was the groom. I felt sad when she said she was going to say NO. I should be sad about my breakup, but I don't. My mom and dad think that getting me married will save me from that 'Non-Existent heart break'. I don't know what I want. I feel like things are chaotic in my life and I need time to understand what I really want. All I want now is a good paying job, nothing else. Definitely not marriage!" I told her what I really felt in my heart.

"Good! You have been trying for a job, right?"

"Yes! But nothing positive turned up. Nobody has called me for an interview so far. I think I should go to Chennai or Bangalore and stay there to find a job. Sending a resume and waiting for them to call is useless. Going in straight may yield better results. But our financial situation is not good right now and I cannot even think of going out to search for a job."

"I would say, you go with the flow. You do what you think is good. Put your full effort in looking for a job. Let your parents do what is good for you. Accept what comes to you. Trust me, Anu. Whatever belongs to you will reach you no matter what. Don't think too much and react to everything. If marriage is fated for you, you cannot escape. So be casual and open to accept anything."

She is in a way right. But I couldn't shake off Arjun. He keeps on lingering in my eyes and mind. I could not stop but see visions of me being together with him. I said OK to her and left for home.

When I entered our home, I saw Sivaprakasam periyappa's car outside. He must have come to compromise mom and dad to say OK to this wedding.

"Anna, we know he is not at fault. We know their family is good. They are our relatives too. But whatever said and done, at the end, it is his second marriage. Anu is our only girl and we wish for her happiness." I heard mom talking to him. I decided to stay out and listen to their conversation.

"Trust me, Anandhi, Saravanan. Your daughter will be happy for sure. Arjun is a very nice gentleman. Though we didn't want it, his life has been spoiled by our daughter. All I want is to make it better for him. Anika would be the right choice for him. I know Anika and I know Arjun. They are made for each other. If this wedding happens, all your problems will be solved. Saravanan will get better treatments, Advay will study in the best college. Above all, Anika will be happy." he said.

"No anna, I have already told you, we don't want Anika's marriage to benefit us. She is our precious. All we want is her happiness."

"Can you tell me one good reason to avoid this proposal other than it is Arjun's second marriage?" he asked defeated. I don't want him to get defeated. I want him to compromise my parents.

"Nothing, anna. But I think that is more than enough to reject this proposal." my mom said.

"Ok, Saravanan. Think well and ask Anika's opinion on it too. I am not going to tell them your rejection this week. Call me after a week with your final decision. I will take your leave now, Anandhi. All I want is wellness and happiness for both the family. Take care." he came out.

"Anika, How are you, ma?" he asked me as he came out.

"I am good, Periyappa. How are you? How is Periyamma?"

"She is good. Ok ma, will see you later. Take care." he left with a tap on my head.

I went into my home and went straight to my room. I decided to know what Arjun feels like on this matter. I took my mobile to message him.