70. Preethi!

Preethi’s PoV

All my life, I am denied the one thing I am longing for! ARJUN! I have known Arjun since we were in second grade. Arjun happened to be the same age as us. We would play outside our house after school and I would see him sitting outside of the library that is opposite to our house waiting for his car to pick him up. He would always look at us playing but would never try to come play with us. Though our house was just opposite to the library, we never went inside of it even once. I was intrigued by the fact that Arjun visits the library from far away on a regular basis.

One day, I went to him and asked him to come play with us, he refused but talked to me in a nicer way. I liked him the very first time we talked. He then became my best friend. Praveen joined in with us later and Arjun took a great step and changed his school to come study with us. We never parted until we finished our school.

Arjun is an ideal man! You could never see a man like him even after you search all over this earth. Talking to me came naturally to him. I was always a special person to him. He would confide in me for everything no matter what. We often spent our time together in school and because we never changed our school, all our teachers knew that we were bestest friends. I would always be seen with Arjun and many of our classmates thought that we were in love. As we grew big and I hit my puberty, I saw a different Arjun.

Touches and skin contacts were very common between us. We even had sleepovers then and he used to sleep with me in my bed. But after I matured, the little touches gave me goosebumps, holding hands and leaning on the shoulders were creating a spark in me. I started to feel shy around him but Arjun was just as usual. My mom made me sleep in a separate room than Praveen and then Arjun started to spend more time with Praveen than me. I hated it and I started fighting with Praveen more often until one day Arjun said that I am more important to him than Praveen. That made me feel elated.

Since everyone in my school thought that Arjun and I were in love, no one tried to talk to me. Even when some guys tried to approach me, Arjun was the one to defend me. He was way over protective of me. Everything he did, he made me feel special. My love for him grew exponentially in me as we grew together. He would eat from my plate, I would feed him, he would take me rides on his bikes and car, he would buy me anything I asked for that was rejected by my parents. During our farewell at school, I wore a saree that Arjun bought for me which I still treasure.

After his mom, dad and sister, I am the only one that Arjun opens up to. More than them, Arjun would seek me and my company in everything he does. He would smile and laugh only with me. He was a grumpy, handsome introvert to everyone else around us. Girls, though had a crush on him, were afraid to approach him. Some girls who knew that Arjun is not in love with me, even approached me to get close to him. I was super mad at them for that and often made them suffer in other ways.

I very well knew that Arjun is not disturbed by me in any way. Though that thought hurt me like hell, I cannot take out my anger on him because I love him too much. When it was time for college, we knew we could not afford the college that he was opting to. I wanted to use that time to divert my mind from Arjun but the distance made me more obsessed with him. I clearly knew by then that I cannot even think of another man as my life partner. Even then, Arjun would come to visit us whenever he got holidays. He studied in Chennai and we studied in Coimbatore.

Everything came crashing down on me when I completed my degree. My mom and dad started looking for a groom. On my birthday, I called up Arjun to meet me. I decided to propose to him. I know he could not say no to me. Even though he had no idea of loving me, if I proposed it, he wouldn't deny it. I still remember that day like yesterday.

“Ajju, where are you?” I was calling him for the Nth time to know where he was. I was waiting for him on the beach for more than an hour now.

“Almost there, Preeth. Ten more minutes.”

“You have been saying the same thing for more than twenty minutes now.”

“Come on, be patient, birthday girl!” He hung up on me. I started to rehearse one last time before I actually said it to him.

“Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Preethi, Happy birthday to you!” I was surprised to see all our friends behind me singing for my birthday with a huge cake and lots of presents.

“Thank you! Thank you, Ajju.” I looked at him and he came to me with a hug.

“Where is my gift?” I asked him after the cake cutting was done. The boys started to have some beer when the girls had soft drinks. I pulled Arjun from the crowd aside to talk to him before he got intoxicated.

“Oh, I almost forgot! Here.” He handed me an envelope.

“What is this?” I opened it to see a photo of a man.

“He is Nilesh! Everything is super good from the horoscope and family background. I personally checked on him and he seems to be a nice man. He doesn't smoke but drinks occasionally. He had no prior love affairs. He earns well and his mom and dad are with him. He is the only son so you have to live with your in-laws. How do you like him?” He asked me. Well, what should I say now? What had I planned and what is happening now!?

“I practically snatched this photo from aunty. I wanted to show you your life partner. He is handsome too. He would match your height perfectly. Do you like him, Preeth?” He kept talking.

“Don't you feel protective of me like you usually do with other guys around me? Why are you talking like this, Ajju?” I tried to talk, swallowing all the sobs that were erupting from my throat.

“I felt protective over you, Preeth. That is why I asked your mom and dad not to talk about this to you until I check on him. Now that everything’s cleared on him, I am actually happy that you are going to marry him” He said.

“Do you really think that I will be happy with him? Don't you feel bad that you cannot talk to me or see me like we usually do when I get married to another man?” I asked him trying to understand where he stands. I knew he had no sexual attraction towards me but it really hurt me when he did not exhibit any kind of possessiveness when talking about my marriage. That is when I knew that I should clear my path with him. I decided to marry Nilesh.

“I don't think, I know you will be happy with him. You will always be my friend no matter whom you marry. So stop this stupid sentiment. Tell me if you like him in the picture?”

“I do!” I said without even looking at the photograph.

“Nope! You haven't even seen it yet. No compulsion. If you don't like him, I can look for another groom. Your wish is the first priority.” He said. I just wanted to laugh at his words. He would never ever understand me or my love.

“I like him, Ajju. Actually, I really feel a spark just by looking at his picture. I am ok to marry him.” I told him. Everyone except Ajju is just the same to me. So Nilesh is fine.

“Great! We will look at him in person and I will make you talk to him. We shall proceed only if you like him after talking to him. Ok?” He asked me as if I were a little girl. This is what made me fall head over heels for him.

We went to see Nilesh in his workplace without my mom and dad knowing. Ajju made me talk to him in private. Nilesh made me feel special and I thought maybe this is the right decision. I happily married him. But then, my happiness just flew through the window on the very same night of my wedding. I hated every second of our love making. I hated that he was touching me inappropriately and every touch he made reminded me of Arjun! It was like my heart was having sex with Arjun while my body was touched by Nilesh. It was hell.

I tried hard to adapt to this new life and accept Nilesh as my husband because Nilesh really was a wonderful man. He was so considerate and gentle with me in every aspect. It was hard for me to hurt him but I could not put on an act for so long, I was never able to accept his nearness. Luckily, I got pregnant. I used it as an excuse to distance myself from him. I had my baby shower at my seventh month and came to my parents place. I refused to go back until the baby was five months old. My mother in law noticed my changes and sensed that her son is not happy. She started to question me and I started to fight with her.

But I felt very guilty when my father in law and mother in law died. It was just me, Nilesh and Avni then in the home and I started to search online to make some excuse for my behavior. That is when I came across the baby blues and the term HSDD (Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder). I learnt more of it through the internet and started faking the symptoms. As expected, he took me to the psychiatrist and I made her believe that I have HSDD.

Deep down, my guilty conscience was killing me for doing this to Nilesh, so eventually I started to look for homely women who needed sex online. I called them home and Nilesh started to get pissed off at me. He kept sending all the women back and stopped even talking to me. Just then I saw Janani and knew that she was being abused. I knew Nilesh couldn't resist the beauty of Janani and I also knew that Nilesh was a sentimental man. Just as I planned, things worked out just fine when I got to know that Arjun was getting married, again.

At that point, I was only thinking of stopping that disturbing sex with Nilesh and failed to understand that by doing this I was making my life a big question mark. Now that Arjun is going to marry another girl, I would never have him and now I lost my chance with my husband either. That was when I started to hate Janani. But Janani looked at me like a fairy godmother. She was so annoyingly good at taking care of Avni and me and the household and Nilesh that I could not even start a fight with her for no reason. Eventually, I felt that the love Nilesh had for me was fading away and was replaced with the love for Janani.

I felt so suffocated that I started to go to my parents place more often and that is when Arjun started to bring his wife Anamika over. I hated her at first sight, I wanted to eliminate her from Arjun’s life so that I can take her place. But for that, I needed to stay in constant touch with her. She was a very soft spoken and moody girl. I knew just then she was not the right girl for Arjun. Arjun needs a girl with whom he would feel emotions of all extremities.

Soon I got to know that Anamika and Arjun never had sex. With her behavior and antics with me, I figured out that she might be a lesbian. I started talking more about lesbians to her, I made her feel guilty that lesbians are not supposed to marry a man and spoil his life. I spoke more about Nilesh and how he could not live without sex when I was pregnant, obviously I over exaggerated the details. I could literally see her face pale out every time we spoke.

One fine day, Arjun called to inform me that Anamika just disappeared from his life. I started comforting him with love and care. When I knew that Arjun was over Anamika, I spoke with Arjun’s mom to apply for a divorce after a whole lot of searching on the internet. Well, right time to fight with Nilesh and Janani to make them look bad in the eyes of my parents and Arjun. I behaved frantically and blamed it on the mental disorder that I created for myself. I threatened Nilesh to kill myself and Avni if he ever talked about this to anyone. I came home breaking up with Nilesh after Arjun got his legal divorce. Now, all I have to do is to make everyone see that Arjun and I are supposed to be together. But in came that bitch ANIKA!