Chapter 45

I sat in silence for a moment with Luna Everleigh. While her story was different than what had happened to me, I could see the similarities. I could even see similarities in the ways that we have treated our mates. Does that mean there is truly hope for Justin and I? Justin tries to be there for me, but some days are worse than others. I feel myself starting to trust him and starting to trust what I feel for him and then this little nagging voice is in my head telling me that it is all a lie and he is waiting for me to trust him before he fucks my life up…but what if it won’t be like that? King Lucas and Luna Everleigh has clearly moved past it and they seem happy with each other. He loves her. You can tell the way that he talks to her or the way that he angles his body towards her.

“You seem like something is on your mind, Kataleya. Do you want to talk about it?”

I hesitated before everything spilled from me. “How do I know that it will work with him? How can I learn to fully trust him and give myself to him? We have our good days where everything is going well and we are happy, or at least we seem happy, then BAM! My little inner devil starts talking and telling me that it is all part of Justin’s plan to get me to trust him and then he is going to hurt me when I least expect it. I promised myself after the incident that I would never allow another man to cause me any type of harm. I vowed to myself that I would reject my fated mate and I wouldn’t take that chance. Now, here I am trying to justify everything and convince myself that Justin, and not all men, are like those guys that had raped me. Justin has been incredibly patient with me. He has not pushed me to complete the bond, to let him mark me, to announce that he is my mate, or for sex…but how long will he stay understanding? I know that it is frustrating having a mate that struggles with trusting others…Justin goes crazy when I am around any other male, even though he tries to hide it, because I am not marked. Fuck, he doesn’t even like me around Oliver, who I have been best friends with since we were in diapers, and I have got him getting territorial when I am around my siblings…pretty much any unmated male. How do we get around this? How did you learn to trust King Lucas?”

She scooted closer to me and grabbed my hand, “Kataleya, these feelings and thoughts you are having are normal. It is normal to be hesitant. You were traumatized and, while I am not a licensed therapist, I would even hesitate to say that you have PTSD. Severe PTSD. It took Lucas a while to get me to trust him and even longer for me to allow him to mark me and complete the bond. He understood my feelings. I would say that young Justin understands yours too. I see the way he looks at you, Kataleya. That young man loves you and he will follow you to the end of the world and do anything that you ask of him. You just have to trust him in blind faith. He has not done anything to hurt you outside of training. Let him in, just as you let me in today. Justin will be there for you when you need him and he will not go anywhere. You just got to let him love you,” she finished with a sigh.

I nodded my head and I could feel the tears slipping down my cheek. I want to trust him. I want to love him, but how do I do that? Do I just blindly accept what we have?

“I have to return to my kingdom soon. I don’t like being away from my King for too long.” She handed me a notebook that she pulled out of her bag. “However, I want you to write down your emotions, feelings, thoughts, and anything that you think is pertinent about everything that happens in your daily life. Then, the next time I see you, we can talk about it. You can either show it to me or you could hide it from me. Now, go find your mate. I am sure he is eager to see you.”

I stood up and gave her a big hug as I whispered thank you to her. I opened the door and I was met by Sebastian. He gave me a curt nod and moved out of my way, so I could continue down the hall. Hmmm…I wonder how much of that he had heard. I shrugged off my thoughts and continued walking, wondering where Justin and my father were going.

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I decided that I would go to see Oliver and Michael. I haven’t talked to them in a few days, which just felt weird in general. Usually, we are pretty close and talk once or twice a day, at the very least. I looked at the time and realized that it was already lunch, so I headed to the pack dining hall.

I figured I could kill two birds with one stone. I could find Oliver and Michael and I could get something to eat, since I had skipped breakfast. Typically, if there is food involved, Michael and Oliver were usually there. Plus, Justin and my father have been getting onto me lately because I haven’t been eating. I would eat maybe once a day and that was usually dinner, only because Justin would give me evil glares until I ate at least half my plate. The glares would make me feel bad and uncomfortable, so that I would eventually give in. I just never feel hungry anymore, so I usually forget to eat. Even when I am around food, I am hardly ever ravenous anymore and it ends with me picking at my food.

As soon as I walked into the hall, I spotted Michael and Oliver sitting with a group of warriors. As soon as Oliver sees me, he waves me over. I held my finger up to him, telling him to wait a minute before I went and grab something to eat from the buffet-style line.

The chefs that we have at the packhouse are phenomenal. The executive chef that we have is from France, but he has experience with all sorts of cuisines. I remember when I was younger and I would go to the pack kitchen for a snack, he would let me sample one of his new creations. He would tell me that I would be his “taste tester,” aka his Guinea pig, and would offer whatever it was to me. He would say that if I approved of his dish, then everyone would love what he made.

Even now, as I am walking through the buffet line, I see plenty of new recipes that I have yet to try.

“I haven’t seen you here in a while, Kat. I was wondering if you even still lived in the pack,” someone had said from behind me.

I turned around and saw Chef Antoine standing behind me. “How could I turn down your delicious food, Antoine? Lately, I have been eating in my room, so food has been delivered up there or my mom will bring me dinner.”

He laughed, “Of course, Kataleya. I am just glad to see you again! I hope you enjoy your food.”

I finished grabbing my plate. I decided on a simple salad and then two savory crepes. Usually, the crepes are a surprise because he does not tell you what is in the crepes ahead of time.

I make my way over to where Oliver and Michael are, noticing about half the warriors have now left their positions at the table.

“Where did everyone go,” I asked them.

“The people that had left had to patrol this afternoon, so they had to leave to go on patrol. I guess dad decided to relieve Justin of his patrol duty temporarily. Dad wanted him to have time with you.”

Oliver looked between Michael and I. Crap…Oliver didn’t know about Justin and I being mates. I forgot that I still haven’t had the chance to tell him.

“What is he talking about, Kat?”

“Oh, I just forgot to tell you. I really didn’t want a lot of people to know, since it was just immediate family…I was worried about not meeting everyone’s expectations…” I looked over and nearly forgot that there were still some warriors at the table. When they noticed me watching, they all became suddenly busy checking out their food and looking around the room. I switched to mind linking him instead.

‘Justin and I are fated mates.’

Oliver’s mouth dropped open. ‘What?! Since when? Clearly, you are not marked and neither is he. You decided I was not important enough to tell this very important tidbit of information to?’

‘Ollie, I promise it was not like that. It just slipped my mind to tell you. I promise. We have been so busy lately with me preparing to take over as Alpha and you preparing as my Beta….and to answer your other question, we found out the day of my birthday…I ran into him on my way to the training ground…I ran from him. I wouldn’t speak with him. I nearly rejected him out of fear.’ I looked away from Oliver, not wanting him to sense the tears that had been welling. Fuck! What is going on with me? I am never this emotional. I am an Alpha…I need to be strong. I cannot show anyone these emotions.

‘Kat, honey, I wish you would have told me. I am happy for you. I really am. Justin is a great guy and a great warrior. I know that he can protect you, even if you don’t need the protection. I cannot imagine the stress and pain you were going through when you felt that you did not have anyone to talk to. Just know that if you ever want to talk about it, or anything, that I am still here.’ He paused for a moment. ‘I really can’t believe that you are the first one out of us to find your mate. Imagine that! You were especially the one that was adamant that you did not need a mate! What are you going to do about the Alpha title if you decide to fully accept him as your mate?’

He has a good point. Justin and I never discussed how this would work if we both accepted the bond and marked each other. I really could not see this big strong warrior agreeing to become my ‘Luna,’ but I also don’t want to give up the position that I fought, literally and figuratively, for my mate just because he does not see himself as a Luna.

‘I don’t know. This is not something that we have discussed, but we probably should if we both decide to go through with the bond and be with each other.’

He sighed, ‘What about being co-Alphas? I really cannot see your big macho mate being a Luna, he would flip shit if someone called him Luna. I wonder how the Alpha Females in the legends did it with their mates and what they were called.’ He laughed. I am currently envisioning Justin’s reaction to someone calling him Luna and I must admit it is kind of funny.

“I hate to break up your silent conversation, but it is not fair for you two to have your silent conversation and keep all of us in the dark. You know what they say, keeping secrets makes babies!” Gael interrupted our conversation to tell us.

Everyone at the table laughed. “Gael, you are just nosy! You don’t need to know what we are talking about.”

“Quite the contrary though, my dear future Alpha, if it has to do with my boy Justin, then we all have a right to know.”

“Gael, you are barking up the wrong tree. Kataleya is going to get you now,” Michael said as he was chuckling.

“So, tell me, Gael, how is Justin your ‘boy?’ Are you telling me you swing a different way? Is there something that I don’t know about you and Justin that you would enlighten me with?”

Justin walked up to us and sat next to me, just as I had finished my sentence.

“Woah, woah, woah! What team are we talking about now?” Justin exclaimed.

“Well, you see, young Gael over here said that you were his boy and that he had a right to know what Oliver and Michael and I were talking about regarding you. I was just clarifying what I did not know about you.”

Justin laughed, “Gael, you picked a fight with the wrong female. You and I both know I don’t swing for that team.” Justin reached under the table and grabbed my hand and lightly squeezed it.

‘I missed you, love. What were you and Oliver talking about me for?’

‘Nothing really. My idiot brother accidentally let it slip aloud that some of the warriors are working different shifts because my father wanted you to take a temporary leave of absence to spend time with me, which I think is unnecessary, by the way. So, Oliver was confused because he didn’t know why you would need time with me. I forgot that he did not know that we were fated mates. We were just talking and I told him about us being fated.’

He chuckled in my head, ‘I guess that is something you probably should have told your best friend.’

‘I am surprised you haven’t told your best friend though. I figured you would have done told Gael or Aziel.’

He shrugged mentally, ‘You said you were not ready for anyone to know yet, so I assumed that meant even my closest friends. I told you, babe, we are going to take this at your pace.’

Gael looked between the both of us. It was like realization dawned on him at that moment. Gael merged a link with Justin and I, ‘There is something going on between the two of you, isn’t there.’

Justin looked at me, silently asking for permission. I squeezed his hand, ‘As long as you think he can be trusted not to tell anyone our secret for now. I promise it won’t be a secret forever.’

Justin smiled at me gently before looking back at Gael and opening the link again. ‘What I am about to tell you, you have to promise me that you will not tell anyone else, Gael. I am serious. This has to remain a secret.’

He nodded his head at us before Justin continued speaking, ‘Kataleya and I are fated mates.’