Fifty-six

Jordan

"Stay Jordan!! Please!!!" He said while he got on his knees and wrapped his arms around my legs.

"Greyson. Stop. I don't have a job, no work, no place to stay at, and I'm out of collage. I need to go back." I said while I tried walking towards the front door.

"Jordan!! You can stay here like right now! Don't go back there!! We left because we wanted too!!! Don't let him make you leave! You have a future here! Just take your semester in the summer! It's already going to be winter here, and you always said you wanted to see the snow! So now's yours chance! Please Jordan! We can start from the bottom again! Like before! Please Jordan! I'm sure James would convince that bîtch of a boss to hire you back in! Please Jordan!" He said on my legs.

I stop moving and looked down at him. He looks up at me with glossy eyes. "Please Jordan. You work so hard in high school to get here. Don't quit now."

Now my eyes are starting to get glossy, "it's just h-hard Grey-Greyson. I don't thi-ink I would fi-nd my self in th-is." I run my hand through my hair while I hiccup. I cover my stomach because that trigger a pain towards the stitches.

"And all because of t-that fi-ght I went to." I said while I let my head hang low.

I felt him get up and hug me tight in his chest. I sobbed on his chest and he cried with me.

*****

I sat on his bed while he was behind me fish tailing my hair.

"Gr-Greyson?"

"Mhmm."

"You- you know, when I said don't come in the room at the hospital."

"Mhmhm."

"I-I took and shower and when I came out and laid right back down on the bed...one of the doctors came in....and said..." my eyes teared up just thinking about it.

I tried breathing out but it came out as a hiccup. "What happen Jordan?" I felt the bed dip and I see him in front of me, kneeling in front of me. I wipe my eyes and tried to continue.

"He sai-id that since I h-had surgery and all that....he....while he was doing surgery....he said....my..." I hiccup even more. I look up trying to stop the tears.

"What happen Jordan? What did he say?"

"My...uterus was carrying....was carrying a fetus....but my body re-rejected it...and he said....he sa-aid....when I got kicked there my u-uterus teared and i-it got infec-ted..." I sobbed even more and this time he pulled me in a tight hug. I sobbed and held tightly around his neck. I heard him take in deep breaths, trying to control his tears.

A good twenty minutes passed, just us crying on each other's shoulder.

I calmed down, but still trying to control my hiccups.

"It got infected, and he had no choice to cut it out." I whispered softly on his neck. I closed my eyes, "he said the fetus already died, and my uterus was so badly infected from the tear, he had too. He said if he left in and try to make my body heal it on its own, I would've died because I was to weak." I whispered while I closed my eyes tight so no tears can fall.

"I can't have a child of my own."

That's what it took. My dam I was making for my tears just broke and that's when I sobbed.

That was the first time I said it out loud.

I'm a women who won't be able to see herself in their child.

I'm a women who won't enjoy watching their stomach grow from the gift of having a child.

I'm a women who won't feel the pain and cry when they pushed one last time and hear their child cry for first time on this world.

I cry even more just thinking about all of that.

I can't believe I won't be able to have a child.

*****

Is it bad that Greyson is basically skipping school just to stay with me because I'm to stubborn to let him go to class.

"I just have to go to this one for the last summer finals, I swear I would be back." He said while he rushed around the dorm looking for his shoes and his bag.

I was on the couch eating from the tub of snickers ice cream."are you sure." I said with my mouth full of ice cream.

"I'm sure." He ran towards the door, well should I say...hopped towards the door putting on his shoes and grabbing his bag on the counter. He unlocked the door and quickly went out. "See you soon! Love ya!" He threw me a kiss and closed the door. I heard the door lock and I sighed.

I look down at myself and just see ice cream stains on his shirt that I'm using. I'm just in one of his long white shirt. I have a fan on, blowing right at me. And on my right I have my medication to take every four hours for the healing for my uterus and to not get my stitches infected.

Right after I said I couldn't have a child Greyson started to sob loud and I couldn't help but to sob with him. We cried all night on his bed and we ended up crying ourself to sleep.

But that was two days ago.

Yesterday, we went apartment shopping. Me and Greyson would move in with each other, and we would find jobs. Well...me.

Greyson already has a job, that's how he's paying for his semesters and his dorm. I think he's working at some high class store. I don't know. But he's always being back more and more clothes.

We went to go buy food after for the dorm. But he was the one pushing the cart, so I was just putting in junk food. Like this tub of ice cream. He would take stuff out, but when he wasn't looking, I would put it back in.

I would say I'm a ninja if I don't say for myself.

I'm watching some Netflix, I think the show is call stranger things? Not sure? But so far I'm loving the show.

Hours had past and I already took my medicine and all that jazz. I finished the seasons and now I have to wait for the next one to come soon. I walked towards the garbage and threw away the empty tub and put the spoon in the sink.

I walked towards his room and got one of his boxers and one long shirt.

I walked towards the bathroom and closed the door. I turned on the water and waited for it to turn warm. I stripped out of his shirt and walked in.

I washed my hair and my body and quickly got out. I didn't want to spend hours in there. I was careful around the stitches and all, but I still got light head just looking at them.

I dried off and walked towards the sink.

Bad Idea.

There was no fog on it, so I saw myself. My hair was over my shoulders and dripping wet. Water would trail down my body and end up falling on the ground.

But I looked at my stomach.

I licked my lips and slowly brought my hand up to my stomach.

I pushed back the tears and slowly started to rub my stomach.

Right now I would be carrying a child.

But I didn't like that.

I'm happy but sad.

I'm sad because I can't produce any babies.

But happy it happen because I wouldn't have to live of giving birth to his child.

You may have tortured me.

You may have broken me.

But I have slowly put myself together,

And I get to have a laugh at your dirt gave.