Chapter 42

From the moment we had entered the theater room, Isobel didn’t hesitate to keep up with Christian so she could sit next to him on the long lounge while Luna took matters into her own hands and pushed me to the other side of him.

“You’re sitting next to me, Serena?” Christian gave me a warm smile and pushed Isobel who was glaring at me, a bit to the side so I could join them, while I had a startled look on my face.

“Thank me later,” Luna whispered, thinking she had done something to help me. Perhaps it wasn’t that smart to leave out the part where I had basically confessed my feelings to him.

Olivia who had made her goal very clear from the second she got here, moved next to Isobel so she could sit next to Luca. “Faith, come sit next to me!” Marc had offered, and also she made her way to the other side and sat in between Luca and Marc.

“Right, just leave me alone here— I’m okay.” Luna sighed and closed her eyes. “I’m next to you!” I smiled at her. Luna laughed and placed her hand on my shoulder. “Right, I pushed you here for a reason— you can’t let her win!”

I immediately shushed Luna and looked beside me to see if Christian had heard her, but he was too busy with Isobel. “Can I sit next to you?” Johnny had walked over and asked Luna.

“S-Sure, I mean— why not?” Luna told him and gave me a satisfied smile. Johnny sitting next to me made me feel much better because I knew he was not going to pull any stupid games.

“So what are we watching?” Luna asked Johnny who had shrugged his shoulders and leaned forward to look at Luca. “I don’t know, Luca’s in charge. Luca, what are we watching?” He asked.

“As if it couldn’t get any worse.” I heard Christian whisper to himself and giggled. This whole corny idea of watching a movie and having a sleepover seemed to be a disaster to him and it was not that difficult to see that Luca was not his favorite cousin, he was no Johnny.

“Thanks for asking, I’ve decided that we are going to watch...Grease!” He teased everyone but quickly recovered himself when he heard all the sighs and complaints. I, on the other hand, did not have any issue with the movie, proving once again that I did not fit in with them. “I’m just joking guys!” Luca laughed at his own words. “Any suggestions?”

“How about the godfather? It fits the theme and seems kind of similar to the youngest son and all, don’t you think Christian?” Luca suggested while the whole room went quiet. “That’s what happened with uncle Lucio and my dad, and with Christian and his brothers.” He casually explained to Olivia who I knew was regretting her decision.

I turned around to look at Christian who seemed unfazed, but behind all of that, I could read a hurt expression.

“For what the stiff faces? I am joking.” Luca started laughing, while everyone except for Christian and I followed. The topic had obviously embarrassed him and I figured why he did not seem to like Luca. The backhanded comment was definitely to get on his nerves and perhaps even out of jealousy.

“Let’s not talk about that kind of stuff...for once. Now is not the time.” Christian smiled, not trying to ruin the mood. “Okay.” Luca smiled back, knowing exactly what he had done. While Luca had eventually picked out a horror movie, Christian tried his best to cheer himself up but officially felt down.

Isobel had not even noticed and continued talking to him while he was obviously not in the mood. So much for being his close friend.

While the movie was playing, I looked around and thought of how the hell I was going to sleep here tonight. Horror movies were definitely not made for me and scared the living crap out of me. “Are you okay?” Christian asked halfway through the movie and moved away from Isobel to wrap his arms around me.

“Fine,” I told him and looked down embarrassed. “Don’t lie, you’re shaking.” He said and pulled my head into his chest. At times the things he did confused me because this was the last thing he should be doing. I wanted him to keep his distance, I wanted him to give me a reason not to fall for him so I could wake up from this crazy dream.

“The baby’s not dying because she’s scared,” Isobel whispered and glared at me. “Besides that, she’s twenty-one, kind of weak to be scared of movies if you ask me.”

“I don’t think so, I think showing your fear requires strength.” Christian jumped in to protect me. His eyes told me that he spoke from experience and would not allow Isobel to bully me. “Whatever.” She rolled her eyes and scooted away from him.

For some reason, I felt safe in his arms, as if nothing could happen to me and as if he would protect me. It was probably due to him squeezing me so tightly but it worked. Near the end of the movie, the majority fell asleep, while Johnny and Luna were in their own little world and Christian sighed out of boredom.

The way how he had managed to not even flinch once had amazed me, but then again...I knew that he had probably seen way worse— but the art of falling for him had to do with me closing myself off from any of those thoughts. Me only trying to see the good in him.

“I’m gonna go for a smoke,” Christian announced and looked at Johnny who was too busy with showing Luna something on his phone. “Alright then.” He rolled his eyes and tried to get up while I pulled him back down. “And me?” I asked, knowing it was for the best not to follow because of the baby.

“You can wait in the kitchen if you want.” He offered and held my hand before looking at Johnny and Luna. “They seem to be getting along well.” He sighed and got up while I followed closely behind him.

He chuckled at me staying so close to him that I was almost breathing in his neck and placed his arm around my shoulder. “I’ll turn on the lights for you, so no ghosts can get to you or the baby.” He reassured me and did as promised.

“Will you be okay?” He asked as I sat at the kitchen table and I nodded my head. He kept the door open to keep an eye on me and walked to the kitchen deck. “Is this okay?” He asked and looked back to see if I inhaled any smell of the cigarette. “This is fine.”

He had turned back around which gave me the perfect opportunity to stare at him in awe. I did not know how it had gotten like this, but the idea of me liking him scared me. Perhaps I wanted him to show me the bad side of him so I would keep my head clear. “Smoking is bad for you.” I tried to start a conversation and heard him laugh. “You’re more like my mom than you think.”

“How’s the baby?” He suddenly asked. “Good.”

“Great...how are you?” He asked this time, and once again I gave him the same answer. “Good.”

“And how are we?”

I smiled at his odd habit of asking these questions in the same sequence as usual. It was obvious that he cared, but he was too embarrassed to admit it. “What do you mean, we’re fine right?”

“You know what I mean.” He spoke and finished smoking in silence. I did not know what his goal was. Did he want to embarrass me? I told him to drop whatever I had said— but yet here he was, talking about it.

He walked back to the kitchen and poured a drink while I was thinking of ways to get out of this conversation. The first time was more than enough.

Christian joined me at the kitchen table and stared at me for a second before shoving the glass into my hands. “Here.”

“Thank you.” I barely whispered and tried my hardest not to look at him. He watched as I drank the glass of lemonade and waited until I was finished.

“Serena, I want you and the baby to live a happy life.” He spoke out of nowhere. “I want to keep you safe...and the baby— and you’re amazing but I can’t ever return your feelings.”

Well, at least he was being honest about it. “Yes, you don’t have to rub it in that I’m not good enough for you, I told you to forget what I said-“

“It’s not you...it’s me and I’m sorry.” Christian apologized. I could not seem to understand why he was trying to break my heart once again. “Serena, you don’t know what kind of person I am-“

“Then tell me!” I raised my voice. “Because you keep saying that, but you should let me decide that for myself, don’t you think?”

The look on Christian’s face had changed and I knew that I had to push him just a little more until he would finally open up. “I want to get to know you— and I knew what I was getting myself into, so let me decide that for myself!”

“If I’d tell you— we wouldn’t be sitting here,” Christian spoke, and I knew all too well what he was referring to. Call me crazy, call me insane— but for some reason unlike before I did not give a crap about what he did because I had not seen it with my own eyes. “You wouldn’t Serena...you wouldn’t be able to handle it, I know it.”

“You don’t know anything about me.” I reminded him. Yes, I was scared of horror movies— but I had gone through a lot so could probably manage.

“I just want to keep you and the baby safe.” Christian started again, but his idea of keeping us safe seemed to confuse me. He was always talking about keeping us safe, but wouldn’t tell about who or what he was keeping us safe from.

“You don’t like me? Fine, but at least tell me for the baby’s sake— because how can we co-parent if you won’t open up. Don’t you think that’s unfair?” I tried once again.

“It’s not like you’ve ever opened up.” Christian turned the situation around, but it was not going to happen, not this time.

“But I am willing, all you had to do is ask.”

He sighed, knowing he had lost this argument. I also did not enjoy talking about my life, but at least I was willing to share and all he had to do was ask.

“Fine, what do you want to know?” He spoke to my surprise. A smile had appeared on my face at the thought of me finally getting the answers I was seeking.

“You can start by explaining Luca’s comment.”