EIGHT

I pulled her closer to me. I kissed her forehead while she was hugging me. I did not say anything or ask. I can't believe what happened. I couldn’t believe she was a virgin and she entrusted me herself. All I could think is she slept with a different man. Not a big deal for me, because I've been with a lot of women. But the thought that I was the first and there was no one else plus she still entrusted herself to me ---- It makes me happy. Whatever.

If only I knew. I will not wait for this to happen. I would have pleaded with her before. Not because I want to score a virgin. But she doesn't deserve to put down herself. She's a woman, a virgin, and I should be the one who pleads her to trust me. Not her just because she wants me to please. She didn't even correct me for my false accusations against her when I said that I might be better than her men.

"Thank you," she said and buried her face in my chest.

"I should be the one who said that. Thank you for trusting me." She looked up and smiled at me foolishly so I laughed.

"I trust you from the beginning, Blaze." I don't know how to react.

"Did you?" She nods even as she sinks.

"Yes, I was just scared and I might have misjudged you. But, I know you're a good man, and if I have any confidence in myself that I can trust you. I want you and I have no regrets."

"You didn't make a mistake today because I won't leave you. I'm sorry about earlier. I thought--"

"I understand. I can't blame you. I hate dramas so it's ok with me."

"But I still hate you," I said so she looked up again.

"Huh, why?"

"I am so fucking worried about you, Maggie. I don't know where you are, or what happened to you. Then I'll see with that idiot? What do you want me to react to? He has to be thankful and I'm more worried about you, if not he can find what he's looking for."

"I'm sorry, Blaze." I sighed. "I just want to have fun. I really hate these fucking days."

"I know there is something that bugging you. You're not ok when you leave so I'm worried about you."

"Did you notice that?" She had a surprising question. "I mean how? You noticed I'm not ok?"

"Yes, your face and lips can lie, but not your eyes." She removes her hands from me and then looked at the ceiling. "You're going through something, Maggie."

"You were the only one who noticed then. You were the only one who wasted to ask me."

"I can be your shoulder, Mag,"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Sure, tell me."

"I came from my mother's grave before I went to the bar," she said and looked at me so I was able to lie down.

"Did you?"

"I visit her every year but I didn't tell Margot. I only go out when she's gone so I can talk to mommy. Margot is so dramatic so I don't want her there because her cruelty is contagious. And what she said is that I didn't take mommy to her final destination, she's wrong 'cause I was there."

"Maggie,"

"My mom is the only person who was there to understand me. When she's gone I feel I am alone. I have lost a partner, a sympathy, a person who understands me. She is the only person I need. Well, except for Margot, of course, I have no choice. But my mother's love is different from Margot's love. I have this feeling that up until now, I still need her, I still want her, I want to ask her something that only she can answer. Why dad leaves us?"

"I don't know what to say, Mag."

"You don't need to say, I need someone who is willing to listen. Sometimes the person who is sad and needs sympathy doesn't really need advice or any words from the listener. They just need someone to come out, someone to listen, so they can say what they want to say. That's what I lost when mommy died. Since that day, I feel that I am alone. "

"You are not alone now, 'cause I am here." And I meant it.

"Honestly? I don't care. Sorry, Blaze, I trust you, yes. But I can't completely rely on you. My mom said the same but where is she now? She left me while I was figuring out how to fight. "

I believe that every person has a dark story that makes them what they are. But I never thought that Maggie has this lonely side to her. Everyone knows including me how brat she is. And I think we have the same thought. That she was just spoiled so she was like that.

"Maggie," I call her and hold her hands. "I won't ask the reason for your mother's death. I will respect your privacy and wait for you to be ready. But, I want this marriage to work out. I know that we have a bad starting but for a certain time. I know that you're different and you're a good woman."

"Is it because of pity?"

"No, it's because that's what I want. We're married, the reason why we got married is to meet each other's needs and it turns out that you're not that kind of woman because you're clean. You're not maybe I'll agree to get married for nothing, right? So there's nothing wrong with us trying to work it out? You entrusted yourself to me so there's nothing wrong if I restore your trust."

"It's still like that so you'll think if something happened to us and I'm not a virgin?"

"Maybe yes, maybe no," I sincerely said. "I admit, I want to marry a woman that is pure. But I didn't mean that. Because the truth is, virginity is not a big deal for me, Maggie. The first time I saw you, I found you interesting. I wanted to introduce myself but you preceded me. So my pride overcame, and I insisted on hardening to get. "

"Blaze, the truth is I don't know what to answer. I don't want to trust. I'm afraid to take the risk of giving my trust to someone. Maybe, I'm confident now to give myself but it's a different matter of the heart."

"Trust me, I won't hurt you." I hear her sigh and remain quiet.

"Let's check, but I hope you don't expect me to do something. Because I don't know what will happen to me when I'm crushed again."

"I will court you until I win your heart and I will promise I will not let you hurt."

"You don't need to do that."

"I will. I will prove to you that my intention is pure. That even if I marry you and claim you deserve to be threatened like a queen." I kissed her forehead and hugged her tight. You're not the only one gambling Maggie. I am too. I never feel like this in any woman. I had never fallen in love even before. Coincidentally, it's just you. You are the first one I will love and when that happens I know you will be the last.

But I will take the risk. For you, for me, and for our relationship.