Chapter 8

“Hick… Uwaah!!!! Bad, bad!!! You’re a bad person, Jia Lin…!! Aaaahhh!!!”

Hello, this is your residential failure, Jia Lin over here. You must be wondering what is happening here, right? Well… it’s a bit hard to explain?

Eh, not really. What happened here is a classic case of embarrassment. Embarrassed about what exactly? Hmm, you remember the time I went to pick up Xia, right? About two days ago. It’s pretty much because I talked to that boy, or the way I talked to him, I guess…

In the first place, the way I went about it was totally off, right? Wasn’t I advertising myself as a kidnapper? If he called the police, I would’ve been totally done with no way to explain myself, won’t I?!

Not to mention… the impression I gave off was that of a failure… Imagine saying that you’ll help, only to immediately make a mistake. Ugh… Unreliable + Suspicious, just a recipe for disaster! Though it luckily was resolved without much issue thanks to my capable and amazing little sister, Xia…

Shudder!

I don’t want to imagine what would’ve happened otherwise…!

So yeah, that’s why this idiot over here has been kicking and convulsing on the bed. Oh and for the record, I fell down 3 times while doing this…

Huh? I’m overthinking it? That’s probably the case, but it’s still embarrassing in the end, okay…? I feel like dying after recalling it… It’s like seeing your old embarrassing childhood but instead of that, it’s memories of yesterday.

A bit too late? Huh? I am a certified idiot, remember? Do you seriously think I have the mental capacity to process the embarrassment right as soon as I was done on the same day? Well, yes… but…

Ugh… you win. Truth to be told, I have no idea why it took me this long to process it either… I am usually quite conscious of what I do, so I would’ve normally reacted quite quickly. Maybe it’s because of the side effects of suddenly becoming a girl? Still, I am quite clueless about it, so let’s just move on, okay?

If I am embarrassed to death, then how am I commentating like this? What do you mean by that? Isn’t it normal to have your thoughts split when you feel like dying of embarrassment? One side being the self-depreciating mess while the other tries to analyze what happened?

No? Well, I’m too lazy to talk about that, so let’s just say I don’t know too?

Anyways, it’s a Wednesday, a very ordinary thing, right? I’d say so too, which is why I am trying to talk about it to begin with.

You see, a normal functioning human being has to get a job, right? How is this related? Well, I don’t know… but hear me out, okay?

I did say before that my dad helped introduce me to some jobs, didn’t I? I also explained how I amazingly failed at every single one of them, yes? Honestly, I think the same will happen even if I became a girl.

Just because I am a woman now doesn’t mean that I’ll get buffs, you know? Technically being prettier is a buff, yes… but aside from that, my poor excuse of a pea-sized brain is still the same, so I’ll definitely mess up on the simplest of tasks.

Still… I don’t want to remain like this forever. Which is why I want to find a suitable job that an idiot like me could even do. Sounds impossible, right? That’s because it is, yeah…

It’s easy to say “I want a job!” but when it comes to getting a job, it’s a whole different difficulty, especially so if you’re as naturally gifted as me when it comes to failing.

That being said…

“Even someone like me should be worth something, right…?”

Right…?

Sigh… Forget it, an idiot like me can’t possibly find a job like this… It would be easier to just ask for help from my parents, but…

“If only talking to them is that easy…”

Would they even be happy if I tried to get a job? I don’t know but there is only one way to find out.

“Sister! Dinner is ready!”

Oh well, convenient timing… Really, only one way to find out, I suppose.

“Coming…!”

***

As you can expect from a family like this, dinner time was quite awkward. I don’t really do much besides sitting there as a decoration while mom and dad occasionally talk to my sister.

Well, of course, that changes today.

“Um…”

““...?””

Naturally, everyone at the table was surprised that I even tried to talk, considering nothing has changed for the past few days compared to how it was before.

Well, something did change. Gender is important too, but… let’s not talk about that, okay? The heart and soul is all that matters, yes? What am I even talking about? Just shut up and pretend you understand, okay? Good.

“So uh…”

…

Hmm, it’s really hard to talk when you’re receiving stares like that, you know…? While I don’t think of myself as a hopeless person who can’t even converse, I am still an introvert by nature… Even someone like me would feel pressure from this…

“I… want to try and get a job.”

Fortunately, by some miracle, I was able to get the message out without stuttering.

““...””

Or not…? Was I unclear? Did I mess up again? Or was what I’ve said so out of pocket that it made them speechless? Either way, it seems that I’ve messed up, hah…

Way to go, you ruined the family again, what an idiot.

“I-I guess I misspoke, sorry… I’ll go b—”

“No!”

“Eeeck?!”

Suddenly being grabbed by the wrist made me let out an embarrassingly girlish yelp. Ugh, I am quite sensitive to touch so it can’t be helped, but to unconsciously let out a noise like that…

Even if I’m a girl now, that’s still too much…

“S-Sorry…! Umm, that’s r-really good! Jia Lin!! It’s just that we didn’t expect you to say that, so um…”

The one who forcefully stopped me from leaving was, of course, my cute and lovable sister, Jia Xia.

“Y-Yeah, it’s good that you want a job, Jia Lin, but… are you sure you don’t need to rest more…?”

“I don’t need it, mom. I feel okay enough. Just… wanted to not be useless…”

“...”

While a line like that would probably make most parents happy beyond pleasure, if someone like me says it, it usually leads to awkward situations.

Like now.

Look at their obvious expressions, it’s obvious that they know that I wouldn’t succeed, but their hesitation to say that proves that they don’t want to hurt me. Even so, that hesitation in itself already hurts, you know? One of the worst feelings to receive is pity after all.

It varies from person to person? I guess that’s true, but for me it’s pity, so the worst thing to feel is pity, got it?

“That’s good, you shouldn’t think about staying still forever. Don’t worry, dad will help.”

As if announcing that the surprises weren’t over, the least likely to speak person opened his mouth, to spew out even more surprising words.

“D-Dad…?” Xia spoke out, astonished. It was normal, considering that dad seemed the most likely person here to talk me out of getting a job.

Honestly, I was surprised too. I made him suffer so much, yet he still is looking out for me… I really don’t deserve such a family, huh?

“T-Thank you…”

“What job are you looking for?”

“...I don’t… know, sorry…”

“That’s fine.”

“J-Jia Lin! Mom already is proud and happy that you want that! Don’t worry, we will help, okay?”

“Yeah...”

“...”

It’s fortunate that it went successful and all, but what job should I try…? Actually, that’s the wrong question. What job could I even try…?

“Well, how about a streamer?”

Unexpectedly, Xia decided to speak up and recommend me an option, but…

“No, sorry… just no…”

“Eh…? Why?”

“Someone like me would fail at that, Xia… Also, it’s too expensive and not long term. Thanks for the recommendation though.”

"I doubt that though…"

I couldn’t really hear what she said, but I assume she understood.

A streamer… While it looks like an easy job on paper, it’s actually really hard mentally taxing, you know? From stuff like scheduling to finding ways to attract viewers…

I doubt that someone like me could even keep any viewers, let alone attract them in. While I understand Xia’s suggestion since I became a lot prettier, the face isn’t everything, personality is important too.

Someone as uncharismatic as me would drive away people instead of bringing them in. If that’s not terrible for streaming, I don’t know what is…

So, streaming is off the table.

“Then… a content creator?”

“Xia… that’s basically the same thing…”

“Ah umm, sorry.”

Really, for the same reasons as the first one… Lack of charisma would easily ruin any chances of me debuting as a streamer or content creator.

“Someone like me can’t possibly attract anyone, Xia. It wouldn’t work out.”

“That’s not true…! You’ll really do well, I promise!”

“Still, I don’t think I’m comfortable enough for that, sorry for being so picky, Xia…”

“Ah… No, it’s okay, I understand.”

“...”

“Jia Lin, want to try modelling then?”

“...?”

“Mom, big sister would need to be tall enough for that, you know…? And I don’t think auditions are for her.”

“Is that so?”

Being tall…

I used to hover around the 170-167cm range as a man, which I suppose is below average, so there really isn’t much to talk about there. After becoming a girl though…

‘159 cm…’

Yes, I went from short to even shorter.

Though to be honest, someone like me doesn’t really care too much about my height. If anything, I do wonder why people care about it so much. I get that being taller brings more advantages, but isn't everyone too conscious about it?

Ah, but I do feel slightly conscious when Xia calls me out like that though… Someone like me can’t possibly be a model, but to have one of the reasons being “I’m short!” is a bit…

Wow, now I think I can somewhat understand why people are that conscious about it…

An opinion that ended before it started, as expected of a failure like me, how depressing…

Anyways, I do also want to know… Why are they only picking jobs from the entertainment industry Actually, scrap that… I don’t want to know. It feels as if they are trying to subtly tell me that my new face is my only redeeming quality, which well… It’s true, but it still sort of hurts…

Jia Lin depresso-meter doubled to 50%! What a weakling!!

Ugh…

“What about a job at a café?”

Unexpectedly, dad suggested a job as well, an ordinary one compared to the others but…

That… actually could work…?

Hmm, let’s think about it for a moment. What do café workers do?

It wasn’t a job that I tried back then, so I don’t really know much, but I suppose customer service, preparing and taking orders, cleaning and what else…?

A little training could possibly help, but it seems more likely that I’d make fatal mistakes and get myself fired before that…

So unfortunately,

“It wouldn’t work out, honey. That environment is too strict.”

“That so?”

It was mom who rejected the idea. Though understandable, since she works in a similar environment.

“Sorry…”

I felt guilty.

Speaking out like this was already too much for someone like me, but I’ve even made them help me brainstorm ideas for something with near impossible conditions.

Maybe I should’ve just…

“Jia Lin.”

“Huh…?”

“It’s okay. Like I said earlier, staying like that forever won’t help. That mindset is already the right step, so don’t worry.”

“...”

Hearing dad of all people encouraging me was… quite surprising but nice. To be honest, I still wonder if someone like me even deserves a chance at society, a chance at life, but…

If my family is trying so hard to make me a normal person, maybe I should try… again.

Maybe, just maybe… it won’t hurt like back then.

I don’t want to be hurt again, but doing nothing like this also hurts.

A chance.

If it works out, I won’t keep suffering like this, I know that.

Still, it’s too scary… I’ve already been hurt so much and I hate it.

Those stares, those contempt-filled emotions… I hate it.

So much so that I didn’t want to try again, even if it still results in pain.

It was illogical, but I couldn’t help it.

The current me screams to take another chance, but I couldn’t help it.

‘I…’

No, what are you doing…? Didn’t you decide to change?! Didn’t you ask for help at the table just for that?! Why are you backing away now?!

Don’t be such a filthy coward!

‘Even so, nothing would change.’

Why do you think that?! Look around you, idiot!

‘Huh…?’

If nothing has truly changed, would your little sister even help you? Would you even make an effort to go out to pick her up from school? Would your family even try to help you to find a job?

Would any of this have happened? Answer yourself!

‘...’

It has changed, but only you are hesitant about it.

Just one more time, just trust yourself and your family one more time. Even if it results in pain again, just tough it out this time, you already know, right?

‘Disappointing them… hurts more than disappointing others.’

That’s right, and if you do nothing now… it will hurt more than being hurt by others, so don’t go back, move forward and face it.

‘Change…’

After all, I can’t possibly remain in the cold forever.

‘Yes, even someone like me…’

One more time, just one more.

Even if it would eventually lead to more pain, I think I can handle it.

Because…

‘I don’t want to disappoint them again.’

If they are trying so hard just for my sake, shouldn’t I, the recipient, try my best too?

Even if my best isn’t enough.

Even if it’s going to be painful.