Fifty one

JADE POV.

I'd spent almost four days at Dearil's before Lexis finally called to remind me of what she termed my obligation to Hayden. But the truth was I didn't want to leave Dearil, being away from him, even if it was just to get a glass of water made me feel as if there was a part of me that was missing. It was jarring, totally unexpected but I didn't question it, not while I was tangled in the sheets with Dearil. It was as if everything was finally perfect in my life. Dearil was everything I wanted. A bit dark, a bit light, and a whole lot possessive. Even his domination put mine to shame. It was something I didn't think I would like, but it turned out, I was a masochist for Dearil Vaughn Lyall.

So the decision of leaving him and going to see Hayden was really hard to make, there was also the thought of seeing the damage I had done to Hayden, and still going ahead to hurt him by rejecting him. I had to admit, it made me feel a bit horrible. He was wrong to have trusted me. I was a fucking ticking time bomb.

Dearil's pheromones helped to calm me down once I made the decision that I was going to leave to go take care of my business because it was like something inside me rebelled vehemently at the idea. Dearil said it was my wolf, and that it would have been more intense if I was fully transformed.

Then he scent marked me so thoroughly when he found out I was going to see Hayden, that I couldn't help but blush when I thought of it, especially as I inhaled his scent which felt like a physical touch on my skin.

His jealousy had been interesting. It was a mix of aggression and possessiveness that had my head reeling from the assault of his pheromones on my senses. A human definitely would not survive Dearil's wolf, yet I loved the mix. The eviler he was, the more I kept getting sucked into his darkness.

"Can you not think of Dearil for one second" I murmured to myself as I stepped into the house I'd assigned to Lexis. I could distinctively pick out the scent of both her and Hayden and I could also hear some snippet of their low-tuned conversation. Lexis was talking about how his wounds were healing nicely, and how they might not leave a scar if he went for a removal procedure once he got better.

The conversation soured my mood, despite the feel-good scent of Dearil that wrapped around my entire being. I hated to be reminded of my weaknesses. I prided myself on having ultimate control, and yet...

The guards acknowledged my presence as I passed them.

My wolf got agitated, and as I pushed the door open, it fell off the hinges and crashed into the room. The two occupants in the room jumped, their gaze snapping to mine in surprise, then at the wreck I had created. Hayden did a double take as if he couldn't believe that I was really standing in his room.

Everything else, aside from the broken door looked quaint and proper, which was Hayden's signature. Two of the guards rushed towards me, their eyes surveying the room to take in the damage that had been done.

"Are you alright Don?" one of them asked and I nodded. He spoke into his intercom and two of the male helpers came to pick up the broken door. "The repairman will be here in some minutes".

"Make it an hour" I ordered and he nodded. "You may leave."

The soldier walked away until it was just the three of us in the room.

"I'll go make us some coffee" Lexis murmured more to herself than to me, then Walked out of the room.

Hayden met my gaze and his pheromones made me feel uncomfortable because it was hopeful, loving, awed struck, yet anxious.

It was all my fault. I had been the one to hurt, I'd also messed with his head and I was about to do worse.

Hayden cleared his throat, a smile touching his lips even though his expression remained unsure and guarded. "I didn't think you would come to see me".

I stepped towards him and he flinched violently, his hands coming up to shield his face as if he thought I was going to hit him. I stopped, my heart twisting in on itself. Did I give him PTSD too? He slowly dropped his hand, a look of horror on his face.

"I didn't mean to do that... I wasn't thinking straight..." He stuttered, his heart rate speeding up as his breath became shallower.

I thrust out my palm and he stopped, a worried look on his face as he waited for me to speak.

"You have every right to react in that way. I hurt you".

"No..." He shook his head vehemently. "No, you didn't. I am fine Master, the scars are going to heal soon and..." He rushed out, then stuttered to a stop, his breath catching in his throat when I crouched beside his bed until my eyes were on the same level as his. I took hold of his hand, and his eyes jerked to the contact.

"Enough. And you do not need to apologize. It is I, your Master who should have treated you well and did not that should be sorry, and I am. I was going through shit and I lost my head. It is a fucking stupid excuse, but I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you".

"I understand..." He was saying when I cut him shut, his acceptance made it all the harder for me to tell him what I wanted to, and that in turn made me get edgy, my whole body going taut as something within me reared its head.

"No! You shouldn't understand that, and you shouldn't accept my error and play it off like something you deserved. My responsibility was to keep you safe. You put all your trust in my hand and I broke it.

I was so in love with the idea that you looked at me as if I was the only one that existed in your eyes that I kept you around despite knowing your true feelings, and being aware that I could never return them."

Hayden inhaled sharply, then dragged his hand out of my hold. "I do not need you to love me, I do not need you to return whatever it is you think I feel for you. I just want to be with you, that is all. Master and submissive. I have never wanted anything more".

"Do not lie to me, Hayden!" I snapped, the feeling in my chest becoming more prominent. It was a mix of anger and remorse, and I hated it, but I couldn't help myself, the animal in me got agitated whenever I was stressed out. Hayden blanched, his arms going around himself as he turned his face from me. "I know when you are lying".

"You came here to tell me something," he asked in a broken voice and I nodded. His jaw clenched, his eyes hardening. "I do not want to hear it!" He snapped, his gaze coming to land on me intently. "I do not need to know about whatever it is you have to say to me if it is going to end up with you rejecting me" he gritted out then winced as he moved too fast and one of the cuts tore. I reached to touch him and he flung my hand away, his eyes blazing.

"Do not touch me!" He yelled, his eyes clouding over with tears. "If you won't be my master anymore, then you have no right to touch or comfort me." He bellowed, then ran his hand over his face wildly. "You are so fucking cruel. You were my whole world. I would have died for you, and I'll still die for you, so how come that doesn't sway your heart even a little bit? Am I so fucking hard to love? Why is it so easy for you to let me go" he yelled the tears running down his face as he stared at me, the anguish on his face and pheromones making my head hurt.

"I didn't want to hurt you".

"Then why are you doing this? You have kept me around for so long... I thought... I thought..."

"I have someone else," I said and Hayden paused, and he went so still, I thought he had blacked out. "What I feel for him is powerful, out of my control. I cannot be without him".

Hayden chuckled bitterly. "Why don't you just stab me with a fucking knife".

"Because you have been the best sub I ever had," I said and he looked at me.

"Had? Did you already terminate my contract".

I stood up, knowing I was done with everything. Hayden needed to accept my decision because he knew there was no going back once I made up my mind.

"I did. And I want you to move on with your life..."

"You don't get to tell me..."

"I fucking get to because I am your fucking Don" I snapped and Hayden forced his mouth shut "I have never apologized for anything I'd done with anyone in the past Hayden, but you are different. I like and care about you and I will not tolerate you just moping around and withering away. So I am giving you that order as your Don, and I expect you to adhere to it, or I might really grant your wish, Hayden. I won't be hesitant with a knife and you know that all too well".

Hayden stared at me. "You are cruel to the very end Master." He said, then shook his head, before lowering his gaze. "I didn't expect anything different from you. I'd always imagined how it was going to be, and it's exactly as I'd expected".

"Well, that is done then," I said and turned to go.

"Am I still under your protection? Are you going to send me off to serve someone else" he asked, his voice sharp with panic, his pheromones spiking in dread.

"I set you free Hayden, so no, you won't be serving anyone that you don't choose to, and yes, I'll keep protecting you as I have done in the past".

Hayden went quiet for a few seconds. "I want to serve you," he said and I turned to face him. "I mean, I want to work for you".

"No!"

"Why not," he asked, his throat moving as he swallowed.

"Because I said no. Do not question me, Hayden. I have been very accommodating so far" I said, knowing If I wanted to make sure his feelings died for me, I had to do everything to discourage it.

He nodded, his gaze still lingering on the floor.

Lexis stepped into the room, as Hayden made to speak up again. He shut his mouth once I glared at him.

"Can we talk... In the living room," she asked, her pheromones spiking suspiciously.

I nodded and followed her, feeling Hayden's gaze burning into my back, but I refused to look back. I had cut him off and he had to accept it.

Lexis led me into a room, and I smirked when I saw the drinks on the table. I didn't think she had it in her, but now I knew how far she was willing to go once she got the right push.

"Coffee," she said picking one of the mugs and offering it to me with an innocent look on her face. This was probably the same way she had served father the poison that had killed him. But I wasn't my father. I was not stupid or gullible.

I collected it from her, then held her gaze as I sent it hurtling into the wall. Lexis' eyes widened but I didn't give her a chance to speak before my hand was wrapped around her throat. She gasped in shock as I smacked her against the wall, her face turning blue as she choked.

"I've been searching for Ryland for the longest time, so did you think I would be so gullible not to realize that you had met up with him especially when you reeked of his disgusting scent huh?" I asked the anger that had been simmering within my breast, coming out in its full form, and as she choked for air, her hands scratching my arms frantically, I knew I would enjoy the very moment she took her last breath. She'd tried to stab me in the back after I showed her mercy, so I wasn't going to hold back.