Chapter 28

At dinner, there’s only the five of us left. The silence is heavy, as Elizabeth refuses to look at Asher and as I am still unhappy with him. I think Henry is confused but takes things in stride, which I’m not sure speaks well of him or not. Gabi looks worried, which I’m pretty sure means she knows what’s going to happen.As soon as dinner is over, Henry makes to get up, but Elizabeth asks him to stay and turns to Gabi with a tense smile. “We have family business to discuss, dear. Would you mind stepping out?”Gabi eyes all of us warily as she rises from her chair. Once she’s out, Elizabeth finally turns to stare at Asher, but says nothing more. When he does nothing but squirm in his chair, she says, obviously addressing Henry, but still fixing Asher with her gaze, “Asher has been conducting himself in a manner unbefitting of the principles we’ve taught him.”“What’s that, son?” Henry asks, looking at Asher.“Well,” Asher starts, “mom heard me on the phone…” He trails off as he looks me in the eye. He clears his throat in the expectant silence before facing his father. “She misinterpreted what she heard.”I squint at him. I entirely want to correct him and I hate that he’s framing it that way. I don’t even see why he has to cast doubt on his mother’s conclusions. Elizabeth reddens but holds her tongue. I almost want to put a hand on hers in support.

Asher clears his throat again, and I can tell he’s going to say it now. He takes a deep breath and expels the words so fast even I need to run through them again to make sense of them.“I was telling someone I like them – romantically – and mom thought I was cheating on Katherine, but Katherine and I aren’t really dating and the person I like is named Francesco.”I hold my breath and Paige takes my hand under the table as we search her parents’ faces. Henry’s eyes flicker to Elizabeth and back to Asher.“What are you saying exactly?”“I’m gay, dad.”All color drains from Elizabeth’s face and Henry recoils in his straight-backed chair, but the heavy silence lasts and lasts. Finally, Asher begs his parents, “Please say something.”“That’s not possible. This is not how we raised you,” Elizabeth says.

“It’s not about how I was raised, mom.”“We won’t condone this.” Henry looks at Elizabeth again, not looking for assistance I think, but for a united front when he adds, “You are not to see this boy again, or you will no longer be welcome in this family.”

I feel Paige crush my hand, but I can’t move more than answering her pressure. I think I’m trying to be invisible so that my relief at not being castigated lasts, but I’m also frozen in a way I didn’t think would ever happen again – remembering a very similar situation I wish I could tuck away and forget.“You’re asking me to deny one of the most important parts of myself.” Asher’s voice is shaky but his face tells me it’s with restrained anger for now. “It took me a long time to accept it, and you just want me to what? Pretend I can marry a nice girl and not be miserable all my life?”Henry turns a purple red. “There is nothing to accept. No son of mine is a homosexual.”“Then I guess I’m not your son,” Asher says and leaves.When he reaches the doorway, Elizabeth calls his name. It sounds cold, but I can feel the strain as she pushes the word out. Asher stops but doesn’t turn. “You and Katherine can stay the night, but we expect you to be gone before breakfast.”

“It’s alright, mom, we’re all packed, you don’t have to put up with us for even one more hour,” he says and disappears.

At that, I have to clench my teeth to not burst out in anger. We all wait for a long tense moment I’m not sure any of us knows what for. I’m about to disentangle my hand from Paige’s when she speaks up.“I’m going to pack my bags too, then.”“Don’t be ridiculous, Paige.” Henry scoffs.“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to be done in time to leave with Asher and Katherine.” She stands up and I hastily release her hand. I feel her try to hold on for a second before letting gravity claim my hand, as I also stand up.“Christmas was delightful again this year,” I say – well, I don’t know why I say that, maybe I have some vague hope at the back of my heart that they can still like me when the dust settles.“Thank you for the invitation.”

As soon as we enter Paige’s bedroom, Gabi swoops in and hugs Paige. “Asher told me what happened,” she speaks into her hair.When she releases her, Paige asks, “What did he say exactly?” There’s a definite doubtful toneto her voice. Surely, Gabi doesn’t know what transpired in its entirety.“Well, not much.” Her brow furrows, but it’s more sheepish than anything. “He said he and Katherine,” her eyes flick to me, “are leaving tonight.”When Paige doesn’t say anything right away and I start the final checks of packing, Gabi adds, looking down briefly, “I thought maybe it was about you two.”I pause at that, to truly look at her. There’s something she isn’t saying. Before I can find the words to ask, Paige replies, “No, he…” She trails off. I think she’s probably wondering if Asher ever told her as well.So I intervene. “Well, no, it wasn’t about Paige and I, but let’s say we are collateral damage and we are leaving.”“Paige, too?” I see a flash of panic in her eyes that disappears under an abundance of concern. “Yeah, I–” Paige breaks off. “I didn’t come out to them, but I figure I might as well move out.”“You should come with us,” I tell Gabi. I’m not sure how this is gonna work but it feels like the best scenario for everyone. “We’ll make it a short road trip out of it.”Paige’s eyes brighten. “Right! It’s late, we’ll need to spend the night somewhere.” And Gabi adds, with a smile, “Like a vacation within a vacation.” “We need to leave within the hour.”“No problem,” Gabi nods emphatically. “I travel light.”As I help Paige pack, I see the weight of her decision settle on her shoulders. But what she says when she finally speaks surprises me.“You know, sorting through my stuff like that, I see that very little of this life I have been livinghas been mine.”

look around to gauge her possessions. Her room is filled with the usual upper-middle-class almost-suburban life I know her parents dictated for her. Music trophies, science awards, happy pictures surrounded by friends, expensive clothes now rejected on her bed. At her feet, there is only one suitcase, which I know is filled with her real clothes, and a backpack containing her electronics and essential documents and the few books and pictures that matter.I take her hand and squeeze. She exhales slowly and smiles genuinely. We pick our bags and walk out.