Chapter 59

I felt awkward. On the one hand, I didn't have any real reason not to go. My motivations were purely selfish. I didn't want to be with anyone other than my new lover. I didn't want to be anywhere except next to McKayla in her bed.

She was also Catholic and that presented another set of quandaries. The papal stance on homosexuality was well-known and pretty much non-negotiable. And since we had spent the past day or so doing nothing but having homosexual sex made me not want to be in their building.

Yet at the same time, I knew that going to church was something that was important to McKayla. I also knew she was going with or without me. I took her hand and we stumbled out of the comfortable bed.

We shared a quick shower that was highlighted by some playful flirting, some not-so-playful groping and a little bit of soap. I ruffled through my bag and found a skirt and blouse outfit that was presentable. McKayla was dressed in a yellow sundress that only made her more radiant. Her hair was pulled back. I admired and envied her beauty at the same time.

The service was a typical mass. For me, that meant boring with lots of Latin that I didn't understand. I followed McKayla's lead when she stood, knelt and sat. The service wasn't packed, but it wasn't empty either. I looked around nervously, especially after I inadvertently slipped my hand inside hers at one point during the sermon.

I withdrew it a second later, afraid that maybe we'd be stoned or cast out as the priest was saying mass. It was an odd experience for me. I was used to showing my affection for my lovers publicly and without shame. Now, I had to watch myself. I chewed on my lip as the full implications hit me.

If what McKayla and I shared was more than a one night fling, if we really had something, could I live my life hiding some secret? What would my family think? Would I lose my job because of this? Could we go out in public and hold hands or kiss and not worry about someone taking a swing at us?

As I looked over at McKayla, who wasn't paying any attention to my silent musings, I realised that my life was at a crossroads. The only question was what I was going to do.