Guilt

Chapter 15 (Rachel's POV)

I was just about to go back to my room when I heard Mason and Brandon talking.

So I eavesdropped a little.

"I know you said your roomie is hot, but you didn't say she was Rachel. Because let's be honest she is drop dead gorgeous." I had to chuckle at Brandon. He was so adorable sometimes. But you could see it in his eyes, he loved his wife. Sure he would give you a once over but that was it. And let me tell you, finding a guy like him was a real lottery ticket these days.

Someone who only had eyes for you and no matter how hard it became he stood by your side proudly.

I hope his kind is not extinct already.

I need a man like that in my life.

"Don't make me tell on you to your wife Brandon."

"Asshole. I didn't mean it like that. You know I love my wife, but it doesn't mean I am blind. But I will tell you this only once. Get things right with her. She is a good woman."

See? Told you he loves his wife and her alone.

But one thing didn't want to leave my mind.

So Mason thought I was hot.

I knew we disliked each other (yes by this point I can't really say we hate each other anymore don't you think so?) but him thinking I was hot was news to me.

There was silence for a few minutes and then I heard silent footsteps like Mason was trying to be as quiet as possible.

Even though we spent the whole evening in the same room he wanted to hide again.

Guess what buddy?

Not going to happen.

As he rounded the corner I was waiting for him there with a huge smirk on my face.

"So you think I am hot huh?"

He just stood there, staring at me.

"You, you took that out of the context."

I chuckled under my breath because it was fun to see him squirm.

"Did I really?"

I moved closer to him and started moving my hand all around his hard chest and his 6packs.

"Now I think I heard great what Brandon said. And here I was thinking we hated each other. But guess we could also have a love-hate relationship, what do you say?"

His eyes were wide open like a deer caught in the lights.

And suddenly he surprised me with the most irrelevant thing at this moment.

"I admit. I finger fucked you. I am sorry, I thought it was a dream. Please don't tell Becky."

Now it was my turn to look at him with shock written all over my face.

"Um Mason? I wasn't sleeping, you know. Well I did fall asleep right after my body stopped trembling from the climax. But I was awake throughout the action."

"You, were not sleeping?"

Ok. Looks like he became  a bit slow in the past few days of his isolation.

I just shook my head no.

And I guess you could say I fucked up again.

Because next thing I know he was right in front of me and he was -almost- yelling at me.

"You are trying to tell me that I was beating myself up for the past few days for nothing? I thought I raped you! I was trying to get the courage to confront you and tell you everything, but here you sit so peacefully and just out of the blue confess you actually used me to satisfy your needs!"

Now he had all my attention.

Used him?

I won't listen to no such accusations!

"Used you? Are you out of your mind? Did I force you to finger fuck me? Did I hold your hand in place while you were doing it? I did neither! You were a willing participant! Stop putting blame on me or even on yourself! We both knew what was going on!"

"I THOUGHT I WAS DREAMING AND AFTER I REALIZED I WAS ACTUALLY AWAKE I THOUGHT I USED YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"

Now he really was shouting but I didn't care.

I wanted a nice evening that would end up with us resolving our issues and maybe another round of his fingers, but I guess this was also ok.

It helped me get out my frustration.

"Like a man whore like you doesn't know how good he is with his hands!"

The minute those words left my mouth I regretted saying them, but it was too late. They were out there already.

And judging by Mason's hurt expression I knew I went too far.

I was about to start apologizing when he spoke.

But his voice was monotone and empty.

And that fact hurt me even more.

"Is that why you wanted to sleep with me? Why did you let me touch you? You still think I'm a man whore?"

I wanted to object, to deny it, but words were stuck at the tip of my tongue. Because he was right.

After my high from getting a job and his pleasant company throughout the evening, I thought to myself who would better satisfy my needs than a man who knows his way around a woman's body.

But it looked like he didn't need my response at all because he continued speaking.

"You might think you know me, but let me tell you a secret. You know nothing!"

With those words he left me in the living room, alone with my thoughts and guilt.

What was I thinking?

Then out of nowhere Becky's words came to my mind, like they wanted to deepen my guilt.

"Don't believe everything you hear Rachel. Keep your mind open."

Now I understood her words a bit better.

I am sure she wanted to point it out to me, that her brother was not in fact like the rumors pointed him out to be.

I took my phone and dialed my bestie, hoping she was still awake.

Thankfully she answered right away.

"Hey babes. What's wrong?"

"Why would you think something is wrong?"

"Hmm babes? It's 11pm and you are still awake and calling me. So I am sure something is wrong. Now spill it!"

She knew me too well. Sometimes having a bestie since you were born was both a blessing and a curse.

So I didn't even try to deny anything or lie to her, I just took a deep breath and started speaking.

"You see, a few days ago when I got the job Mason celebrated with me. And after that I fell asleep on his shoulder while we were watching tv. Then he carried me to the bed and I kind of forced him to stay with me. And in the morning, I guess he thought he was dreaming and he touched my nether regions and all the shit you don't want to hear because you are his sister. But now I have a problem. After it I was pretending to be asleep, letting him think for a few days now that I had no clue about that morning. And tonight I confronted him, because he was avoiding me since that morning, and he pissed me off like only he can. So I told him he is a man whore and he came to the conclusion that it was the only reason why I wanted to sleep with him and let him touch me."

After my speech I was met only with silence and I removed my phone away from ear to see if maybe the call got disconnected somehow. But it showed Becky was still on the line.

So I gave her some more time.

After a few torturous moments she finaly spoke.

"You fucked up big time Rach. You off all people should know better than to believe the rumors."

It hit me right away what she was referring to.

My last year of high school my boyfriend wanted to have sex with me and I turned him down. He acted like it was ok and we could wait. But the next morning a cold shower hit me.

He spread rumors all around the school. He told everyone we had sex the previous night and that his brother was there as well and joined us because I loved threesomes.

That rumor followed me around for a long time.

Until I finally lost my virginity in college with my next boyfriend and he put a stop to the rumors.

So now I feel even more guilty than before.

"Are you trying to tell me he never was a man whore and someone just spread rumors around?"

"It's not my story to tell. But you need to apologize and make it right. You don't need to be best friends but just try to get along please. For me?"

I knew she was right and she didn't have to ask me twice, because I was about to apologize anyway. But now I was also curious to know what the story was.

"I will, I promise. I will go right now and I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok babes. Good luck and good night."

With those words we disconnected the call.

I took one last deep breath.

"Here goes nothing!"