26

Rose bit her lip lost in thought, absorbing everything he had just said. Tingles at knowing he wanted her too. She had never seen him this way, so far removed from the cool and in control Rob Munro.

‘So, what do you want from me now Rob? It’s not very clear what...? What now?’ She smoothed the fluff on the pillow in her lap calmly, betraying none of the inner screaming chaos she was feeling and lifted a hand to bring his face up to hers. Tingling at the grazing of his stubbled jaw as he came up so very closely, nose to nose. The man had the ability to make her weak all right. Just being this close was making her body go into overdrive but she had to be stronger than this.

‘I need time! ... To figure out how to deal with this. To let her deal with the stuff going on in her life right now. I don’t want to not see you, Rose, but I don’t want to hurt you.’ His hand moved around her hand, finding her fingers and enveloped them. ‘I want you! ... Just you! Just us with no complicated mess surrounding it.’ Embracing her in a hug and resting his face against her ear through her loose hair, she could feel him sighing and leaning into her, breathing her in again and even though her heart was somersaulting with the realisation that he did feel the same way about her after all, it was dying with the fact it sounded very much like he was saying goodbye.

‘Just not right now? Just an indefinite wait, right? Even if that takes ... A year... Two... Maybe more?’ She knew she had no right to be pissed, he was really trying but her heart was aching and irrational and tears were starting to pool in her eyes. She pulled away from him and got off the bed, searching for her discarded shoes on the floor in a bid to stop the onslaught of heartbreak before he saw it. She heard him say her name, but she ignored it and headed for the door. He jumped up blocking the exit and caught her in his arms.

‘You think I can just forget this... Just avoid you? You have no idea what you do to me, Rose. If you did you would see how hard this is for me. I want to just tell her to go, to get over it. I want nothing more than to throw you back on that bed and finish what we started. But I’m not an asshole, as much as you think I am right now’ His face portrayed every exact emotion that was also running through Rose right in that moment and she couldn’t help but let out a muffled sob. A tear rolled involuntarily down her cheek and she heard an unfamiliar sound come softly from him, a regretful moan.

‘Don’t do that please...’ His soft hushed voice was followed by his fingers tracing the tear and brushing it away. His forehead came to rest on hers, his breath warming her face. ‘I just need to know that you want the same thing...? That you will give me some time...Within reason.’ He pulled her into his arms, never breaking eye contact. ‘I want a future with you in it, Rose. From the day I laid eyes on you, like a crazed Penelope Pitstop, all I have wanted to do was kiss you... Kiss you and strangle you at the same time. I knew from the second I met you I was not ever going to forget you. I want to date you; be with you... I just need you to wait for me.’

There was a long pause as she tried to calm her scrambling thoughts.

How could she stay mad when he was looking at her that way? Touching her like that and making her feel this way about him.

She had to think about this rationally, think about what he was saying to her. Did she want to be with him enough?

Standing in his arms, finally feeling him around her was so heady that she could not imagine letting him go now. What he was suggesting didn’t work for her or her aching heart, she didn’t want to go back to yesterday and being left alone by him. What had started between them wasn’t that easy to just let go and she wanted to be selfish.

‘I can deal with secretiveness if that’s what it takes.’ She hoped what she had to say would make a difference, the alternative was not an option. ‘I can’t deal with distance Rob... Avoidance...Don’t do that to me. I can’t just forget this happened and act like strangers when I see you.’ More tears escaped gently down her cheek and he wiped them away again, watching her closely as she spoke. ‘I don’t want to wait; that would be agony.’

‘I don’t want to hide you! ... Us! ... I want you, but not in that way. Secret dates. Lying to people we know. Sneaking from your bed in the darkness. Leaving you alone. It would destroy us Rose; it would make you feel dirty and worthless. Do you think I could treat you like a mistress? A dirty secret? ... I couldn’t!’ He frowned down at her, but his arms had snaked around her firmly, his body making it clear that he wasn’t ready to just let her go despite what he was saying. Rose’s heart wavered.

‘Then what? because I hear nothing in this that gives me any sort of clue as to how to behave. What to expect! Feel! ... How long I need to pretend that you mean nothing to me. I just need some definite sort of plan to know that I won’t be dangling on a hook for months. Maybe years. Waiting!’ She let out another broken sob, wiping her own tear this time with the back of her hand and trying to wriggle away from him angrily. He just held her tighter and pulled her chin back to his face.

‘I have no answers. I don’t know what to do either, I’ve never been here before. I shouldn’t have grabbed you and dragged you in here. I’ve complicated shit way more by doing this, but I just couldn’t stand it anymore. Seeing you in the yanks arms that night has been eating me inside for days, seeing that asshole kiss you; I wanted to rip his throat out... I warned him off Rose. Told him to stay away... Do you know how crazy I must have seemed to show up at his hotel to threaten him? I didn’t care I just wanted to make sure he never laid another hand on you.’

Rose inhaled quickly with his confession, taken so suddenly by the ridiculousness of it, she started to giggle. It was through tears and completely out of place but the need to laugh at what he said came bubbling out from some crazy neurotic place inside, despite being highly inappropriate. Laughter quickly changed to tears and found his arms wrapped back around her.

‘I’m sorry.’ Rob was cradling her against him once more, his own emotions as all over the place as Rose’s.

‘Don’t be...He was an asshole.’ Rose sniffed and pulled her eyes up to meet his, swallowing down more tears.

‘He IS an asshole.’ Rob corrected her a little sternly, his face softening and a smile breaking out over that godly perfection.

‘I agree, and I didn’t kiss him; he assaulted me at the front door... You had no right to be pissed at me!’ Rose pouted, she wanted that made clear right now. Fully intending to get an apology out of him for his distant behaviour right after.

‘It was pretty obvious you weren’t into it to be fair.’ Rob shrugged and caught her mouth with a surprise quick peck on the lips.

‘Really?’ Rose smiled.

‘Really! I wasn’t mad at you. I wanted to get out of here and chase that prick down. Tell him to never lay another finger on you again or I would beat him to within an inch of his life.’ He shrugged. ‘I did!... Then I realised it was better for all of us if I just put distance between you and me. I wasn’t exactly making a great job of keeping my feelings in check when it came to you.’

‘You’re an idiot.’ She smiled, her tears drying up, her body still on full alert seeing as it was slowly moulding to his the longer they stood here.

‘Only when it comes to you!’ There was a raw truth as he uttered those words. No games. No pretense, he had made his feelings clear and now it was her turn, she wasn’t letting this go quite so easily and she was sure, despite his protests, that he didn’t want to either.

‘We take one day at a time, Rob... See how we feel...How it goes. No plans. No promises. If sneaking from my bed gets us through one day, then I say we do it.’ The alternative was not bearable to her at all. She pushed down the doubts and reservations racing to the surface, assuring herself she could do this. He frowned; his eyes the darkest grey she had ever seen as he wrestled internally with his choices and regarded her brown eyes with a look of sheer longing.

‘I don’t know Rose.... It seems wrong to make you do this.’ He pushed his forehead back against hers and locked his eyes on her mouth, she could tell he was still mulling it over, weakening to her way of thinking. Rose, feeling brave, pushed her mouth on his this time; enjoying the way he instantly responded and kissed her softly, opened his mouth to let her kiss him seductively before she pulled back.

‘If I can’t, I’ll tell you.’ She nudged him with her own forehead, smiling softly and seeing the slow defeat in that handsome face. Finally, he looked at her fully, she could see the acceptance in his eyes. Logic prevailing. Having her close to him, surrounded by the smell of her and the feel of her, he had no way to fight it.

‘Like I could stay away from this?’ He scooped her up from the floor into his arms, pulling out a squeal with the speed he captured her and pulled her lips to his mouth, kissing her hard; he carried her back to the bed, his mind obviously made up and her close proximity far too much of a lure to deny this. Turning his back on the hall, making her heart rate elevate and her body melt to his with the intensity of his attentions, he kicked the door firmly shut.