40
Morning light woke her ungratefully, still curled on top of her bed sheets, her face sore from dry tears and her feet ice cold from sleeping without covering. She felt like she had the worst hangover from hell and groaned when she saw the time. She had promised to help at the coffee morning today. The little old ladies had talked her into it, asking her to bring Muffin for some granny love and she hadn’t been able to refuse. As if by coincidence the rap on her door by an over happy Abby just added to her groans, she sunk face down back onto the bed, allowing herself to slide off to her feet. The effort of moving almost unbearable. She was fatigued.
‘I’m coming!’ She half yelled, half mumbled as she dragged herself to let her in.
‘Oh my god, Rose, it’s after nine for goodness sakes. We need to get there for half past! Dressed. Now!’ Abby was bounding around, overly energetic for her liking and pushing her back into the cottage.
Rose caught sight of her dishevelled appearance in the mirror, catching the bed hair, pale face and over red tear stains and tried to wipe them away about the same time Abby caught her tired eyes in the mirror.
‘You okay? Look if your sick I can just tell...’
‘No! no. no. It’s okay. I’m okay. Bad night. Stomach upset or something like that. Honest I’m all good.’ She lied and tried the happy face she had been wearing lately but could not muster the energy. ‘I just need to freshen up.’
‘Look, go have a bath, I’ll call Nancy and tell her were running late; you need more than a freshen up.’ Abby blinked at her rather dubiously and fished her mobile out of her bag.
Rose gave her an appreciative smile and headed to the bathroom turning on the taps, glad to be able to lock herself in; she sat on the toilet lid as her bubbles grew and filled the bath and steam started to cloud the air. She just needed to scrape herself together.
She was over the worst, right? She had hit all time low and had the night from hell. It could only get better than this. She had seen him now. That first encounter over, and it could only get easier now...Should, get easier.
* * *
The sun, as usual, was splitting the trees as they drove to town. Rose felt more human after her bath and she had even dragged out her baby pink sundress and shoes in a bid to feel more like her old self. Willing herself to get back on that horse by wearing her favourite outfit. She was stronger than this.
Abby had forced her to eat some toast before they left, resulting in being almost an hour late. It had been an effort, her appetite nonexistent but she had felt better for it.
The church was mobbed by the time the girls walked through the door, always the highlight of the week for all the old timers. The noise in the high-ceilinged hall, echoing loudly and drowning out the radio playing tunes in the corner. The smell of air freshener, baked goods and mustiness, something she had found in every church she had ever been too. Tinted with strong coffee and old lady perfume.
Every little round table was crowded with elderly folks, with varying shades of lilac perms and balding heads and the sight of Muffin trotting in among the tables sent off a lot of crooning and kissing as they scooped him up and passed him about, plying him with cake crumbs and milk. He was in his element, his little pink tongue flapping at faces and hands excitedly. Muffin was somewhat of a celebrity in this village, everyone knew him by sight and everyone knew his name and weakness for cake.
Nancy, the church group leader, pulled them over and showed them where to stand. She was a stout little lady with grey hair in a bun and air of old school mistress. Her spectacles perched low on her nose. They would be serving endless cups of tea and coffee to the old timers while Nancy oversaw the book sale set out on several tables at the far end. Rose was relieved to be given such a menial task that required no thought. At least she could manage to stand and smile, the busyness of the room making silent thought impossible.
This is what she needed. Mindless tasks surrounded by noise and bustle. Plenty of life and laughing.
Even in here the sun was shining through the tall arched windows and warming the air to an almost stuffy heat. Glad of her sundress and naked arms and legs, she pitied Abby and her choice of jeans and sweater.
* * *
The morning went fast, with the hustle and bustle and busy chatter,
Rose felt like her face was going to seize with her smile ache. When Abby began to fade from the heat she sent her to go and help with the flower sale outside, assuring her she could manage coffee and tea service for a couple of hours more alone. Nancy agreed to find Abby a t-shirt in the lost and found box, giving her some relief and glad Donald the little old man out front would have help.
She watched the room fill some more through the day, as younger mums with kids in prams and teenage boys and girls came and went. This little community really was something she loved to be part of, age didn’t stop them all from taking part and everyone made an effort to come to things like this, all intermingling and everyone just chatted to everyone. She stood watching the hubbub and happy laughter, envious of all the seemingly content faces. It lifted her spirits to be part of this. It was much needed therapy.
Nancy soon came over to give her some relief and point out her overly blushed cheeks a little after three. She was not aware of just how hot she had become, stuck in behind the steaming kettles and hot water boilers. Sending her to go get some air and take a break with a box of sandwiches and bottle of juice. She thanked the woman and headed out a side door that had been left open to help air flow through the room.
The exit took her to the back of the church, a small courtyard like area with paved ground and neat trim hedges all around. She sat on the nearby bench and ate her food quietly, reveling in the head space and cool air which was rejuvenating her. She had built up enough of a hunger that she had wanted to eat.
See she was already improving.
Enjoying the gentle breeze in the shade, she was looking around the peaceful courtyard, the noise from inside a lot more muffled out here. It gave the spot an ambience of seclusion and peacefulness.
Discarding her packaging in the nearby bin and smoothing the crumbs from her dress she noticed a small half concealed arch at the far end calling to her nosiness, intertwined with the high bushes. Heading through into luscious green lawn she realised quite suddenly where she was.
This was the path from Munro manor to the church when it had been Munro chapel. The private path which had once been used to let the family come and go. The house loomed up ahead in front of her, only minutes away. She had never seen the house from this side angle before and it suddenly felt alien and daunting to her. It looked so gothic and intimidating, even in the bright light of day.
Turning to go back she was distracted by the glint from something by the house, shining right at her face which made her turn to glimpse again. Seeing Morag’s red car turning in at the front and out of sight, she turned back towards the church cursing inwardly and trying to ignore that heavy pit that erupted in her belly and spread to her heart.
It killed her mood instantly; her slight almost happy mood was now back to doom and gloom and cursing the sun. Heading back into the church with her eyes trailing the ground she walked slap bang into a hard, warm, wall.
‘Ooowwww’ Looking up and rubbing her shoulder, which took the brunt of the impact, she met familiar steel grey eyes and tanned skin in a very jaw dropping six-foot frame.
Fuck.
‘Sorry. Guess neither of us was looking where we were going.’ He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes and she moved back, giving him room to pass but he didn’t move forward. She was still rubbing her shoulder trying to calm her over racing heart and realised he was staring at her oddly.
‘What? What is it?’ Suddenly panicking. Wondering if there was something on her face or if there was a bug climbing about on her.
She had a morbid fear of bugs.
Was she drooling? Scowling? She knew she wasn’t crying...Just yet!
‘Nothing!... Just...’ He was looking her up and down, at her dress slowly, lost in his own head, the one she was wearing the first time she ever met him with a faraway look in his eyes. ‘You look nice.’ It came out as an emotionless empty compliment. He gave a short smile then immediately straightened and moved past her, turning to face her slightly as he did so and giving her one last look. Unreadable... Like always! Just like Rob.
He had moved out without touching her and despite it being the last thing she wanted, it felt horrible. To be so close and yet to be so far apart. She tried to shake it off as he left via the entrance, noticing he was carrying an empty crate in one hand. Looking back at the tables she saw the new pile of cream cakes and muffins and figured he had brought them down.
Unable to resist the urge she walked back out the open door and saw him disappear through the arch towards the house. Stopping herself and pulling back into the church; that same feeling of deflation. She hated this. The way her body jumped on high alert and crazy agony at seeing him, then crashed into despair when they parted ways.
Would she ever get used to this?
Back at her table, she figured that Morag had probably dropped him here with the new cakes and went up to the house to wait for him. She guessed it was easier for him to then walk up directly through the grounds in less than a couple of minutes and get back to her than have her wait out front among milling crowds and endless parked cars. That thought hurt her way more than she should have let it.
