68

It hadn’t taken her long to put everything back in her car. She had grabbed Muffin and headed back down, relief washing over her like a warm hug when she walked back through its welcoming door once again.

The nights were getting colder and not having the fancy heating of the manor house, she occupied her mind by setting up the fires in the living room and bedroom. Having never really started a log fire in her life it took a good chunk of time and effort. All her direction from Abby completely forgotten. Good old google to help her do something that should have been straightforward, YouTube came to the rescue several times.

Before long the house was cosy and romantic. The flickering flames in the darkening room, entrancing, and helping to smooth her rattled nerves and unease. She made herself some tea and raided the fridge for snacks.

Channel hopping the TV for some background noise, she felt restless. Doubting she would be able to work, she set about pulling her art supplies out anyway and set up a small table at the couch. She didn’t want to work in her little closed room; the fire more welcoming and giving her a sense of security. Helping to thaw that icy grip which had taken hold in her stomach.

After three hours, she pushed the table away, dissatisfied with everything she had painted and sketched. Her mind was just not focused and her heart not in it. She checked her watch for the millionth time and admitting defeat, decided she should go to bed. It was dark outside, and he still had not appeared, no contact at all which was just not like him.

Muffin only ventured into the garden for a last pee before settling in bed, he seemed unaware of Rose’s disappointment and absent focus, happily settling down to sleep almost immediately. She checked her phone, once again sighing at the lack of calls or texts and pondered over sending him one.

If he was in the hospital it would be off anyway, so there was no point. He had told her he would come here, so he would, he had obviously been held up. His silence unusual compared to how he had been of late. She would just leave the door unlocked for him; cursing herself for still not finding the second key to give him. She had misplaced it her first week here and knowing he could get in anytime, locked or not would have made her feel better right now.

Killing time by making herself some hot cocoa and cleansing her face carefully, she was well aware she was delaying getting into bed. Hoping he would just appear and she felt stupid. It was less than three weeks and already it was like she couldn’t function without him here.

When had she become so hopeless? Is this what it was like when you met ‘the one’? You became so joined at the hip that survival apart was futile.

She finally climbed into bed wearing a satin and lace, sexy and extremely skimpy, nightdress. A self-indulgent purchase when she had first got together with Rob and had never worn. It was strappy, revealing in places where see through lace panels were strategically placed and despite his lack of appearance, she put it on for his benefit. Once again feeling stupid and pushing it away in her mind that she was being pathetic.

She was barely asleep when she heard him coming through the front door. Her heart skipped a beat at the noise of the intruder before fully realising he was home and flipping in joy. She heard him fumble with her keys in the door that had been hanging inside, locking them in and signaling he was here to stay. The rush of relief washing over her was warming, and at the same time sent tingles through her, unsure whether to get up and greet him or stay laying in the dark. Rose decided on the latter and laid still, waiting quietly. Eyes glued to the door, trying to adjust.

She heard him trip and curse in the hall, he obviously thought she was asleep so was not switching on any lights. She smiled. Just his presence was enough to lift her whole mood and chase away all anxiety. The waiting endlessly now forgotten.

Stumbling into the bedroom, she could hear him pulling off his clothes and boots, dumping them on the chair by the dresser. Could smell his familiar exotic scent surrounding him in the air as he pulled back the covers, feeling across the bed for her and slid in, moving close and pulling her over so he could wrap her in his arms and legs. Feeling the smooth satin of her nightdress, he slid his hands over her body appreciatively, hearing her inhale lightly in response. She could never fight the responses her body made involuntarily when he touched her.

‘Rose, are you awake?’ his mouth was mere millimeters from hers, his breath warming her lips seductively.

‘Mmmm hmmm.’ she didn’t want to admit she was wide awake and listening to him fumbling around in the dark clumsily. She tried to sound sleepy. He turned her on her side gently, facing her away so he could pull her into his stomach to spoon her. This was not a usual Rob move when he had her in a bed. He was more of wandering hands and removing her clothes as soon as he had her alone kind of guy. Even tired in the middle of the night, surrounded by darkness.

‘What’s wrong?’ She whispered softly, catching his hands around her and pulling them to her lips. He sighed heavily. His body collapsing against her needily.

‘It went pretty badly, I’m tired and stressed. It’s nothing.’ He buried his face in the back of her neck, sighing once again and sagging into the embrace as though it was just what he needed.

‘Tell me.’ she squeezed his hands encouragingly, not wanting to leave this alone, knowing she would never sleep if he didn’t tell her now. He paused. Gathering his thoughts for a moment as though contemplating it.

‘Now?’ He asked dubiously, obviously not really wanting to talk it over. Typically, Rob.

‘What better time?’ She encouraged, pulling his arms tighter around her upper body and pushing her butt back into his groin a little more snuggly. He cleared his throat and paused for a second, she could feel his hesitation, but he must have thought better of it and gave in.

‘She was upright anyway, awake and more together. At first, I didn’t think she even remembered what had happened. She just acted like everything was normal.’

Rose listened intently, knowing to stay quiet and let him work through it.

He nuzzled further into the back of her, his breath sending tingles down her back. ‘She seemed happy to see me. More calm and I don’t know...? Stable? We talked about what the surgeon had said, what other surgeries she still had to get. She seemed okay.’

He released Rose, pulling himself to sit up in the bed restlessly. The subject hard and he always felt more in control when she was not so close, tugging at his nerve endings and feeling so sexy in her silky lingerie. Propping cushions up behind him and laying a hand on her thigh possessively. Still needing that contact between them.

The sudden parting caused a feeling of dread to come crawling back inside Rose’s stomach, pushing it aside, she turned over, so she was facing his body, but stayed laying down; gently tracing his abdomen muscles with her fingertips in the dark. Feeling him tense softly as he reacted to the light tickles and just needing to have that intimacy with this subject between them.

‘I asked her if she wanted to talk about things; about what happened at the house, trying to guide the subject to what started it all... You and me! At first, she kept apologising, asking me to forget it.’ He reached up rubbing his eyes, sighing again and obviously already agitated with the memories. His voice was husky and his mood unreadable; she could feel the tension in his body building.

‘Go on...’ She coaxed gently, afraid he would clam up and tell her to go to sleep instead.

‘I pushed it. Didn’t I? I had to keep going. I should have read the signals that it was too soon. We ended up arguing; she remembered all right. Accusing me of the same shit, the same accusation, the same jealous blind fury. She told me I was to end it with my ’whore’! ‘Rose froze. Her hand staying on his stomach.

No progress in this messy situation.

He reached down, catching her hand and pulling it against him, knowing her silence did not mean she was not reacting inside.

‘I told her that wasn’t going to happen. Not to call you a whore. I guess I just didn’t realise how little patience I have left for her. How much I’ve changed towards her? I said things I would never have said three months ago. I just lost it with her.’

His heartbeat had accelerated slightly, obviously remembering the event clearly, part regret, part anger and getting worked up.

‘What did she say?’ Rose almost held her breath.

‘She cried a lot. Typical Morag fashion! Sobbing and howling and trying to throw anything she could reach. Everything I said just made it worse and they ended up asking me to leave!...I left the hospital in such a rage Rose. With her. At myself! I couldn’t come back here, and have you upset by the way I was being. I needed to clear my head, so I went for a drive to calm down. I ended up driving to the coast and just taking it out on flooring it across the beaches while the tide was out.’ He kissed her fingers softly, running them across his mouth. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t call, I just needed to think! Needed to calm down. My car looks like it’s been rallied through a swamp.’

She sat up, reaching for him. Feeling in the dark the way to his face and gently kissed his cheek as she manoeuvred beside him.

‘You did your best Rob. Most men would have never tried to help her the way you have. Stuck around and tried to support her. To help her get well. They would have cut their losses a long time ago and turned their back on her.’ She slid her arms around his neck and rested her forehead against his.

‘Maybe that’s the point? If I had walked away years ago, maybe now she would have moved on with her life and got over it? Maybe I’m the reason she’s so messed up now?’ He sounded deflated.

‘It’s not you that’s doing this Rob...It’s us and what we have. If I had never come here, you wouldn’t be going through all this.’

‘That’s not true Rose. Don’t ever say that... You’re not the first girl I have been with in the last fifteen years. I just tried to carry on living a life without directly hurting her and hiding when I should have just been honest. I should have done this years ago... This is my fault!’

‘That’s why you were so good at sneaking around! MI5 style.’ She had tried to sound light and teasing but there was a rawness in her voice.