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She barely saw the road ahead. Barely functioning, yet still managing to swing her car into the cottage car park. She was livid and heartbroken all at the same time. Crying as though in extreme pain.
Her hand throbbing where she had violently dragged the snug ring off.
Looking down at her trembling hands and the red marks she had left along her finger. Everything was bubbling up and pouring out all at once; all the tension and drama and anxiety of the last weeks. All the insecure doubts and niggling worries. They had been a melting pot of molten lava exploding all over her life and coming out in that room with him.
She was no better than Morag. What made her any different?
Some irrational needy woman, losing her shit over a couple of days apart. She knew it was about more than that. Knew it had been eating inside of her dangerously, just waiting to pop its cork and had come out in a massive blow. Months of turmoil eating away, and she regretted it; she had overreacted and lost the plot and acted like a complete fool. She looked at her naked hand again and felt a new wave of tears come down her face.
What had she done?
She replayed his words over and over, ‘If that comes off it stays off’ Did he mean it? was it over?
She knew it had been a knee-jerk reaction and she hadn’t meant it. She just wanted to show him how hurt she was, how angry. It had been stupid. She knew though how stubborn he was, and he didn’t make threats, not even in the heat of the moment. They had only fought that way once before and he had come after her immediately.
He had not come after her this time. There was no sign of him.
Her phone remained silent in the bag beside her. She sat contemplating going back but knowing it would be pointless; he would be gone. He made it clear he was going, regardless of how she behaved; she felt ashamed but also justified. He had made her feel this way; normally attentive and welcoming, he had just cut her off, pushed her out in the cold and made her feel desperate and manic. She wanted to go back to this morning and start her day again, but she knew she couldn’t.
She didn’t leave the cottage again for the rest of the day and he didn’t call or appear. By evening she called Abby, barely able to conceal her tears and emotion on the phone. Abby cried too, blaming herself and the added pressure they had caused her brother.
She hadn’t seen him either. Hadn’t spoken to him, had been avoiding him after a massive row at the house and staying with Duncan. He had told her to butt out of his life. He had been livid with both her and her father and it had ended badly.
‘He’s been under a lot of pressure lately, so much more than normal. I’ve heard him on the phone and all the usual clammed up Rob signs are there. His heads in overdrive and he deals with it by closing down and distancing himself from everyone.’ Abby explained to a tearful Rose.
‘He can’t just shut me out that way, I didn’t know how to react; so, I acted like a mental person.’ Rose sighed heavily, toying with the cushion on her lap and stretching her legs out on the couch, nestling the phone into her ear more closely as though she was willing Abby nearer.
‘That’s the thing babe; Rob has never had to consider a girlfriend when he gets like this.... I mean Morag has never counted and normally she’s a huge part of why he’s gone into black out mode again. He’s just used to dealing with things alone and on his terms, this is all new to him and he probably has no idea how he made you feel.’
‘I don’t know what to do, how to fix it.’ She sighed heavily, Muffin trailing in to paw at the couch beside and whine to get up. She leaned down, scooping him onto her lap and stroked him absentmindedly.
‘Honestly... When he’s like this we just leave him alone. He comes out of it a lot quicker and happier that way.‘ Abby sighed too.
‘The thing is.... I threw his ring at him and pretty much told him I didn’t want to marry him, so I can hardly leave it alone.’ Rose felt the tears brimming up again as she said it allowed for the second time. Her heart aching badly with regret.
‘He’s dealt with the crazy that is Morag for fifteen years, I’m sure you’re a picnic compared to her. Give him breathing space; I don’t doubt that he loves you babe, a lot more than you realise, and it won’t be long before he comes looking to fix this mess.’
‘So, I do nothing but wait?’ She let her head drop back onto the couch arm and stared at the ceiling wistfully.
‘Play it by ear... You know him in ways that I don’t. If you feel you should call or text him then do it, or if you want to wait on him making the first move then let him. Rob’s hard to predict at the best of times.’
What was simmering behind those steel eyes and sharp mind? How many things he was pushing around to fix and keep control of?
She suspected that he had been bottling up way more than the situation with Morag for a while and maybe it had just overflown with too many balls up in the air for him to handle. Abby had caught glimpses of the stress and strain in passing and figured it had all gotten on top of him. The situation with Morag tipping the normally balanced scale and Rose had just made it monumentally worse.
‘I will leave him be to simmer, maybe by the time he comes home he won’t be so pissed at my dramatic ring return.’ Rose tried a smile and a hint of humour, but it fell badly. Her heart wasn’t ready to make jokes about her behaviour, as for right now she was pretty sure Rob and she were over... Again.
Abby told her not to worry, sure that when he calmed down he would come running with his tail between his legs, but Rose wasn’t so sure. He was angry. Really angry. She had behaved like an insane witch. Throwing his mother’s ring at his chest like that. Ending what they had on a whim like it was meaningless.
Why would he want to marry her now?
He was trying to get away from an irrational female holding his life captive and certainly wouldn’t be looking to tie himself down to the exact same thing.
