79
‘Now the question is, are you here to see Abby? Or are you here to see me?’ His face was giving nothing away and his tone was hardly friendly. His posture standoffish as she felt her voice breaking in an attempt to answer; she couldn’t stand this anymore, or he way he was coolly looking at her. It was torture, the tension deafening. She turned to face him, twisting her keys anxiously in her fingers and could barely look into that gorgeous face, tense and close to tears as he angrily frowned at her. All signs of still being majorly pissed.
‘Rob.?...’ Her words were broken off by the familiar red car pulling in beside them, sending her stomach into a frenzied mess. Her voice hushed into silence at the appearance of the other woman’s car.
Fucks sakes!
Morag parked up as they both watched, glancing back and trying to read his steady gaze as he watched the car manoeuvre slowly and carefully; watched his unmovable form, but she got nothing. He didn’t seem surprised to see the other woman either, she guessed it was why he was out here; waiting for Morag.
Wouldn’t be for me, he never knew I was coming and didn’t exactly ask me to come.
Rose’s breathing was getting shallower and she was unsure how to behave. She had begun picking at her nails absently, eyes no longer on him as it was almost unbearable to look at him this way. He was still focused on the approaching red head and his body language was sending off a very clear ‘stay away from me’ vibe.
Morag slid out of the car, her body clothed in a figure hugging grey tracksuit and long sleeves with a briefcase in one hand. The hint of dressings and bandages on her wrists and hands peeking from under the edges of her cuffs. Her red hair piled up on top of her head messily, her face free of all traces of makeup, giving her a youthful almost innocent look and for a moment Rose never recognised her. She looked like a young sweet girl, completely vulnerable and doe eyed. She could imagine that once upon a time this was the version Rob had loved, that innocent and almost Rose like version of the woman in front of them.
Rose turned her eyes to the gravel, kicking with the toe of her trainer at some loose moss, unable to look at the approaching woman anymore either and feeling wholly uncomfortable and majorly emotional. Rob greeted the new arrival with a smile, leaned in to kiss her on the cheek and sent another shooting pain through Rose’s heart. She acted like she didn’t see and instead plastered a friendly face on.
‘Morag, you remember Rose? Abby’s friend!’ Rob raised an eyebrow at Rose with a hint of sarcasm in his tone, but he was masking it enough to appear friendly and normal.
If he was trying to punish her then it was working. Her heart pounding through her chest painfully, her eyes prickling with tears. She couldn’t stand this anymore, the man she loved wasn’t this cruel.
Morag nodded and gave her a small forced smile to which Rose feigned a smile in return.
‘Nice to see you again Morag.’ Awkwardness looming, the atmosphere strained, and Rob seemed uncaring about it all. ‘I really should go and see her, we had, errr, plans.’ She lied hopelessly, almost tripping over her own words. Rob flashed her a sardonic tiny half smile and then turned away towards the other woman without a goodbye. Morag followed suit and immediately pulled him into a hushed conversation, making it obvious Rose was both unimportant and easily dismissed.
I hate you!
Turning away, Rose tried to steam away gracefully, trying to not stop and break into a flood of tears in front of them or let her heart fall right out of her body and shatter on the gravel. She didn’t wait for an invite when she got to the large looming entrance, but pushed open the heavy wooden door, almost fleeing up the stairs to Abby’s room; glad that it was unlocked, and she had no need for her key. Knocking on Abby’s door desperately when she reached it and pushing it open reluctantly, she found it empty.
Her heart was trying to leave her body by way of her chest, her lungs struggling to cope as the overwhelming frenzy of erratic emotions and war against tears enveloped her. She sank down on the bed trying to gain control, trying to cradle her face in her hands. She wanted to be sick, knowing now she shouldn’t have come.
How could he be this way towards her? Was it really over? Did he really not want her anymore?
She should have realised that his silence had been a message that it was over, that she had blown it. Her behaviour and throwing back his mother’s ring had sealed her fate and she had been too stupid to realise it. Rob wasn’t some immature, erratic person who lost his temper and stamped his foot. Rob was someone who didn’t have any space in his life for anymore crazy, needy women, making life hell for him.
She couldn’t let the tears start or they would never stop, but she couldn’t stop them. Pacing, trying to get a hold of herself, she knew she needed to leave. Abby wasn’t home, she had known that already as she was still staying with Duncan to avoid her brother and Rose had been too caught up in seeing him to think about that little fact. She couldn’t stay here. She needed to leave, to breathe, to break down in private.
Standing up purposefully and pushing every screaming emotion down, she walked to the grand gilded mirror. Deep breaths, calming breaths. In through her nose and out through her mouth with hands trembling, she smoothed her hair and face. Pep talking the face in the reflection to appear relaxed; wiping her eyes and dabbing away the threatening tears, smoothing it all away.
Putting that rehearsed mask back on that she had spent weeks perfecting when he had devastated her life once before, straightening her body and breathing deeply.
She could do this! All she had to do was get up, walk purposefully down the stairs and out the front door and leave.
She could fall apart when she was driving down that god damn long ass tarmac, but right now she needed to save face. Keep some dignity. It was all she had left.
She took one last calming gulp of oxygen and made her way out of the door slowly, the hall seemed deserted and silent. No sign of either of them. She carefully picked her way down the stairs, afraid to make more noise than necessary, her eyes glancing around suspiciously in the eerily quiet and empty house as though even the staff were missing.
Were they still outside? Shit! What if they were?
She stopped, faltering on the stair and regaining some composure with the shake of her head. She would have to do this, have to put her chin up and just walk by. Get to her car. Smile, say goodbye and leave, feigning bravado for just a few moments longer.
‘Undecided about whether you’re coming or going?’ His voice made her freeze, unable to look around. The same tone of heavy sarcasm and mild anger. ‘Maybe should have told you she wasn’t here.’ She looked around at the direction of his voice, catching him lazily watching her from the kitchen door, his body leaning heavily against the frame.
What was he doing? Why was he making it like this?
She couldn’t bare the cold and distant glare anymore, avoiding the way he was staring at her. Glancing around, looking for his new visitor nervously in case she was witnessing this horrid scene, she could feel her body beginning to tremble badly once more, he cut in again
‘She didn’t stay! Was passing by and popped in with this.’ He held up a folder with the museum logo on the cover before sliding it back onto the table outside the kitchen door. Rose, still standing on the last step, staring his way now that he had drawn her vision with the file, was unsure what to say. Slightly relieved that Morag was gone.
For the first time in her life words would not come to her, he was making her crazy nervous and she couldn’t think straight. Her clammy hands and mouth that had suddenly gone very dry were all making her even more anxious. Feeling that same prick of emotion in her eyes, she looked away, closing them to blink away any tears and took the last step onto the marble floor.
‘If you’re trying to hurt me... Punish me...It’s working.’ She finally whispered, unable to look his way for fear she would lose all control. There was silence after her words, she couldn’t bare it, couldn’t bare the huge vast emptiness between them and the signs he no longer wanted her. After a moment of pensive waiting she moved to leave, unable to look back as her emotions held on by a thread.
‘That’s it?’ His voice was cutting and cold. ‘Nothing else to say, Penelope¿ The use of that pet name was enough to break her, knowing he only used it when he was pissed, or they were no longer together. A stupid reason to lose all resolve at saving face but she couldn’t help it.
‘Don’t R...’ Her voice broke. The damn finally breaking under pressure and the torrent of emotion bursting forth, she sunk down onto the step helplessly, wrapping her arms around her face and sobbing uncontrollably. Losing all ability to fight it and letting her heartbreak pour out in a very dramatic fashion, like a child who was completely distraught.
She heard him swear before his footsteps hurriedly came towards her and his arms pulled her up unexpectedly to cradle against him. She was too angst to dissect what that meant or even push him off.
‘Come on.’ His voice was softer, that harsh tone gone against the side of her hair as he ushered her down the hall towards his room; thinking better of the closeness to the bed he pulled her into his office and sat her down in his leather chair gently, letting her go to walk away and return with a box of tissues. Rose continued to stare at her own lap, tears falling, unable to meet his eyes and tried to reel back in the flood water. She tried to calm her erratic breathing and took the tissues gratefully, wiping her face and blowing her nose to console herself back to a calmer state. He didn’t say anything, just walked away from her to a nearby unit and back again immediately to the edge of the desk beside her seconds later.
‘You forgot something last time you were here.’ His voice was flat and unreadable, he slid something across the desk, the scraping noise bringing her eye up to meet the small black leather ring box that skidded to a halt right beside her. Rose glanced up at him in a moment of surprise, her eyes questioning but his expression was the same cool unreadable as always, reaching out for it she clicked it open, revealing his mother’s silver ring and glanced up again in confusion.
‘You’re giving me this back?’ She whispered, her voice shaking and swallowing hard. Her brain a frenzy of questions and frenzied emotions.
