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The drive to the emergency vet felt endless, she sat cradling him, crying and sobbing and holding his limp body wrapped up like a newborn baby. He was cold and non-responsive and had long closed his eyes on the journey. She was repeatedly telling him he was a good boy, to not be scared, while tears streamed down her face and she kept looking to Rob for reassurance.
Muffin felt cold and alien to her, his normally hyperactive little self like a wet rag on her lap. Rose’s tears were blurring her vision, so she could barely see, her nose running and her speech almost unintelligible as Rob tried to talk to her. All she could do was tell Muffin over and over that he was going to be okay.
Rob was on his mobile, driving at speed and getting directions from the vet about where to go, not caring if he got a fine for being on his phone and too rushed to stick it to his blue tooth. He looked like a man on a mission, furrowed brow, serious tone and driving like Schumacher, with all concentration on the road and the voice on the other end of his phone.
It was late, but the Vet was still open and awaiting their arrival, Rob kept leaning forward in his seat, looking to the side and round for openings and exits as he followed directions to a place he had never been, fixated on getting them there as soon as earthly possible.
Muffin’s little eyes were streaming fluid and kept opening and closing, losing the fight he had left and making Rose even more hysterical in the process. She tried not to shake him, to stop herself freaking out, but her panic was taking control. She had never been more petrified in her life and had no sense of control or ability to navigate how to deal with this, he was like her child and she was completely overwhelmed with terror at losing him.
Rob was calm and quiet, always the man of control in a crisis and being her rock right now with his steady cool presence and calm head. Turning the car smoothly into roads and corners, glancing in his mirrors repetitively, he kept leaning over and feeling the small animals throat, holding his fingers to his nose to check he was breathing before shifting gear and speeding up. Every so often he would squeeze Rose’s knee to tell her he was right there with her and would do anything to get Muffin help, he was the only reason she hadn’t completely gone over the edge.
Rob had to restrain Rose when the vet took Muffin through to the surgery, crying and trying to cling on, not really thinking about what she was doing. Lost in hysteria and clinging to her precious fur baby, afraid it would be the last time she saw him breathing and knowing he would be scared without her by his side.
‘Rose?...Rose! Look at me. You need to let them do their job. He‘s in the best place. Trust me baby, let him go.’ Rob was grabbing her flailing arms, trying to turn her to face him and trying to wipe the wetness from her face, pained by the puffy red eyes, tear streaked face and look of despair he could see there. Rose didn’t respond, just collapsed against him and let out a new tidal wave of sobs, his hand cradling her head against his chest protectively. He moved her to the waiting room and sat her down on his lap, pulling her up easily and sweeping her into a hold like a child, smoothing her hair until she began to calm again, and the wracking sobs became more of a simmering bout of sniffing.
An hour passed, and she sat looking numbly at the door, held against him, her breathing steady and quiet, but silently watching; blankly waiting and finally completely calm from sheer emotional numbness. She had cried herself into silence until no more tears could fall.
Rob tried to get her to drink coffee while watching that white door leading to the treatment room, endlessly holding her breath and pushing away his offerings of cups or snacks. Chewing the edge of her nails and tapping her foot listlessly against his leg, she felt like the waiting was going to make her insane. Rob didn’t stop her, just held her close and stroked her hair, knowing the agony of the endless waiting was torture for her and just trying to be what she needed in that moment.
Finally, the vet appeared, and she jumped up, racing towards him at speed and almost taking down the magazine rack stood in the way. Rob was barely able to keep up with her as the man raised his hands, obviously used to distraught owners. Bringing calm and quiet with a gesture and a sympathetic smile.
‘He’s stable and sedated.’ The man said softly, Rob coming up to slide his arms around her shoulders behind her.
‘Any idea what’s wrong with him?’ Rob’s deep voice over her head was calming her manic panic, unable to form questions of her own and searching the man’s face for any clue to an answer.
‘There’s a chance he has ingested something highly toxic, either a plant or something left in your garden. The way you said he threw up in the garden has probably purged his system of whatever it was quickly. Most likely saving his life. He’s sedated and medicated and we need to await blood results to be sure of what he has poisoned himself with before we can truly treat him, for now we are treating him with standard meds and saline and will have to keep him in to be watched.’ The man’s no-nonsense attitude and serious tone had Rose numbly nodding, unable to think straight and still letting Rob take the lead.
‘He’s in the best place, I trust that you will do what you can for him and keep us updated.’ Rob pulled Rose closer as though looking for any sort of response, all she could do was stare wide eyed around her, trying to take in the fact that her baby was going to be here without her and scared.
‘We will call if there is any change and you can come in after noon tomorrow to see him. We will have the bloods sent out first thing, but they take a day or two to come back.’
‘I want to see him, now.’ Rose broke in, her voice weak and cracking with the effort, fresh tears filling her eyes.
‘He’s asleep for now....’ The vet started but Rob moved Rose aside and stepped in.
‘Look, she won’t rest at all if she can’t see him, just a few seconds, just to see he’s breathing and give her some peace of mind.’ Rob was in business tone and although friendly there was a forceful underlying tone.
‘Okay, a few seconds.’ The vet relented, knowing a stubborn man in his face when he met one.
The vet led them through to a little room with cages built into the walls from floor to ceiling. Muffin was lying motionless inside a shiny steel cage, a furry blanket below his fragile little body and a lighter one keeping him warm. One of his tiny little legs was poking out above the cover, shaved and a drip taped in place, keeping him hydrated. His poor little face was sodden from runny eyes and nose and his white muzzle stained yellow and brown. He was breathing softly and slowly, sound asleep and looking more peaceful than before; more alive. There was a shallow dish of water nearby and puppy mats lining the floor of the cage around him, but he just looked so helpless and small.
She heard the vet telling Rob they had pumped his stomach to be sure whatever he had ingested was completely gone and felt a fresh wave of tears. Touching his little face through the bars, the urge to pick him up and kiss his little velvet muzzle overwhelming her. She whispered to him through the bars.
‘Good boy. I love you puppy, I’ll come back tomorrow. Don’t be scared baby, you be a brave little boy for Mummy.’ Tears wet her cheeks as Rob finally managed to drag her away from the bars. Saying something to the vet and literally walking her out of the building in a firm embrace and giving her no chance to fight him on it. She could barely function, her brain unable to formulate anything but extreme grief.
She stopped in the car park, suddenly aware of rising nausea, a product of her hysterical crying and emotional torture. All coming bubbling to a head in a dramatic way. She threw up in the bushes with Rob cradling her against him and holding back her hair. Softly saying things to try and soothe her but she pulled away angrily, pushing his arms off her and stomping away from him to pace erratically.
‘She did this!’ She screamed pointing back at the medical building accusingly. ‘She poisoned him!’ Her voice was hitched, and tears were once again flowing freely.
Rob’s face tightened, a frown appearing, and he softly shook his head at her, reaching out for her but she waved his hands away as he got closer.
‘Rose. I don’t think this was deliberate.’ Rob followed her across the car park trying still to get hold of her once again, endlessly patient with her outburst.
‘Yes, it was! She did this to him!...She did!...’ She broke down again as he came to her side, sliding arms around her, she pushed him off, not wanting to be consoled. A fresh wave of rage and hatred that she had never felt for that woman before, almost consuming her.
‘You said it yourself. She made threats. She wanted me gone!’ She blurted out.
‘Rose, you’re upset. You’re not thinking straight...’ No matter how much she paced away from him, he was still following her, still trying to pull her into his embrace.
‘Don’t you dare use my own words against me!’ Rose turned on him, yelling, unable to control it while he was trying to figure out how to respond to her like this. ‘He’s innocent! He would never hurt a fly... He’s just a tiny little animal who never bothers anyone.’ Rose cried out, sobbing; self-pity wracking her as she paced around the car park once more, unable to stand still as adrenalin coursed through her blood and her body shook with the after effects of shock. ‘She’s trying to get to me! To hurt me... She can‘t take you away, so she’s taking something else I love!’ She stamped around, kicking rocks away on the gravel surface.
‘Rose,...?’ Rob was looking for the right words, trying not to make her worse. ‘I think this is just what it is... An accident... The weather lately has been damp and colder, stuff grows in the garden when it’s like that. Fungus and plants that are toxic. I think he just ate something he shouldn’t have.’
‘You’re building Fort Knox up at the house and I’m over reacting because someone poisoned my dog?’ She was livid, the tears still falling, her nose running as she rounded on him accusingly, meeting him and pulling herself up to try and match his height. She was in full on battle mode now and wiped her tears with her sleeve.
‘You’re right! This is on me... All this paranoia and overreaction. I’ve filled your head with this crap, made you think she’s out to harm you. That’s my fault Rose. I jumped ahead and never thought things through, it was a knee-jerk reaction and I see now it’s complete nonsense. Morag wouldn’t poison Muffin, she wouldn’t come after you in that way and she sure as hell isn’t stupid enough to jeopardise her career and her life in this way.’ Rob raised his palms defensively, giving up on following her and instead taking a calmer approach.
‘No, she would just smash up your house and slice her own arms open¡ Rose spat back at him, throwing her hands up.
‘Rose you need to calm down. Think rationally about this.’
‘Why can’t you see it?’ She cried in exasperation, pushing him in the stomach as though trying to make him see sense, completely over wrought with emotional frustration. Rob, realising he was only making her worse, pushing her further into a fight, changed tactic. Lifting defensive palms again and slowly moving towards her as softly as he could, soothing voice and soft words.
‘I believe that you think she did this baby, I just want to take you home right now.’ Rob was now level with her, a hand sliding over her shoulder carefully, she fought him off again, only this time with less fight and he sensed she was wavering. Her energy finally spent.
‘She did this Rob.’ She announced hopelessly, resigned to more quiet tears as exhaustion overwhelmed her.
‘Blood tests will tell us for sure Rose, there’s no point speculating anymore until we know for sure, okay? Let me take you home. You need to sleep, and I want to look after you.’ Rob slid his arms about her shoulders finally, meeting no resistance and instead she slumped against his body, allowing him to do whatever he wanted.
She nodded numbly, unable to yell anymore, unable to fight, just exhausted and broken, longing to pick up her little fur ball and rub that tiny nose on her face. He manoeuvred her slowly, hugging her close and leading her to the car, treating her with kid gloves and buckling her into her seat. Kissing her temple gently as he clipped her into her seat and driving them home in utter silence.
