Chapter 1094: Sleeping

The old locust tree in the yard cast a long shadow in the moonlight, and the wind blew the leaves, making a rustling sound. His heart beat a little faster, but he still couldn't help but quicken his pace, quietly bypassing the windows at the door and heading towards the path outside the yard.

The path was winding and narrow, leading to the fields outside the village. Li took a few steps forward, and was gradually swallowed by the darkness behind him. The moonlight cast a cold light and shadow on the weeds on the roadside, which seemed a little deep. He did not hesitate, and his footsteps left a slight sound on the soil, which was out of tune with the silence of the night. But he didn't care, anyway, no one would notice, and he didn't intend to let anyone know.

Why did he go to the field? He himself couldn't explain it clearly. Maybe he wanted to be quiet, or maybe he wanted to escape from his oppressive daily life for a while. The field was where he played when he was a child, where he grew up, and where he once escaped from reality.

Li Xiangqian walked along the path for several hundred meters and finally came to the familiar field. The soil in the middle of the field was illuminated by the moonlight, as if covered with a layer of silver gauze. It was so quiet that people dared not breathe loudly. Li Xiangqian walked to an old stone tablet and stopped. He looked up at the farmland in the distance filled with moonlight, and an indescribable emotion surged in his heart.

He remembered that when he was a child, he always chased and played with a group of friends in this field. At that time, he had no worries and felt that the world was so simple that he could let go of everything and didn't have to worry about anything. But now, the years have passed, and he is no longer the carefree little boy. The years have brought him not only the traces of growth, but also the responsibilities and the burden of life.

Li Qianqian squatted down, and his fingertips gently touched the soil on the ground. The cold touch made him sober up a little. He pressed his palm on the soil, feeling the solidity and heaviness of the earth. The smell of the soil, mixed with a slight smell of grass, made him relax a little. The chill in the air made him shiver slightly, but his heart was much calmer than before.

He whispered to himself, "Do I really want to escape so much?" He had no answer in his heart. Every time he wanted to escape, he would always feel a strong sense of guilt. Those responsibilities and obligations were like heavy shackles that bound him and made him unable to extricate himself. He had tried to get rid of them countless times, but found that each time was only a short-term relief, and he would eventually return to the starting point.

Li Xiangqian buried his face in his hands, feeling increasingly depressed. He imagined Lin Xiaoyu staying at home alone, patiently waiting for his return. But at this moment, he had the urge to escape, eager to break free from the shackles in front of him and to do what he wanted to do.

However, he knew that it was not that simple.

He raised his head and looked at the night sky in the distance. The moon was like a cold silver plate, hanging quietly on the dark sky, staring at everything from afar. Li Xiangqian's eyes became blurred, and suddenly, he had a strong idea - no matter what, he must find his direction.

But how can he find the direction that truly belongs to him? Li Xiangqian lowered his head, sighed, and rested his hands on his knees. The moonlight still shone on him, bringing a hint of coldness. Lin Xiaoyu's face suddenly appeared in his mind, her gentle eyes, her concern and dependence on him, as if reminding him again: You can't give up, you can't leave this home.

Every time, he was in such a struggle. Li Xiangqian knew that Lin Xiaoyu did not fail to understand him, she just hoped that he could take more responsibilities and not make her feel uneasy every time like now. Her expectations seemed a bit heavy to him, but he had to accept it. He did not want to disappoint Lin Xiaoyu, nor did he want the family to fall apart when he gave up.

"Perhaps, only by finding a balance can we really move forward." Li Xiangqian muttered to himself, and suddenly felt that his words were a little empty. He did not stand up immediately, but continued to squat there, staring at the soil in front of him, as if looking for some kind of answer. However, the soil was still silent, and the moonlight still shone coldly on him. All the answers disappeared in the silent night.

After a long time, Li Xiangqian finally stood up and stretched. His mood was still a little complicated, but the depressed emotions seemed to have been relieved. Perhaps, he should not let himself fall into such a deep predicament, but should face those responsibilities, make his own choices, and stop escaping blindly. He is no longer young, and he can no longer let himself go as easily as before.

He turned around and walked back home, his steps steady and firm, though heavy. The moonlight still shone on his back, stretching him out, as if all his troubles and confusions were gradually fading away with the cold moonlight.

When he got home, the gate was still locked and Lin Xiaoyu had fallen asleep. Li Xiangqian stood quietly at the gate, hesitated for a while, then gently opened the door and walked into the house. He did not disturb Lin Xiaoyu, but took off his shoes and walked quietly to the bedroom.

Lin Xiaoyu curled up on the bed with a quiet expression on her face. Li Xiangqian looked at her, and suddenly an indescribable emotion came over him. He did nothing, but just stood there quietly, as if watching her sleeping, feeling the long-lost warmth.

Recently, Li Xiangqian's nights have become unusually long. Whenever he lies in bed with his eyes closed, countless thoughts still surge in his mind. He is no longer the person who can fall asleep easily. That kind of peaceful sleep seems to be drifting away from him. Every night, he always tosses and turns in bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark, and the irritability and powerlessness in his heart surge like waves.

"Why?" Li Xiangqian often asked himself in a low voice, why can't he fall asleep peacefully? Although his body was exhausted and he had almost no strength to support himself, there was an unspeakable anxiety in his heart that made him unable to close his eyes no matter how hard he tried. He had no shortage of opportunities to sleep, and Lin Xiaoyu had long been accustomed to his silence and taciturnity, but he himself could not get away from these thoughts.

He lay on the bed and reached out to touch the pillow. The coldness came, as if the coldness had penetrated into his bones. His eyes unconsciously glanced out the window. The darkness and empty night outside perfectly matched the unsolvable loneliness in his heart. Perhaps it was because of these trivial matters and those decisions he had not made that deeply troubled him and made him unable to truly relax.