Chapter 57

OLIVIA

I THOUGHT I was all done crying my heart out the entire night, but when I woke up remembering what happened, my eyes could not help but tear up.

Those hurtful words Chase had told me kept repeating in my mind and were like daggers piercing my chest. No matter how I tried to ignore it, it all crawled back into my head and kept suffocating me.

"So that's it? You're going to cry again?" Lara commented soon after she entered the room.

I snorted. My gaze followed her when she walked towards the window and opened the curtains. I winced when the sunshine reflected in the glass window and blinded my eyes.

Lara then turned to me. Her arms were on both sides of her hips and she eyed me as if she was waiting for me to say everything.

"Mikael already went to school. Even my kid is worried about you because he heard you crying all night," she added. "I wanted to call Chase myself and ask him what exactly happened, but I am afraid I would end up scolding him for making you cry. So, you have no choice but to tell me everything now, Olivia Marie."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I could feel the dryness in my mouth as an aftermath of my sudden breakdown last night. Even my eyes felt so heavy, swollen and tired. However, I would say nothing could ever defeat the excruciating pain I felt in my heart.

"Olivia," Lara called to my attention when I did not respond to her.

"Can we have a drink?" I asked her and let out a heavy sigh. "I need a beer and to get wasted so I can forget everything. I can't take the pain, Lara."

My lips quivered. My tears were about to stream down my face again, but I looked at the ceiling and blinked them away.

I heard Lara sigh. "You look totally a mess, Liv. Is this the result of your forbidden love for that man? Do you really think it is worth giving your feelings a try? Look at yourself in the mirror. You are clearly hurting for real."

I shut my eyes and gulped the pain down. After that, I met Lara's gaze.

"I need to clear my head a bit, Lara. Please, I want some beers. Let's have a drink…"

I knew she was fighting the urge to roll her eyes at me, and perhaps she thought I was stupid for letting myself fall for Chase and letting him hurt me in this way. But I don't care anymore.

"Fine, we will drink. But you have to eat breakfast first. I won't let alcohol be your first meal in the morning," she said, and then motioned for me to leave the room.

I nodded my head and offered her a thin smile, though it did not reach my eyes.

"Thanks, Lara."

We went out of her bedroom and ate breakfast in the dining area. Lara cooked soup and light dishes for me to wash away my hangover from last night's drinks. After that, she bought some beers and snacks.

We settled into the living room. As I sipped my beer, I felt a stinging feeling going down my lungs, and it was satisfying.

"Chase and I had a fight last night," I started as I looked at my drink.

We were both sitting on the couch. I was hugging my knees while Lara was beside me. Her feet were on top of the center table.

"Listening," she said.

"He found out that I lied to him about the party hosted by a man he didn't like. The yacht went to a secluded island, and there was drug distribution and gunshots… We witnessed a total mess. Chase used a chopper and followed me, and then we fought at home. He said a lot of things that hurt my feelings. He was furious at me, and told me I wasn't normal at all because I had an anxiety disorder…"

"What the hell? He did say that?" Lara almost yelled at me, completely shocked.

My tears fell down and I grabbed the roll of tissue on the center table and wiped my tears away before I nodded at her.

"That's why I am so upset with him. I accepted the fact that he was mad at me for lying to him, and I understood where he came from, but…" I sobbed and shook my head. "Telling me that I am not normal because of my disorder is a different thing, Lara. He made me feel like I was an insane woman. He wanted to put a leash on me so I couldn't tarnish their names. I really thought he was different from people who think anxiety disorder is insanity, but he just proved me wrong."

Lara muttered a curse under her breath and patted my shoulder as I couldn't stop myself from crying. I drank my beer and finished it immediately, then opened up a new bottle and drank it again.

All I did was to let out my pain, and Lara listened all the time. I lost count of how many bottles I had finished. But the mere fact that I felt so dizzy only indicated that I had enough.

"I'll use the bathroom," I said, and blinked several times.

I had trouble standing up but was still able to do so after a few attempts to balance out. I went to the bathroom to pee and washed my face in front of the mirror afterwards.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. All I could see was a totally messed up woman who loved the wrong man; an insane woman whose plan got all ruined because she freaking fell in love with a man she was only supposed to deceive.

"You are suffering the consequences…" I said to myself and laughed at my reflection. "This is entirely your fault. You should not have fallen for him. You shouldn't…"

My shoulder began shaking as a new batch of tears fell down my cheeks. I sobbed as I couldn't take the pain inside my chest. I clutched it and lowered my head.

"This is all wrong…" I whispered.

A scissor from the sink got my attention. I pressed my lips together and looked at it intently. I pondered for a while and ended up taking the scissors.

Out of frustration, I cut my hair while crying, as if that would end my misery. I only stopped when Lara slammed the door open and saw what I was doing. She quickly grabbed the scissors from my hand and hugged me tightly.

It was around afternoon when someone knocked on Lara's apartment. My heart pounded aggressively when I heard the familiar voice of a man talking to my friend and asking about me.

"I want to see her, Lara. Can you please let me in? I need to talk to my wife," I heard Chase say.

I was inside the bedroom at the time, and all I did was listen to what was happening on the other side of the door while biting my lower lip.

"She's taking a rest, Chase. I suggest you give her some time. She will talk to you when she's ready," Lara responded.

"But I want to fix this fight as soon as possible. It is driving me insane…"

I swallowed hard when I heard his voice. It sounded so desperate and longing... But even though I slightly felt guilty about the situation, I knew I wasn't that ready to face him after what happened.

I wasn't even sure when I would be ready to forgive him.

"Please, Lara."

"No, Chase. I apologize, but Reese needs some time to clear her head. I hope you respect that."

Then I heard silence. I thought he had already left until he said something again.

"Tell her I love her and I regret saying those things I told her last night…"

***

"DID YOU just clean the entire house, Liv?" Lara asked the obvious as she looked at me while I was holding a vacuum cleaner.

"I have nothing else to do, Lara. Besides, I don't know how to clear up my mind after what happened at that stupid yacht party," I said, wiping the bullet of sweat that formed on my forehead and continuing cleaning her living room to keep myself busy.

Lara was always there to help me, especially in tough times. It had been almost a week since I ran away from Chase. I had nowhere to go except to her, and I was glad she wasn't forcing me to come home.

Reese's parents found out what happened. Lara made sure that the situation would be under control and texted them, assuring them that everything was fine regarding their daughter and informing them that Reese was only busy clearing her head and taking medications.

"Look at these, Live! How am I supposed to live normally with these lovely flowers piled up at my door?" Her tone was a bit annoyed.

I looked in her direction and saw that she was inspecting all the flowers outside.

"I will throw them away. I'm sorry if that bothers you." I then went outside, walked past her, and grabbed the bouquets of flowers being sent here with some letters.

It confused me why he kept sending me flowers here. Wasn't he supposed to send me the divorce papers? I would be happy to sign them and end my misery. Starting over with my life would be a great idea at this point.

Lara was right. I was a fool to fall in love with someone like him...

With that in mind, I put all the flowers in the garbage bag without any regret.

For the past couple of days of staying out of his sight, I have had a lot of things to ponder. I was convinced that my growing feelings for him only started because I simply pitied him and regretted deceiving him about who I truly was; that I was not the Reese Jones he was looking for.

I realized that the lies I told him just to go to the yacht party and how he reacted and made me a fool were enough for me to see the darkest side of him. All of a sudden, he turned into someone that I never expected to see for a tiny lie I made. I could never imagine how he would react once he found out that I was not Reese Jones…

"Damn it," I cursed under my breath. Imagining how things would escalate once he found out my true identity was enough to ruin my entire day.

"Goodness! I beg you not to cry again, Liv," Lara said while she was leaning her back against the doorframe.

My hands started to quiver. I could feel my chest tightening and it started to cause me a panic attack. I instantly let go of the garbage bag, and all the bouquets scattered to the ground.

The stinging feeling of anxiety getting through me was the worst feeling ever. I inhaled deeply, trying to catch my breath. My stomach started to growl and I ended up vomiting in the garbage bag.

"Shit, not again…"

"Liv, are you okay?" Lara went into an instant panic. "Let me take you to the hospital!"

"No, I'm fine, Lara. Maybe I am just tired," I replied, and caught my breath after vomiting.

She rubbed my back and said, "Let me take care of this. Please go inside and take a rest. I will go to the grocery store to buy some things."

I only nodded and entered her apartment. My chest felt so heavy that all I could think about was ending my life. I went to the bathroom and looked for something that could help me end everything, but I only ended up sitting on the toilet and crying my heart out.

Even if I wanted to, I could not afford it. Lara would hate me for life if I did it.

After releasing my emotions, I washed my face and took some pills from the medicine cabinet for me to take. Then I drank a glass of water.

"You have to keep going, Olivia," I told myself as I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

When my mind cleared up I went to the kitchen and opened a bottle of red wine and poured it into the wine glass. I sat on the couch and took a sip of the wine. I sighed, remembering what happened between me and Chase that I wanted to erase from my head.

I felt so sorry for myself, for Lara, for Mia, and for everyone whom I believed supported me. It was, indeed, difficult to stay strong all the time. I hope they won't take it against me.

To switch up my mind, I grabbed the remote and turned on the smart TV.

"Time to watch some boring TV shows," I said.

I had a difficult time finding an interesting TV show. I recalled being so interested in any TV shows before, but now it was completely different, as if I had totally disconnected from the things that I used to enjoy before.

Sighing, I ended up watching news and weather updates just to keep myself updated.

"Our program will be interrupted with a special announcement. Please stay tuned…"

"What the heck?" I reacted when the news program cut off with a group of men singing a 90's love song. Then it was followed by a certain message:

'I'm sorry for what happened, Reese. Please come back to me.'

It was plain white text and had some flowers in the background that I found too familiar. In the lower part of the text, it showed a time and date, which would be tomorrow at twelve noon. My forehead creased as I looked at it, and then after a second, the TV ended it and it went back to the news like nothing happened.

After a couple of minutes, I spilled out the wine that I was drinking when I soon realized that the TV ad mentioned that specific name: Reese.

"Wait… Reese? Is that a TV ad for me?" I winced at that thought. "There's no way that it's about me. It said Reese, not Reese Jones…" I palmed my face.

I uttered a curse and began to switch to other channels instead.

Then I almost spilled my wine again when I saw the same Ad on other channels.

Reese, forgive me…

That was the freaking message that made my heart pound so fast, to the point that I became so nervous, thinking that it was Chase's doing.

Was he aware that I love watching TV so much? Or maybe he realized that I didn't have anything to do in Lara's apartment but to watch freaking TV, so he settled with such ideas?

Either way, it was deeply upsetting to the shit in me.

He knew that I didn't have a job or anything productive to do...

Every single time I switched the channel, all I saw was the same TV ad that I had gotten sick of already. I threw the remote at the TV and screamed.

I finished my wine and stood up just to pace back and forth while biting my nails. I was only interrupted when my business phone rang. I checked the caller ID and it was Mia.

"Not now, Mia." I rejected her phone call because I didn't know what to say. I was not in the right condition in terms of my mental health.

I thought about the TV ad again. If this was Chase's doing, then I didn't know what to say. If I forgave him, then he ended up knowing that I was lying the whole time as Reese Jones. What would happen next?

Was this an opportunity to cut ties with him?

But every time I imagined that we would get a divorce and walk separate ways for good, my heart felt like it was being torn into pieces.

I shut my eyes. I reminded myself that he would never love someone as deceitful as me; that the reason why he was chasing me was because he thought I was Reese; and if I introduced myself as Olivia, a girl who had nothing to offer and an orphan, he would only shoo me away. Rich people do that kind of stuff. They throw away worthless things, even people.

My thoughts were all ripped out when I heard my phone chime. I looked at it and noticed that Mia was sending me a lot of text messages.

From: Mia Brown

We need to talk, ASAP!

I got my connections! You can't hide on me, Reese Jones!

I'm coming for you! Wait for me!

My forehead creased as I read her text messages. What was Mia plotting?

A few minutes passed and I heard a loud knock on the main door. My heart pounded so fast, and I stiffened in the living room, totally startled. I checked the clock. It was too early for Lara to go home.

"Who is it?" I asked in my faint voice.

The loud knock continued. I slowly walked to the door and mustered my courage to speak loudly.

"Who's there? If you are one of Chase's men, please don't waste your time and go tell him that I no longer want to see him!"

"Reese, it is me, Mia! Please open the door! We need to talk," she said. Her voice sounded as if she was in a hurry. "I want to help you! I know you suffered so much because of me. Please, open up the door so I can explain a lot of things to you. You didn't deserve this, Reese! Please, let me in!"

I frowned. My hands were shaking, then, with all of my remaining strength, I opened the door. I was greeted by Mia's teary eyes, then she immediately engulfed me in a warm embrace.