Chapter 14 Chapter 14 Trial & Error
RIVER
Krew calmed down a little bit. His cold hands stopped from shaking, but I could still see the horror in his eyes that I wished I could take it away, but how would I if I didn’t know the reason? Perhaps, a traumatic childhood? My heart ached for him. Poor boy. I couldn’t even begin to imagine a boy Krew looked frightened.
I wished he could just share it with me. I wanted to know him deeper, and I was willing to gamble and share something with him. I had hope that he would open up to me, but I knew sharing something that we wished didn’t happen was difficult, especially to someone we barely knew. It was just unfair that he seemed to know a lot about me while I knew nothing about him.
I wanted to trust him despite everything that had happened between us. I wanted to trust him with everything, but how? When he couldn’t even consider me as his friend?
“You’ll be okay.” I ran my thumb on his cheek as I kept my gaze on his beautiful terrified eyes. It was somewhat alarming how I could easily see how vulnerable he was. I guessed he let me in this time. He let me in even for a moment like this. So I let my guard down.
Courage pulsated through me. “There’s no reason for you to be scared. It can’t hurt you. It can never hurt you, and I am here. I would never leave beside you,” I reassured him despite there was no guarantee. I still wanted to help him even in return, I earned nothing.
“I-I know.” He finally let go a deep and long shuddering breath. “Don’t leave me, River.” I felt the grip loosening from him, and I let his hand go. He tentatively reached out to my face. “I know you won’t leave me.” His voice dropped to a whisper. He moistened his lips as he dropped his gaze down to my face, settling on my lips. Tension suddenly thickened in the air, filling the room.
Then I felt that I knew what would happen next. I forced to suppress a shudder, but the anticipation had made my sense hypersensitive--his breaths sounded louder. My heart thudded against my chest as he ran his thumb on my cheek down to my lips.
Heat radiated through my flesh as I watched his reaction—his pupils dilated, darkened even more—almost obsidian.
His gaze darted back to my eyes, then dropped down to my lips again. He hadn’t kissed me yet, but the anticipation of feeling and tasting those lips again was killing me. Oh, god. I was burning and melting inside.
Just do it, Krew.
He sighed heavily in relief, and he just killed my anticipation into the icy cold as he released his hands, looked out the dark window, and inspected if the rain had stopped.
Buzzkill.
I inwardly groaned and leaned against the desk. I now felt the cold of the floor against my skin. What was I thinking? He was drunk when he first kissed me, and right now, he wasn’t. There was no way he would kiss me even if he was scared shitless.
He hadn’t said anything, and I couldn’t say anything as well. My skin was still vibrating with our almost kiss encounter. I was in heat like a cat not a moment ago, and now I was chilling cold.
I got the cue. When I got my courage back, and he seemed okay, I rose to my feet and walked out of the office before I could curse the hell out of him and break our arrangement. The worse part was, he didn’t even stop me.
I drew the curtain and got back to bed. A few moments later, before I put myself in slumber, I heard a soft knock on my door.
“You know you have a key, Krew. I’m lazy to get up,” I yelled enough for him to hear me. I was optimistic. I knew it was him.
The light from the hallway entered the room, then his shadow hovered.
“You left,” he said. His voice was low and deep.
“You seemed okay back there.” I didn’t make a move even if I could sense his closeness. I was not ready to let him see an ounce of my embarrassment.
“I wasn’t, but I’m an adult.” He flicked the lamp on the nightstand before the bed set deep. He must have taken the liberty to sit on my bed.
“And?”
“I almost pushed beyond my limit.” He sounded regretful. Is that how he called it now? Screw him and his self-control.
“And you’re here because?” I still didn’t turn to see his face.
“I regretted that I didn’t stop you.”
“You said it yourself that you were okay.”
“I was okay from the rain, but I wasn’t okay for making a move then stopped myself.”
I snorted. “I should get used to it by now. It wasn’t the first time.”
He moved, the next thing I knew, his hand was draping around my waist.
“You know this won’t work, right?” How stupid? This was exactly what I wanted, yet my brain was fighting against my lust and heart.
“A man could try.” Try harder. Maybe by then, I give in.
“Krew—”
“Let me just stay here for tonight, River. I promise I won’t do anything stupid.” Oh, please do more than stupid things like touching me, kissing the hell out of my stupidity, and this time, I won't stop you. “I keep myself out of the blanket.” That did it. All my self-pity had vanished.
I turned to face him and meet his eyes. “Tell me what happened.”
His face contorted. He pulled his hand and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” He became cagey again.
“Then you shouldn’t be here. I can’t just open up while you get your choice not to. Whatever those stupid things you wanted to do would only remain stupid. I could see it in your eyes that you wanted me, but if you won’t trust me or share a portion of yourself with me, then I’d rather be alone in this bed right now. You knew how your way in, I’m sure you can find your way out.” I turned away from him and closed my eyes despite my racing heart and disappointment.
When he knocked on my door, I was thinking of ending this eventful night more eventful. Haha, a girl could dream. Maybe we could cuddle till morning, but it turned out to be worse.
“Good night, River.”
I felt he was leaving. “Suit yourself.”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“You can’t trust me and won’t ever trust me. Then there’s nothing much to say.”
“I do trust you. After all this time, I felt like I more than trust you. You can see me through the dark, River. But if you would ask me to open something I kept buried deep, I can’t. It’s not easy.”
“You can, but you won’t. I’m not telling you to drop everything into me. You could just say, you’re not ready, and I'm fine with it.”
He sighed deeply. “I’m not ready.”
“It’s not hard, is it?” I looked at him.
He nodded.
I patted the space on the bed. “Help yourself before I change my mind.”
We laid there in silence for a few moments. He got in the blanket, laid flat on his back, and stared up at the ceiling again. I could sense that he was struggling with the thoughts in his head. The silence stretched further. All I could hear was our breaths until he spoke.
“I want to experiment.”
I cocked my brow as I glanced at him in confusion. “Experiment?”
“I feel something when I’m with you. The same feeling I had when I met you years ago. I like it. I want to explore further.”
“I like it too,” I admitted. “How many times you’ve tried it?”
He gave me a side glance. “I had a girlfriend back in college. Then she couldn’t accept the idea of me not telling her my secrets. Since then, I have never dated anyone. Just casual, one-night stand.”
“When did the last one-night stand happen?”
He shifted, his lips curved up. “Tell me first something about you that I didn’t know yet, then I will tell you.”
“I had two boyfriends if I wouldn’t count my stalker. One in high school and one in college. I didn’t have much of luck going on a date since that thing happened.”
His brows dropped. “I’m truly sorry.”
“It’s alright. I wouldn’t be here lying next to you if I have someone.”
He sighed. “I guess that makes the two of us.”
“I feel the same way too, Krew. It felt like I was drawn to you every time I looked into your eyes. It felt like I could trust you.”
“No rush. We can make it casual. Let’s get to know each other. We’ll see where it goes when this stalker issue is over.”
“All right then.”
“Believe me, River. I trust you. It’s just, it’s hard for me to talk about it. But if you have patience in me, you would know everything about me in no time.”
I filled the gap between us. “Good thing I have all the time in the world.”
