Chapter 30 Fearless

KREW

I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to smash every single piece of furniture in sight right now. I paced back and forth. My mind was still whirling. I was just so furious, hurt, enraged that River left like as easy as that—she didn’t care. What she said might be right after all. Why would she care anyway? It was me who concocted and considered the idea of making her bait to that motherfucker.

My phone rang. It was Conner.

“Where is she?” My greeting was a bark.

“She went thermonuclear. I swear your woman is scary when she’s pissed.” He laughed, outraged, and admired her at the same time. River never ceased to amaze me. I knew she could be scarier when she wanted to. I was a fucking bulldozer, but she’d never been intimidated by me.

“Where is she now?” My voice was thick when I asked again. Calling River my woman made me feel proud, but I knew the reality— she left me.

“I sent her to her apartment. I’m still waiting here down for your heads up.”

“Is she okay?” It took considerable self-control not to go to her apartment and ask for forgiveness so that we could have make-up sex, but I knew River. The way she just left me, she would make everything extraordinarily fucking difficult for me.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, boss. She’s spitting fire, but physically, she’s okay. For someone who had been in a long-term relationship, I would advise you to give her some space.”

“She’s still terrified.” My voice hardened. “You didn’t see her curling on the fucking floor. I let it happen.”

“She would realize that what you did was for her own good. If it makes you feel any better, she cares a lot about you. I know a woman when becomes enraged, turns into a firestorm because she cares.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, rubbed my temples as I tried to let myself believe that River cared about me. On the other hand, maybe Conner was right. She was still mad at me. “Just stay down for a while, then you can go.” There were a lot of questions I wanted to ask, but I let it go for now.

“Got it, boss.”

I disconnected the call and slumped myself to the couch where we fucked each other. This place reminded me of her. In every corner of this penthouse, she was everywhere, and it was driving me insane.

I knew myself.

I had known it in my bone that I was stupidly, madly, and tragically in love with her.

***

“Hello? Who’s there?” A voice of a man interrupted me from starting a fire.

I turned around. It was an old man in his fifties or so. “Yeah?” When he got closer, I realized I knew him from years ago. “Wait. Sheriff Ward? Is that you?”

He stopped a meter away from me, trying to remember me, I guessed. “Retired, son. Selik kid?”

“Yes. It’s me, Krew.” I held out my hand. “How have you been? It’s been like eight years?” He was one of those people who believed in me. He also testified during the trials.

He shook my hand firmly. “So, what are you doing here in the middle of the forest.” His expressions suddenly changed, sympathetic. “I remember this place. Here where it happened, Krew.”

I grabbed two tin cups and poured us coffee as we sat on the old log. “It’s kinda a long story.” I had been here for two days. Kai and Krys didn’t know where I went, except for my bodyguard to inform my family if I wouldn’t be back in a week.

I had been camping here all by myself. Only the darkness of the forest full of wonder, insects, and animals were my companion for the last forty-eight hours.

“I have all the time, son.”

I relived that night I met River. “So, I met this incredible woman three years ago, but something happened before we even became something. A few weeks ago, I met her again. And that was one of the happiest days of my life. But since that incident happened to me, I developed this fear of the rain and darkness, and she knew it. I realized I couldn’t be with someone if I would pee in my pants when it rained or during bad weather. Considering New York had that season, it would be difficult for us to start a relationship. But she did not judge me or pity me when she saw me fighting my own nightmare.”

“So how long have you been camping here?” He looked around. The grass smudged with mud.

I built a tent and created a pit fire on my own. “Two days.”

He looked surprised. “It was raining last night.”

I smiled proudly. “Damn. I was terrified. Believe me. I wanted to bolt out when the sun started to set, but I had to face my fear. When the rain started tapping against the roof of my tent, I almost peed in my pants. I only had a chargeable lamp inside while it was thundering, the lightning struck the sky, and the rain was pouring so hard. I kept telling myself about what she told me that it couldn’t hurt me. It was just mother earth nurturing the ground, but I was still sweating, and I almost collapsed. Then I just felt better. I slept well last night.” There were moments that I thought to run out of here, but something was stopping me—my determination, and River.

“I’m proud of you, Krew.”

“Thank you.” I smiled despite my heart was still hurting. I, myself was proud. I passed a certain huge trial of my life.

“So, this incredible woman. What happened then?”

“I did a terrible thing to protect her. She left me.” I looked down, guilt knotted in my chest.

“At my age, pursuing a girl always do the tricks. Show her how determined and sincere you are to have her in your life.”

“That’s the plan. As soon as I’m outta here.”

***

“Where the fuck have you been? Lake would never crack, and the only thing he assured us was that you’re okay. Alive somewhere.”

“Couldn’t get a day off?” I sighed deeply as I joined them on the couch. When my gaze landed on Krys, walking in, I knew something huge happened while I was away for nearly two weeks. After my fear-fighting camping, I went to see those guys who put in that terrible fear. Then I went to see someone very dear to me.

“I missed you.” Krys pulled me into a tight hug. I missed her, but I promised not to contact them while I was in my little retreat.

“Missed you, too.” I couldn’t meet her in the eye, but I felt the burning gaze my brother had been shooting at me. “Just say it, Kai. Did my company went down?”

He was not amused. He looked like he could break my head in a snap. “You forget that you left something unsolved before you went to your little getaway.”

“I’m back, ain’t I? What is the fuss? I thought you would be happy to see me but I’m wrong.”

“Where did you hide for thirteen days, Krew?” It was Krys who asked. “And I have something for you.” Her smile was pure wicked, waggling her brows as if it would pique my interest.

“What is it?”

“You’re gonna buy me a brand new Hermes scarf.”

“When did you become penniless?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s called a gift, brother. Jeez. I promise you’re gonna like it.”

“Have you talked to her?” My head snapped back to Kai. When I didn’t say a thing, he knew the answer. “You’re a good brother, but you’re full of shit.”

“I’m working on it, and I don’t wanna fuck up for the second time. Cut me some slacks.”

“How is it working for you? Running away isn’t working on it, you dickbag.”

“I went back to that place—”

“Why? Why in the hell would you torture yourself going back there on your own?” Krys was so shocked, her eyes enormous. She knew how that place changed my whole life.

“What the fuck, Krew? Have you lost your mind? Why did you have to go back to that terrible place?” It was Kai. He could be overprotective, but he’d been my anchor since our father passed away.

“I had to face it to move forward, to move on. I have to face my fear. I couldn’t be with her while I am curling under my desk.”

“She knew?” Krys asked, horrified.

“Yeah. It was raining so suddenly, pouring so hard. I was terrified, sweating my ass, and I nearly collapsed if she hadn’t found me. She found it out that I was afraid of the dark the first day at my house.”

“Im-fucking-pressive,” Kai said with pride.

“How’s she?” I asked quietly.

“She’ll live,” Krys replied. “Moved on.”

I snapped my gaze at her. My stomach lurched.

“What? She’s single,” she added with a shrug.

“Stop it. You’re giving him a heart attack,” Kai said with pure amusement.

“What did I miss?”

“Hermes scarf and a bag.” She offered her hand. “Card now.”

Kai was laughing. My brows met, trying to catch up on what I missed, but Krys didn’t budge until she got what she wanted from me.

“You’re gonna love it. If you won’t, I’ll pay the half.”

“I could just go to Journey.”

“Journey hates you.”

I swallowed uncomfortably. “Of course, she does.”

“Jeez, kidding.” She hit me on my arm, offered me her phone with a video clip ready. “Kai hadn’t seen that.”

“Sent this to me.” I knew it was a video of River, but about what. I was about to figure it out.

“These. And no. Not until I got my bag and scarf.”

“Deal.” The first video started playing.

My eyes went wide. My heart started beating again. The audio wasn’t clear, but I knew River was on the stage in a red dress, playing guitar, singing. My lips slowly formed a smile. I was beyond happy.

I didn’t realize Kai was already behind us, had joined to watch the entire video.

“She’s incredible, trust me.She found a gig. She sings three times a week in a bar, and she has one tonight.”

“I don’t know she can sing, let alone play guitar. River is full of surprises, bro,” Kai said. “So, Wonderwall, huh?”

“That’s my girl.”