A Promise

"Tell me about your nightmare."

My heart rumbled in my chest. Apparently this would be the time. I thought Marco had declined the offer of a drink with his father because he wanted to do something with me, a continuation of what he'd done earlier that afternoon in the limo and a few minutes ago at the dinner table. My lips curl downward, slightly disappointed.

We sat facing each other on the long sofa by the window. Marco's right elbow dug into the back of the sofa, supporting his head. He tilted his head, searching through his eyes. My jaw hardened slightly, not liking the way his gaze seemed to be able to pry into anything. What Leandra was hiding? What Leandra's past was like? Or, what was wrong with Leandra?

"It's a long story," I squeaked, pressing one finger into my palm until the nail felt almost through the skin.

"We have plenty of time." His expression was so flat, so clear, like the calm water of a lake. However, at the bottom of that lake I knew there was a monster ready to pounce on me if I provoked it. "I really hate it when I hear that bastard's words that seem to show off that he knows all the sides of you better."

That's exactly how it is. "He's my best friend."

"I fucking know, Leandra, and we're not going to spend time arguing about it. Now, your nightmare."

I swallowed. He couldn't be bent. Marco would demand everything. He was used to getting whatever he wanted. He's used to acting out on his own. And even though I had prepared myself for this earlier on the plane; that Marco would talk about it, I was still unprepared.

"Leandra...," he demanded, still in the same position, not moving at all. Unlike me who repeatedly made small, meaningless movements out of agitation.

I shifted my gaze to the door of the room, wanting to run away right after I said, "I had a nightmare because I wanted you too much." The door was too far for me to reach. I would easily get caught if I tried to run. Also, Marco might have locked it. It was just a waste of energy.

My eye-tail caught Marco's movement. He was no longer resting his elbow on the back of the sofa. His body straightened up, I was sure he was looking at me now. I closed my eyes tightly, hissing softly.

"Say it again." Marco touched my chin, pulling it until I opened my eyes and looked up at his face. "Say. It. Again."

"I wanted you so badly that I had a nightmare." I said it now while locking Marco's eyes. I dismissed his hand that was still holding my chin. His look of pity made me angry. Don't feel sorry for me.

"And how did that happen?"

"There was a man who just disappeared after giving me a lot of pain." My jaw hardened even more when I saw Marco's shoulders loosen. "On one hand I'm glad he's gone and even wish he was dead, but on the other hand I can't forget him. The pain didn't go with him. He left that wound for me, as a good-bye gift. And when you told me to fuck off and simply dumped me...." I couldn't continue, my head bowed.

Although my eyes were now blurry, I could still see Marco's body stiffen. His hands were clenched very tightly on his thighs. "Who...?" Marco pulled my chin again. My pitiful face met the sharp look in his eyes, which seemed to darken and deepen. "Who did that to you?"

My father did. The words were only spoken in my heart. In reality, I just shook my head. It was too soon for Marco to know. I was afraid he would pity me. I hate it when he looks at me as if I'm the most pathetic person in the world. I don't want to admit that I have a bit of a disorder, that I once consulted a therapist who told me that I have Anxious preoccupied daddy issues, which causes me to feel scared and uneasy if I'm not with the man I want to be with, which makes me clingy and afraid of abandonment, and which makes me demand so much love that I never got from my father. And that I hadn't been in a romantic relationship for a year, trying to deny the fact that I had the disorder, trying to be an independent and unruly person.

Hey, you also have the right to remain silent if he does the same! My subconscious could apparently be on my side.

"Leandra ...." He demanded again. And I had to refuse him if I wanted to survive.

"If you can keep so many things secret from me, then so can I."

His jaw hardened even more, until I was afraid his teeth would fall out. "If I know who it is and find him ...."

"I hope you don't meet him because I'd rather he was dead."

"I won't be at peace until you see it for yourself. Either you see his grave or watch him die before your eyes. And remember, Leandra ...." His words sounded like a promise. He inched closer to me, pulling my chin more and more until our faces were very close. His breathing was so heavy, so determined. "The moment you witness that bastard's death, you'll see me there too."

Marco promised me the head of my own father. Part of me was worried that Marco would actually do it. Considering how his reputation and abilities were, his words to me wouldn't just be mere gibberish, even if he knew that the man I was referring to was my own father. That wouldn't change anything. However, the other part of me, which was so dark and miserable, agreed with whatever Marco was going to do. I would greet that bastard's head with a vile laugh.

140123, Anne Joyce

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