ix

J O L I E N

The evening dawned palely when I awoke from a deep, dreamless sleep.

I was still exhausted and the feeling of being completely wrapped in cotton seemed to have become a permanent condition. It almost seemed like every bone in my body ached. But all the physical pain was nothing compared to the deep black hole that the truth had eaten into my heart. The emptiness was still there. Still present and tangible.

Only Malio had managed to make me forget for a few minutes. Forgetting that it was my own father who provoked my mother's death.

But of him, my savior, there was no trace to be found far and wide. But to be honest, it didn't surprise me. He was certainly with Rash and had refrained from waking me. Maybe he assumed a good night's sleep would do me good, but he didn't.

My suspicions were reinforced when I reached for my iPhone and noticed a short message from Malio. He had actually gone to Rash's.

A guilty conscience immediately crept over me, because wasn't it really me who was supposed to be sitting by his bed? Wasn't it me on my knees begging for forgiveness?

I sat up indecisively. I almost had someone else's life on my conscience.

This realization hit me like a blow. Like a blow that brought me to my knees and gasped for air.

I might not have rammed the knife into Rash's body, but I had been the catalyst - and that was something I would never forgive myself for.

In addition to Malio, Bekka and Brandon had also written to me. Even Gray had checked on my health. Which made me think that one of the two must have told him about my 24-hour abstinence.

Hopefully they hadn't called the police because she was worried. Or worse, they had made a detour to our house.

I couldn't even remember if I had locked the front door. It didn't matter anyway. The Xing family also smashed the windows. One of the neighbors had probably already called the police.

Immediately I felt the urge to get dressed and go to the house. I had the ridiculous feeling that I had let it down. Left all the pictures that held so many memories in a mess.

Of course I knew that Malio would not approve of this decision. It was already dusk and I was about to make my way to a house that had been completely demolished last night. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't explain it to myself. Couldn't find an answer to the question of why this inexpressible longing was pulling me back to the place where I was least supposed to be at this moment.

But it was there and it was spreading. For the first time in hours I no longer felt helpless, no longer empty - because I had finally found a purpose to swing my legs out of bed and move on. Whatever.

I replied to Bekka, Brandon, and eventually Gray with the same message. A short message that they would certainly not buy from me. _Do not worry. I'm at the hotel. Explain later. I'm good!_

I'm good. The irony of that sentence almost made me laugh. I'm good. A lie that wrapped itself around my insides like a snake, slowly threatening to crush it piece by piece.

Despite the paralyzing feeling gnawing at my bones again, I found the strength to get up, go to the closet and pull out something fresh to wear. I pulled my blond hair back into a messy bun and reached for my jacket. Only now did I realize that I had neither a car nor money for a taxi.

Great!

I exhaled in frustration and considered my options. The hotel was too far out to walk. I couldn't count on Malio – he certainly wouldn't approve, much less support, the decision to go back to the house. And the fact that I didn't tell him about this trip would probably result in a huge argument if he ever found out about it.

So I had only one option. Gray or Brandon had to pick me up and drive me to the house! Unfortunately, Bekka didn't have a driver's license, otherwise she would have been my first choice. Since I wasn't too keen on Brandon and his flirting attempts, I dialed Gray's number.

After the second ring, I heard his slightly stretched voice. "Boaaa Jolien, where have you been?" "I don't have time to explain. Gray, can you pick me up? I have something important to do," I got straight to the point.

"Jolien, are you okay?" He must have noticed the desperation in my voice. It was almost like a compulsion that drew me into the house. I didn't know why, but I knew it was important. And the view , failing only because I didn't have a ride infuriated me.

"Listen Jolien, I'm here with Brandon. Whatever you have planned, is it okay if he comes with you? Because I'm stoned." He explained with a laugh and I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

Did he have to get stoned today of all days?

I huffed in frustration at the thought of running into Brandon, took a deep breath, and finally said, "That's fine!" Please hurry up. I'm at the Silverside Inn!"

"At the Silverside Inn?" Gray asked in disbelief. "Yes, please hurry up." I repeated again and ended the call before he had the stupid idea to ask any more questions.

Before I left the hotel, I had wondered for a long time whether I should let Malio know. Sure, it would have been wiser to tell him the truth directly - but I didn't have the strength for a further argument, which he was sure to win. Precisely because I didn't know myself why I actually wanted to go back. Which pulled me into the rubble of my past so much that I accepted betraying the person who cared about me the most at the moment.

A part of me was well aware that it was wrong. Knew there would be trouble, but the other part was hoping for a happy ending. Hoping for the answer to my question, which seemed to be buzzing unspoken in my subconscious.

I waited less than five minutes in the ever-expanding dusk when I spotted Gray's dark car.

"Is he alright?" I asked Brandon, who was driving, as my eyes fell on Gray, sprawled in the back seat. "Oh, I guess so. I think he just dozed off." I nodded silently as I settled into the passenger seat.

"Where are you going pretty lady?" A smile spread across his suntanned face. Even now, in the winter, Brandon still looked like someone fresh off summer vacation.

"To my house," I replied curtly. He frowned for a moment, but skipped another question and started the engine instead.

I used the trip to calm my guilty conscience a bit and send Malio a short message. Three words whose meaning could not have been a bigger lie. I'm walking.

At that point I had no idea that he already knew where I was headed. And with whom ...

M A L I O

I knocked gently on Rash's room door. It was evening, but I also knew that he had a sophisticated sleep pattern.

After a few seconds, the door opened and a nurse left the room. I noticed that she was desperately trying to fix her blonde hair. I bit back a smile, waited patiently until she pushed past me with a red face and then entered the room.

"Is that part of the service?" I asked, grinning and raising an eyebrow meaningfully. I hadn't caught Rash looking at another woman since Elena's death and now? Now, he was obviously toying with the little nurse hereabouts.

"Shut up, Malio." Oh, he had the strength to insult me ​​again. Then he obviously felt better. The little blonde seemed to be doing a good job.

Nonetheless, I couldn't suppress a sigh of relief. To my own displeasure, this reaction did not go unnoticed. "You were afraid for me!" he stated with amusement.

I had to admit that he wasn't exactly wrong about that. Rash was more than a friend now. He was like a brother.

Despite everything, I didn't answer him and instead dropped into the chair, which was still in the same spot where I had left it a few hours ago.

"Something up with the little one?" I asked curiously. "It was just a blowjob!" Rash defended himself. "Your eyes, my friend, say something completely different. You're always on fire, that will be your downfall again!"

Rash snorted. "Obviously Jolien will be my downfall." My expression darkened and he looked down, embarrassed. "Sorry, I didn't mean it that way." But it was, and I couldn't blame him.

I still couldn't understand how she could have been so stupid as to untie Lynn's bonds. Whatever he had on her father, it had to be worse than I had ever thought.

I groaned in annoyance and leaned back. "Is she alright?" Rash inquired. Apparently he had had a guilty conscience in the last few seconds. "Honestly? I don't know. She seems different since that happened." "Haven't you guys talked yet?" I shook my head, thinking about our little shower session.

Damn, I really had to talk to her! She was practically begging me to take her hard. _I need you to forget_, she had said. I knew the magnitude of that statement only too well. Trying to numb pain with other pain.

"Malio, you need to talk to her," Rash urged, bringing me back to the present. "I know." "I'm serious, maybe he's after her." "I know," I repeated, annoyed. The situation was really tricky. I didn't want to rush her, but I couldn't wait any longer either.

"And you should talk to your father. You shot him, Malio!" "I know!" I growled for the third time. I knew it, but I wasn't ready yet.

"You know, things have escalated quite a bit..." I looked down at my jacket pocket in surprise when the tracking app beeped. "What is it?" Rash gave me an irritated look. Apparently he noticed straight away from my confused look that something couldn't be right.

"Jolien," I snapped back. "What about her?" "She's leaving the hotel." "Malio, dude. You still got that stupid tracking thingy?" I glared at him angrily and hastily dug my phone out of my pocket. "Maybe she wants to clear her head," Rash suggested, but I was already shaking my head when I opened the app and noticed how quickly she was moving.

"She's driving." "Then she's going for a spin." I shook my head again. "She doesn't have a car." "Taxi?" I exchanged a quick look with Rash. "She has no money."

Rash was silent for a moment before finally speaking out, which I also wondered. "What is she doing then? And where does she want him?" I knew the road she was driving down, but I couldn't imagine that she was really going there. Without me.

"What are you up to?" I heard Rash ask after I took my eyes off the screen and raised the phone to my ear. "I'm on the phone!" I fought back the anger that was starting to show itself.

"With who?" Rash seemed even more skeptical. He knew my outbursts. He was probably worried about witnessing a fight. But I didn't call Jolien. I preferred to have our fights face-to-face with the prospect of make up sex

"Hey Ivan! Do you have a moment?” Rash rolled his eyes in annoyance as it dawned on him what I was up to. “I need you to drive past Jolien's house.”

"Malio, she might have a reason to go," I heard Rash say. I didn't want to question that either. She certainly had a reason. The point was that she was pursuing that reason without me.

I ended the call and turned back to Rash. "It's not my concern, Rash. I care that she lies to me. She could have asked me and I would have gone straight to the house with her." "Does she know that too?" I shrugged my shoulders. "She should be," I added, offended.

A few minutes passed in which we just sat in silence. It was hard for me to focus on the here and now while my insides were already drifting into the darkness of jealousy.

Why hadn't she let me know?

My cell phone rang again and I jumped up with a look at the display. "What is it?" But I didn't pay any more attention to Rash, but already ran towards the door.

"Malio, what is it?" he repeated a little more forcefully. "She's there with Brandon," I replied angrily. "Malio! Do not do that. Don't drive to her. Go to the hotel and calm down. You can ask her about it when she comes back." I paused in the middle of the room and turned to face him.

"Why would I do that?" I asked challengingly. "Because you're angry. And it's certainly not in your favor if you beat up Brandon." Oh yes, it sure was!

"I don't care!" I growled, intoxicated at the thought of slamming my fist in Brandon's face. "Malio, he's her boyfriend," Rash tried to remind me of that triviality.

Who cares?

"He's a jerk!" I growled. "But her boyfriend." I hated that guy with his ugly grin that was just screaming to be wiped off his face. I just volunteered - saved someone else. An act for the good of mankind.

"Malio. Please go to the hotel and wait for her to come back.” When I made no move to answer, he spoke again. “Promise me!” Damn, he had to come up with something like that now.

He looked at me intently and gave me time to think about it. "Fine, I'm going to the hotel," I conceded. "And don't drink." I snorted, half in disdain, half in amusement. "I'm no saint, Rash."

With these words, I rushed out of the room before he could even make me promise not to drink alcohol.

In the end, it didn't really matter where I busted Brandon's ass. All that mattered was that I would do it...

J O L I E N

What the hell happened here?" Brandon asked in disbelief as he parked the car in the driveway of the house.

I knew he wasn't just referring to the smashed windows that gave the property a spooky atmosphere, but also the curtains that hung in tatters in front of the windows. If you couldn't get a glimpse of the furniture through the light from the street lamps, you would surely think that the house had been empty for half an eternity and only served as lodging for bums.

It pained me to see how far they had gone. How little was left of the old charm that I had never appreciated before.

"You don't want to go in there, do you? Jolien, what the hell happened here? We should call the police and run away!" There was something scared in Brandon's voice and as I turned to look at him I saw that fear in his eyes too. I slowly shook my head and opened the passenger door.

"Jolien, what the hell are you doing? Just come back!" I heard him whisper before my car door slammed shut and I ignored that request too.

However, when another door slammed a few seconds later, I turned around in surprise. Brandon had also got out and was striding towards me. "What's that supposed to be?" I asked in surprise, because judging by his fear I didn't think he would have the courage to follow me.

"Do you think I'll let you go in there alone?" A relieved smile played on my lips. I was glad on one side that I didn't have to enter this battlefield alone. Even if I was actually wishing for another man in his place.

"Can we leave him here?" I gestured skeptically at Gray. The thought of leaving him out here alone terrified me. Of course, this area was normally safe - but after yesterday my uneasiness grew. The fear and shock at this brutal attack, sat deep I would probably never feel safe in this house again.

"He just resigned and is going to be sleeping for a while," I heard Brandon mumble, his eyes still fixed on the closed front door. So I locked it after all!

I waved my hand for Brandon to follow me. Though I was sure I wouldn't see anyone in the house, I found myself looking around for something to weaponize in a pinch. Crazy, considering that I've always been the kind of person who absolutely despised violence. And now? Now, I was even willing to smash someone's skull in a pinch.

But nobody was waiting for us inside the house. No one beat us with any weapon. My paranoia was unfounded - we were alone.

"Bloody shit!" Brandon blurted out, noting the extent of the devastation. Automatically, my feet pulled me to the second floor. I hurried down the hall and pulled up right in front of my father's study. The only room in the house that has always been taboo for us children.

My father even hid the key, but I already knew where it was the night we moved in. He had never been a master at hiding, so it didn't surprise me that he had put the key in the wall lamp's bowl.

"Jolien, we really should go!" Brandon tugged at my shoulder, but I shook his hand off. I couldn't go now because there was still a small spark of hope. The belief that it was all one giant lie. On Dizziness that Lynn had dished out to me only to get me to untie his bonds, even if it meant I was stupid enough to play his game, which in turn meant Rash's injury and Malio's conflict with his father would have been in vain.

The door opened with a faint click as I turned the small, thin, silver key in the lock with trembling fingers. I had imagined countless times what my father's office would look like. What colors and furniture awaited inside and what scent was in the air. When I entered, a bitter disillusionment hit me.

The room was almost completely bare and empty. No wallpaper. no furniture No inviting smell - just a desk in the middle of the room, on which was an old, shabby looking computer.

I remained undecided for a moment before slowly approaching the device. I heard loud hums and whirrs. A strange tension gathered in my stomach and I felt like the sounds grew louder, more menacing and more sinister with every step I took.

A voice deep inside me screamed at me. Screamed at the top of my lungs for me to leave the room. My heart beat harder with every step and my breathing quickened. I hesitated as I got level with the monitor.

All that separated me from the screen now was a single step. A single, small step and with a 90-degree turn to the left, I would have a clear view of the screen.

The impulse to leave the room grew even stronger. Even more unbearable. I fought back the panic that had set in so suddenly I couldn't figure it out.

But despite every inner protest, I resolutely turned to the monitor and only seconds later, my eyes filled with tears. An unbelievable feeling spread through me. Hopelessness. Disgust. A complete internal destruction that left nothing but pain.

A number of video recordings flickered on the screen. A collection of black and white surveillance footage.

My stomach turned and a recurring wave of nausea washed over me.

In one of the five recordings that flickered in a continuous loop across the square monitor, women of all ages were beaten and raped.

Two other videos showed what appeared to be a drug and gun deal.

Another documented the torture of some men.

I gasped as my eyes fell on the last transmission. It showed a man who just had a gun pressed to the back of his head. Before I could take my eyes off the screen, the man fell to the ground, eyes open.

The lifeless body was taken away and replaced by another man struggling in fear. executions...

I had just witnessed an execution.

Heart pounding, I turned my head away as nausea almost overwhelmed me at that moment. I swallowed hard.

It took a few seconds for the realization to hit me. Until I finally realized my dad was monitoring every damn building he'd rented to the Chinese with a live feed.

A police call broke the silence and my eyes fell on the small device that was next to the monitor. He was listening to the police radio?

And in that moment I understood it... The certainty hit me so hard that my throat tightened and I desperately grabbed the edge of the table to keep my balance.

He wasn't just renting them real estate, or looking after things, as Lynn had put it.

No, my father was the linchpin of this machinations. Maybe even the most important - because he controlled everything...

I looked away in disgust, but the images of the execution were burned into my mind.

I wondered how a human could look at something like that? Wondered how a human could work for such monsters...

"Jolien?" Brandon took a step towards me, but I held out my arms dismissively. "Don't," I replied, jumping backwards. "What did you see?" he took another step towards the monitor. "Let's go!" I said quickly. By now, the idea of ​​going into the house seemed like the silliest thing in my life.

What did I expect to find here? Exactly that, a small voice whispered in my head. Exactly...

The validation I needed to understand what kind of person my father was. Suddenly my whole life felt like one giant lie.

"Let's go!" I repeated, a tad more hysterical this time. It felt wrong to be in these four walls that I couldn't call home anymore.

"Jolien..." Again Brandon took a step towards me and again I backed away. Not wanting to give up the safe distance that existed between us. I bumped my back against the wall. that the video recordings had triggered in me, panic now set in.

Maybe I was projecting the fear of the past twenty-four hours onto Brandon, but I didn't care. I didn't want him to get close to me.

He gently reached out to me and as his fingers brushed my cheek I felt like I was going to burn from his touch. I flinched, somehow trying to escape his caress. It felt so wrong!

"I want to go!" I said again, with even more emphasis. Finally, he lowered his hand, but instead of moving away from me, he took another step towards me and eyed me for a few seconds. "Please, let's. Let's go." go!", my voice was only a desperate whisper.

His gaze lingered on my lips for a few seconds and I already thought he would dare to kiss me.

"Fine!" Brandon took a step back and finally gave me the breathing room I so desperately needed. "I'm just worried about you. I would never hurt you, you know that, don't you Jolien? " he asked calmly. I nodded, although I wasn't entirely sure.

I hurried past Brandon as his hand closed tightly on my wrist. "I can be there for you. If you give me a chance!"

I swallowed hard and immediately knew why I didn't want Brandon around. "Brandon, let me go! I'm back with Malio!" Saying it out loud made it real. I didn't need Brandon, or any other guy, when I had Malio. He was everything I wanted.

His grip tightened. "What?" He sounded annoyed and I wondered why, after all it wasn't my idea that he came along - if he was hoping for something, it was just wishful thinking.

"I'm dating Malio!" I repeated my words, pulling out of his grasp. Ignoring him, I ran down the hall, down the stairs, and straight to the car. Gray was awake now. After all.

"Dude, where have you been?" "We can drive." I sat in the passenger seat, crossed my arms defensively, and waited for Brandon, who emerged from the darkness of the hallway a few seconds later.

"Everything okay?" Gray exchanged a questioning look between me and Brandon. "Sure, what should be?" I asked casually, avoiding Brandon's eyes as he got into the car. "Yes, everything is fine. Except that our little friend is playing in Malio's sheets and that's most likely why she hasn't checked her phone for the past few hours. Spreading your legs is exhausting, too, and so much more important than checking in with your so-called friends!" Brandon started the car and before I could say the last thing to him, Gray stuck his head in the cab and saw me far away wide-eyed. "You're sleeping with him again?"

Obviously reducing it to just the sexual, I snorted derisively, glared at Brandon and said loudly, "No, come on, we're talking too." Brandon laughed coldly as he floored the accelerator.

Up to now I only knew such speeds from Malio. He was also the only one they didn't bother me with anymore, so I shifted nervously in my seat and shouted angrily, "Can you please slow down!", "No, I want you out of my car!"

I groaned in annoyance and now turned to him directly: "Brandon, this is ridiculous. I never signaled that I was interested!" But he didn't think about having this discussion with me, he punished me with silence for the rest of the drive. Not that it bothered me much.

I wasn't exactly keen on talking to him and yet his outrageous manner pissed me off.

"So, here we are. Thank you for wasting my Sunday evening with such an insignificance." Brandon pointed to the passenger door and drummed impatiently on the steering wheel. "Are you serious?" I looked at him in bewilderment.

He raised his eyebrows and nodded towards the door. "Yes, get out of here!" I sighed and glanced at Gray, who had apparently fallen asleep again. His head was resting against the window pane and his soft snoring filled the car.

Just as I was about to put my hand on the doorknob, I noticed the figure emerge from the shadows of darkness and rush towards us with quick steps.

oh crap

In the glow of the street lamp I recognized his face, although I had long known who was coming towards us.

And it didn't mean anything good...