xviii

J O L I E N

Too many times in my childhood he had instilled respect in me with threats and punches, but that time was over. I stopped crouching in front of him because there was someone I cared more about than this damn life here.

"Malio!" Rash took a step toward me and freed my hands from my father's collar.

My heartbeat was pounding violently in my chest, and it took every ounce of focus I needed not to lose control completely.

I hated this person more by the second, and yet I longed for his approval and love. it was crazy

"I'm sorry if I offended you, son." A filthy lie. He was sorry for nothing. He never was.

"But now you know that she's not the right woman to have by your side," he added with a grin. "How do you know that?"

"Didn't she leave you?" My cold laughter echoed off the walls and for a moment he looked not only perplexed by my reaction to his question but also shocked.

Apparently he hadn't expected that and this satisfaction was the greatest victory.

"She's not gone! If it were, you would be dead now. Dad or not." I answered his question.

He raised an eyebrow again and cocked his head as if trying to decide if I meant the words. And I was able to assure him with a confident look that I had never meant anything more seriously.

I would set the entire world on fire and then watch it burn beneath my hands if Jolien ever left me.

"I'm reassured about that," he replied indifferently. Another lie that joined his endlessly long list of lies.

I could clearly see that he didn't like the development of this relationship, but I didn't care.

"Yes, I believe you," I replied sarcastically. I freed myself from Rash's grip and smoothed my black shirt, but before I turned to the door, I said, "Nothing like today should ever happen again, we have understand us?"

"Don't give me orders, son. "Do we understand each other?" I repeated my question a tad harder. I knew I was playing with fire, but my father had started it.

He'd wanted the spirit out and poured it over my flames, now he had to deal with the inferno he'd created.

"Don't overdo it, boy!" he retorted, his hand curling around the butt of the silver and black Baretta 92 FS he wore in a dark holster around his waist.

My hand also went to the butt of my pistol, which was tucked loosely in the waistband of my jeans.

Almost simultaneously we jerked our weapons and put our dark barrels in our faces.

"Look what has become of you, Malio. You betray your whole family for a girl. For a girl you weren't even first with."

"Stop talking about her like that!" I ground out through clenched teeth. "Why? Can't you take the truth? The truth that your girl had other cocks inside her?"

I cocked the gun like in a trance and stared at the spot between his eyebrows.

My heart was racing and a dark creep licked the sides of my vision.

With every piece in which the darkness ate its way from the outside into the center, I heard the rushing of my own blood a little louder.

My index finger hovered over the trigger and my father's face blurred for a few seconds. I blinked, but that only caused the darkness before my eyes to spread even faster.

"Malio." The blurry shape took shape again, though it wasn't my father's face that was looking at me.

It was Rash's dark eyes, looking intently at me, searching for the last spark of humanity I was about to lose.

He had stepped between us, arms outstretched. Which was brave, but also completely stupid, now that he had a gun pointed to the back of his head and to his forehead.

It didn't seem to impress him, or he was good at hiding it, because he said firmly, "Calm down."

Our eyes met and I shrugged and said, "I'm calm." The darkness was gone and I lowered the gun.

I watched my father do the same, though there was an indefinable expression in his eyes. Was that fear?

I sighed and looked away and said loudly, "Someone has to clean up this mess. I'm going to Jolien."

"So you're staying?" my father asked without glancing at Rash, who was still standing between us.

"Do you mind?" I shot him a challenging look again and again my finger twitched on the trigger of the gun I've always carried with me since I was thirteen.

"Is there a problem, father?" I demanded an answer. "No. I would be very happy if you stayed. And of course something like today won't happen again - it was a misunderstanding." Another lie, but for now I was content with that.

I didn't know how to tell Jolien we had to stay, but knowing her, she knew we had no choice. As long as the problem with the Chinese was not settled, I had to stay.

"I'll take care of this." Ivan had stepped out of the shadows and already had his phone to his ear.

He had kept his distance and followed what was happening from a safe distance - he would never have been stupid enough to come between us.

Ivan's loyalty was to me compared to my father, but there was someone who was above me. Because first and foremost, his true loyalty was to himself, and that was a quality I admired about him.

"Thank you Ivan. Rash?" "Yes?" "Never again stand between two men pointing guns at each other unless you want to die." Although my voice was serious and I could hardly accept his stupidity, I gave him a faint smile.

"I'll try," he apologized sheepishly, and I punched him lightly in the upper arm.

A sign that I thanked him for it, because I had no idea what would have happened otherwise.

Most likely I would have pulled the trigger - his life for her peace.

But how much humanity would have been left of me then?

****

My heart was still racing as I closed the door behind me and leaned against the wood with a sigh.

I had been trying to sort out the thoughts that were swirling around in my head on their way to Malio's room - what he now dubbed "Our Room".

But every time I closed my eyes and tried to think about what I was seeing, images of Soela's torture flashed through my eyes.

She deserved it he'd said, and part of me knew he was right. But how am I ever going to admit that to myself?

I had always thought of myself as a peaceful person, and now?

What would be left of this soft side if I surrendered to the dark inside? The side that knew they deserved more than that. The side that wanted her dead.

"Stop it Jolie. You're not like that." I forced myself to calm myself, but no matter how hard I tried to talk myself out of it, the part was there. It was there, just waiting to break my perfect facade. But that must never happen .

"Pull yourself together." I told myself to push the images out of my head because it was certainly for the best if I could forget this day as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, the realization was like a poison that had eaten into my system and, now that I was aware of it, was crippling it from the inside out.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I took a deep breath before the panic could make its way to the surface.

I ran my hands through my hair and fought the impulse to scream out all the feelings inside me. That wouldn't change anything - not today.

Blue sat on the bed and looked at me with her head tilted to the side. "Don't look like that, it's not my fault. That's how we humans are." I defended myself in front of the animal that had no idea of ​​the fight that was going on inside me. Of a fight that I didn't even know how it would end.

Meowing, the little ball of fur came rushing towards me and snuggled around my legs a few times. "Well, at least you still like me." I knelt down and stroked his head. Purring softly, he threw himself on the gray carpet, stretched out on all fours.

Grinning, I stroked the soft fur of his stomach, which made him purr even louder.

This cat had an ego just as big as his master. He didn't ask, he demanded. And just as I fell in love with Malio, I couldn't refuse a wish from this gray tomcat either.

I petted him for a while before finally getting up, which earned me a reproachful look from him.

"Sorry!" I mumbled apologetically, pointing to the bathroom. "But I have to go for little girls."

The cat cocked his head again and meowed softly. "Oh, you want to discuss?" I put my hands on my hips and looked down at him.

Determined, I stepped past him and closed the bathroom door behind me, to which Blue responded with another pathetic meow.

I rolled my eyes and made a mental note to educate him for the next few days—or weeks.

He behaved like a spoiled prince! Malio had clearly done something wrong in his upbringing. But at the same time I found it incredibly beautiful that he had put so much love into his upbringing.

I quickly scurried into the shower, hoping the water would wash away not just my body but also my soul. Without much success. The pictures were still there.

I sighed and wiped the steam off the oval mirror that hung over the porcelain sink.

I stared at my reflection in silence, expecting my face to twist into a grinning grimace. But of course that didn't happen either.

Blue was still meowing in front of the closed door and I groaned in annoyance.

I opened the door with a bang and stepped into the room. "Tell me! Can't you take a shower in peace in this house? I looked at him, dumbfounded.

"Your master should really-" but the rest of my words caught in my throat as I caught his deep, dark laugh behind me and gradually realized that Blue hadn't snapped at the bathroom door like I'd been assuming all along , but him.

My cheeks turned red and I slowly turned around. Malio leaned against the door frame with a grin. "You're arguing with my cat?" he asked amused, "But what interests me even more, what exactly should you do with me?"

His eyes flashed dangerously and I swallowed my embarrassment. "Nothing," I stuttered awkwardly, crossing my arms under my chest to hug the gray terry towel that covered just a hint of my body.

He let his gaze travel over my body, long and teasingly, before biting his lip and throwing Blue out of the room with a single whistle.

I raised my eyebrows appreciatively because I hadn't expected this kind of training. Maybe he had brought him up well after all.

"He hears perfectly," he confirmed my suspicions, as if reading my mind. "Don't hold onto yourself."

My eyebrows rose even further at his words. "Is that so?"

A meaningful grin flitted across his face and he took a few seconds to answer. "Yes, that's how it is. He always listens to me. "Is that a hint?"

He pushed himself off the door frame, closed the door with a flowing kick, and slowly sauntered toward me.

He paused a hand's breadth from me and said, "Maybe. Do I have a reason to make a reference along these lines?"

I swallowed hard and my heart started beating faster. "No you have not."

The right corner of his mouth twitched up and the throaty sound that resembled a deep laugh came from inside and hit me right in the middle.

"Then, damn girl, you'd better take that off." His gaze wandered over the towel.

Without batting an eyelid, I dropped it. It landed in a gray heap around my ankles.

My gaze met his and he bit his lower lip excitedly, even though he hadn't even looked at my naked body. His gaze rested on my face.

"Jolien." The way he said my name, with a deep, raw longing, made my stomach tingle pleasantly. I swallowed again, but still held his gaze.

"Bloody hell," I breathed too, not even knowing what to say.

He had once again managed to sweep any thoughts out of my head just by his mere presence.

For a moment he seemed torn and I gave him the time he needed to decide on his next question.

But instead of saying anything, Malio took a step toward me, slowly leaning forward and grasping the towel.

"Do you want to talk about what you saw?" he asked while holding out the cloth to me.

He gave me the choice. Choosing how the situation should end.

I shook my head and pointed to his shirt, "Not now. Take that off and tell me what you want."

He slowly undid the buttons of his black shirt and at that moment I liked nothing more than to watch him do it.

When he was done, he slipped it off his shoulders and gave me a penetrating look. There was lust and desire in the blue of his eyes. They sparkled darker, more dangerous and a lot more alluring than usual.

"Show me how much you want me, Jolien." His voice was deep and the way he spoke to me sent a surge of excitement through my body.

I felt how not only my abdomen contracted at his words, moisture also collected between my legs.

Without thinking, I slipped two fingers inside myself. I groaned and fought the urge to tilt my head back, not wanting to take my eyes off him.

My gaze hungrily traveled down his smooth, tattooed chest to the defined V-line, the peak of which was lost in his low-rise jeans.

I pulled my fingers out of myself and overcame the last few steps that lay between us.

"Open your mouth," I commanded, and the fire in his eyes grew a tad wilder, almost unbridled.

He grabbed my wrist and brought his wet fingers to his lips. I stifled a groan as he slowly shoved it into his mouth.

Malio's hot-blooded gaze held me captive while his tongue slid around my fingers, licking every drop eagerly.

"Fuck," I moaned, completely overwhelmed by the emotions raging inside me.

I snatched my fingers from him and swallowed his rising contradictions with an effusive kiss.

A kiss that was out of this world. So depraved and at the same time the only thing I needed to feel whole.

I tasted him and tasted myself, something that drove me completely insane.

Everything in me screamed for more. My body, mind and soul were completely addicted to this man.

His hands slid down my bare back, kneading my buttocks and squeezing me tighter while my own freed the last of the excess fabric from his body.

I paused for a moment and let my gaze wander over his muscles. I walked every inch of his body knowing I could never get enough of the sight.

The lust in me rose immeasurably and I looked at him expectantly. Willing to do whatever he asked of me.

I was even more surprised by his words, which he growled in a deep, agitated voice: "Take what you need, babe."

His words hit me like lightning. Excitement and adrenaline flowed through my veins and mixed into a fast-paced cocktail.

I groaned even though he didn't even touch me. I groaned, wanting because he was giving me exactly what I needed most at that moment - power.

Grinning, I put my hand on his chest and directed him towards the bed.

Malio tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as I positioned myself on top of him. "Don't hold back. Take what you need." He demanded with a smile that could have rivaled even the devil.

His lips brushed my neck as I guided his tip to my opening. I slowly lowered myself onto him, taking in every inch of him until he was completely sunk inside me.

Groaning, I threw my head back while slowly pushing my pelvis forward in steady movements.

My eyes widened in horror as Malio's hand wrapped around my neck and he growled, "I told you not to hold back." "I don't," I gasped out. "Jolien, I see it in your eyes. Take it."

"I can't," I confessed, because there was a part of me that scared me. "Jolien. Do. It. Surrender to the feeling," he demanded, pulling me even closer to him.

His hand was still around my neck, slowly but surely choking me off air.

I closed my eyes and let the darkness I didn't even know I had until a few hours ago flood through me.

My hand darted forward. I grabbed his throat with a longing sigh.

I met Malio's eyes defiantly as I let his cock slide out of me all the way to the tip. Excited, I pulled my lower lip into my mouth, which he commented with a growl.

I waited another millisecond, letting the tip stroke my wet core once before pushing it deep inside me again.

I increased the pace with circular hip movements. "Oh fuck babe. That's good, let go!"

Malio's grip on my neck tightened again. Our eyes met again, my moans grew louder, and with every second that passed, we were struggling to breathe.

My fingernails dug into the delicate skin of his neck, leaving deep crescents. "That's good, babe. Let it happen."

For a moment his eyes rested on mine with a blazing fire, then he breathed, "Don't ever hide that from me again."

Seconds later our lips met. His tongue entered my mouth roughly to dominate my own.

I lost all connection to reality, because we were on the way to creating a new one. Our own little world.

An orgasm unlike any I'd had before was building inside me. So destructive and devastating that it would take everything with it. Any shame and any purity.

My muscles contracted rhythmically around his throbbing cock, making me moan into the kiss.

I pulled away from his lips, taking my hand from his neck. It wandered down his damp back. Fingernails dug into his painted skin. Again and again they left red welts.

I sank my teeth into his shoulder to compensate for the pressure of this incredible orgasm.

The scream that escaped me ended in a moan of his name. Like a curse, the effects of which I only became aware of when the charged lust in me shattered into thousands of pieces.

His deep moan reached my ear and I felt him come deep inside me.

Malio's hand gripped my hair. Panting, he wrapped it around his fist so he could jerk my head off his shoulder to bring it back right in front of his face. "I love you babe. With all your positive thoughts, sincerity and good soul. But I would also love the other side, the dark and depraved one, if you let me!"

Another passionate kiss sealed his words and he carefully lifted me off his lap to lay me on the bed next to him.

I jerked, exhausted, unable to take a single step. I heard him get up and disappear into the bathroom.

After a few seconds he came back and I felt something warm between my legs.

He wiped away our tracks with a warm washcloth. And while I was still trying to make sense of the past few minutes, he seemed totally in control and in his usual state.

He leaned over me, grinning, "You're incredulous." He kissed down my neck, down my breasts, down to my stomach.

He carefully spread my legs and I gasped in shock. "What are you doing?" I asked in horror as he dived between them.

I felt his breath on my clit.

"I want to taste you." "But..." Even though he'd stripped me of the worst, I wasn't sure I was clean enough for him to lick me. But that didn't seem to bother him at all.

"Malio, please at least let me take a shower." I groaned loudly as his tongue swept over my clit. It was only a featherlight touch, but it was enough to send a new wave of arousal through my body.

His eyes met mine and he laughed softly but meaningfully as he wrapped his arms around my thighs.

"You are perfect just the way you are. With my fucking cum in your pussy. Exactly where it belongs." Again he disappeared between my legs and sent me directly towards my next orgasm.

I tilted my head back and pushed my pelvis towards him to have him right where I needed him most.

His hand wandered up my stomach until he was roughly kneading my left breast.

"Who do you belong to, babe!" "Your!" I ground out between loud moans. "Only you. I love you. Oh fuck Malio."

My legs were shaking and I pressed them against his head so he wouldn't even think to take his tongue off my throbbing core.

Our eyes met again before he slowly entered me with his tongue, watching my reaction closely.

His hands left my thighs and he pulled my hips a few millimeters off the mattress to sink completely into my middle.

That was a whole new level of sensations. The emotions raging inside me seemed to take me in, swallow me up, and spit me out with a whole new consciousness.

"Infant. I'm coming.", my hands searched for support. For something to hold on to so that this wave didn't tear me down with it.

Into a world I would never get out of. Never.

Malio reached out his hand for mine, I grabbed it at the last second before the wave broke over me and destroyed everything.

His loud moan vibrated in my midst as I clutched his hand, losing myself completely.

Everything went black for a few seconds.

I closed my eyes, breathing heavily and uncontrollably until I recovered from the overwhelming feeling.

A shadow appeared above me and I opened my eyes.

Malio's face hovered over mine, his lips glistening with my wetness, and I gave in to the first impulse that came to me.

I pulled his neck down to me and kissed him.

And as I feared, it wasn't just my taste that tickled my tongue as he opened his mouth and allowed me entry. It was his too.

I had to admit that this realization awakened a new wave of lust in me. This and the certainty that we would not only spoil but also destroy each other that night.

****

It was as if I had become a newborn that night-a part of me, anyway.

And it comforted me that that part, the dark, depraved part of me, didn't seem to deter Malio.

On the contrary, he even helped me to accept him, because accepting it was still something I didn't want to create. I didn't mean to be like that.

And I was afraid that Malio secretly didn't want it either. He'd finally fallen in love with me when I was little innocent Jolien who wouldn't even leave Alex back in the woods after an attempted rape. But that was a long time ago.

I had changed. My father's betrayal had changed me. The poisoning had changed me. Soela's torture had changed me.

It was all a week ago now and Malio had forced me back into my normal routine. Which consisted of attending the Academy from Monday to Friday. After all, Soela and Enrico were swallowed up by the earth, which made the hours there a lot more bearable.

Malio had had to reassure me several times that Soela wasn't dead. And I believed him. For he assured me in the same breath that that could change at any time if either of them set foot across the Silverside border. I believed him too.

The mood between him and his father was icier than ever. I didn't know what happened between them, but the tension was palpable every time they met.

Thank god it didn't happen that often as Malio always tried to eat outside of this hell hole.

When I wasn't at the Academy, he demanded that I continue to train.

I still didn't like handling the gun. But now I've mastered the basic tricks of blowing someone's brains out with little effort. However, I wish it would never come to that.

Combat training, on the other hand, turned out to be a bit more difficult. Malio didn't accept other trainers in my area. He insisted on tutoring me in the few hours he wasn't away.

And he was a merciless coach. I was sure that I would never, even remotely, be able to hold a candle to him.

I was all the more surprised that he wasn't on the mat earlier on this Saturday morning to torment me with my training at a crack of dawn.

"What time is it?" I asked in surprise when I saw him sitting in the armchair next to the window. "12:00 o'clock." He answered with a grin and I sat up in surprise.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Lost in thought, he stroked the fur of Blue, who had curled up into a small ball on his lap. "You looked so peaceful and I thought you could use some sleep," he replied after a while.

He wasn't entirely wrong about that. It wasn't like I got much sleep in this house.

However, we interpreted his statement differently.

Where I feared that someone loyal to Soela would stab me on my back in my sleep, Malio's concern was the long nights we had sex.

"How nice of you," I laughed, still completely sleepy. "That's me."

He scratched Blue's ear for a moment before turning back to me, "Come here, I want to give you something."

I gave him a skeptical look but did as he asked and crawled out of bed.

Before I even reached Malio, he pushed Blue off his lap with a quiet, "Sorry mate." He patted his right knee and I sat down on it, grinning.

"What do you have for me?" I asked curiously. Grinning, he reached into the inside pocket of his black jacket and fished out a small, neatly wrapped package.

He silently pressed it into my hands and buried his face in the hollow between my neck and shoulder. He kissed the skin tenderly, almost causing the wrapped present to slip out of my hands.

It was hard. I gave him a questioning look, but he just nodded at the paper. "Come on, unpack it."

I frowned and toyed with the idea of ​​teasing him further, but eventually curiosity got the better of me and I carefully tore open the dark paper.

An oblong, silver box appeared and my excitement rose immeasurably. With trembling hands, I opened the lid and something sparkling caught my eye.

It was a silver chain wrapped around the handle of a pocketknife. I recognized it immediately. It was his pocket knife.

I carefully pried the chain from the knife's hilt and held it in front of my face for a few seconds to examine it more closely.

My gaze lingered on the heart-shaped pendant. It was Turkish colored Paraiba Tourmaline.

"Wow, Malio. It's beautiful." I slipped the necklace through my hands and was blown away. "It's a family heirloom." "The stone reminds me of your eyes," I said breathlessly before he grabbed the necklace and gently brushed my hair aside.

His fingertips gently traced my skin as he slipped the necklace around my neck.

My heart was racing and I wrapped my fingers around the pendant. "I love you," he breathed into my neck as he fastened the clasp. "I love you too, baby." I turned my head towards him and he kissed me softly.

"But what am I going to do with the knife?" I asked indecisively, taking it out of the box to wave it in front of his face.

"I want you to have it," he laughed. "You know I won't use it," I said firmly. He kissed my lips again and murmured under his breath, "I hope so."

I rolled over completely in his lap, wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder so I could inhale his masculine scent.

"I have to do something with Ivan right away.", he broke the silence after a few minutes. Surprised he raised his head. "Again?" "Sorry."

I waved him off, noticing that he was genuinely sorry for leaving me alone so often. "I'll be fine." "Rash will be here," Malio said, and for a moment it sounded like the words were meant to comfort him rather than me. "We're not long away. Don't worry. I think just a few hours," he added.

"Is okay. I just miss you already." I replied and kissed him on the lips.