Sinking

I hadn’t been to work for two days. The weight of everything that had happened had finally taken its toll, and I found myself unable to face the outside world. Every time I thought about stepping back into that office, my chest tightened, and the anxiety welled up inside me. Gray had been doing his best to cheer me up, but even his reassurances couldn’t break through the wall of sadness and shame that had built up around me.

On the third day, Keith came over. She barged into the house with a fury I’d rarely seen from her, her eyes blazing with anger as she demanded to know the names of the girls who had been talking about me.

“Eli, this is bullshit!” she nearly shouted as she paced back and forth in the living room. “How dare they say such things? Just give me their names, and I’ll make sure they regret it.”

I shook my head, feeling utterly defeated. “Keith, it’s no use. It’ll only make things worse. Besides, it’s not entirely their fault. I mean, the pictures… the rumors…”

“Not their fault?” Keith echoed, her voice incredulous. “Eli, they don’t know you! They don’t know anything about you and Gray. How dare they pass judgment?”

I couldn’t meet her eyes. The weight of the truth I’d been carrying for so long was suffocating. “But it’s partly true, Keith,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “Gray and I… we stayed in the marriage because I needed help for Dan. I needed someone who could support my family, especially after Dad died. And Gray… he’s been that for me.”

Keith stopped pacing and looked at me, her anger melting into something softer, something more empathetic. “Eli, that doesn’t make what they’re saying true. You know that, right? Your marriage… it’s more than just some arrangement.”

“I know that,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I feel like a fraud. Like maybe they’re right in some way.”

Keith’s face softened further, and she came over to sit next to me on the couch. She took my hand in hers, squeezing it gently. “Eli, listen to me. You did what you had to do for your family. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you strong. It makes you someone who’s willing to sacrifice everything for the people she loves. Grayson… he’s not just some guy you’re using. He’s your husband, and he loves you.”

I nodded, but the tears spilled over, and I couldn’t stop them. “I just wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish people could understand…”

“They don’t need to understand,” Keith said firmly. “All that matters is that you and Grayson know the truth. The rest… it’s just noise.”

We sat there in silence for a while, the weight of the situation pressing down on us both. After a few minutes, Gray walked in. He had been on the phone in his office, dealing with work as usual, but he must have sensed something was wrong because he came straight to me.

“Eli,” he said softly, sitting on the other side of me and placing a hand on my shoulder. “Keith’s right. Of all people, you know the truth. You know that what they’re saying isn’t true.”

I looked up at him, my eyes red and puffy from crying. “But it is partly true, Gray. We’ve stayed together because I needed help. I needed someone to take care of my family, and you… you’ve been that for me.”

Gray’s expression softened, and he gently cupped my face in his hands. “Eli, our marriage isn’t just about that. It’s about us. It’s about the life we’ve built together, the love we’ve shared. Yes, we’ve both had our reasons for staying together, but that doesn’t mean what we have isn’t real.”

His words were a balm to my wounded heart, but the doubt still lingered. “But what if they’re right? What if…”

“They’re not right,” Gray interrupted, his voice firm but full of compassion. “They don’t know us. They don’t know what we’ve been through, what we’ve overcome. All they see is a snapshot, a single moment that doesn’t even begin to tell our story.”

I nodded, trying to let his words sink in. But the fear, the shame, and the doubt still gnawed at me, making it hard to believe that everything would be okay.

“I just… I just want it to stop,” I whispered, my voice trembling.

He pulled me into his arms, holding me close as he stroked my hair. “I know, Elina. I know. But we’ll get through this, I promise. You’re not alone in this.”

Keith stood up, giving Gray a nod of understanding. “I’ll leave you two to talk,” she said, her voice gentle. “But baby, remember what I said. You’re stronger than you think. Don’t let them win.”

I watched as she left, closing the door softly behind her. The room felt quiet, almost peaceful, but the turmoil inside me was far from over. Gray continued to hold me, his presence comforting in a way that only he could be.

“Gray,” I began, my voice breaking. “I’m scared.”

“I know,” he whispered. “But you don’t have to be. We’ll face this together, just like we always have.”

His words were a lifeline, pulling me back from the edge of despair. But the fear still lingered, a dark shadow that refused to be banished. I knew I had to face it, but I didn’t know how. All I could do was lean on Him and hope that somehow, we’d find a way through this.

After Keith had left, the house felt unusually quiet, like the calm after a storm. I remained on the couch, my mind spinning with everything that had happened. The hurtful words, the overwhelming emotions, and Keith’s fierce anger still echoed in my ears. I was grateful for her support, but the weight of the situation pressed down on me, making it hard to breathe.

Gray had been giving me space, letting me process everything at my own pace. But as the clock ticked closer to lunchtime, I realized I hadn’t moved. The smell of something cooking drifted in from the kitchen, stirring me from my thoughts. I looked up as Gray appeared in the doorway, a concerned look on his face.

“Hey, Eli,” he said softly, his voice gentle. “Why don’t we have some lunch?”

I nodded, feeling the numbness in my chest slowly give way to a gnawing hunger I hadn’t noticed before. I followed him into the kitchen, where he had prepared a simple yet comforting meal—grilled chicken, a fresh garden salad, and a basket of warm bread. The table was already set, the effort he had put in evident in the small details. It was clear he was trying to bring a sense of normalcy back to our day.

We sat down across from each other, and for a moment, neither of us spoke. The only sounds were the clinking of utensils against the plates and the quiet hum of the refrigerator. Gray kept glancing at me, as if waiting for me to say something, to break the silence that hung between us.

But I wasn’t sure where to start. The events of the past few days had left me emotionally drained, and the idea of talking about them felt overwhelming. So I focused on my food, taking small bites, hoping the act of eating would somehow make the world feel less chaotic.

Gray was patient, giving me the time I needed. It wasn’t until we were halfway through our meal that he finally spoke, his voice careful, as if he didn’t want to push too hard.

“Eli,” he began, his tone gentle, “I was thinking… about Jane’s baby shower. We haven’t really talked about it yet, and I know you’ve had a lot on your mind. But maybe… maybe it could be something positive to focus on?”

I looked up at him, surprised that he was bringing it up now, but also grateful for the distraction. Planning Jane’s baby shower had been something I was looking forward to before all this had happened. The thought of doing something special for her, of creating a day filled with happiness and love, felt like a lifeline in the middle of all this turmoil.

“You’re right,” I said, my voice a little steadier. “I’ve been so caught up in everything else, I haven’t even thought about it. But we should start planning.”

Gray smiled, that warm, reassuring smile that always made me feel like everything would be okay. “I thought we could brainstorm some ideas together. What do you think about a motif?”

I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes for a moment as I pictured Jane’s face, the way it always lit up when she talked about the baby. “She’s always loved flowers… maybe something soft and elegant? Like a floral theme, with lots of pastel colors?”

Gray nodded thoughtfully, already picturing it in his mind. “That sounds perfect. We could fill the space with fresh flowers, maybe even set up a little tea party vibe? Tiny sandwiches, pretty desserts… I think she’d love that.”

I could feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth as I imagined the scene. “Yeah, that sounds really nice. And we could have a little station where guests can make flower crowns or something like that. Something interactive and fun.”

He squeezed my hand gently, his eyes full of affection. “You’re amazing, you know that? Jane is so lucky to have you as her sister.”

I felt a warmth spread through my chest at his words, a flicker of hope and happiness in the midst of everything else. “I just want to make her happy,” I said softly. “Especially now.”

“We will,” Gray said firmly, his voice full of determination. “We’ll make it a day she’ll never forget.”

We continued to plan, talking about everything from the guest list to the decorations, to the food we would serve. Gray suggested we could even hire a photographer to capture the day, so Jane could have beautiful memories to look back on. The more we talked, the more excited I became, the heaviness in my heart lifting bit by bit.

But even as we planned, there was a part of me that couldn’t fully escape the dark cloud hanging over us. The hurtful words I’d overheard, the gossip that had spread like wildfire, and the judgment I felt from people I thought I knew—it all lingered at the back of my mind, a constant reminder that not everything was as it seemed.

Still, in this moment, with Gray by my side, I found some solace. Planning something positive, something joyful for Jane, gave me a sense of purpose. It was a small victory, but it was something I desperately needed.

As we finished our meal, Gray reached across the table, his hand resting on mine. “Thank you for doing this with me,” he said quietly. “I know it’s not easy, with everything going on, but… I’m really glad we’re in this together.”

I looked into his eyes, seeing the love and support there, and felt a surge of emotion. “I’m glad too, Gray. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He squeezed my hand again, his grip firm and reassuring. “You’ll never have to find out.”

After lunch, we continued discussing the details for Jane’s baby shower, making a list of things we needed to buy and ideas we wanted to incorporate. The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur of plans and creativity, and for a little while, I was able to push aside the worries that had been consuming me.

But as the day began to wind down, the reality of our situation crept back in. I knew that despite our best efforts to focus on the positive, the challenges we were facing weren’t going to disappear. There was still so much uncertainty, so many unanswered questions.